Little lesson for your kids out there. If you ignore going to the dentist for multiple years it will eventually bite you in the ass and make at least 2 solid months of your life a never ending nightmare.
The idea has been kicking around for a while and now it looks like MTV will in fact be bringing "Scream" to the small screen. No confirmation on if Wes Craven will have anything to do with the project but it looks like a pilot is moving forward and if it's picked up the hour long series would hit the tube sometime next Summer. Live every day like it's your last my friends. Every god damn day.
It was only a matter of time before Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy "The Strain" made its way from the pages up to the big screen and now it looks like Corey Stoll has landed the lead in the adaptation. Stoll will play a doctor who teams up with a small group to battle a vampire clan that has taken over the world. I've read these books. I'm smart.
August 8, 2014 will be the day that Universal Pictures finally drops "Dracula", a new film about a man who find himself turning into a wolf every time there's a full moon, into theaters. Wait no, that can't be right.
Want to go see Goblin perform the entire "Suspiria" soundtrack live in Austin Texas this summer? Me either! What if I were to tell you tickets were $175 bucks? I know I want to see them even less now too!
In Real People News:
A Michigan man has been arrested for having sex with dogs. I know in Michigan right? Crap like this never happens there.
A Florida man was recently arrested while being under the influence of LSD and asked the police to cut his penis off. I know in Florida right? Crap like this never happens there.
I had completely forgotten that there is a "Poltergeist" remake in the works but there is and Sam Raimi is producing the crap out of it with his Ghost House company. But who will direct!? Well according to the film's writer, David Lindsay-Abaire, Raimi will take on that role also and I for one believe him. He's got a freakin Pulitzer for F sake. Yuu going to call him a liar?
Want to see Wes Craven's "Scream" on the big screen this Halloween season? Me either but that jackass sitting across from you on the bus probably wants to so it's going to be there starting next week in selected theaters across this great nation. Just look at that guy sitting there, eating those Triscuits. God I want to punch him in the face.
I've never read a Dean Koontz book but his last name always makes me giggle like a school girl. And now I have absolutely no reason to read his book "Frankenstein Will Not Die" because the folks over at TNT are looking to turn it into a TV show. The show will be set in New Orleans and follow the famous doctor and his monster 200 years after it was created. See, if you wait long enough all written words will be turned into moving pictures.
Good news, Brian De Palma has confirmed that he is ok with Kimberly Peirce and her remake of the classic film "Carrie". I had always assumed all these people making remakes went to the original writers, directors and actors to get their approval before they even got started. Who knew.
In Real People News:
Ever find yourself at the gas station and think, what would happen if I just turned this nozzle on the guy next to me and lite him up like a roman candle? Well this guy in Las Vegas not only thought that but he went ahead and did it. Wait you really think that sort of stuff? You might want to get help.
"Backmask" is the most confusing title for a movie I've ever heard but it's actually a good old fashioned "record backwards letting out a demon" type romp. Excited? What if I was to tell you that "13 Going On 30" alum Brittany Curran has been added to the cast? Are you excited now? Well that was a test and you just failed. I hope you're happy.
Why the hell not! MTV has dropped news that they're beginning production on a TV series based on the popular "Scream" franchise. No word as of yet if Wes Craven, or anyone else from the series for that matter, will be involved with the project but word around campus is I'll make stupid comments about it for the next few weeks and then just ignore it all together. More on this story as it develops.
And here we go. "FDR: American Badass" is apparently not the next Kid rock album but a full fledged movie about our 32nd president riding around in a wheelchair trying to stop polo spreading werewolves. Serious. That's a real thing happening. The film has been picked up by Screen Media for distribution to VOD and DVD. Eventually we'll get to a point where Jimmy Carter is battling trolls. Then we'll know we've gone to far.
"Category Six" is a new found footage flick about a group of high school students who try to survive a category six tornado. Arlen Escarpeta,the guy who tried to beat it to a clothing catalog in the "Friday the 13th" remake, has been cast in the film as one of the high schoolers along side Alycia Debnam-Carey, who has a sour puss. Both are way too old to be high school students.
In news that I don't know is good or bad it looks like Bradley Cooper has decided to back away from the lead role in "The Crow" remake because of scheduling conflicts. Rumor has it that Mark Wahlberg and Channing Tatum are both being tossed around as replacements. In other news I have recently discovered that Channing is apparently a name for a man. I think at least.
Fall is right around the corner my friends. I know because I've already gotten my candy corn scented candles from Yankee Candle. But aside from that exciting news it also looks like Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights is shaping up. It looks like this year's terror tram will take you into the world of Wes Craven's "Scream" specifically focusing on that last installment of the franchise. Just spit balling here but I think they should plant teenagers on the ride that use confusing lingo to make you feel old. It'll really bring the whole theme home.
Everyone loves Ed Harris. It's a fact, I took a poll on Facebook. And it looks like his new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" has gotten some funding and distribution support from the good people at RCR Media Group. Man the kids love them some RCR don't they? Harris plays the captain of a haunted submarine who has to make a decision that could either destroy his homeland or launch world war 3. What the hell could that choice possibly be?
A new poster for the Amanda Seyfried and Justin Timberlake flick "In Time" has hit the web and I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever had a crush on a poster. I'm not saying if it's because of one or both of them I'm just saying I got all kinds of tingles in my belly. If you're not familiar with the film it takes place in a world where a person's time left on this planet is the new form of currency. Timberlake plays a future world Robin Hood who gives away time to the poor. I bet he does it in a super sexy way too. I think I've said enough.
