Elijah Wood

Grand Piano's Pulpy Love of High & Low

In Eugenio Mira’s “Grand Piano” renowned concert pianist Tom Selznick (Elijah Wood) reemerges from early retirement after he chokes during a concert attempting to play the “Unplayable Piece” by his mentor Patrick Godureaux. Following Patrick’s death, Tom is convinced by his star actress wife Emma (Kerry Bishé) to return to the stage playing Patrick’s piano in his remembrance. Hesitant to bring shame to his mentor, Tom experiences intense anxiety made more pressing by media inquires and some hazing from the orchestra. (They call him Failznick!

Horror Headlines: Monday July 15th, 2013

Three new characters have been confirmed for the second season of A&E's "Bates Motel". It looks like Norma is going to get a new boyfriend, a new friend in town and a brother who shows up in town. Chances are they'll all be dead before the end of the season but for now let's just sit back and drink in all the love I feel flowing in this post. God that feels good inside you doesn't it?

Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, the guys who wrote the "Friday the 13th" remake have apparently gotten in bed with the folks at New Line for a new horror flick that they are apparently calling a "potential franchise starter". No other details are available but they've also said the film won't be found footage and won't be micro-budget. They didn't say it won't be awful though. So ya know, that's still on the table.

Elijah Wood is producing a horror-comedy film called "Cooties". Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack MacBrayer, Jorge Garcia and Nasim Pedrad have all been added to the movie about a group of rabid kids who terrorize their teachers. I assume all of these people will be teachers, or this will be the worst "teen" casting since "Scream 4".

Paul Reiser, the poor man's Richard Lewis, has been added to the cast of "Life After Beth". John C. Reilly and Aubrey Plaza are also in the film about a man who tries to reconnect with his girlfriend after she comes back from the dead. No joke here. Paul Reiser is awful at everything he does and must be stopped. If you say "Mad About You" was great I will slap the taste out of your mouth. If you say you don't know what "Mad About You" is I will slap the taste out of your mouth.

In Real People News: 

I had no idea there was a thing called "the third rail" on the NYC subway system rails. I wish someone had warned me though, because this guy in Brooklyn died after being electrocuted when he pissed on it. I rode the subway for 13 years. I'm lucky to be alive.

An Oklahoma man is under arrest after a woman caught him looking into her house while he was hiding in her septic tank. How does that even work? I always thought those were underground. I need some sort of diagram to even understand how this happened.

Episode 250 - "Maniac (2013)"

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So... short people are creepy, amiright?

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Maniac (remake) (REVIEW)

“Maniac,”starring Elijah Wood as the maniac killer, is a remake of a 1980 slasher of the same name, and while the recent trend of pointless and half-assed remakes has turned many horror fans off of remakes altogether, I think this is the kind of movie that shows exactly the type of potential that remakes have by showcasing a level of care and craftsmanship that is rare for a horror film, let alone a horror film remake.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 11th, 2013

Details and a short except from Joe Hill's upcoming book titled "NOS4A2". The book tells the tale of teenager who thinks he's discovered the hangout of a man with a car that runs on human souls. Hill's other book "Horns" is currently being adapted for the big screen with Daniel Radcliffe playing the lead. The title took me 5 minutes to figure out.

The good folks over at Benderspink have picked up the script for "Monster X", a new flick which is apparently a Avengers style tale but with 10 of our favorite monsters. Ahmet Zappa (yeah the one you're thinking of) co-wrote the story which is not on the hunt to be turned into a full on screenplay. The very least it can't be any worse than "Monster Brawl" was.

It's been seven years since the film started to pop up at festivals and now "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" is finally making its wait into selected theaters and onto VOD later this year thanks to Radius-TWC. Yes by now everyone who really wanted to see it has found their own way of obtaining the flick but let's not let that damper this joyous occasion.

Folks will finally get to see what kind of "Maniac" Elijah Wood makes when the remake is thrust into selected theaters and VOD on June 21st. It's already seen the light of day in other countries and because of that I have deemed the film Un-American and a national threat. You have been warned.

In Real People News: 

A 28 year old Arkansas woman is being charged with DWI after she tried to drive off in a toy truck. And fellas... she's single.

An Oklahoma woman was arrested recently and was found to have a loaded revolver in her lady bits and meth up her backside. I'm pretty sure I had a t-shirt for "Big Dicks Casino" with a tag line referring to the same sort of thing when I was a teenager.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 2nd, 2013

Welcome to 2013! The year of the antelope. For those of you wondering if I've made any sort of resolution, I have not. I would like to drop a few pounds though. None of my shirts seem to fit anymore. Perhaps I should stop eating cheese curls for breakfast. They're just so good though! I also have no idea if that antelope thing is real.

