Video: First Look At "Priest"

A short segment on Entertainment Tonight aired recently showing off the latest comic book adaptation flick "Priest". Based on the TokyoPop comic the film follows a priest who goes against the church in order to track down the vampire horde that kidnapped his brother. Paul Bettany from "Legion" and a bunch of other movies you probably didn't like plays the lead role along with Stephen Moyer from "True Blood" fame.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 16th, 2010

If you've been anticipating the arrival of Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker's futuristic thriller "Repo Men", be sure to check out the new motion comic.

Not content with just movies and now TV, Rob Zombie is returning to the world of comics with "What Ever Happened to Baron Von Shock" from Image Comics. The first reader to locate the drawn Sheri Moon Zombie cameo in the book wins a cookie!... and a boner.

Summit Entertainment is preparing for new franchise hopes with its newly acquired script "The Last Witch Hunter" written by Cory Goodman. So far, Timur Bekmambetov is definitely producing the film and may direct as well. Despite who's on board, there is no way this movie can stack up next to Nic Cage's hair in "Season of the Witch".

"True Blood" fans rejoice; you do not have to wait much longer to sink your teeth into Sookie Stackhouse. HBO has announced that the hit series will return on Sunday June 13th.

In Real People News: 

Did the CIA secretly douse NYC Subway commuters with LSD in 1950? I don't know, but this article on H.P. Arabellis book on CIA Cold War era weapons testing makes a fascinating read regardless.

It's always good to have goals in life. In some cases though, like Donna Simpson's goal of becoming the fattest woman in the world, these goals really need to be re-thought.

On this day in history: 

1792 - At a masquerade ball, a disgruntled Captain Jacob Johan Ankarstroem shoots Swedish King Gustav III near the heart with a bullet composed of lead and carpet tacks.

Hellbride (REVIEW)

Ever had a unpleasant physical reaction to a really bad movie? I'm sure you have. Brian De Palma's "Mission to Mars", for example, gave me one of the worst cases of "restless leg syndrome" I've ever experienced, as did Roger Christian's abysmal "Battlefield Earth" and M. Night Shyamalan's R-rated coma "The Happening". Problem is, once I start fidgeting, there's a very strong possibility that I'm not going to stop until the offending picture has run its course.

Trailer: "Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre" Gets New Title and Trailer

Between the whole Seaworld fiasco and the new teaser trailer for "Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre", the orca's good name is really being dragged through the mud lately.

The Icelandic film industry’s first ever bona fide foray into in-your-face exploitation horror movie territory, "Harpoon: The Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre" is a blackly comic and supremely gory affair that has led David Hayles of The Times to claim, “it’s tourists versus deranged whalers in this fright flick that’ll make you scream and blubber."

Trailer: "Wake" Hits South by Southwest

Let this be a lesson to you fellas, if you think you can drive the entire night don't ever let your wife try to convince you otherwise. Because if you let her win that argument you'll end up at some creepy motel with all kinds of messed up crap going on around you. This is what I learned from the trailer for "Wake" which showed this past weekend at South by Southwest.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 15th, 2010

Details have emerged for yet another franchise reboot; this time for "The Howling Reborn". Here's hoping for a Dee Wallace sighting.

Rumors abound this weekend that Joaquin Phoenix may be shedding his homeless side job to portray Edgar Allen Poe in "The Beautiful Cigar Girl".

Director Matt Reeves spoke with MTV giving details on "Cloverfield 2". In true MTV journalistic fashion, these details boil down to 'yah sure, we might do a sequel some day!'.

In Real People News: 

A North Carolina man woke up this morning dealing with his possessive trust issues after being arrested for carving the word "MINE" in his girlfriend's stomach during a violent argument.

Evelyn Boyd decided that she needed to undertake a prayer fast to ask God for help for her husband, her city, the president and more. On the 26th day of her locking herself in her bedroom, her husband found her dead of apparent starvation and other complications due to the fasting.

On this day in history: 

1937 - H P Lovecraft dies from cancer and Bright's disease in Rhode Island.

I Walked With a Zombie (REVIEW)

Zombies are so omnipresent in modern horror movies that it’s easy to forget that the shambling (or sprinting) hordes of brain-craving undead as we know them they are a relatively modern invention. Before “Dawn of the Dead” and the Italian zombie flicks of the 70s, most people would associate zombies with Caribbean islands and voodoo ceremonies. Even the original zombie movie “Night of the Living Dead” never refers to the creatures as zombies, but rather as “ghouls”. While there are dozens of Romero-style zombie movies made every year, other than the occasional effort from “The Serpent and the Rainbow” or, erm, “Weekend at Bernies 2”, the classic voodoo zombie, as seen in “I Walked With a Zombie”, has mostly been relegated to the abandoned shopping mall of history.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 12th, 2010

So we have two more weeks until Horrorhound Weekend. Did you get your tickets yet? All of our various cliques are coming together and making our plans, from a Friday night karaoke bash where I plan on starting with Neil Diamond's “America” to Saturday's “Cheeseburger in Horrorhound Weekend-idise”, where I will intrusively push my love of Jimmy Buffett on everyone. Horror is great and all, but c'mon, even you gotta admit it gets old fast.

After the success of the ultra-tepid and mega-overrated “Paranormal Activity”, Paramount is hoping that lightning will strike twice by starting Insurge Pictures, an in-house effort that will distribute films budgeted under $100,000. While this sounds awesome at first glance, we all know this'll just become another home for Hollywood vanity project for the likes of Steven Soderburgh and George Clooney to “get back to their roots” by using digital cameras to make scathing indictments of the US military complex starring porn stars and cameos from former teen-stars trying to shed their pretty boy image. On the plus side, you might get to see James Van Der Beek's dong.

