true blood

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 23rd, 2013

Screen Media Ventures, LLC has announced that they will be launching a new digital channel on Roku called FrightPIX. Aimed at horror fans the channel will launch with about 100 streaming films and another 30 per month for viewers to enjoy. This sounds pretty awesome and if someone could please explain to me what any of this actually means I'd be more than happen to invite you all over to Roku it up some weekend.

America's sweetheart Ron Howard has signed on to direct the big screen adaptation of Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book". Based on the classic "The Jungle Book" tale, the story follows a young boy who's raised by ghosts in a graveyard. Sounds pretty dope if I do say so myself. And I do because using words like "dope" keeps me hip and cool like the youth of America. Peace out.

Amelia Rose Blaire and Jurnee Smollett have both been added to the cast of the upcoming season of HBO's "True Blood". One will play the Governor's daughter and the other will play a down home girl looking to help out her fellow man. One will be a little bit country, while the other will be a little bit rock n roll. One will be a little bit gentle and the other one will be a little bit runnin' wild. Osmond reference. Get it? No one? I really killed the whole me being hip thing huh.

The other day we talked about how it looked like there might actually be a "Zombieland" series in the works. Remember? Well now it looks like the series has been confirmed but instead of finding it's way to your TV the show will be released through Amazon. I'm not even sure if I'm excited about this anymore but to be honest with all the hoopla surrounding Beyonce's performance at the recent presidential inauguration I'm having trouble knowing which way is up.

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A giant goat cheese fire in Norway closed down a roadway for over 6 days after it broke out in a tunnel. I don't know how something like this happens but this is probably the worst thing to ever happen in Norway and for that fact I want to move there immediately. I also love cheese.

A male nurse in California is under arrest after it was discovered that he was violating female corpses. To be honest I assume this is why 95% of men who become nurses get into the field. Sickos.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 11th, 2012

No word on what sort of release it'll actually be getting but it looks like Rob Zombie's "Lords Of Salem" will finally see the light of day on April 26th, 2013. If that seems too far away then you might want to pick up the novelization that will hit shelves on March 12th. But honestly that's really just a little over a month earlier and if you can't wait a month you might want to see a shrink or something. You've got problems buddy.

I'm not really sure if this is exciting news but it looks like Robert Patrick will in fact return to "True Blood" next season as a full blooded cast member. For those of you still play catch up Patrick played that father of Alcide the werewolf. For those of you who are completely lost "True Blood" is a show about vampires staring the girl who I always think is the girl from "My So Called Life" but she isn't. She does have giant teeth though... TEEFF!

Summit Entertainment has picked up the rights to the big screen adaptation of Chase Novak's "Breed". Burr Steers will write and direct the film about a couple who are turned into bloodthirsty freaks after they try out a experimental fertility treatment. And I thought the worst thing about fertility treatments were having kids. Am I right? I'll be here all week.

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There's nothing more adorable than a couple of cute kids, ages 7 and 11 for instance, greeting you in a church parking lot. That is of course unless those kids are holding a gun and are robbing you. Then it kid of sucks.

If you're a 19 year old kid and you break into someone's house you better damn well sure check to see if that guy is home and is currently employed as a boxer. Because no matter how much you plead with him he's going to punch you in the face and then you'll just look like a pansy in your mug shot.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 3rd, 2012

Alexander Ludwig was apparently in "The Hunger Games" but I'm pretty sure I'd remember seeing his prick looking face during the film so I'm not positive he was. He will be in the new revenge flick "Final Girl" though. Or at least that's what the hyper tubes are telling me. Ludwig (just typing that makes me angry) will play one of the young lads who pick the wrong girl to harass and find themselves in a world of hurt.

Hey don't you just love Rutina Wesley on "True Blood"?! Trick question! If you said yes then we can't be friends anymore. But let's settle this later because right now we're talking about how Rutina has been cast in "Angry Little Gods", the US remake of the Thai horror flick "13: Game of Death". The flick focuses on a man trying to pay for his wedding when he's told he's on a hidden camera show and must complete 13 tasks. If task number 1 was to watch an episode of "True Blood" I'd lose before that stupid theme song was over.

Dimension Films has slapped their new alien abduction flick "Dark Skies" with a February 22nd 2013 release date. Staring Keri Russell (OMG Felicity!) the film focuses on a family being terrorized by aliens who invade their home each night. Alright I've never seen an episode of "Felicity". I know she ruined the show when she cut her hair though. Everyone knows that.

Rumors are floating around that NBC may in fact be pulling the plug on "Mockingbird Lane", their "The Munsters" reboot, before the show even gets going. Of course the show's creator, Bryan Fuller, has taken to the tweets to say those rumors are complete BS so all we can do is wait and see. Or we could just ignore the whole thing all together. Let's do that. No one cares about this show anyway to be honest. I'm sorry I brought it up.

