true blood

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 3rd, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Thursday, Nov 3rd 2011

I'm not sure a logo is actually news but here's the new one for the "Evil Dead" reboot that will at least give people a chance to bitch about there being a reboot. The flick won't hit theaters till sometime in 2013 and if you're not in the know like I am the big twist on this update is that Ash, or whatever they're going to call him, is taking his sister to a cabin in the woods to help her kick her drug habit. That's going to make all the makeout scenes a lot weirder I bet.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. "True Blood" is the worst thing to ever happen to TV. Yeah yeah I know you think Snookie or whatever the hell her name is is hot but that doesn't change anything. So why do I still report on it you might ask? Well who the hell are you to question my selection of news items? Go to hell! Lucy Griffiths is joining the cast next year. She's British and will play Eric Northman's sister. Is that alright with you!?

Mr. Robert Englund has been confirmed for Syfy's next installment in the "Lake Placid" series currently titled "Lake Placid: The Final Chapter". If you couldn't have guessed by the title the good people at Syfy are saying this will be the last installment in the giant crock attack series. I assume there will be some sort of parade in Hollywood to celebrate all of this magic. Maybe a national day of mourning.

In other casting news, it looks like the walking corpse that is Alice Cooper has been cast in Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the "Dark Shadows". Cooper will play himself in the flick which takes place in 1972. And I can't think of another good "he's really old" joke so just make up your own here.

In Real People News:

I don't even know how you handle something like this. Georgia cops rolled up to an odd scene Tuesday when they found a couple wandering around the road naked looking for their dachshund that they gave a gummy worm covered with LSD. Don't worry the LSD didn't kill the dog! A speeding car did.

Time and time again I've posted odd news on here of people doing things I don't condone, but I understand. So here's a story about a man who broke into two apartments, assaulted a man and stabbed another while trying to find some beer.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 22nd, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Jun 22nd 2011

If Daniel Craig punched you in the face not only would your head explode but your future child's would too. That's a well known fact. It's on the internet! So look at his commanding pose in the new "Cowboys & Aliens" poster and give him the respect he demands. Give it to him! Or your entire bloodline will immediately become a bunch of headless freaks. You've been warned.

Put it in the books folks, it's officially boner time! Yeah I said it. Why you might ask? Well because season 2 of "The Walking Dead" has officially begun filming and the jolly young fellows at AMC have posted a new behind the scenes video from the first day of filming. From the looks of things we get started on the road to magic town this season and things get hectic real quick. Boner time, it's the most special time of the year.

In a recent interview Liv Tyler drop the knowledge that she has no idea what the hell is going on with "The Strangers 2" which has apparently had a script sitting around for a while now. Along with not having a clue on the status she also hinted to the fact that she most likely won't have anything to do with the film if it does happen. She also said that she loves unicorns and thinks Hollywood is confusing and stuff. I'm sorry, that first part about unicorns was a lie. She seems like a perfectly nice girl and I shouldn't take out my anger on her. Girls didn't like me in High School... there I've finally said it.

Oh come on! They're already planning a season 5 of "True Blood"?! Haven't we suffered enough? According to the jagoffs in Hollywood it looks like Scott Foley has been added to the cast as a character that if you knew the name of would spoil something that happens in season 3 which starts this Sunday. Confused? Good. You look adorable when you get all cross eyed and drooley.

In Real People News:

A Florida bride was arrested just hours after her wedding for beating and biting her new husband after he confronted her about another man that was hitting on her at a club they were celebrating their new marriage at. Biting and beating doesn't sound like that bad of a wedding night though. That's how babies get made.

An Illinois man is in stable condition after being attacked by what he told police were "Booty Call Ninjas". Yes, you read that right. Apparently he was jumped by a masked man using nunchuks and throwing stars as he was on his way into an alley where he was going to meet his ex for some late night love making. Booty Call Ninjas, folks, the can strike at any moment... even in a dark disgusting alley where you're going to bone your ex. None of us are safe.

Horror Headlines: Friday May 13th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Friday, May 13th 2011

I don't know how I missed this new movie called "Skinny Dip" that's starring Sasha Grey and Danny Trejo but a whole gang load of people have been added to the cast. Namely Pam Grier, Michael Madsen and Brigitte Nielsen. That last one being my favorite Girl Next Door. If you say Kendra you're a fool! Anyway, the movie is a throw back to the girls kicking ass movies of the 70's and 80's and based on that I think there's a solid chance we may see some hot Grey on Trejo action. I know, I just threw up too!

Low budget vampire horror comedy? How can this not be awesome!? "Vampires in Venice" is what we're talking about here and it's got a trailer up on the tubes for your viewing pleasure. Is it funny? No of course not, but that doesn't make the movie any less promising. Wait... no scratch that. I think that's exactly what it means.

A new poster for Troma's "Father's Day" is out there for your viewing pleasure and I"m giddy with delight. The movie which focuses on a man who rapes and kills fathers and the man trying to take him down comes out on June 19th. That's father's day in case you couldn't have guessed. You're a terrible person.

