final girl

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 24th, 2012

Wes Bentley, the weird guy from "American Beauty" and Francesca Eastwood, the weird girl from Clint Eastwood's loins have both been added to the cast of "Final Girl" a new revenge flick about a girl who flips the script on a group of high school guys who hunt and kill girls. Is this what kids do these days? Doesn't anyone just smoke pot in the woods anymore?

Danny Trejo in a movie called "Zombie Hunter"... oh god it's finally happening. You shouldn't need to know the plot to be excited but in case you do I'll just tell you that Trejo plays a priest named Jesus who finds himself in the middle of a zombie apocolypse thanks to a new drink that's hit the streets. And I know what your wondering and I can tell you that yes there is a clown with a chainsaw.

So there's a "The Walking Dead" magazine now? Sounds interesting but between my subscription to Tiger Beat and 17 my monthly magazine reading plate is completely full. The rest of you in the US can pick up a copy at your local news stands now, the UK on November 8 and Australia and New Zealand on December 18. Apparently no other countries matter.

With a feature film in the works based on the West Memphis 3 it stands to reason that there should be a TV series based on Joe Berlinger, the director of "Paradise Lost", a documentary based on the arrest and trial of 3 teenagers convicted of murder. The show has been picked up by Fox and is being lead by Margaret Nagle, the writer/producer of HBO's "Boardwalk Empire". As long as Henry Rollins isn't added to the cast I'm game.

In Real People News: 

This guy just got busted for identity theft. I want you to look at the photo and try to guess how they knew he was BS'ing them.

Yes I was arrested for shoplifting in the Mall of America but the real bad news is I was also busted for smoking heroin with my 12 year old daughter. I know it's a real crap day.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 3rd, 2012

Alexander Ludwig was apparently in "The Hunger Games" but I'm pretty sure I'd remember seeing his prick looking face during the film so I'm not positive he was. He will be in the new revenge flick "Final Girl" though. Or at least that's what the hyper tubes are telling me. Ludwig (just typing that makes me angry) will play one of the young lads who pick the wrong girl to harass and find themselves in a world of hurt.

Hey don't you just love Rutina Wesley on "True Blood"?! Trick question! If you said yes then we can't be friends anymore. But let's settle this later because right now we're talking about how Rutina has been cast in "Angry Little Gods", the US remake of the Thai horror flick "13: Game of Death". The flick focuses on a man trying to pay for his wedding when he's told he's on a hidden camera show and must complete 13 tasks. If task number 1 was to watch an episode of "True Blood" I'd lose before that stupid theme song was over.

Dimension Films has slapped their new alien abduction flick "Dark Skies" with a February 22nd 2013 release date. Staring Keri Russell (OMG Felicity!) the film focuses on a family being terrorized by aliens who invade their home each night. Alright I've never seen an episode of "Felicity". I know she ruined the show when she cut her hair though. Everyone knows that.

Rumors are floating around that NBC may in fact be pulling the plug on "Mockingbird Lane", their "The Munsters" reboot, before the show even gets going. Of course the show's creator, Bryan Fuller, has taken to the tweets to say those rumors are complete BS so all we can do is wait and see. Or we could just ignore the whole thing all together. Let's do that. No one cares about this show anyway to be honest. I'm sorry I brought it up.

In Real People News: 

You threaten my cat, I shoot you. So sayeth this white trash woman in Texas. And it was so.

Here's a picture of a 4 pound hairball that was removed from a 19 year old girl's stomach in India recently. Feel free to post comments below with what you find in your throw up after viewing the photo.

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