The re-make of the slasher classic "Maniac" staring Elijah Wood has yet to receive a release date, but the first 6 minutes of the flick have popped up online and are now ready for your eyes to gaze upon. 6 minutes sounds like a lot, but a few minutes is the credits. Then there's a lot of first person shots of a girl walking down the street. Then there's some Spanish subtitles. So I'd say if you like walking, subtitles and credits this is your movie.

It looks like NBC has officially put "Mockingbird Lane" out to pasture. I mean they canceled it. I'm not sure if my metaphor was clear. I'm not sure that was actually a metaphor either. God I'm so confused. But, just to confirm, the show's creator Bryan Fuller tweeted that the series, an updated take on the classic "The Musnters" series has been canceled. He then Insta-tweeted a picture of some really AMAZE grilled cheese he got at this little cheese shop he knows down in the Valley.

The good folks behind "The Walking Dead" will be releasing a new app this coming week at DeadYourself.com that will allow fans to zombify themselves and also offer exclusive content when the show returns on February 10th. Ya know what else you'll be able to do? Zombify ex-girlfriends! That'll show 'em, huh? Maybe then you'll finally get up the courage to ask for your Phish CDs back. You need those Phish CDs.

David S. Goyer has taken to the internets to shoot down any rumors floating around that he will be directing the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Hellsing", a new film about a secret agency who battles the forces of evil. No word on who will be taking to the chair or where the rumor started but if I were to guess I'd bet it's those pricks over at The National Enquirer. That still exists rights?

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a father who's been arrested for beating his two kids because they farted in the car. It's hard not to get a little misty. That could be the gas though.

A 50 year old Florida woman is facing battery charges after she beat the holy living hell out of her 32 year old boyfriend for not making sure her needs were met in the bedroom after he got his jollies. I'm not really sure how else to word this without making you, myself and everyone else uncomfortable.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 22nd, 2012

There's already a lot of talk about Spike Lee's remake of the Japanese flick "Oldboy" and I'm 99% sure not one second of film has rolled. But that fact aside, and it may not be a fact honestly because I refuse to check my facts, the flick has been given an October 11th 2013 release date. Almost a year away? Geez I think I'll be an old boy by the time this one comes out. Get it! OLD BOY!

A couple weeks back we talked about how Elijah Wood and his freaky teeth had started a new production company called The Woodshed. Well it looks like the company is wasting no time getting things moving because they've announced two new films they'll be thrusting out. "Toad Road", based on an urban legend and "A Girl Walks Home At Night" about an Iranian ghost town overrun by vampires have both been picked up for distribution. The teeth comment might of been kind of mean. I should have just mentioned his bug eyes and left it at that.

A supernatural sex show in New Orleans sounds kind of sassy if you ask me. I know you didn't, but I still thought you should know. God all we do is talk about you. ANYWAY! The show is called "The Big Easy" (clever) and it's been picked up by the fine folks at CBS and follows a hard livin trumpet player who also happens to be a paranormal investigator. You know how I love trumpet ghost stories. I've never hidden that fact and I never will.

This past weekend I sat down to watch Michael Doughtery's "Trick R Treat" as I do every year around this special spooky time. It was lovely. We had some company over, I made some delightful pulled chicken sliders and fun was had by all. But wouldn't it be nice to have a sequel to the anthology flick? Well according to Michael he's more and more interested in doing the project so there is some hope. Of course he hasn't written a word for script and there's nothing really in the works. But hey, he's kind of interested. That's just about as good as a release date right?

In Real People News: 

Ah boy. It's like a teacher can't have relations with one of her students anymore without the kid getting drunk and posting all the filthy txts and photos she sent him on twitter. Seriously. That happened.

A 30 year old Texas woman is in hot water after she pretended to be a gynecologist in order to get her long time female BFF to have sex with her. Wait a second, I've seen this movie. I think I even have a copy of it stashed in the back of my closet somewhere.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 2nd, 2012

I have no idea what to make of Nicolas Cage anymore. I do nothing but joke about him but every movie he comes out with I want to see. Take "I am Wrath" for instance, which has just landed "The Exorcist" director William Friedkin. The plot is pretty played out, a guy takes the law into his own hand after his wife is murdered, but Cage will be all kinds of nuts in it and make weird faces and I will love it. Even if it's awful. It's going to be awful.

"Sleeping With the Enemy" director Joseph Ruben has officially signed on to remake the 1945 Orson Welles classic "The Stranger". For those of you not familiar with the original the film focuses on a reformed serial killer who is reunited with his old partner who tries to convince him to start killing again. I don't know what it is but anytime I'm reminded of Julia Roberts I want to murder too. I think it's her face.

