eli roth

In which Eli Roth attempts to get deep. 

Wherein we discover yet another dark layer of Joe's subconscious. 

The plot of "The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)" is being kept under lock and key but the news that the film will feature a 500 person long ATM showboat along with a casting call sheet that implies the film will take place in a prison has got us all in a flutter. No confirmation on if the rumors are true but let's be honest, we'll all be sobbing when the final credits roll so it doesn't really matter how it happens. Kind of like when you saw "Return of the Jedi" and you realized the saga was over.

Good news nerds! The "Day of the Dead" Blu-ray has finally been given a release date. September 17th is the day you'll be able to get your grubby hands on the flick, which is actually been released before, but with a crappy ass transfer that looked like it was being played on a silver VCR or something. This version will also be chock full of special features to get you all giddy over. You see the original VCRs were silver. That's the joke here. A silver VCR would be super old.

Spike Lee's "Oldboy" remake has gotten itself a new release date in the form of October 25th, 2013. That just so happens to be the same release date as "Paranormal Activity 5". I know. Drama! I think the important thing to keep in mind here is that we may not have to watch "Paranormal Activity 5" for the podcast now. I will begin drafting my thank you letter to Spike Lee immediately.

Looks like there's a solid chance that the Eli Roth produced Netflix series "Hemlock Grove" will get a second season. Nothing is confirmed but a higher up at Netflix noted that they're looking at pitches for the second season and looking for a storyline. I have no idea if this is good news or not. Let's just comment on how Eli Roth is a charming son of a bitch and move on.

George Romero's 1981 film "Knightriders", possibly the only one he's ever made that makes the original "The Crazies" look tolerable, is finding its way to Blu-Ray on April 22. For those of you not familiar with the flick (check out our podcast but only pay attention to my opinion) it's about a group of medieval re-enactors who ride on motorcycles rather than horses. I'm not kidding. Oh and Tom Savini wears a speedo. It's awful.

Colin Trevorrow has been hand selected to direct "Jurassic Park 4" after a extensive search. Producer Steven Spielberg spent 4 weeks in the Amazon surviving only on what he hunted and smoking opium before traveling to the tallest mountain in the forest to meet his spirit animal who reportedly told him Trevorrow would be the right man for the job. He then traveled to the director's home and forced him at gun point to slaughter four chickens, two rabbits and one goat to solidify the deal. It's Jurassic god damn Park people. This shouldn't be taken lightly.

"Aftershock", Nicolas Lopez's English debut starring Eli Roth, will find it's way into limited theaters on May 10. Selena Gomez also pops up in the film about a group of travelers in Chile who find themselves trying to survive after an earthquake hits. Apparently in Chile people go around killing each other with axes when a earthquake hits. It's a strange wondrous land. Never visit it.

Paul W.S. Anderson will apparently return again to direct "Resident Evil 6". Oh man they got him? Sometimes you just get lucky.

The first existential crisis of 2013...