abc

I love TV shows with a solid will they/won't they theme, even when it's based around a mother and son relationship like "Bates Motel". What can I say I'm a sucker for love. So I'm giddy with delight to find new info on the second season of the show which hits A&E on March 3rd. I mean as giddy as you can get when you realize the plot for season two is really just a continuation of season one, Norman continues to lose his crap, his mother tries to cover up some murder type things, a cop starts to catch on and blah blah blah the brother sells drugs or something. You've missed this kind of hot late breaking news haven't you?

I could have sworn Kevin Smith retired 12 years ago but he keeps putting crap out so I'm assuming it's like a Jay-Z type retirement where you announce it to get some attention and then just keep on doing the same crap you've always done. Case in point. "Comes the Krampus!", a new holiday anthology flick he just finished the screenplay for that focuses on everyone's favorite Scandinavian Christmas time monster that eats kids instead of bringing them presents. No real word on next steps for the project but it's planned for a holiday release sometime in the next 10 years.

"Terminator: Genesis", the upcoming "The Terminator" reboot, has apparently lost itself a financial backer. Megan Ellison and her Annapurna Pictures has apparently decided to back out of the project leaving Skydance Productions, which happens to be her brother's production company, to cover the tab. So this really means nothing at all to you and I. The movie is still being made, Arnold Schwarzenegger is still coming back and we're still over a year away from its release. Seriously, how did you survive without this kind of daily coverage to fill your life for the past two months?

ABC has green lit the pilot for "The Visitors", a new series based on a Ray Bradbury short story titled "Zero Hour". In the story the fine people of earth try to fend off an alien attack where the little green men use our own children against us. Seems completely plausible. The other day my 2 year old hit me in the crotch with a Doc McStuffins doll so hard I blacked out for 15 seconds. I can only assume she was being controlled by aliens.

It looks like Barbara Hershey will in fact return to the house that Darth Maul built in "Insidious 2". Currently eyeing an August 30, 2013 release date as of yet we have no details on what the story for the second chapter will be. If I were to guess though I'd say Yoda fights Christopher Lee and a lot of nerds get really pissed.

John McNaughton, the guy who wrote and directed "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" is returning to the directors chair with a new flick staring Michael Shannon titled "The Harvest". The movie tells the story of a couple who's son is confined to their home due to a rare illness and the neighbor who causes a rift in their lives when she gives him hope of a better life. McNaughton also directed "Wild Things". So you know. Girl on girl pool make out scene.

ABC has decided to put their new paranormal investigation series "Weird Desk" on hold due to production costs and concerns that it might be a little too close to Joss Whedon’s new show "S.H.E.I.L.D." for comfort. This is upsetting, not because I gave a crap about the show, but because I have been planning my own show "Buddies", about 5 friends who hang out at a coffee shop all day and eventually fall for each other, for years now.

For those of you hoping that we may someday get some insight into what caused the zombie outbreak in "The Walking Dead" I've got some bad news for you. The shows creator, Robert Kirkman, has dropped word that he has no interest in exploring the cause and is rather proud that the show has never gone that direction. He also said you're a loser for wanting to know so bad and that you have awful teeth. Alright I added that last part. I'm sorry.

Okay ABC, my interest has officially been peaked. "666 Park Ave" looks like just the right mix of supernatural fun and cheesy soap opera charm to have me pretty damn excited for your new fall lineup. The new horror series, which is based on a book series by Gabriella Pierce, centers around a couple who experience supernatural occurrences while moving into their dream apartment. The series stars Lost's own Terry O'Quinn, as well as Rachael Taylor, Dave Annable, and Vanessa WIlliams. "666 Park Ave" will air Sunday nights this fall. Check out the official synopsis:

ABC has officially picked up the new series "666 Park Avenue" which focuses on a couple who tend to an apartment building full of spooky time happenings. Not going to lie I thought they had picked up the show months ago but what the hell do I know. I could be pulling your leg about this entire thing. Maybe there isn't even a show. Maybe ABC isn't even a real station!

