oldboy

Oldboy (REVIEW)

Of all the horror films to be remade in recent years “Oldboy” is probably the one I would think American studios wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. It’s an incredibly dark, violent, mean-spirited, and shocking film whose finale involves a taboo that American audiences would find revolting. Even though mainstream studios, for whatever reason, are completely stuck in the remake trend, this was an idea that felt so bad I felt compelled to watch just out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 28th, 2013

Finally I can start wearing my white short shorts again. I love the summer time.

The plot of "The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)" is being kept under lock and key but the news that the film will feature a 500 person long ATM showboat along with a casting call sheet that implies the film will take place in a prison has got us all in a flutter. No confirmation on if the rumors are true but let's be honest, we'll all be sobbing when the final credits roll so it doesn't really matter how it happens. Kind of like when you saw "Return of the Jedi" and you realized the saga was over.

Good news nerds! The "Day of the Dead" Blu-ray has finally been given a release date. September 17th is the day you'll be able to get your grubby hands on the flick, which is actually been released before, but with a crappy ass transfer that looked like it was being played on a silver VCR or something. This version will also be chock full of special features to get you all giddy over. You see the original VCRs were silver. That's the joke here. A silver VCR would be super old.

Spike Lee's "Oldboy" remake has gotten itself a new release date in the form of October 25th, 2013. That just so happens to be the same release date as "Paranormal Activity 5". I know. Drama! I think the important thing to keep in mind here is that we may not have to watch "Paranormal Activity 5" for the podcast now. I will begin drafting my thank you letter to Spike Lee immediately.

Looks like there's a solid chance that the Eli Roth produced Netflix series "Hemlock Grove" will get a second season. Nothing is confirmed but a higher up at Netflix noted that they're looking at pitches for the second season and looking for a storyline. I have no idea if this is good news or not. Let's just comment on how Eli Roth is a charming son of a bitch and move on.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a North Carolina woman who had her son arrested for stealing her Pop Tarts. If they were the chocolate ones I think I understand this. If it was strawberry this whole thing is stupid.

Who says meth heads are all bad? Why here's a Mississippi man who was all whacked out but still had the thoughtfulness to want to make sure his dog got into heaven. Of course he set his dog on fire to help him get there but still, his heart was in the right place.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 22nd, 2012

There's already a lot of talk about Spike Lee's remake of the Japanese flick "Oldboy" and I'm 99% sure not one second of film has rolled. But that fact aside, and it may not be a fact honestly because I refuse to check my facts, the flick has been given an October 11th 2013 release date. Almost a year away? Geez I think I'll be an old boy by the time this one comes out. Get it! OLD BOY!

A couple weeks back we talked about how Elijah Wood and his freaky teeth had started a new production company called The Woodshed. Well it looks like the company is wasting no time getting things moving because they've announced two new films they'll be thrusting out. "Toad Road", based on an urban legend and "A Girl Walks Home At Night" about an Iranian ghost town overrun by vampires have both been picked up for distribution. The teeth comment might of been kind of mean. I should have just mentioned his bug eyes and left it at that.

A supernatural sex show in New Orleans sounds kind of sassy if you ask me. I know you didn't, but I still thought you should know. God all we do is talk about you. ANYWAY! The show is called "The Big Easy" (clever) and it's been picked up by the fine folks at CBS and follows a hard livin trumpet player who also happens to be a paranormal investigator. You know how I love trumpet ghost stories. I've never hidden that fact and I never will.

This past weekend I sat down to watch Michael Doughtery's "Trick R Treat" as I do every year around this special spooky time. It was lovely. We had some company over, I made some delightful pulled chicken sliders and fun was had by all. But wouldn't it be nice to have a sequel to the anthology flick? Well according to Michael he's more and more interested in doing the project so there is some hope. Of course he hasn't written a word for script and there's nothing really in the works. But hey, he's kind of interested. That's just about as good as a release date right?

In Real People News: 

Ah boy. It's like a teacher can't have relations with one of her students anymore without the kid getting drunk and posting all the filthy txts and photos she sent him on twitter. Seriously. That happened.

