Award Pictures

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 30th, 2012

I know we're all broken up about Hugh Laurie dropping out of "Robocop" but fear not my friends because Mr. Mom himself Michael Keaton has picked up the ball and run with it. He'll play Raymond Sellars, the main thorn in the side of our lovable half man half robot half cop. Do the math. It's going to be awesome.

"Oldboy" director and all around cuddly bear Park Chan-Wook has decided to keep his feet in the US and direct the a new Western titled "The Brigands of Rattleborge". The film tells the story of a sheriff and a doctor who set out to stop a band of robbers who terrorize a small town. Kind of sounds like "Back To the Future 3" but without the time travel. Or the funny parts. Or ZZ Top.

Wasn't there a "Wrong Turn" movie that just came out last week? I could have sworn. Well even if there was it looks like "Wrong Turn 5: Bloodbath" will hit the DVD shelves on October 23rd. I'm not going to bother talking about the plot for the film. People take a wrong turn and then they die. That's all you really need to know.

Yesterday we talked about how Sam-Raimi shot down a planned "Evil Dead" sequel titled "Evil Dead 4: Consequences", ruining the day for the folks over at Award Pictures. Well today we find out there's even more peepee in their Wheaties because apparently the folks over at Fox have also shut down their plans for a sequel to the 1986 John Carpenter classic "Big Trouble in Little China" tentatively titled "More Trouble In Little China". This has me a little worried about my plan to make "The Even Greater Outdoors".

In Real People News: 

Skin a cat, wear the tale, go to jail. At least in Arizona. Hippies.

If there's one thing I know about bears it's that they hate having their picture taken. They're like the Amish with giant teeth. This guy in Alaska knows this fun fact now too because after he snapped off some photos the bear he was getting all flashy with attacked and killed him. Well I guess he doesn't know the fact anymore, cause you know he’s all dead. But for about 15 seconds he was well aware.

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 7th, 2011

Award Pictures is apparently in the process of having their asses sued by Mr. Sam Raimi over their plans to make an "Evil Dead 4" film without his involvement or permission. While there's little chance we'll ever actually see "Evil Dead 4: Consequences" I think this is a perfect opportunity for someone to swoop in and make "Evil Dead 5" before anyone has a chance to notice. I'm already working on part 7.

Sharlto Copley, the little alien that couldn't from "District 9", is in talks to play opposite Angelina Jolie in "Maleficent", a new film that plans to tell the back story behind Sleeping Beauty. If he joins the cast Copley will play King Stefan, the napping sweetheart's father. Alien kings! What'll they think of next?

Mick Garris looks like he could be Michael Bay's crazy Uncle but he isn't, I looked it up on the internet to confirm. He is directing a new UFO conspiracy film titled "Invasion" though so it's kind of like they're direction relatives. Ya know, cause they both direct movies. They hang out at the same bars and crap I assume. The Directors Chair I bet it's called. And they have a drink called The Black List with Whiskey and chalk shavings in it. What a couple of jerks.

Sofia Vergara has joined the cast of "Machete Kills". I assume this move is because Jessica Alba is an asshole on the sets of movies and Robert Rodriguez can't cut her out of the film so he did the next best thing. Found a woman that makes her look like a dog faced monster. Well played, señor.

In Real People News: 

We've all played the old "hey my zipper is down and my junk is hanging out" game at the check out line of our local grocery store, but apparently this guy in Michigan is going to jail for it. This is just like those stories you hear about dodge ball being taken out of schools. Fun is dead.

A Long Island woman is accused of selling both sex and hot dogs along the side of the road from a cart. I swear to god it's like every time there's a new street meat trend I always find out about it a day too late.

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