tom cruise

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 6th, 2013

I don't want to give away my plans for Father's Day because you'll probably see it on the news but here's a small hint. It involved me battling and then befriending a bear just before we go ape shit on a local zoo for not offering brisket at their buffet BBQ. More on this at 11.

Looks like the upcoming season of Showtime's "Dexter" might in fact be its last. Nothing is official yet but CEO Leslie Moonves let on that the should would wrap after season 8, which is currently filming. I hope Dexter and his sister finally get together on the last season. Cause that's not creepy for everyone to watch.

I had forgotten that "Grave Encounters 2" was a thing but slap my ass and call me dusty because the follow up to the little haunted asylum flick that could is landing on DVD and Blu-Ray on March 12th. The plot of this one is pretty straight forward, some folks are obsessed with the footage in the original film and blah blah blah stuff happens. Don't ever slap my ass.

"Resident Evil 6" is going to come out on September 12, 2014. I don't know man, I don't know.

Remember a while ago when I said that the sci-fi Tom Cruise fronted "Oblivion" was going to hit IMax theaters prior to its official April 12th release date? Well it's not anymore, it's being pushed for that "Jurassic Park 3D" can stay in theaters a week longer. Dinosaurs > Tom Cruise.

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So now you can get suspended from school for just shaping your breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun? I don't know how to feel about this.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 8th, 2013

Well this sounds pretty cool. Director Kyle Kuchta is hard at work on a new documentary focusing on the horror convention circuit and the devoted fans who travel across the country to support the genre. The film is titled "Fantasum" and will continue filming in March at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill NJ. Right now the flick is set to come out in May so I assume I'll be getting a call asking if they can film me getting drunk at a hotel bar and yelling Rusted Root songs at people.

It looks like maybe Guillermo del Toro hasn't decided to put his big screen adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "At the Mountains Of Madness" on the shelf after all. Or at least he confirmed that he wants to give the project another go with Universal, the folks who shut the project down because of rating and budget concerns. I know what you're concerned about and good news, Tom Cruise is still attached. I know! How the hell did they get him!?

Good news folks! Tom Six and star Dieter Laser have buried the hatchet and "The Human Centipede 3" is going to begin filming in May. Wait no, that's awful news.

And finally some sad news today. David R. Ellis, the director behind "Snakes On a Plane", "Shark Night" and a few other so bad they're good flicks passed away yesterday while filming his next movie down in South Africa. Ellis was 60 and working with Samuel Jackson again on a live action version of the Japanese anime film "Kite".

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Shooting a home intruder is pretty nuts but still understandable. Shooting a home intruder in the face might be able to be chalked up to bad/good luck. Shooting a home intruder in the face five times... I'm not really sure what you call that.

Good news! We finally got a video of a live giant squid. Better news! We did it before those damn commies.

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 11th, 2012

I've already made all the jokes I can think of about thinking Ryan Reynolds is hot and I've also already made the joke about how I've made all the jokes so I'm pretty much out of material here. Let's just get to the point then and talk about how he's in talks to play the lead in a new film titled "Voices". The film is a dark comedy about a factory worker who accidentally kills a woman and begins to hear voices as he tries to cover it up. Then let's talk about those two pools of wonderment he calls eyes.

"Snow White and the Huntsman" director Rupert Sanders is apparently in talks to direct Tom Cruise in a dark new version of Van Helsing. I know people on the intertubes blow things out of proportion a lot of the time with crap like this but I'm 99% sure my eyes will shoot blood if and when I'm forced to watch this.

Troubling news from the "Chronicle" camp. It looks like the smart folks over at Fox have shot down Max Landis' script for the sequel because they just want the same film as the first. What Fox isn't taking into account is the first film wasn't very good. And that whiny kid's face was all annoying when he started tossing around cop cars and crap. And the first film wasn't that good.

Yes they're making a "ThanksKilling 3" and no there wasn't a "ThanksKilling 2" and yes the reason for that is 100% confusing. There's something about the killer turkey trying to find a copy of the second movie... which never actually existed... and then a lot of puppets die or something. I'm just lost.

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If you're in Texas, 19 and about to go to jail for underage drinking I guess you might as well just reach down and twist the arresting officer's nuts. What do you really have to lose at that point.

4 cops in Milwaukee are in hot water after they were busted abusing their rectal search privileges. Apparently every person who does a rolling stop doesn't have drugs smuggled up their back side. Maybe it is best to be on the safe side and check anyway though.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 2nd, 2011

Just for this week lets not call today "Hump Day". Let's call it "Turkish Piledriver" day. Trust me it's better.

Much to my surprise Cortney Palm is not the name of a porn star but apparently an actual actress who has done actual movies. She's been confirmed for the cast of the upcoming "Silent Night" remake. The killer Santa flick already has Jaime King, Malcolm McDowell and Jamie Kennedy on board so things are shaping up nicely. Seriously, last name Palm? That's fake, right?

"The Dead" is so hot with the kids right now and it looks like the cult hit has already scored itself a sequel Well alright it's not official yet. But there's a script. And everyone wants to make it. And they're going to make it. But it's not official.

If you're like me then you loved the show "Chuck" but lost interest around the second to last season and then saw that the show was ending and said things like "I should really catch up on that" and you never did. I'm sure there's a lot of you out there. So like me you're probably mildly happy to see Vik Sahay from the show joining the cast of the upcoming werewolf romp "Wer". Not happy about the movie or anything. Just happy to see the guy getting some work.