A 30 year old Texas woman is in hot water after she pretended to be a gynecologist in order to get her long time female BFF to have sex with her. Wait a second, I've seen this movie. I think I even have a copy of it stashed in the back of my closet somewhere.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 30th, 2012

I know we're all broken up about Hugh Laurie dropping out of "Robocop" but fear not my friends because Mr. Mom himself Michael Keaton has picked up the ball and run with it. He'll play Raymond Sellars, the main thorn in the side of our lovable half man half robot half cop. Do the math. It's going to be awesome.

"Oldboy" director and all around cuddly bear Park Chan-Wook has decided to keep his feet in the US and direct the a new Western titled "The Brigands of Rattleborge". The film tells the story of a sheriff and a doctor who set out to stop a band of robbers who terrorize a small town. Kind of sounds like "Back To the Future 3" but without the time travel. Or the funny parts. Or ZZ Top.

Wasn't there a "Wrong Turn" movie that just came out last week? I could have sworn. Well even if there was it looks like "Wrong Turn 5: Bloodbath" will hit the DVD shelves on October 23rd. I'm not going to bother talking about the plot for the film. People take a wrong turn and then they die. That's all you really need to know.

Yesterday we talked about how Sam-Raimi shot down a planned "Evil Dead" sequel titled "Evil Dead 4: Consequences", ruining the day for the folks over at Award Pictures. Well today we find out there's even more peepee in their Wheaties because apparently the folks over at Fox have also shut down their plans for a sequel to the 1986 John Carpenter classic "Big Trouble in Little China" tentatively titled "More Trouble In Little China". This has me a little worried about my plan to make "The Even Greater Outdoors".

In Real People News: 

Skin a cat, wear the tale, go to jail. At least in Arizona. Hippies.

If there's one thing I know about bears it's that they hate having their picture taken. They're like the Amish with giant teeth. This guy in Alaska knows this fun fact now too because after he snapped off some photos the bear he was getting all flashy with attacked and killed him. Well I guess he doesn't know the fact anymore, cause you know he’s all dead. But for about 15 seconds he was well aware.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 26th, 2012

If you have any concerns about Spike Lee's remake of "Oldboy" being less then stellar, then Sharlto Copley is here to tenderly lull you into comfort. In a recent interview, the "District 9" actor praised the film for keeping true to the original and being very "gritty" and "dark". I don't know about you, but I trust anyone with an alien arm so I think we're going to be ok.

It's been over a year since we've heard anything about the small screen adaptation of "Powers," a comic book about a duo of cops who investigate criminals with super powers, but it looks like FX is still very much interested in making the show happen. A pilot for the show has already been filmed and shot down, but Charles Eglee has been brought in to do rewrites. Being that I'm a giant Egleehead, you know that I'm excited.

Producer Jason Blum found a big stinker with "The River," but bless his tender little heart for giving it another go with a new found footage series for MTV titled "The Experiment." The plot of the show has yet to be revealed, but I'm hoping for some sort of "Road Rules" tie in. Maybe they get Puck back on TV somehow. I don't know, I'm just spit balling here. Eric Nies maybe?

I don't toss around the term "ape shit" without some serious consideration, but I'm going to come right out and say it. People go "ape shit" for "Breaking Bad". So people are probably dry humping their meth dealers over the news that Dean Norris has joined the cast of Ridley Scott's "The Counselor." no word on what his role will be (I'm guessing actor), but the film is about a lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results.

In Real People News: 

A Georgia man is recovering, and a few bucks richer, after he got drunk and bet his friends he could light his head on fire. He won the bet. You see what I'm getting at here now right?

Well this is a new one. A Illinois man is in trouble for apparently exposing a group of kids to mercury after he tried to hide a broken bottle that contained 40 pounds of the deadly chemical in a sandbox. I've read the article four times and honestly I still can't figure out why he thought this was a good idea.

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 29th, 2011

A new Dutch slasher flick titled "Saint Nick" has been given a DVD release date of December 20th, which is just in time for your holiday shopping. The film tells the tale of St. Niklas, shocking I know, a bishop gone bad who is murdered by a group of villagers and now comes back to haunt them every 36 years. And when I say he haunts them I mean he gives them crappy sweaters and tube socks. I assume.

