Horror Headlines: Friday May 20th, 2011

I don't care how many love children Arnold Schwarzenegger has had, I want to see him in "Terminator 5". Burn an American flag while your soon to be ex-wife cries in the corner for all I care. But now it looks like Arnold is putting his comeback on hold because of his recent troubles with putting his bim bam inside the maids poom poom and we'll all have to wait to see him return as the great robot one. Be straight with me, "Last Action Hero 2" is never going to happen, is it!

The Israeli slasher flick "Rabies" is all the rage with the kids and now that it's been picked up for US distribution there's a new English version poster out on the town for viewing. Of course I have no idea what makes it an English version. There's no copy other than "Rabies" on it. Is that super English? Anyway the film is about a psycho who's loose in the woods and encounters a group of teenagers. In English!

The Jim Mickle directed vampire hunter apocalypse flick "Stake Land" has finally received a release date and the even better news is I'm going to tell you it. Get ready. Are you ready? It'll hit DVD and Blu-Ray on August 2nd! Kind of anticlimactic isn't it.

TV horror shows don't usually end up working out too well, I'm still waiting to find out who the killer was in "Happy Town", but god bless those nutty TV people because they keep trying. "The River" from Paranormal Activity creator Oren Peli has just picked up by ABC and now has a full trailer. The series will follow a family who goes into the Amazon to find their missing loved one who also happens to be a popular animal show host. If I was a betting man I'd put my money on the show being canceled before we find out what happened to him.

In Real People News: 

When I was in elementary school and I would bring in some candy for myself and the dumb ass teacher would always yell that if I didn't bring enough for everyone I couldn't have it myself. Well Mrs. Wilson here's a 7 year old in Pittsburgh who brought in heroin to his school and started handing it out to his fellow students. Hope you're happy you mean old witch! I blame you for the entire thing.

A Wisconsin man recently ate his 25,000th Big Mac after enjoying the delicious treat for close to 40 years, smashing a record that never existed to begin with. I congratulate the man for this feat but lets make one thing clear, if I had been keeping count I am 99% sure I passed 30K years ago.

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