I've had a frozen pumpkin pie sitting in my freezer for over two years now and on Christmas I plan on finally eating it. There's a 75% chance I'll become violently ill, which is ok because I could stand to lose a few pounds. Either way I win.
"Gone" sounds like the worst idea for a movie ever imagined. A girl comes home to find her sister missing and is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her 2 years ago has returned. The best ending for this would be that she just went out for ice cream. But hey, Amanda Seyfried is in it and there's some new posters with her on them. So we should probably see it. You know, to help the economy or whatever.
Dario Argento's "Dracula 3D" has got a new trailer today but I should warn you, it's chock full of spoilers. I should also warn you that it's a new Dario Argento movie so you know it's not good and stuff. I should also warn you that I get very emotional around the holidays so you may have to put up with some random sobbing over the next couple of weeks.
I'm going to come right out and say it, I find Reese Witherspoon adorable. She seems so nice and I'd let her babysit my child in a heartbeat. I know she'd be good at it. And now she's been cast in "The Devil's Knot". A film that sounds like a gay porn but is actually the true life story of The West Memphis Three, a story about 3 teens who were wrongly accused of the murder of three 8-year-old boys. I'm pretty sure this isn't a romantic comedy.
Hot diggity dog! Here's a couple of posters for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", a movie based on the book with a title that should give you a pretty good idea of what the movie is about. Did that sentence confuse you? It's like a strange riddle, isn't it? I wrote it and then fell to the floor and convulsed for about 15 minutes.
In news that I don't know is good or bad it looks like Bradley Cooper has decided to back away from the lead role in "The Crow" remake because of scheduling conflicts. Rumor has it that Mark Wahlberg and Channing Tatum are both being tossed around as replacements. In other news I have recently discovered that Channing is apparently a name for a man. I think at least.
Fall is right around the corner my friends. I know because I've already gotten my candy corn scented candles from Yankee Candle. But aside from that exciting news it also looks like Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights is shaping up. It looks like this year's terror tram will take you into the world of Wes Craven's "Scream" specifically focusing on that last installment of the franchise. Just spit balling here but I think they should plant teenagers on the ride that use confusing lingo to make you feel old. It'll really bring the whole theme home.
Everyone loves Ed Harris. It's a fact, I took a poll on Facebook. And it looks like his new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" has gotten some funding and distribution support from the good people at RCR Media Group. Man the kids love them some RCR don't they? Harris plays the captain of a haunted submarine who has to make a decision that could either destroy his homeland or launch world war 3. What the hell could that choice possibly be?
A new poster for the Amanda Seyfried and Justin Timberlake flick "In Time" has hit the web and I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever had a crush on a poster. I'm not saying if it's because of one or both of them I'm just saying I got all kinds of tingles in my belly. If you're not familiar with the film it takes place in a world where a person's time left on this planet is the new form of currency. Timberlake plays a future world Robin Hood who gives away time to the poor. I bet he does it in a super sexy way too. I think I've said enough.
In Real People News:
Not a day goes by that I'm not terrorized by the reality that the closest Waffle House to my apartment is over 70 miles away. And I couldn't be more enraged by the fact that this man in Florida tried to kill his wife by driving his truck into the Waffle House that she was eating at. Look I don't know if your wife deserves to be run over or not but the Waffle House has done nothing but provide delicious food to you. Show some respect.
It's not secret that Australia is run by criminals and deviants so it should come as no shock that Qantas airlines is now offering an on demand movie titled "The Female Orgasm Explained". If you couldn't have guessed it the film is an educational look at how to make your special someone happy in her downstairs boom box. Because who hasn't been frustrated with a long flight where they can't learn about how to please a woman.
"Shark Night 3D" is like "Piranha 3D" only it's rated PG-13 so it's going to be missing all of the good stuff, AKA blood and boobs. Nonetheless it hits theaters on September 2nd and a new TV spot has hit with all kinds of shark biting action... So it's got some good things going for it. Like kids can get in to see it without a parent or guardian. So that's a plus for the moms out there. Maybe drop the kids off at the theater and go treat yourself with a mani-pedi and a carton of Virgina Slims.
If you left your AC filled home this weekend to see "Cowboys & Aliens" then you probably saw the trailer for Andrew Niccol's new Sci-Fi flick "In Time". For those of you who didn't though you're in luck because it's on the intertubes also! Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried star in the film which takes place in a future where a person's time left on this earth has replaced our legal tender. I'm guessing from the cast list it's also a future where all ugly people have been done away with also. I can't wait for this future.
If you've been waiting for "A Serbian Film" to hit Blu-Ray and DVD so you can own the sickest film I've ever had the misfortune of watching then you're in luck, and you should be imprisoned. For those of you not familiar with the film it is focused on Serbia's greatest porn star who comes out of retirement for one last hoorah only to find he's become a part of some sort of sick and twisted extreme form of gonzo film making. October 25th is the date that you can pick it up and I assume also be added to some sort of government watch list. Happy Halloween you freakin deviants.