In Real People News: 

You threaten my cat, I shoot you. So sayeth this white trash woman in Texas. And it was so.

Here's a picture of a 4 pound hairball that was removed from a 19 year old girl's stomach in India recently. Feel free to post comments below with what you find in your throw up after viewing the photo.

Horror Headlines: Friday, June 15th, 2012

I've worked in NYC for over 12 years now and every day on my way to work I pass these guys selling tickets for double decker sightseeing bus tours of the city. They pretty much stand there and attack any couple that looks like they're on vacation. I have waited 12 years for someone to ask me to skip work, hop on a bus and take in all this fine city has to offer, but not once have I been approached. I dress like a homeless person so it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities that I'm just wandering around the city aimlessly, so why not ask me?

I swear to god I hate "True Blood" but for some reason I can't stop talking about casting and updates and god knows what other info they release. Like Robert Patrick joining the cast for next season as Alcide Herveaux's father. He's a wolf for those of you not in the know. I know because my wife constantly says "That guy who plays Alcide Herveaux on 'True Blood', I'd leave you for him." Seriously. Sometimes it's the last thing she says to me before I leave for work and the first thing she says when I get home. I cry at night sometimes.

If you're an avid listener of the BGH podcast (AKA not a prick) then you know we went gaga over Joe Cornish's "Attack the Block" last year. Well our loose fitting boxers are all in tizzy with the news that Joe has been confirmed to be tackling the big screen adaptation of "Snow Crash" for his next project. The book is set in the future where corporations rule the world and a strange computer virus is killing people. I hope they still listen to KRS-One in this future.

Judy Greer and Portia Doubleday have been added to the cast of the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Portia, which is a stupid name, will play play the meany Chris Hargensen while Judy will play a gym teacher in the rehash of the Stephan King classic. The stupid name comment is the best thing I can come up with for this one. It's been a long week.

For those of you who have been itching to own 1987's "Chillers" on DVD, the good people at Troma have answered your prayers. The disc will be released on September 11 and be chock full of trailers and other goods. Well all I really know about is the trailer being on there, but I assume there's got to be more. There's just got to be!

In Real People News: 

An Arizona woman is under arrest after she stabbed her husband in the back after they got into an argument over a Cosmo quiz. I've always said those things are trouble. You answer 5 questions and all of the sudden your a convicted serial murderer.

Good old Florida. Home of this woman who gathered a group of teenagers, forced them to cut themselves so their demons could escape and then had them close the cuts by burning themselves over a fire so the demons couldn't get back in. That and Disneyworld.

Horror Headlines: Friday, June 1st, 2012

Tina Majorino's mom goes to college! Haha get it? From "Napoleon Dynamite"? Is funny, no? Whatever, she's joined the cast of "True Blood" for the next season. I feel like we never have fun anymore.

I assumed "The Bunny Game" was some sort of adorable parody of "The Hunger Games" where rabbits battled to survive but apparently it's not. It's a new flick about a junkie hooker who's abducted by a truck driver and forced on a journey into nutsoland. Finally seeing a DVD release on July 17th the film has gotten a decent amount of attention due to its graphic content. And I'm guessing no bunnies. Come to think of it a bunch of rabbits killing each other might not be that adorable.

If you like Swedes, and who doesn't, you'll be happy to know that Swedish export Katia Winter has been added to the cast of the seventh season "Dexter" as a Russian stripper. Literally no one hates the Swedes, right? I mean that's the thing. Cheese, Swiss Miss, and getting along with everyone?

I've seen "Independence Day" more times then I can count and have eventually come to the conclusion that I really like the film. I've grown to accept Will Smith as a person and I can't deny Vivica A. Fox as a stripper. It was a long road and I think I'm a better person now having said that. It's being released in theaters next year in fully remastered, 3D glory on July 3rd. I probably won't see it.

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Way to go Florida! Congrats on coming up with even weirder crap than a guy eating another guy on the side of the road. Here's a story about a guy who bit the lips off of a kitten.

A Maryland man is under arrest for reportedly murdering a fellow MSU student and eating his heart and brains. Seriously what the hell is going on out there?

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, March 21st, 2011

I have no idea how I got by before I discovered the Trenta iced coffee at Starbucks. I've been downing at least 1 a day for the past week. Yesterday I had two of the 31oz drinks and discovered the meaning of life. Of course I then blacked out from caffeine overload and when I came to forget the meaning of life. but still, it was pretty awesome.

