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Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 27th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Apr 27th 2011

I am not the least bit ashamed to admit that fluids shot out of every hole in my body when I read the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger has officially signed on to do a new "Terminator" movie. No screenwriter or director has been confirmed but Justin Lin has been rumored to be taking the camera for the flick. Oh mother of god the fluids!

2011 has already been a stellar year for the homeless and now everyone's favorite movie "Hobo With a Shotgun" is coming home to DVD and Blu-Ray. July 5th will be the date you can get your grubby little fingerless gloved mits on the 2 disc DVD or Blu-Ray that features all kinds of interviews, commentaries and other filthy treasures. Catch the hobo fever!

We're going 3 for 3 in the awesome news department kids because Steve Austin and Danny Trejo have both signed on to battle in "Recoil". Austin will play former cop who goes on a rampage after his family is murdered by a group of criminals. Trejo will of course play one of the criminals, because stereotypes are there for a reason and that reason is to help casting in films move along quickly.

Well they can't all be zingers my friends. Chris Landon is once again confirmed to be partnering up with Michael Perry to write "Paranormal Activity 3" after there were rumors that he had dropped out of the project. The duo wrote the previous film in the series and while they haven't promised it, I'm hoping will once again cast a rampaging pool cleaner. Keep your fingers crossed.

In Real People News:

A 29 year old Roseville man is being charged with murder after he went nuts and started driving on a Minneapolis sidewalk, killing 1 and injuring 2. The incident apparently stems from an argument that started in a nearby bar and I assume had something to do with who is the better "Grand Theft Auto" player.

How the hell do you not think you're going to get caught urinating on cough drops at a Walgreens? There are practically video cameras everywhere these days and anywhere there isn't there's some prick taking video with his camera phone. You take cough drops into the men's room to piss on them! Everyone knows that's the only safe place.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 16th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Feb 16th 2011

Jim Mickle's "Stake Land" will finally find it's way to VOD on April 22nd after a solid run on the convention circuit. The film is the follow up to Mickle's much adored "Mulberry Street" and has nothing to do with porter houses and a lot to do with vampires running around after the Apocalypse. Kind of wish there was some actual steak involved here.

For being so friendly the Swedes sure are a sick bunch of M'Fers. Proven completely by the new trailer for "Marianne" which has hit the tubes. The film tells the story of a father who's trying to cope with the loss of his wife, a couple daughters who hate him and the spooking happenings going on in his house. It's a real feel good hit.

It looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger might be making his way back to Terminator land sometime soon or at least that's the hope. Seems Arnold is back in the ring for acting and Chris Morgan wants to kick the series back into gear so all signs are pointing to him... being back. Get it? Like "I'll be back"? That's what he said in the movies. It's funny. "It's not a tumor!"

Looks like Intrepid Pictures, who helped bring "The Strangers" and "Doomsday" to the world are lining up "Skeleton Creek" as their next flick. The movie is apparently a teen romp based on some books that I've never heard of but I guess the kids are gaga for them. It's a group of kids who come across a ghost while exploring an abandon gold mine. I'm pretty sure this was the basis of every live action Disney movie in the 70's. I hope Don Knotts is in this one.

In Real People News:

All babies are adorable. That's something you say before you learn about Le Yati Min, and discover that she has 12 fingers and 14 toes. No amount of cute can make you ignore that but her parents still insist on getting her into the Guinness Book of World Records. I assume for the extra digits thing, not for being the creepiest girl in the world. That would just be mean.

Speaking of records, here is one that you should actually find impressive. A Florida man is now in more trouble than he originally thought after smuggling 33 items into prison. How did he get all of them in? He shoved up his anus of course. It's like the old question people always ask. If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and could only bring 33 items shoved up your ass what would they be? What would they be!?

Box Office Special - Smells Like Summer

Submitted by Jon on Monday, May 18th 2009

Last week, "Star Trek" did quite well for itself, as it managed to take in a terrific opening haul as well as win near universal praise from critics. So, as these things tend to work, Paramount immediately rolled out its front-runner advertising campaign, which championed "Star Trek" as the nation's number one movie, etc, etc. Unfortunately, they're only going to get one week out of those ads.