No news today guys. Sorry I just don't have it in me. I'm kidding of course there's a bunch of stories right below this. Man you'll believe anything I tell you.
Nick Swardson is pretty damn funny when he isn't playing a bucked toothed porn star in movies so I'm fairly excited for the new stop motion flick titled "Hell and Back" in which he stars. If you can star in a stop motion film. I don't know how that works. Anyway the movie is about a couple friends who have to travel into hell to save their friend who's been dragged down into the fiery depths and today we've learned that Mila Kunis has been cast as a spicy demon who is one of the few people who know how to navigate the underworld. Man it took us a long time to get to that didn't it? I just like spending time with you.
I don't know what it means when a company "options" something but the good people at Sony have optioned a big screen adaptation of the comic book "Bloodshot". For those of you not familiar with the comic book it tells the story of a former gangster who finds himself injected with microscopic computers that make him a super weapon after he goes into the witness protection program. For those of you not familiar with Sony they're a big company that makes a bunch of electrons and apparently puts out movies also.
Director Eric England has been hand selected by the powers that be to direct a new film titled "Contracted". The movie focuses on a young girl who has a one night stand and contracts what she thinks is an STD. It turns out to be something much worse though. A baby? Is it a baby? I'm guessing it's a baby. My money is on baby!
Didn't Darren Lynn Bousman's "11-11-11" already come out on VOD? Am I wrong here? I'm so confused. Well it's coming out again on march 6th. Or maybe for the first time. I don't know. It will then be available on DVD April 24th. So if you're itching to see a film based on a would-be world ending 6 months after the date passed then you're in luck.
In Real People News:
If you crash and blow up your car while crying drunk you really don't have anything to loose so why not make up a story. Saying another car started shooting at you for no reason might not be the most believable but it's still worth a shot.
If you're on meth there's a good chance the job opportunities aren't flying in so if you happen to get an interview you might want to not show up naked like this guy in Sacramento. Although if you do there's a good chance you're not going to get the job so feel free to go ahead and fight the cops who come to take you away.
I love me the holidays! But if there's one thing that really irks me it's those giant inflatable lawn decorations that have become so popular in the last 5 years. I feel like everyone who has those thinks they've invented some amazing decoration for their front lawn that we're all suppose to look at in amazement when in reality they just went down to Target and paid 75 bucks for a giant Snow Globe with a Santa trapped inside.
I'm going to go on record as saying I am actually looking forward to seeing "The Darkest Hour". Yes it comes out on Christmas and there isn't a chance in hell I will see it until months after it comes out on DVD but that doesn't make me any less excited to see the teens trapped in Russia because of an alien invasion flick. Look at these new photos. Just look at em! Kids all running around in tank tops fighting aliens. Russia ain't so bad, man! Alright you got me, I'm still trying to hide the anger about these stupid lawn ornaments.
Color me confused but it looks like Darren Lynn Bousman's end of the world but Jesus is cool flick "11-11-11" if going to be getting a wide release on February 14, 2012. That's right the film specifically tied to the date 11/11/11 only got a limited release back in November so why the hell not shoot for Valentines Day in 2012. It's the perfect date movie for that special girl you want to break up with.
Check it son! The First poster for Ridley Scott's "Prometheus", the much anticipated prequel to his beloved "Alien" films. Yes there's no aliens to be seen in the poster but no one goes to see these movies for the aliens. That's a well known fact. People go to see the acting. And to see the girl who we say is hot but in the back of our minds secretly question if they were once a man in their skivvies. The aliens are really just a time filler.
I don't know what it is about Christopher Meloni but anytime I see him in a comedy I think he's awesome and anytime I'm flipping the channels and see him on "Law & Order" I want to punch him in the face. It's a crazy mixed up world, huh? But now he's been confirmed for season 5 of "True Blood" as a ye old vampire who controls the fate of our merry group of blood suckers. I'm thinking he's probably not going to be very funny in that role.
And if you needed more proof that everyone from New Zealand is going to hell here's a new billboard that's popped up in a few locations there showing the Virgin Mary holding a pregnancy test. Just in time for the holidays.