In all honestly I don't understand the concept of BBC America. It's the BBC... but it's in America? Doesn't BBC mean British Broadcast.... something with a C? How can it be in America then!? And why do they drink so much tea when coffee is so awesome? Let's forget about this for a second though and talk about "Ripper Street", a new show being made for the channel set in 1889 during the fallout from the Jack The Ripper murders. I bet they're going to drink a ton of tea on the show.

Little known fact, "True Blood" is one of the worst shows on TV right now. Well it's not on RIGHT NOW, but you get what I mean. Well I guess it could be on right now. Repeats or something. And I don't even know how to factor in On demand. Really the point here is Season 5 doesn't start for a while and Camilla Luddington, who you might know from "Californication" has just signed on to play a fairy on the show. On the plus side there's a 95% chance she's going to get topless on the next season because she already did on "Californication" and there's really no reason not to after you've done it once.

I did not see this one coming. Eddie Izzard has been cast in the role of Grandpa Munster in the upcoming reboot of the classic TV show "The Munsters", re-titled "Mockingbird Lane" if you're wondering. Seriously I didn't see it coming. I know I'm sarcastic a lot so I think I might not be getting my point across. I did not see this coming. 100% honest. 'Eff you for judging me.

Let's start with something fun. "The Grey" has been given the all systems go for a DVD and Blu-Ray release on MAY 22nd. There's going to be commentary, deleted scenes and god willing some interviews with actual wolves.

In Real People News: 

Normally I find the items I toss into this second spot of the news to be pretty upsetting but honestly the only thing upsetting about this woman who beat her son because of his stupid sagging pants is that she's in trouble for it. She should be given a medal. Banks should be closed in her honor today. We should have a parade.

Troy New York, the birthplace of Uncle Sam, filming sights of movies like "Scent Of A Woman" and "Gangs of New York" and now home to this guy who set up a video camera in the women's locker room at a local college. Home town hero!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, February 21st, 2011

What if I told you there's a 12 year old battling vampires on a plane movie titled "Night Wings" that just got picked up by the good people at Ember Entertainment? Would you be excited? What if I also told you that the movie was going to be in 3D? You just vomited out your eyes didn't you. Sorry about that.

If you're going to watch one new horror TV show about a serial killer that forms a cult of followers that doesn't have a title and has just added Shawn Ashmore and Valorie Curry then... I don't know how to end that sentence. But the show is going to be on Fox and is being written by Kevin Williamson. I'm so very tired.

Are you excited for "Insidious 2"? Really? I thought the first one was kind of funny. What's wrong with you? Anyway, there's now confirmation that Specs and Tucker, the paranormal duo from the first film will be returning for the second installment. Are you excited about this news, too? I don't even know you anymore.

Jacob Hopkins has been cast as a young vampire in next season of "True Blood". He's 11 or something close to that. This news is creepy.

In Real People News: 

Booyah! An animal rights group had their flying drone shot down by bird hunters this past weekend. Game, set and match. Freedom!

Here's a video of a guy who went nuts at Disneyland and started punching people. He was promptly pepper sprayed by security. That kind of crap doesn't fly at the magic kingdom.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, January 19th, 2012

I have no idea who Andrea Osvart is but from what I understand she gets acting roles because she is Hungarian and hot. Two things I will never be and that depresses me on a daily basis. So she's been cast in the new Eli Roth produced flick titled "Aftershock", a new film about the aftermath of a Chilean earthquake. Or an earthquake in Chile that is. Earthquakes don't have nationalities. I don't think so anyway. They don't talk and I have no idea what a Chilean accent sounds like so let's just move on.

Christopher Heyerdahl is apparently a guy who played a vampire in the "Twilight" films and now he's signed on to play a vampire in the HBO series "True Blood". The difference here is he's not going to sparkle so you see he's very versatile. I can already hear the direction he must be taking on the set. Alright Chris that was great, but I kind of felt like you were sparkling in that one. Can we try it again but this time, and I can't stress this enough, try not to act all sparkly?".

Liv Tyler has been confirmed to be taking the lead role in the next Ti West flick, currently titled "The Side Effect". Tyler will play woman who spends months as a part of a experimental subject for a global pharmaceutical company who finds out she's pregnant. Then she freaks out or something. I don't know I assume the movie will be 2 hours and the important crap will finally happen at around the 1:50 mark.

If you wanted to read the script for "Deadgirl 2" that will never be turned into an actual movie then I've got some exciting news for you. Scribe Trent Haaga has posted his would be sequel's script up on his blog for all to enjoy. If you're interested I've also got a script for "The Godfather 4" that I wrote a few years back when I had some downtime. It's all handwritten on bar napkins, but it's pretty awesome. I think. Honestly it has a lot of it has beer stains on it.

In Real People News: 

Dogs love toys.That's a fact. Even if that new toy happens to be a severed head that the dog found under the famous Hollywood sign in California. Inventive, you have to appreciate the dog's creativity.