Elijah Wood has always been a creepy little SOB but I had no idea he was such a horror nut. But according to the internet, which never lies, the snaggled toothed one has partnered up to form The Woodshed, a new production company aimed at bringing horror to the masses. I don't really know how horror isn't already being brought to the masses but the company has already lined up a gaggle of flicks that it plans on dropping in the near future. It's weird that Kirsten Dunst and him never got together now that I think about it.

AJ Bowen and Barbara Crampton have both been confirmed for the upcoming Halloween comedy "Grow Up". Solid chance you can guess the premise of this one but just so we're all on the same page it focuses on a young man who refuses to let the joys of his youth end. Sounds like every person that reads or writes for this site. I think we've got a winner.

In Real People News: 

You're a gym teacher in NYC and a 6 year old just beat you up. It's got to be nothing but uphill from here.

I've seen a bunch of movies where people try to eat all the drugs they have before the cops bust them but I had no idea people in real life were stupid enough to try it. Congrats guy in Scranton PA who tried to eat a entire pot plant, you're now on the same level as those three burn outs from "Super Troopers".

Horror Headlines: Friday, August 24th, 2012

I'm sorry I left you. To be 100% honest I'm probably going to do it again really soon. Don't you wish you could quit me?

"The Maze Runner" is a new sci-fi flick about a group of men who live inside an enclosed area with monsters lurking about outside. I know I'm already confused. Originally attached to "Twilight" director Catherine Hardwicke, word has come down that Wes Ball, who I assume was harassed pretty severely in school with a name like that, has been put in the director's chair for the project. I mean "ball", right? He kind of deserved whatever he got.

I've pretty much run out of jokes to pair with news about the upcoming NBC series "Hannibal" so I'm just going to come out and tell you that Hettienne Park has been added to the cast of the show as someone's love interest. I'm not sure whose. Not mine I know that for sure. She seems nice and all don't get me wrong. Just not my type. You don't know me!

The "Maniac" remake staring Elijah Wood seemed to be confirmed, cast and filmed in a matter of about 3 weeks and now it looks like IFC Midnight has picked up the film for distribution. No word on a release date yet but if things go as planned I assume it'll hit VOD sometime this afternoon.

I still haven't seen "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" but according to everyone I need to see it, and I need to see the original, and I need to read the books, and I need to drop a few pounds. It's a lot to take in. Well the disappointment that I'll probably just continue to get fatter will be coupled with the news that the US remake's sequel, "The Girl Who Played With Fire", will not be released till sometime in 2014. No real surprise there since we haven't heard jack squat about the second film moving along any time soon. So this gives me a lot of time to do none of the things I talked about earlier.

In Real People News: 

Now I know you can't drive and talk on the phone anymore but I have to say I've never heard of a law that says you can't drive around giving oral to a dildo while shoving a vibrator up your back side. I mean I had never heard of a law saying you can't do that until this guy from Minnesota got picked up doing just that. Way to ruin it for the rest of us buddy.

Cross country flights can be really boring. What the hell are you going to do on a 37 hour flight from New Jersey to Arizona (my time might be off)? Well I guess this one gentlemen had already seen the in flight movie because he opted to fondle the woman sitting next to him. For his sake I hope they don't edit the movies they show in prison too. That's just annoying.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

If you're super excited about "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" then I bet you also love The Cure. I'm just guessing here. So make sure there's no guyliner in your way because there's a bunch of new photos on the tubes for the flick that hits theaters on December 21st. Try not to cry too much.

Wait, "The Wicker Tree" hasn't come out already? Color me surprised! Apparently it doesn't hit theaters until January 27th and to prove it here's a new poster for the Americans trapped on an island with a bunch of crazy Scotts flick. I don't know how the poster proves the movie hasn't come out yet actually. Sometimes I just make this crap up as I go along.

I feel like it was just last week that we discussed Elijah Wood landing the lead role in the upcoming remake of the 1980 slasher classic "Maniac". I think it was last week actually. 2 weeks tops. Where has time gone! Anyway there's already some images out and about of Mr. Wood (teehee) playing the part. Look at them. Love them.

I don't know what it is but Steven Soderbergh always makes me hungry for a sandwich. I've probably used that joke before. Lately I've questioned every joke I make on here. But the point here is Soderbergh has confirmed his next project will be a mind f'er dealing with drugs currently titled "The Bitter Pill". I don't even know who I am anymore.

In Real People News: 

Everyone loves a good joke. Unless of course that joke is "I have AIDS" after you just had unprotected sex with someone. That one isn't so funny. In fact this DC man thought it was so not funny that he shot the girl who made the joke. I guess you could say... that joke really kills. hahah get it!?

Watching child pornography is illegal no matter where you do it. Even if you're on a plane and thousands of miles above the earth. I didn't think people had to be told that.

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