Most of us know Caroline Williams as Stretch from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" but now the final girl has been cast in a new film titled "Contracted". The film is about a young woman who contracts what she thinks is your average run of the mill STD during a one night stand. Williams will play the girl's mother and confidant when that not so fresh feeling takes over.

BGH's own fancy lad Jon really loved "Daybreakers" so he'll be moistening up his pantaloons when he hears the news that the films directors, the Spierig Brothers, and Ethan Hawke are once again teaming up for a new film. Titled "Predestination", the film follows a secret Government agency who sends their grunts through time to stop murderers and terrorists. Pretty sure there's a new Bruce Willis movie titled "Looper" coming out with almost the same exact plot. I blame you, Jon.

The John Landis produced joint "Some Guy Who Kills People" will see it's way to a DVD release on July 3rd for your viewing pleasure. The DVD will be chock full of commentary, extra footage and the short that inspired the film about a man who snaps and takes out his anger on a group of High School bullies who captured and tortured him. There's also an ice cream parlor, so there's a little something for your sweet tooth, Hans.

Oren Peli, the man who masterminded the "Paranormal Activity" series, debuts an ambitious new TV show this coming Tuesday night on ABC. Looks intriguing, the big question being how long can they keep the show on the rails given the gimmicky nature of the story. Thankfully I still have a few days left to find ABC on my TV. Can't remember the last show of theirs I actually watched.

Eric Powell, creator of "The Goon" comic recently took to his blog to set the record straight on the current status of the big screen adaptation of the book. Despite rumblings around the net the movie is still very much going to happen and the production company behind it is currently looking for funding. I don't know if that means they're having bake sales or something but honestly that doesn't sound too good.

If you're as excited about ABC's "The River" as I am then you're honestly not that excited. It's on Tuesdays. I already have shows on Tuesdays. I'm not even sure I can work it into my schedule. The new website that just launched for it isn't really helping either. Sure it's all animated and crap and sure it's like a fun game but seriously, there's going to be DVR conflicts out the ying yang for this thing.

I love me some Linnea Quigley, I don't care what age. Alright that sounds kind of creepy but the news here is that the lipstick queen will be showing up in "1313: Cougar Cult". The film is set to go direct to DVD (shocker) on February 7th and revolves around a group of college guys who get a summer job working for three older women who actually turn into cougars. I think that's a pun, or a play on words, or a haiku.

I have no idea what these ramblings mean but Nicolas Cage wants to remake "The Wicker Man"... in Japan... and have "Ringu" director Hideo Nakata direct it... and have the main character be a ghost this time. No sarcastic comments here, folks. Someone needs to help this guy.

Charlize Theron has signed on to play an investigator trying to solve a case involving a brutal murder where things might not be as they seem in a new thriller titled "Cities of Refuge". She's also signed on to look fabulous at this year's Oscars! There's really not much else in the way of details on this one so I'm kind of stretching.

Well here's something I never thought I'd type. Raj from "What's Happening" will be in the next Rob Zombie flick!! That's right one Mr. Ernest Thomas, better known as not Rerun has signed on to play the station director of a local rock station in the upcoming witch revenge romp "Lords of Salem". If Zombie can get J.J. Walker then this movie might have some potential.

There's a crap load of horror shows in the works right now and it looks like ABC is looking to create a new drama series based on the book "666 Park Avenue". The show, like the book, will revolve around a couple that move to NYC from the midwest and become managers of a building where the residents have all made deals with the devil. You'd need to make a deal with the devil to find something affordable on the upper east side! Am I right folks? Rent is too damn high.

I'm pretty excited for the US to get its hands on "Haunted Poland", a new Polish flick (seriously!) about a girl who travels back to her home town and encounters evil thanks to a Ouija board, because I'm 99% sure I've met a few of the actresses in the film. And by met I mean thrown 20's at during a bachelor party while they did things I'm positive are illegal in their homelands. Anyway there's a new trailer and poster out for the film that was apparently made for only a thousand dollars. In fairness though a thousand dollars in Poland is pretty much enough to be president, or king or whatever the hell they worship over there. It's cool, I'm Polish so I can mock my people.