Not going to lie, I had just assumed the movie "11-11-11" was about a bunch of people hanging out and looking at their office calendars on the date. Turns out it's about it's about a guy who travels to Barcelona and starts to realize the date might be a warning sign for the end of the world. Or something. To be honest I'm not sure what the movie is about from the new trailer and I kind of like my idea better.
Good news for fans of "The Walking Dead"! AMC has renewed the show for a 3rd season. No word as to when they'll start filming the next season or when it'll air. My guess would be sometime in late 2014 based on how quickly they put out the second season. Let the countdown begin.
And I can't imagine anyone is surprised by this one but it's my journalistic duty to tell you that Paramount Pictures is currently scratching their heads trying to figure out what the story will be for "Paranormal Activity 4". Here's a suggestion, how about the ladies from the last 3 films all meet up in a strip club and audition for jobs? Oh and a demon breaks some glasses or something too.
And here's your first look at Scarlett Johansson as a alien disguised as an attractive woman in stone washed jeans who abducts hitchhikers in the new film "Under the Skin". If she was wearing a Poison t-shirt she would have been my dream girl when I was 13.
Carlos Fresnadillo, the guy who brought you "28 Weeks Later", my second favorite of all the "amount of time later" films, is now the latest name being bounced around to direct the on again off again "The Crow" reboot. Eric Draven is also being rumored to take the lead role but since nothing is confirmed I'd like to announce that I am officially the front runner to take the role.
A few years back I got all excited when I found a "Night of the Living Dead" remake done in 3D staring Sid Haid in Target. I bought it, brought it home and watched a big giant disappointing turd, in 3D. Well they made a sequel titled "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Resurrection" and Andrew Divoff has been confirmed as playing the lead in the film. Learn from my mistakes people.
Not going to lie, I thought "11-11-11" was the dumbest name for a movie ever but now there's a teaser for the film, which has yet to be completed, and it looks pretty damn creepy. It's also got giant shrubs trimmed into cool shapes and I'm a sucker for clever landscaping. I've never hidden that fact.
Get ready kids because March 5th "Re-Animator the Musical" hits Los Angeles. Not some crappy art student knock off either, Stuart Gordon is producing and directing the stage version and what's better is the theater has a splash zone. I assume that means blood might be flying and not that there's a dolphin show going on. Maybe a bloody dolphin show, that would be awesome. PETA would throw a fit though.
In Real People News:
A 48 year old window washer in Florida is being brought up on charges after a woman caught him manhandling himself while doing his "job". Apparently the best thing he could come up with to say was "I'm almost done", which honestly could have meant a number of things at that point.
Germans, they're freakin nuts! They've got a cross eyed possum named Heidi that apparently can predict the Oscars. Of course the possum is going to be on "Jimmy Kimmel Show" so if you think about it there's a German cross eyed possum out there with a better life than most of us. Have fun crying yourself to sleep.
If you're like me then you're still climaxing from the new "Season of the Witch" poster we talked about yesterday. Well get ready to reload because here's a new trailer for the Nic Cage flick. God I pray you're nothing like me, it's sad sad existence.
Courtney Ford will be joining the cast of next season's "True Blood". Ford will play a southern bell who owns her own law firm and I assume she'll end up screwing someone and turning into the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Darren Lynn Bousman, the guy who's currently working on the "Mothers Day" remake is also working on a new film called "11-11-11". The film focuses on a bunch of people who have guardian angels and the rest of the plot confuses me and the fact that it's all based on a date on the calender already annoyed me. Oh and it'll be released on December 21st, 2012. I kid!
In Real People News:
Alright we all agree that assaulting a cop is bad but just think about how much worse is it to assault a cop with a dildo. What makes it worse? Doing it after walking out on your bill at Joe's Crab Shack. You enjoyed those delicious crabs now you pay for them, asshole!
2001 – In New York City, American Airlines Flight 587, an Airbus A300 en route to the Dominican Republic, crashes minutes after takeoff from John F. Kennedy International Airport, killing all 260 on board and five on the ground.