Phantom

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 28th, 2011

Sasha Grey needs to stop trying to act and Jeremy Piven should have never started. There I said it. But here's a poster for their new film "I Melt With You", which also happens to be the title of a song that should have never been written. The film tells the story of a group of 40 something friends who reunite only to find they aren't so friendly anymore. Alright the song isn't that bad. I was just on a roll.

James D'Arcy is English and has a apostrophe in his name so he's probably really smart. He's also been added to the cast of "Cloud Atlas", a movie that tells 6 different stories set in a future/past post apocalyptic world. Seriously. I know I'm confused too. I hope Jamsey will come over with his silly accent and explain it all to me over a spot of tea.

New photos from season two of "The Walking Dead" are here! I'm still excited about the new season starting but honestly things don't look so bad for our group. They got a house, some cool guns to walk around and pose with and... a cross bow. Who the hell doesn't want a cross bow? Those damn hippies, that's who.

David Duchovny, why won't you love me. It's a song. I'm not that clever. That doesn't make it any less honest though. Anyway, David has replaced Andy Garcia in the new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" as the leader of a special Soviet operations leader. Upgrade! Not that I don't like Andy Garcia. I just don't LIKE HIM like him. We can be friends. That's cool with me.

In Real People News: 

I'm all for women getting plastic surgery but don't try to go cheap my lady friends or you'll end up like this women who now has only one giant boob after her implant operation went a muck. Yes that one boob looks great but still, it's kind of weird.

They grow up so fast. It feels like just last week little Tommy was pooping his pants and now he's drinking his first beer bong. Of course he did just poop his pants because he's only a toddler but still. It's adorable.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 17th, 2011

In news that I don't know is good or bad it looks like Bradley Cooper has decided to back away from the lead role in "The Crow" remake because of scheduling conflicts. Rumor has it that Mark Wahlberg and Channing Tatum are both being tossed around as replacements. In other news I have recently discovered that Channing is apparently a name for a man. I think at least.

Fall is right around the corner my friends. I know because I've already gotten my candy corn scented candles from Yankee Candle. But aside from that exciting news it also looks like Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights is shaping up. It looks like this year's terror tram will take you into the world of Wes Craven's "Scream" specifically focusing on that last installment of the franchise. Just spit balling here but I think they should plant teenagers on the ride that use confusing lingo to make you feel old. It'll really bring the whole theme home.

Everyone loves Ed Harris. It's a fact, I took a poll on Facebook. And it looks like his new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" has gotten some funding and distribution support from the good people at RCR Media Group. Man the kids love them some RCR don't they? Harris plays the captain of a haunted submarine who has to make a decision that could either destroy his homeland or launch world war 3. What the hell could that choice possibly be?

A new poster for the Amanda Seyfried and Justin Timberlake flick "In Time" has hit the web and I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever had a crush on a poster. I'm not saying if it's because of one or both of them I'm just saying I got all kinds of tingles in my belly. If you're not familiar with the film it takes place in a world where a person's time left on this planet is the new form of currency. Timberlake plays a future world Robin Hood who gives away time to the poor. I bet he does it in a super sexy way too. I think I've said enough.

In Real People News: 

Not a day goes by that I'm not terrorized by the reality that the closest Waffle House to my apartment is over 70 miles away. And I couldn't be more enraged by the fact that this man in Florida tried to kill his wife by driving his truck into the Waffle House that she was eating at. Look I don't know if your wife deserves to be run over or not but the Waffle House has done nothing but provide delicious food to you. Show some respect.

It's not secret that Australia is run by criminals and deviants so it should come as no shock that Qantas airlines is now offering an on demand movie titled "The Female Orgasm Explained". If you couldn't have guessed it the film is an educational look at how to make your special someone happy in her downstairs boom box. Because who hasn't been frustrated with a long flight where they can't learn about how to please a woman.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 5th, 2011

If you saw "Catfish" and were as disappointed as I was then get ready because the duo behind the film have officially signed up to disappoint you with "Paranormal Activity 3". Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman are on board to direct that magic that will be "PA3: Back in Da Hood" which is currently plotting an October 21st release. And no that's not actually the title of the movie. It would be pretty awesome if it was though.

Well this should be interesting. Along with Paul Scheer and Christopher Lloyd none other than Mr. Ving Rhames has signed on to return in "Piranha 3DD". This of course is very exciting because Rhames' character had one of the best deaths in the original flick and now we're all moist to see how he's going to return for the sequel. I apologize if you haven't seen the first film yet and I just ruined it. I also apologize for using the word "moist"

Andy Garcia, William Fichtner, Ed Harris and Natascha McElhone have all been added to the cast of the upcoming supernatural thriller "Phantom". The movie focuses on a Soviet submarine captain who discovers there's something about his vessel that could end the lives of him and his entire crew. I'm also happy to announce that this is the most amount of legitimate actors I've ever mentioned in one news post. I think I might cry.

What's better than a found footage flick? How about a low budget one! Ladies and gentlemen I present to you "051: Confidential", a new movie that was supposedly found outside of Area 51 and is now being used as a training video by the military. Who found it? Now one knows! Let's go with me. I found it! You're welcome, America. Now kiss my grits!

In Real People News: 

What would Jesus do? Apparently stab her boyfriend like crazy so he can get to hell. I know it's insane, a woman! Anyway a Minnesota woman is currently under arrest after going bonkers and claiming to be big J and then attacking her boyfriend. Hell hath no fury like our Lord and savior while she's on the rag.

It's got to be upsetting to find out your kids are downtown with the cops being booked for shoplifting. So much so that you might want to knock a few back to take the edge off. Of course when you go to pick up your kids you might want to not be wasted, much like this mother of the year in Louisiana did. Are you crying from the beauty of it all? I hope so.

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