FDR: American Badass

Horror Headlines: Monday, June 3rd, 2012

"Backmask" is the most confusing title for a movie I've ever heard but it's actually a good old fashioned "record backwards letting out a demon" type romp. Excited? What if I was to tell you that "13 Going On 30" alum Brittany Curran has been added to the cast? Are you excited now? Well that was a test and you just failed. I hope you're happy.

Why the hell not! MTV has dropped news that they're beginning production on a TV series based on the popular "Scream" franchise. No word as of yet if Wes Craven, or anyone else from the series for that matter, will be involved with the project but word around campus is I'll make stupid comments about it for the next few weeks and then just ignore it all together. More on this story as it develops.

And here we go. "FDR: American Badass" is apparently not the next Kid rock album but a full fledged movie about our 32nd president riding around in a wheelchair trying to stop polo spreading werewolves. Serious. That's a real thing happening. The film has been picked up by Screen Media for distribution to VOD and DVD. Eventually we'll get to a point where Jimmy Carter is battling trolls. Then we'll know we've gone to far.

"Category Six" is a new found footage flick about a group of high school students who try to survive a category six tornado. Arlen Escarpeta,the guy who tried to beat it to a clothing catalog in the "Friday the 13th" remake, has been cast in the film as one of the high schoolers along side Alycia Debnam-Carey, who has a sour puss. Both are way too old to be high school students.

In Real People News: 

It's the old "mother going to jail for DUI because she left her baby on the roof of her car" gag. it never gets old.

Here's a story about a homeless man who tried to snatch up a baby from a stroller and eat it. Insert zombie apocalypse joke here.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 3rd, 2010

The team of Eli Roth and Eric Newman will once again team up for "Psycho Killer". The film that follows both a serial killer, a psycho and an officer will be written by Andrew Kevin Walker who brought us all "Seven". Not too shabby sounding huh? And I avoided the obvious Talking Heads reference.

And let the avalanche of crap begin. "FDR: American Badass" is a new film that will follow Franklin D. Roosevelt, written as a werewolf hunter who fights the hell spawn in his customized wheelchair. I assume there will be other president fighting evil films shortly after. I'd like to officially toss out "Martin Van Buren: Chupacabra Exterminator" as an idea.

If you love "Resident Evil" films but hate looking at Milla Jovovich's mom hips you're in luck. "Resident Evil: Damnation" is a full on CGI sequel to "Resident Evil: Degeneration" and it's got a super new trailer for you to view. Computers > People. That's math, you can look it up.

"Hobo With a Shotgun" is a movie, and now it's got a bunch of cool new posters, only two of which that actually feature a hobo with a shotgun. So that's a nice surprise. It's like Christmas if you lived in the worst trailer park ever imagined... and there isn't any cable so you had to watch old re-runs of "Monchichis"... like homeless people do.

In Real People News: 

Is this becoming a thing now? A 15-month-old baby girl survived a fall from a seventh-floor apartment in Paris yesterday. Way to go France, the Chinese did this a few days back but from 20 floors up. You can't do anything right.

Imagine how excited a Vermont man was when he opened the door to find a man dressed in a gorilla suit standing there. Now imagine how disappointed her was when that gorilla then took out a sharp object and stabbed the man. Gorillas, nature's assholes.

On this day in history: 

1982 – The Salang tunnel fire in Afghanistan kills up to 2,000 people.

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