ABC has picked up the rights to a new TV series titled "Jekyll and Hyde" which is based on the classic tale of Frankenstein. I kid. The show will take place in modern day San Francisco and focus on a female detective who tries to hunt down a mad scientist. She also builds a monster out of dead people. I kid again.

The good people over at WWE have snagged the rights to a new post-apocalyptic thriller about a group of survivors who make on last stand as the world comes to an end titled "The Day". I've got to say this actually sounds kind of cool, and as long as they don't go putting Stone Cold Steve Austin in the lead role it might have some potential. You give these kind of thought provoking roles to The Rock obviously.

As a child I had a pretty hefty crush on Meg Foster, she played Evil-Lyn in "Master of the Universe" and was scary and hot at the same time. Now she's been added to the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem" as the leader of a witch coven that comes back to haunt modern day Salem. I can not think of a more appropriate role for Foster. With her sexy sexy eyes and frightening as all hell face.

And with the spooky time season coming up it only makes sense that we would get a trailer for "Halloween: XXX Porn Parody", the latest in a string of porns that will probably end up being more entertaining than the remakes they're based on. I hope this one is in theaters though.

I don't care how many love children Arnold Schwarzenegger has had, I want to see him in "Terminator 5". Burn an American flag while your soon to be ex-wife cries in the corner for all I care. But now it looks like Arnold is putting his comeback on hold because of his recent troubles with putting his bim bam inside the maids poom poom and we'll all have to wait to see him return as the great robot one. Be straight with me, "Last Action Hero 2" is never going to happen, is it!

The Israeli slasher flick "Rabies" is all the rage with the kids and now that it's been picked up for US distribution there's a new English version poster out on the town for viewing. Of course I have no idea what makes it an English version. There's no copy other than "Rabies" on it. Is that super English? Anyway the film is about a psycho who's loose in the woods and encounters a group of teenagers. In English!

The Jim Mickle directed vampire hunter apocalypse flick "Stake Land" has finally received a release date and the even better news is I'm going to tell you it. Get ready. Are you ready? It'll hit DVD and Blu-Ray on August 2nd! Kind of anticlimactic isn't it.

TV horror shows don't usually end up working out too well, I'm still waiting to find out who the killer was in "Happy Town", but god bless those nutty TV people because they keep trying. "The River" from Paranormal Activity creator Oren Peli has just picked up by ABC and now has a full trailer. The series will follow a family who goes into the Amazon to find their missing loved one who also happens to be a popular animal show host. If I was a betting man I'd put my money on the show being canceled before we find out what happened to him.

I have no idea who Shaky Gonzalez is but dear lord his name is Shaky and every time I see it I read "skanky". So Skanky has a movie called "The Last Demonslayer" which is suppose to be a throw back to some of the great genre movies of the 80's. Chock full of medieval goodness and there's a bunch of new stills to get you fired up. Skanky... teehee.

In a recent interview Michelle Rodriguez, who I consider to be the expert on all things pure and holy, hinted that James Cameron's "Avatar 2" will take place under the sea. Of course her character died in the original but that's the magic of being under da sea! Darling it's better down where it's wetter take it from me! Little Mermaid? No one? Move along folks.

"Dylan Dog: Dead of Night" is a new horror/comedy that is apparently based on some sort of comic book that everyone loved. So you're probably excited about the first trailer that's hit the tubes. Or you're really upset about it because it doesn't stay true to the comic book. But remember this, hearing words and seeing moving pictures beats reading 100% of the time. That's just math folks.

ABC has cast Christopher Egan in the lead role in their upcoming series "Poe", based on Edgar Allan Poe. Egan has what appears to be baby soft skin and two delightful pools of dreaminess he calls eyes which from what I understand matches Poe to a T. I also believe I've said too much again. I regret nothing.