In Real People News:
Not a day goes by that I'm not terrorized by the reality that the closest Waffle House to my apartment is over 70 miles away. And I couldn't be more enraged by the fact that this man in Florida tried to kill his wife by driving his truck into the Waffle House that she was eating at. Look I don't know if your wife deserves to be run over or not but the Waffle House has done nothing but provide delicious food to you. Show some respect.
It's not secret that Australia is run by criminals and deviants so it should come as no shock that Qantas airlines is now offering an on demand movie titled "The Female Orgasm Explained". If you couldn't have guessed it the film is an educational look at how to make your special someone happy in her downstairs boom box. Because who hasn't been frustrated with a long flight where they can't learn about how to please a woman.
"Apollo 18", the hey-spooky-things-live-on-the-moon film has been pushed to January 6 of next year. The movie was originally suppose to be released last month and was pushed to April 22nd. Honestly this works out pretty well for me because I already had plans on the 22nd so I say this is a win. Just in case anyone was wondering.
There's been talk of a "Child's Play" remake for some time now but little movement. Well today there's still little movement but word around the campfire is MGM will be pushing this one out of its loins and they're shooting for a 2012 release date. Does it make you uncomfortable when I use the word "loins"? It should.
When the hell was it announced that Sam Rami was doing a "Wizard of Oz" flick? Did I break the news? Let's pretend I did! Anyway Mila Kunis has been cast as Theodora in the movie currently titled "Oz: The Great and Powerful" and from the sounds of things I think she plays a good witch who wants to get freaky with a guy, gets shot down and then goes batty. Witchy woman!
On April 7th the good people over at A&E: Bio Channel will be airing "Scream: The Inside Story", a big ol rub and tug fest about the phenomenon that is Wes Craven's "Scream" franchise. That air date seems pretty close if they want to get my interviews in. I haven't even gotten any calls yet. Weird.
In Real People News:
Are you freakin kidding me?! The reptile house at the Bronx Zoo has been closed due to a cobra that went missing. Honestly the only thing to do is burn the whole thing down just to be safe. I've said it before and I'll say it again, snakes serve serve no purpose in the world but to be terrible. Fact!
Wes Craven seems to have been attending the Rob Zombie school of marketing your movie in the 21st century. Or at least I assume so, based on the flood of BTS video and pictures hitting the internet since the film started shooting... YESTERDAY. I don't think I can handle this every day leading up to the projected 2011 release date.
Neil Marshal talks about his next project after "Centurion". Something something something, "bodies exploding", "3D", "produced by Sam Raimi". That's the gist, anyway.
So a Twilight fan (need I go on?) is suing the theater owner who had her arrested for taping part of her favorite vampire movie on a personal camcorder. Her defense? She was recording her sister's birthday party to save the memory. Oh, and she may or may not have recorded an additional 25 seconds to capture "her favorite actor tak(ing) his shirt off." Of the list of people she should be suing for causing her embarrassment, I'd probably put both Stephanie Meyer and "herself" on the list before the theater owner, but sadly, it's not my call.
I want a few sips of whatever Jenna Busch is on during this "Today Show" segment. Everyone else is just chalking it up to her being stupid since, as we all know, genetics are not her friend. I on the other hand am giving her the benefit of the doubt by calling her a drunk. Either way, not good.
A beautiful, hand-crafted, century old, unfortunately decorated quilt donated to local museum. Family not surprisingly unavailable for comment.
1967 - Actress Jayne Mansfield is decapitated in a car crash, when her convertible collides with a parked tractor-trailer. To downplay the gruesome death, sources spread the falsehood that only her wig flew off in the accident.
The 3-D craze has donned its leather jacket and pointed its motorcycle towards the ramp as Paramount Pictures has announced plans to make a new "Ring" movie, this time in 3-D. David Loucka has already been tapped to pen the script in what Paramount hopes is a reinvention of the franchise.
"Scream" scribe Kevin Williamson put to rest the rumors that Jamie Kennedy will be returning for "Scream IV". "We're not that universe where you can bring people back from the dead. That would be just a cheat." Good to see that there's still some integrity in Hollywood!
In a recent press junket for his latest feature "Robin Hood", director Ridley Scott let slip that the both of the upcoming "Alien" prequels will be released in 3D. If you're paying attention, you'll notice that I used the word 'both'. Scott also let it be known that he is planning on two prequels for the franchise.
"Machete" is no longer the only feature to spawn from the fake trailers shown in 2007's "Grindhouse". The next trailer to be stretched to full length will be "Hobo With a Shotgun" starring none other that Rutger Hauer.
So I'm sitting here, wondering to myself, how you call this a remake of "Scream" when in the announcement you discuss getting original actors back in their original roles. Isn't that just... you know... a sequel?
The lovely Courtney Ford, who should be familiar to you from the highly recommended scifi romp "Alien Raiders", has just joined Season 4 of the hit Showtime series "Dexter". She will play "a reporter who crosses paths with our favorite forensics expert/serial killer, Dexter Morgan".
Reports are coming in that the first trailer for "The Final Destination" will be landing in some theaters this Friday. So keep your eyes peeled when you go back to see "Drag Me To Hell" for the fourth time, k?
In Real People News:
Woman loses 95 pounds over 8 months by restricting her diet to only 13-15 Red Bull's a day, has a heart attack. Bummer, you were THIS close. Doctors also claim she went through "widthdrawals" while in the hospital, typically seen in hardcore drug addicts.