"Shark Night 3D" is like "Piranha 3D" only it's rated PG-13 so it's going to be missing all of the good stuff, AKA blood and boobs. Nonetheless it hits theaters on September 2nd and a new TV spot has hit with all kinds of shark biting action... So it's got some good things going for it. Like kids can get in to see it without a parent or guardian. So that's a plus for the moms out there. Maybe drop the kids off at the theater and go treat yourself with a mani-pedi and a carton of Virgina Slims.
If you left your AC filled home this weekend to see "Cowboys & Aliens" then you probably saw the trailer for Andrew Niccol's new Sci-Fi flick "In Time". For those of you who didn't though you're in luck because it's on the intertubes also! Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried star in the film which takes place in a future where a person's time left on this earth has replaced our legal tender. I'm guessing from the cast list it's also a future where all ugly people have been done away with also. I can't wait for this future.
If you've been waiting for "A Serbian Film" to hit Blu-Ray and DVD so you can own the sickest film I've ever had the misfortune of watching then you're in luck, and you should be imprisoned. For those of you not familiar with the film it is focused on Serbia's greatest porn star who comes out of retirement for one last hoorah only to find he's become a part of some sort of sick and twisted extreme form of gonzo film making. October 25th is the date that you can pick it up and I assume also be added to some sort of government watch list. Happy Halloween you freakin deviants.
If you're like me then you spend most of your time sitting on the couch watching these crap movies eating cheese curls all weekend. Mother of god I love cheese curls. But it might be time to put them down and get some exercise because a new 5K race called Run For Your Lives is coming and it looks pretty kick ass. Participants will test their endurance on a 5K run that's chock full of obstacles and teaming with zombies. Not real ones I assume, that would be pretty dangerous, but still it sounds kind of frightening.
In Real People News:
A 20 year old New Hampshire Dunkin Donuts employee is in deep crap after he was caught putting snot in a cop's coffee. How did he get caught you might ask? Why by the security cameras of course. Something you would think an employee would know about, but hey what do I know.
I've always been amazed by these people who will fork over thousands of dollars to a vet just so their disgusting cat can live a few extra months. Apparently neither did a Florida man who refused to pay for his wive's cat's medical bills. Of course his wife then went nuts and started stabbing him so maybe he should have just shelled out the cash so Mr. Whiskers could stick around a little longer. Pets are stupid.
If Daniel Craig punched you in the face not only would your head explode but your future child's would too. That's a well known fact. It's on the internet! So look at his commanding pose in the new "Cowboys & Aliens" poster and give him the respect he demands. Give it to him! Or your entire bloodline will immediately become a bunch of headless freaks. You've been warned.
Put it in the books folks, it's officially boner time! Yeah I said it. Why you might ask? Well because season 2 of "The Walking Dead" has officially begun filming and the jolly young fellows at AMC have posted a new behind the scenes video from the first day of filming. From the looks of things we get started on the road to magic town this season and things get hectic real quick. Boner time, it's the most special time of the year.
In a recent interview Liv Tyler drop the knowledge that she has no idea what the hell is going on with "The Strangers 2" which has apparently had a script sitting around for a while now. Along with not having a clue on the status she also hinted to the fact that she most likely won't have anything to do with the film if it does happen. She also said that she loves unicorns and thinks Hollywood is confusing and stuff. I'm sorry, that first part about unicorns was a lie. She seems like a perfectly nice girl and I shouldn't take out my anger on her. Girls didn't like me in High School... there I've finally said it.
Oh come on! They're already planning a season 5 of "True Blood"?! Haven't we suffered enough? According to the jagoffs in Hollywood it looks like Scott Foley has been added to the cast as a character that if you knew the name of would spoil something that happens in season 3 which starts this Sunday. Confused? Good. You look adorable when you get all cross eyed and drooley.
In Real People News:
A Florida bride was arrested just hours after her wedding for beating and biting her new husband after he confronted her about another man that was hitting on her at a club they were celebrating their new marriage at. Biting and beating doesn't sound like that bad of a wedding night though. That's how babies get made.
An Illinois man is in stable condition after being attacked by what he told police were "Booty Call Ninjas". Yes, you read that right. Apparently he was jumped by a masked man using nunchuks and throwing stars as he was on his way into an alley where he was going to meet his ex for some late night love making. Booty Call Ninjas, folks, the can strike at any moment... even in a dark disgusting alley where you're going to bone your ex. None of us are safe.
Hey do you like sexy ladies doing sexy dances? Sure, we all do! Well here's a new clip from "Mother's Day" which not only has that but also some creepy looking guys enjoying the show said sexy girl played by Briana Evigan is putting on. "Mother's Day" has no specific release date but should see the light of day sometime before the end of the summer. You should have read this entire post in the voice of Sally Struthers.
If there's one thing that "Repo! The Genetic Opera" taught us it's that not even Bill Moseley can save a crappy movie. But none the less he's been cast in the upcoming film "Leatherface 3D" in the role of Drayton, a nod to the role Jim Siedow played in the first two Texas Chainsaw films. So maybe old Billy boy can make this one magical. Maybe the next "2001 Maniacs" will win an Oscar, too.
I've never hid the fact that I believe Dennis Quaid is a cold blooded killer in real life. So I like to think the new movie "Beneath the Darkness" is something of a cry for help from the people in Hollywood who know the truth. In the movie Quaid plays a local hero who is actually turns out to be a psychopathic killer. This might be a documentary.
And lastly here's a new trailer for "Cowboys & Aliens" which hits theaters on July 29th. The trailer is chock full of, you guessed it, aliens and cowboys. Not necessarily in that order. But there's also about a half second shot of what looks to be a nude Olivia Wilde. Or it might of been Giada De Laurentiis from The Food Network. I always get those two mixed up.
In Real People News:
It's been a long long time since a news story actually made me chuckle but here's a heartwarming tale about a 18 year old New York kid who has been brought up charges after he tried to move his girlfriend's family into a mansion that he didn't own. Apparently he tried to convince them he inherited the house and even brought them over to show them the place. Unfortunately the real owners showed up during all this and ruined the entire thing. Party poopers.
There's tons or stories out there about pit bulls going ape shit and messing people up but I think this is the first time I've seen a story about two pit bulls that actually ripped a man's arm off. Don't worry, there's a happy ending to the whole thing though. That's right, they killed the dogs. Are you smiling now?