And because it's Friday the 13th and you really shouldn't go the entire day without seeing something really awful here's the first full trailer for the upcoming season 4 of "True Blood" that kicks off on June 26th. See you in hell folks.

In Real People News:

A Florida woman was arrested on Tuesday after she whipped out her boobies in front of a school bus stop where a group of kids were standing. She was originally charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition but the charge was eventually downgraded but the judge, presumably because she's kind of hot.

A 20 year old Juggalo (yes I'm excited too) from Oklahoma has been arrested after he hit a person with his car and dragged him over 100 feet. Police are still trying to figure out what caused the crime but if I was a betting man I'd say it started over an argument about who likes rainbows more. And yes, he is wearing the face paint in his mug shot. Score!

The Return of the Kidneythieves Part 2: An Interview

Submitted by M. Drew on Monday, Apr 11th 2011

In Part 1 of our conversation with Bruce Somers and Free Dominguez of the resurgent Kidneythieves, we spoke about places the band had been and what it took to get to this point. Now, the topic turns to where the band goes from here. With the "Invisible Plan" EP quickly coming together, we talk about the new music, the emotions of going out on the road, working with KMFDM, and naturally, the band's favorite horror films.

For Invisible Plan, what can you tell me about it? What’s the same, what’s new, what’s different?

Horror Headlines: Monday March 14th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Monday, Mar 14th 2011

"Attack on the Block" is a new sci-fi flick that tells the charming story of a girl, a group of hoodlums and the aliens that invade their city. I assumed this had something to do with J-Lo but apparently this takes place in London and I don't think they have a "Bronx" there so it might be a bit of a stretch.

HBO is already pushing the next season of "True Blood" which comes out this summer and to get the juices flowing they've released a new clip titled "Waiting Sucks". Get it? We're waiting for the next season and the show is about vampires who suck blood. I nearly wet myself for the LOLing.

Did anyone want a sequel to "Deadgirl"? And even if you did did you really want to see the roles reversed and find out what happens when a couple of women find a naked dead guy? Well it looks like Trent Haaga has written a script for just such a film presumably to try and counter some of the backlash from the first film.

Holy mother of god. I don't even need to tell you the premise of the new horror comedy "Little Creeps". I just need to tell you the cast. Screech, the girl who played Lisa Turtle, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, the big chin guy who played Maniac Cop and a Pirate of the Caribbean. There, now we've all wet ourselves today.

In Real People News:

If there is one thing I have learned from rap music it's that Brooklyn does not play. It's a fact. If you try to front in Brooklyn you will get acid thrown in your face. That's a fact. I know this because a 16 year old girl did it to a fellow classmate recently and nearly blinded her. Do not play sucka!

There are very few things men can truly take pride in these days but damn it all if we still don't have belching. So it's not surprising that an Indiana man attacked his mother in law after she complained about the smell of his giant burp. Not surprising but make no mistake he's still being brought up on charges. Burp or not you can't go around attacking mother in laws.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday December 8th, 2010

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Dec 8th 2010

I've made a decision to not bother watching the next season of "True Blood" and Neil Hopkins' dreamy eyes aren't going to change that. Him along with Christina Moore and Chris Butler have been added to next season's cast and they'll all play wizards or gargoyles or something stupid.

"Blood is Blood" looks like a monster flick set in the middle of the woods with half naked women. In other words it looks really really awesome and I'm all a flutter about it. A new trailer for the flick, which apparently use to be called "Lockjaw" has hit the tubes and shows all the things I've promised and more.

Put it in the books kids, two trailers in a row that I don't have anything awful to say about. And this one has John Leguizamo! "Vanishing on 7th Street" is about a small group of people who find each other after they wake up and discover most of the world has disappeared. Excited? Wow and you haven't even seen the trailer yet, I hope you don't have a heart attack.

"Echo Lake" is a new online web series about a small town a serial killer is running around killing everyone. This sounds like a handful of really bad TV shows that have been flops, see "Happy Town" and "Harper's Island", but hey maybe it'll work online. What do I know.

In Real People News:

A Wisconsin woman apparently bit off her 72 year old husband's tongue when he went to kiss her goodnight recently. Just to top things off she then proceeded to throw coffee at the police when they came to her house. Old people are freaks.

And to prove my point here's a report that says men over 75 years old want more sex but are unfortunately limited by opportunity and failing health. If I had my way they would also be limited by severe laws but it's becoming painfully clear that I'll never be president so enjoy all the horny old men wandering the streets America.

Horror Headlines: Friday November 12th, 2010

Submitted by Joe on Friday, Nov 12th 2010

If you're like me then you're still climaxing from the new "Season of the Witch" poster we talked about yesterday. Well get ready to reload because here's a new trailer for the Nic Cage flick. God I pray you're nothing like me, it's sad sad existence.

Great news for all you sickos who love looking at young Asian girls dressed up in school uniforms. "Battle Royale" looks to be finally making it's way to US theaters and in 3D no less. It's been ten years since the film warmed it's way into the hearts of deviants and it's about time that it was presented to the "hole in the bottom of the popcorn" crowd.

