Hemlock Grove

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 28th, 2013

Finally I can start wearing my white short shorts again. I love the summer time.

The plot of "The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)" is being kept under lock and key but the news that the film will feature a 500 person long ATM showboat along with a casting call sheet that implies the film will take place in a prison has got us all in a flutter. No confirmation on if the rumors are true but let's be honest, we'll all be sobbing when the final credits roll so it doesn't really matter how it happens. Kind of like when you saw "Return of the Jedi" and you realized the saga was over.

Good news nerds! The "Day of the Dead" Blu-ray has finally been given a release date. September 17th is the day you'll be able to get your grubby hands on the flick, which is actually been released before, but with a crappy ass transfer that looked like it was being played on a silver VCR or something. This version will also be chock full of special features to get you all giddy over. You see the original VCRs were silver. That's the joke here. A silver VCR would be super old.

Spike Lee's "Oldboy" remake has gotten itself a new release date in the form of October 25th, 2013. That just so happens to be the same release date as "Paranormal Activity 5". I know. Drama! I think the important thing to keep in mind here is that we may not have to watch "Paranormal Activity 5" for the podcast now. I will begin drafting my thank you letter to Spike Lee immediately.

Looks like there's a solid chance that the Eli Roth produced Netflix series "Hemlock Grove" will get a second season. Nothing is confirmed but a higher up at Netflix noted that they're looking at pitches for the second season and looking for a storyline. I have no idea if this is good news or not. Let's just comment on how Eli Roth is a charming son of a bitch and move on.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a North Carolina woman who had her son arrested for stealing her Pop Tarts. If they were the chocolate ones I think I understand this. If it was strawberry this whole thing is stupid.

Who says meth heads are all bad? Why here's a Mississippi man who was all whacked out but still had the thoughtfulness to want to make sure his dog got into heaven. Of course he set his dog on fire to help him get there but still, his heart was in the right place.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, March 22nd, 2011

The problem with all this coffee I drink is that it makes me have to pee every ten minutes. I feel like I get up from my desk and go and by the time I get back I have to go again. I'm two days away from just wetting myself.

Kevin Williamson, the guy who penned the script for "Scream" catastrophes has just landed Maggie Grace, of "I don't understand why everyone thinks Maggie Grace is so hot" fame, for his new serial killer series. She'll play the lone survivor of the serial killer who's on the loose and being hunted by the FBI. "Lost". She was apparently on "Lost" at some point too. I never watched that show. I heard the ending was stupid. Good talk.

Rapper, producer and medical student Dr. Dre has decided to toss his hat into the horror ring with a new "best in the snow" chiller that's being cooked up for his Crucial Films production company. Vik Weet (don't know him) will pen the script and Daniel Schnider (not a clue) will co-producer with Dre.

George Orwell's classic novel "1984" is once again being prepped for a big screen adaptation. Word has it that Ron Howard and Brian Grazer are tag teaming the flick and currently looking to get it off the ground. No word on who will direct or write the script but this is one of the books I actually read in High School so I for one am excited.

One time when I was working really late my wife came into the city to pick me up, cause she's awesome and does nice things. We hit a bunch of traffic at the Holland tunnel and while we were sitting there I looked at the large SUV sitting next to us and there was Famke Janssen in the passenger seat. Apparently her and whoever was driving got sick of the traffic and decided they had the right to hop the curb and make a u-turn. I rolled down the window and yelled "Just because you're Famke doesn't mean the laws of the road don't apply to you!" She smiled at me and I will forever love her. On top of that she's also been cast in Eli Roth's new Netflix exclusive series "Hemlock Grove". Good story, huh?

In Real People News: 

Police in NYC are looking for a 400 pound man who is suspected of groping an 11 year old girl in a Dunkin Donuts. I'm no Columbo but I'd bet money that fat SOB will return to the scene of the crime pretty soon for some more Boston Creme.

A strange unexplained outbreak in Uganda is turning the children into zombie like monsters. Seizures, violent behavior, personality changes, and a bunch of other wacky symptoms are said to associated with the illness which as of right now has no cure. I assume this guy has something to do with it.

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