I don't care how feminine Felissa Rose dresses she will always be the "girl" from "Sleepaway Camp" who turns out to have a penis. Man parts or not though she's starring in a new flick titled "Primal" where she plays a girl haunted by the unexplained death of her mother 15 years ago. 15 years ago from when the movie takes place. Not from today. Unless the movie takes place today, as in right now. Am I being filmed? Who are all these camera guys and why are they following me?!

Spike Lee is eyeing "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" star Rooney Mara for his American remake of the Korean film "Oldboy". I've never seen the original but I assume she won't be playing a boy who gets old. Ya know because she's a girl and all. Although she does look kind of like a man in the pictures I've seen of her in the dragon tramp stamp flick. Oh god I'm so confused. Does "Oldboy" take place at a summer camp?

Man oh man, "Paranormal Activity 3" has me mildly excited! Peep the new trailer my friends. No killer pool cleaners here. It's all creepy kids and angry demons up in this mofo. Alright there might be a pool cleaner somewhere. But if it is there it's going to be bad ass.

In Real People News: 

Mother of god what is wrong with this guy?! An Iowa City womean is under arrest after she ripped off the door to her boyfriend's house and beat the living hell out of him. Her reason? She wanted some lovin. Just put out, man. Just freakin put out.

Speaking of sweet lovin'... Here's a heartwarming story about 2 teenagers who where busted for underage drinking by a couple of cops. When asked where their parent was the teenagers pointed to a nearby parked car. Inside said car their mother was making dirty time with their 15 year old friend. Probably because he didn't want his front door messed up.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

If you remember a short while back I filled you in on the fact that Spike Lee would be directing the US remake of "Oldboy". Well now it looks like the project has a leading man in the form of Mr. Josh Brolin. Oh you don't remember how I told you about Spike Lee? You've had other things on your mind lately? That's fine... work late again. I guess I'll eat this entire pot roast by myself.

The closer we get to the release of "Apollo 18" the more I think this movie is going to bore the hell out of me. These new clips from the space found footage flick don't do much to ease my worries. There's a footprint or something, some guys looking serious inside a shuttle and an advertisement for The Game's new album. The last part actually sounds kind of good. Just saying... I'm pretty thug.

William Monahan, who won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for "The Departed" a few years back as been taped to direct "Sin City 2" by producers Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller. I'm not 100% sure what "Best Adapted Screenplay" is but it sounds like a fancy way of saying he used the "Save As" function in some kind of Hollywood version of Microsoft Word. I've got to get my hands on that version. I need an Oscar so bad it hurts.

I had no idea there was a new "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" movie coming but it looks like there is and according to co-writer Scott Z. Burns the film will bare little resemblance to the original book. Because ya know, it was such a pile of crap and we can only hope that Burns along with the 5 other people listed as writing this can salvage something from it. Next I hope they take a crack at "Gone With the Wind", that sucker needs some help.

In Real People News: 

How awesome would it be to see your gym teacher get tased by the police? Well a group of kids in north Carolina lived that dream when their coach apparently started choking a student and fought with a group of parents. Of course my gym teachers are probably all dead by now so that wouldn't be very awesome. We'd have to dig them all up and crap before we ever thought about tasing.

New Jersey in the house! Here's a heartwarming tale of a NJ doctor who apparently lost her shit on her 13 year old adopted daughter and stabbed her with a screwdriver over 100 times because the little bugger washed the dog's cloths wrong. We do not play in Jersey! We take out animals outfits seriously.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 12th, 2011

"I Saw the Devil" director Kim ji-Woon has lined up "The Last Stand" as his official entry into the world of English cinema. The movie will focus on drug lord trying to make his way down to Mexico and the sheriff hellbent on stopping him. Even better news it that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself will take on the role of said sheriff. Estaré de vuelta! According to Google that's "I'll be back" in Spanish.