Eric Roberts has signed the dotted line to star in the SyFy movie “Sharktopus”. I know that I've been a champion of these movies in the past, but, after the release of “Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus”, I find it hard to give a damn anymore. These movies used to be reviled and spit on, which, for me, added to their charm, but, for some reason, with the release of “MS v. GO”, they became a part of the hipster culture and they became “cool” bad movies. “Hey bro, I can't make it to our Brooklyn-based indie art-rock collective band meeting tonight! SyFy has Cyndi Lauper is taking on a Spider-Megalodon!” (And, even more, am I the only one who feels like a total dick actually writing “SyFy”? That channel has gotten so pretentious I'm surprised they haven't done a Phillip K. Dick miniseries yet, with a soundtrack by Joanna Newsom.)

In Real People News: 

According to a recent study, huffing—the act of inhaling vapors to get high— has surpassed "street drugs", like marijuana, among 12-year-olds. Remember that story last week about the small condoms for 12-year-olds? WHAT THE FUCK ARE 12-YEAR-OLDS DOING? When I was 12, I had just discovered masturbation by rubbing my dick vigorously against the rim of the tub. Sex and huffing were a looooong way off.

Devotees of a Miami man claiming to practice a traditional African religion say they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them. Call me crazy, but I like to worship a God that doesn't make me drink snail mucus to prove my love to Him. I'm old-fashioned like that.

A Mexican military helicopter was spotted hovering over a South Texas neighborhood. While many residents are wondering why the military would cross into our country, I'm wondering how they were able to stuff 23 soldiers, a crate of chickens, a taco-stand and a goat named Jorge into one helicopter.

On this day in history: 

In 1930, renowned pussy Mahatma Gandhi leads a 200-mile march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. This was followed a week later by a swim in the Ganges to protest the high price of Mrs. Dash.

Album Review: Arsis - "Starve for the Devil"

The idea behind east coast thrash metallers Arsis is a good one. With “Starve for the Devil” the band has attempted to bridge the gap between European style artistic metal and American-born biting, ugly metal. The end result gets caught in the tug of war between the two ideologies and never really bursts through to meld them creatively.

The Descent: Part 2 (REVIEW)

Neil Marshall's creepy 2005 subterranean horror flick "The Descent" was the first film in years to scare the crap out of me. It's a near-perfect blend of drama, suspense, jump scares, and gory action, not to mention one hell of a creature feature. The idea of a sequel never really appealed to me, especially if Marshall wasn't going to direct the picture himself. However, after watching a pair of surprisingly snazzy trailers late last year, my interest in the production started to shift, and I began to warm to the idea of another installment.

Video: New Clip From "The Killer Inside Me"

"The Killer Inside Me" has apparently caused quite a shit storm over its intense brutality and all around good times overseas. Lucky for us Americans today we get to see a clip from the much anticipated Michael Winterbottom flick. A clip of three guys riding in a car talking about something completely out of context that confuses the hell out of me. But still it's got Casey Affleck in it and that guy's a dream boat.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 11th, 2010

Lionsgate has announced that the upcoming Ryan Reynolds thriller "Buried" will hit North American theaters on September 24th. Seeing how they'll stretch this very thin premise into a feature-length film will be interesting if nothing else

Does anybody really watch these Suicide Girls DVDs? If so, I guess you're in the luck. Two new discs featuring a bevy of these horror-tinged beauties will hit retail shelves on March 16th. Make sure your insurance policy covers Carpal Tunnel Syndrome beforehand.

In Real People News: 

If a pair of women express interest after you've won a ton of money at the MGM Grand, there's a strong possibility they're going to rob you at gunpoint once you've taken your clothes off. That's what you get when you let your crotch win.

Reports are swirling around the downtown Lexington, Ky area that an extremely creepy guy riding a white bicycle has been peeping at residents over the past few weeks. If anyone is interested in crafting a sequel to "The Strangers", here's your inspiration. Creepy!

On this day in history: 

669 - Mount Etna, one of the largest volcanos in Europe, suddenly erupts, killing over 20,000 people in the process.

"Antichrist" Now Streaming On Netflix

Rejoice fine people, you can now see Willem Dafoe's bare ass without having to leave the comfort of your own home. In other words "Antichrist" is now streaming on Netflix. And based on John's review this week it's worth a view.

Demon Cop (REVIEW)

According to Internet Movie Database, it took no less than three directors -- including B-movie veteran Fred Olen Ray -- to piece together the remarkably incoherent mess that is "Demon Cop". Woeful in almost every way imaginable, the film attempts to chronicle the struggles of a former parole officer who, through circumstances which remain unclear, becomes infected with a curious disease that "makes AIDS look like the common cold".

Dream a Little Dream: My Horror Hound Weekend Brush with Corey Haim

There were plenty of celebrities at the 2009 March Horrorhound Weekend. Many whose work I have loved for so many years: the leathery and grumpy gramps that is John Saxon; the still-boobtacular Adrienne Barbeau; the “must've ate some bad food and is feeling sick, wink wink” Jason Mewes; that one really fat guy who thinks he can pull off a Freddy costume...they were all there. And as much as I'd like to meet them all, to do so at a convention just feels so, well, informal. Professional. Impersonal.

But none of that mattered to Corey Haim.

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