I've never really understood people that get so excited about sports that they break crap. Running around like maniacs punching the wall because their team didn't score or their QB got arrested for forcing himself on a pit bull or something. And for the life I've me I don't understand this guy in Georigia who got so excited about the 49er's scoring a touch down that he decided to shoot up Applebee’s. Sports is no reason to ruin everyone's riblettes experience.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, December 15th, 2011

I love me the holidays! But if there's one thing that really irks me it's those giant inflatable lawn decorations that have become so popular in the last 5 years. I feel like everyone who has those thinks they've invented some amazing decoration for their front lawn that we're all suppose to look at in amazement when in reality they just went down to Target and paid 75 bucks for a giant Snow Globe with a Santa trapped inside.

I'm going to go on record as saying I am actually looking forward to seeing "The Darkest Hour". Yes it comes out on Christmas and there isn't a chance in hell I will see it until months after it comes out on DVD but that doesn't make me any less excited to see the teens trapped in Russia because of an alien invasion flick. Look at these new photos. Just look at em! Kids all running around in tank tops fighting aliens. Russia ain't so bad, man! Alright you got me, I'm still trying to hide the anger about these stupid lawn ornaments.

Color me confused but it looks like Darren Lynn Bousman's end of the world but Jesus is cool flick "11-11-11" if going to be getting a wide release on February 14, 2012. That's right the film specifically tied to the date 11/11/11 only got a limited release back in November so why the hell not shoot for Valentines Day in 2012. It's the perfect date movie for that special girl you want to break up with.

Check it son! The First poster for Ridley Scott's "Prometheus", the much anticipated prequel to his beloved "Alien" films. Yes there's no aliens to be seen in the poster but no one goes to see these movies for the aliens. That's a well known fact. People go to see the acting. And to see the girl who we say is hot but in the back of our minds secretly question if they were once a man in their skivvies. The aliens are really just a time filler.

I don't know what it is about Christopher Meloni but anytime I see him in a comedy I think he's awesome and anytime I'm flipping the channels and see him on "Law & Order" I want to punch him in the face. It's a crazy mixed up world, huh? But now he's been confirmed for season 5 of "True Blood" as a ye old vampire who controls the fate of our merry group of blood suckers. I'm thinking he's probably not going to be very funny in that role.

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Wow, you'd think there is some sort of family bond on Thanksgiving but apparently not with this family in Texas who ratted out their 23 year old relative after they caught her having sex with a 15 year old boy. It's the Holiday's folks, everyone gets a pass on one illegal act.

And if you needed more proof that everyone from New Zealand is going to hell here's a new billboard that's popped up in a few locations there showing the Virgin Mary holding a pregnancy test. Just in time for the holidays.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 16th, 2011

Bill Nighy, who is apparently not "the science guy" has set his sights on the villain role in "I, Frankenstein". A new film which will starting shooting soon and tells the tale of everyone's favorite reanimated monster and what would happen if he popped up in the modern world. No news as to what the specific role would be but I don't think it would kill him to show us how magnets work or something.

A few months back it sounded like a big screen version of the video game "Bioshock" has some real potential to be made but from the way game creator Ken Levine is talking now it sounds like the film just isn't in the cards. Levine says in a recent interview that there's no real "desire" to have the movie get made and then goes on to give all the reasons as to why it would be bad. What about my desires, Ken? Those don't mean anything to you any more?!

We've all been waiting for a sequel to "Bikini Girls On Ice". Hell I heard some local schools are shutting down in protest until a new film is confirmed. Well get back to math class kids because we've got some new images from "Pin-Up Girls On Ice" for your viewing pleasure. This time around a group of pin up girls are asked to perform at a secluded camp that just so happens to be hunting grounds for a killer obsessed with ice. I can finally get some sleep tonight.

Valentina Cervi, who I'm not familiar with but based on pictures I assume reads a lot, is the latest name to be added to the upcoming season of "True Blood". Mrs. Book Worm will play an ancient vampire with the power to seduce men with all her worldly charms. But then the men get to her house and see she doesn't own a TV and fake some early morning meeting or something. Maybe ask if she has a sister.

In Real People News: 

I'm not even sure this should be a crime but a 26 year old North Carolina womAn is faces charges after she got drunk, broke into a house and ate a bunch of cookies. Honestly if she's willing to replace the cookies can't they just let this one slide? One time I got drunk when I was away with some friends and accidentally crawled into the wrong hotel window and took an hour nap in someone's room. Although I did make the bed when I left so, no harm no foul.

If you're going to dress up like a woman and steal a car, don't txt after you get behind the wheel. We might put up with trannys and car theft in New Jersey. But txting behind he wheel will not be tolerated.

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