Ray Liotta, Christian Slater and Ving Rhames in a straight to DVD thriller? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The movie is "The River Murders" and it's about a giant river that comes to life and murders people. Alright that's a lie, it's about a detective, played by Liotta, who is trying to hunt down a murderer who is taking out his ex-girlfriends one by one. I'm not sure I'd really work that hard to stop something like this. Sounds like someone's doing him a favor. Maybe send one of those Edible Arrangements.

Been waiting a long time for the next installment in the "Evil Dead" series? Well it looks like you might not have to wait much longer. Maybe. Word around campus is long time Sam Raimi collaborator and editor Bob Murawski has descended on Detroit to begin production on the film. If it's true it looks like the long delayed project could begin shooting sometime in the near future. If it isn't true I just look like I believe everything I read on the internet. Which I see absolutely no reason to stop doing.

Last week the internet was all abuzz with the rumor that Spike Lee might be hopping into the director's chair for the US remake of the Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" and now it looks like he's officially been confirmed. So that happened. Feel free to go back to last week's news and read the hilarious jokes I put in the post about the rumor. I think there was something about America being awesome. Which of course is no joke. Rock, flag and eagle!

In Real People News: 

Michael Todd, bassist for the awful rock band Coheed and Cambria was arrested this past weekend after he stole Oxycontin from a Walgreen’s pharmacy. Now if only the rest of the band would be picked up on charges of making terrible music I could go to sleep a happy man tonight. So in summery, I hate Coheed and Cambria.

A 57 year old man in Ireland is under arrested after his girlfriend died of an apparently allergic reaction to dog sperm. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. Alright let's move on. The two apparently met in a bestiality chat room and eventually agreed to meet in order to let the lovely lass go to town with the gentleman's dog. Later on she developed a severe reaction to the "aftermath" and eventually died at a local hospital. Interesting part here, and I feel sick saying this, is that he's not under arrest because she died but rather for allowing the dog to have sex with her in the first place. It's a terrible way to get caught for the crime though.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 7th, 2011

Alexandra Daddario has been in a bunch of movies I've never seen and has devil eyes. That's a fact. And now she's been cast as the female lead in the next chapter in the book of Leatherface currently titled "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D". Set to be released next year on October 5th. Teen heartthrob Bill Moseley has already been confirmed for the flick and I assume having his hot ass on the cast list is what sealed the deal for Daddario. I smell an on-set romance in the works.

Speaking of the Mose-one (I don't know what that means either) it looks like Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook and Ashley Laurence have all be confirmed for a new thrilled titled "Deception". The film follows the son and daughter who begin to be terrorized by a killer 20 years after their parents were mysteriously murdered. Ruben Rodriguez, who you probably know from his "Miscellaneous Crew" credit on "The Hustler's Last Score" is set to direct.

A couple shots from the set of "Prometheus", the upcoming "Alien" prequel movie, have hit the tubes and they're chalk full of H.R. Gieger goodness. And by that I of course mean it looks like the posters on the wall of a D&D addicts wall in his parent's trailer circa 1987. Fun fact here, every time I've read the name "Gieger" lately I've mistaken it for "Ginger" and I've been really confused about why the new "Alien" movie focuses on pasty red headed kids.

The long discussed remake of Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" had looked to be all but dead but it looks like things might be moving forward after all and none other than Spike Lee might be taking the director's chair. Fan boys of the original will throw a fit I'm sure but keep in mind that Spike Lee directed "Summer of Sam" and a bunch of other awesome movies and he's from America therefore his version will not be anti-freedom like the original. That's Social Studies 101 folks. Read a book.

In Real People News: 

I prey the wife never reads this one because I can guarantee it'll result in me never being allowed out of the house alone with my future child. A 25 year old man in Florida apparently forgot his baby on the sidewalk after a night of boozing. I know the question you want to ask and the answer is yes, he has a faux-hawk.

This seems like an honest mistake. A 56 year old man in Oregon mistook his older brother for a cougar and shot him in the arm. It wasn't till he mounted his bro on the wall that he realized his mistake. I kid of course. People from Oregon don't mount their dead cougars. They have sex with them.

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This week we discuss alchemy, camera technology, a first time guest host joins the show, and we review "As Above, So Below".  

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