Courtney Ford will be joining the cast of next season's "True Blood". Ford will play a southern bell who owns her own law firm and I assume she'll end up screwing someone and turning into the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Darren Lynn Bousman, the guy who's currently working on the "Mothers Day" remake is also working on a new film called "11-11-11". The film focuses on a bunch of people who have guardian angels and the rest of the plot confuses me and the fact that it's all based on a date on the calender already annoyed me. Oh and it'll be released on December 21st, 2012. I kid!

In Real People News:

Alright we all agree that assaulting a cop is bad but just think about how much worse is it to assault a cop with a dildo. What makes it worse? Doing it after walking out on your bill at Joe's Crab Shack. You enjoyed those delicious crabs now you pay for them, asshole!

I'd love to make fun of this guy from Idaho but I really can't. He was arrested shortly after robbing an inn when police found him hiding out at the bar right next to the scene of the crime. People get thirsty, it happens.

On this day in history:

2001 – In New York City, American Airlines Flight 587, an Airbus A300 en route to the Dominican Republic, crashes minutes after takeoff from John F. Kennedy International Airport, killing all 260 on board and five on the ground.

Red Hill (REVIEW)

Submitted by Jon on Saturday, Nov 6th 2010

Shane Cooper and his young wife have moved to a small outpost in rural Australia in hopes that the peaceful surroundings will help with a high-risk pregnancy. For the new constable, there seem to be few places more peaceful than Red Hill -- a dwindling town of proud, old-school ranchers. The town's sheriff -- or inspector, rather, as this is Australia -- Old Bill, runs a tight ship, positioning himself more like a stern father than an autocratic dictator. Under normal circumstances, Old Bill likely could have granted Shane Cooper's wish for peace and tranquility.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 24th, 2010

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Oct 27th 2010

Here's some good news. Some jackass thought it would be a good idea to make a full length film based on the video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and now there's a bidding war going on. I hope this starts a trend, because I always wanted to see what happened to the couple in the "Take On Me" video. I hope those crazy kids got married.

Here's some hot new details on the story line for the next season of "True Blood". Cage fighters, crappy palm readers and me still feeling like less and less of a man with each passing episode.

Darren Aronofsky has set "Machine Man" as his next project. The movie will focus on a man with a talent for robotics who finds a way to upgrade his own body, with sexy results. Alright I don't know about that last part but if I was writing the script that's how it would go.

Karen Black, Sid Haig, Bai Ling and Traci Lords are set to star in a new horror flick titled "Go Straight to Hell". The movie will focus on the four strangers who have to confess the one sin they didn't repent for while on earth or be sent to hell. I'm just guessing Ling's has something to do with rolling around like a sex doll on TV and Lords' will most likely have to repent for that while underage porn thing.

In Real People News:

A short clip from a 1928 Charlie Chaplin film has got the internerds all a buzz because there appears to be a women on a cell phone in one shot. Some say the women could actually be a time traveler while I'm just amazed people are still watching silent films. Hasn't anyone seen what awesome full color movies we have now days? With actual words?

I have no idea why you would set out to eat the same thing for two months but a man in Washington is already regretting his 60 day goal of eating nothing but potatoes after the first month. He should have chosen chicken McNuggets, I could eat those things for 4 months straight. They're so good!

On this day in history:

1967 - Catholic priest Philip Berrigan and others of the Baltimore Four protest the Vietnam War by pouring blood on Selective Service records.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 22nd, 2010

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Sep 22nd 2010

Is there a "True Blood" movie coming in the near future? Apparently theirs rumors that creator Alan Ball and HBO are already in talks to bring the vampire hit that I watch on a weekly basis despite hating myself after to the big screen. I can't wait to see it and then cry about it after.

A new trailer for Simon Rumley's "Red, White & Blue" has popped up on the tubes and after watching it I feel like I need a shower. So I've decided to make a sarcastic comment about the "Iron Man 2" trailer that I had to watch before it rather then relive the trauma I felt. Man that Gwyneth Paltrow really looks like she's hooked on smack or something am I right? I think I'm right.

For those of you lucky enough to be in the London area, and I'm starting to think 75% of our readers are, you've got a one time chance to see Guillermo del Toro introduce and discuss his 1993 film "Cronos". The event is part of the Midnight Movies series and will take place on October 9th.

John Goodman has been added to the cast of Kevin Smith's "Red State". The film is about a bunch of kids fighting a group of crazed conservatives and Jon Goodman is not going to change the fact that I have no desire to see it. Honestly it was either this or I was going to tell you about 75 new "Saw 3D" images so you're welcome.

In Real People News:

A man in Kentucky is claiming that too much caffeine actually caused him to unknowingly strangle his spouse. Which explains a lot because after my third cup of coffee in the morning I get enraged at the thought of you people not appreciating my news. I'll kill you!

On this day in history:

1934 - An explosion takes place at Gresford Colliery in Wales, leading to the deaths of 266 miners and rescuers.