If you're like me then you spend most of your time sitting on the couch watching these crap movies eating cheese curls all weekend. Mother of god I love cheese curls. But it might be time to put them down and get some exercise because a new 5K race called Run For Your Lives is coming and it looks pretty kick ass. Participants will test their endurance on a 5K run that's chock full of obstacles and teaming with zombies. Not real ones I assume, that would be pretty dangerous, but still it sounds kind of frightening.
In Real People News:
A 20 year old New Hampshire Dunkin Donuts employee is in deep crap after he was caught putting snot in a cop's coffee. How did he get caught you might ask? Why by the security cameras of course. Something you would think an employee would know about, but hey what do I know.
I've always been amazed by these people who will fork over thousands of dollars to a vet just so their disgusting cat can live a few extra months. Apparently neither did a Florida man who refused to pay for his wive's cat's medical bills. Of course his wife then went nuts and started stabbing him so maybe he should have just shelled out the cash so Mr. Whiskers could stick around a little longer. Pets are stupid.
Depending on how you look at these things, "Twilight" was either the best or the worst thing to ever happend to director Catherine Hardwicke. On the one hand, it's "Twilight," pretty much synonymous with printing money at this point.
"Black Death" is a movie about the black plague in days of yore and it has now hit VOD, Xbox Live, iTunes and that homeless guy who lives outside the 711 has a copy on a USB drive. In celebration of this a whole gang load of images and videos have shot up on the net. Enjoy me maties! That's medieval talk!
Next up for Amanda Seyfried is a new thriller titled "Gone". The movie stars Seyfried as a girl who returns home after working her night shift to find her sister's bed empty. Is it the serial killer who terrorized her two years ago? Did she just go out for ice cream? Will the movie feature a swimsuit competition? We can only wait and see.
DreamWorks has acquired the rights to "Voices from the Dead", a movie that focuses on magician Harry Houdini and mystery author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The two go off on a fun filled weekend in Vegas, with sexy results! Wait no that's all wrong, they solve murders. My bad.
Dear mother of god if the Coen brothers make a horror film I swear to god I will buy all of you a pony. And in a recent interview Ethan Coen hinted that this may very well be happening saying that him and his brother are working on a number of scripts, one of which is a horror flick. Just so we're clear when I say I'll buy you all a pony I mean one pony that you have to share, I'm not made out of ponies.
In Real People News:
We've all dreamed of doing it but one man in Florida saw the opportunity and he reached for it. It being $314 dollars in a stripper's garter. Of course he then got arrested and I'm just guessing had the taste knocked out of his mouth by a bouncer. But still, dare to dream folks.
Those who can't, teach. And those who teach, beat the holy living hell out of your kids if they talk back too much. Like this teacher in Maryland who hit, punched, scratched and yes choked her little first graders. That's what happens with your kids sass too much.
On March 11th the much anticipated "Red Riding Hood" hits theaters around the country and the world may never be the same. From the trailer and previews it looks like we're being sold a "Twilight" style film with a doe eyed Amanda Seyfried prancing around the woods being harassed by a wolf. So the obvious question comes to mind, should we cover this film for the Podcast? On one side of the fence is the argument that this is a horror film and should be covered by a horror podcast.
Suicidal birds, a crazy scarecrow and a women hammering nails into her fingers. All a part of the new trailer for the "Husk", the first release from the new After Dark Originals series. It was also my Senior Prom theme, which is a really weird coincidence.
Christopher Landon, the guy who wrote "Paranormal Activity 2" may in fact not be writing the third film in the series but instead working on a new film titled "Wake" which would star none other than Miss Miley Cyrus. Now who's excited? Just me? Whatever, you guys are pricks.
Here's Amanda Seyfried in a hot new poster for the upcoming film "Red Riding Hood". Look at those ankles! Man it's like Playboy if it had come out in 1812 or whenever the Pilgrims came to Florida and started a colony. Something like that.
Oh Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, you're like the two best friends I always wanted but never had. We would spend our weekends in your parents basements drinking beers and playing air hockey. We'd high five so many times our hands would hurt. But enough of my fantasy, here's the second trailer for the alien flick "Paul", which stars those two if you couldn't of guessed.
In Real People News:
With all the birds falling from the sky for no reason it's nice to have a clear answer to why these birds in Romania dropped dead. They simple answer? They were drunk, drunk as hell actually after they got into some leftovers of the wine making process. That's how I want to go.
And this is heartwarming isn't it. An 8 year old boy in Oklahoma had to be rescued after he got his tongue stuck to a metal pole when he was dared to lick it. This of course was also a famous scene in "The Godfather 3" I believe, I love the classics.