So Universal is going to remake "Van Helsing" with Tom Cruise? Because Hugh Jackman isn't.... well you know the rumors right? I mean about both of them. Not together or anything. Just in general. I mean all the Broadway crap. I don't know. You didn't hear it from me.

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Making a sex tape with a 16 year old is awful. Making a sex tape with your biological son is also awful. Making a sex tape with your 16 year old biological son is something worse than awful but I can't think of any other words.

A 28 year old woman is under arrest after she cut off a man's genitals before stabbing him to death. Because stabbing someone to death isn't good enough. Ya got to cut some balls before ya stab!

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 16th, 2011

Tomorrow is St Patrick's Day and while I'm not Irish I do love an excuse to get drunk. Really I don't need an excuse but it's always awesome to have one so you don't feel like an alcoholic. I also love any reason to get a Carvel cake. Especially a Cookie O' Puss. Again I don't really need an excuse to eat a entire ice cream cake by myself but it's nice to have one.

The smarty pants folks at Universal have decided to push up the release date for "Oblivion" to April 23rd 2013 from it's original release date of July 10th. The movie stars Tom Cruise as soldier who's court marshaled and shipped off to a deserted planet only to find he isn't alone. I think I'd move to another planet too if I was promised I'd be alone with Tom Cruise. Not for the reason you're thinking, sicko! It's so I can have sex with him.

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is beating a dead vampire. I don't think that makes any sense. But my point here is that Alcon Entertainment has tapped Brian Dannelly to direct their new vampire comedy "Suckers". I'm not going to bother explaining the plot because you can probably guess it. but Dannelly has directed episodes of "Weeds", "The United States of Tara" and "Pushing Daisies" so it might not be too shabby. But I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

You tell me Danny Trejo, Anthony Michael Hall and Mickey Rourke are going to be in a movie and I listen my friends. The movie is called "Dead In Tombstone" and apparently Trejo comes back from the dead to bring the hammer down on his half brother after being double crossed in a mine robbery. This might be the most perfect movie ever made. Minus Mickey Rourke actually. That guy creeps the hell out of me.

People are going to throw a fit but honestly Lionsgate teaming up with WWE to remake "Leprechaun" might be amazing. There's no script, no cast, and no real other news but what the hell can go wrong. And while we're at it I think Jennifer Aniston is delightful. There, I said it.

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I have no idea what the rules are when going into prison, thank god, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to smuggle lip balm inside by shoving it up your ass. Honestly this all sounds like someone was just looking to have a cavity search for fun and just shoved the first thing he found up there.

Let this be a lesson to your kids out there. If you lie about having cancer and raise money for your treatment the state of Virginia will come down on your hate. Like 100$ fine hard. So you know. Maybe consider not doing it.

Horror Headlines: Friday, February 10th, 2012

To this day my best friend insists I had a crush on Ricky Schroeder when I was little. Apparently I would watch "Silver Spoons' and talk about how someday I want to live with Ricky and grow old together or something. I think it's bullcrap but that house on the show was pretty awesome so I've always kind of had my doubts.

Remember Haley Joel Osment? The little bugger who sees dead people and has a heart of gold? Well the all grown up rugrat is back in a new film titled "I'll Follow You Down" which tells the story of a son trying to uncover the mystery of where his scientist father disappeared to after a business trip. I assume Osment will still play a young boy because, much like Leonardo DiCaprio, no matter how old he gets he still looks 11. Ya just want to pinch his cheeks don't you?

Why the hell not, huh? Dreamworks has apparently hired Steven Knight to pen a script for their upcoming remake of the Alfred Hitchcock film "Rebecca". The original 1940 film tells the story of a bride who finds her and her new husband are being haunted by the ghost of his first wife. No word yet on is the remake will stay true to the original but if I was a betting man I'd say someone named Rebecca will be in the film.

If you're like any normal American then you're probably a giant fan of "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane". Look it up kids, that pizon was bigger than Jesus. Renny Harlin, the film's director, is off to Russia now for a new film that tell the tale of the real life mystery around 9 experienced hikers that were found dead in the mountains in 1959 and the not so real life crew that's exploring the mountains to uncover the secret of their deaths. The guy directed "Die Hard 2" also. Get excited.

It's a fact, Morgan Freeman is the greatest person who has ever lived. So Tom Cruise should be be skipping around in his tiny little size 6 shoes now that the great one has agreed to join the cast of "Oblivion", a new Sci-Fi flick that stars Tommy as a soldier banished to a far away deserted planet after his court-martial. No word on what role Freeman will be playing but I expect it'll be Jesus or whatever weird alien god they worship in the film.

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Purple Squirrel Found in Pennsylvania. I'll see you all in hell.

Now let me make it clear, I like rhinoceros'. They're so freakin giant and cool they could kill any of us. But when a anti-poaching demonstration in South Africa goes wrong and they accidentally kill one, you've got to chuckle a little.

Horror Headlines: Friday, January 20th, 2012

Few details have been released around the Ben Affleck fronted retelling of Stephen King's "The Stand" but today it looks like the project finally has a writer. "Blood Creek" writer David Kajganich has been tapped to take on the task of adapting King's book, which has already been made into a TV series so my guess is he'll just find that script and do the old "save as" in Microsoft word and call it a day. That's what I'd do anyway. Maybe take out any reference to Molly Ringwald.

If you've been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for more details on the Tom Cruise alien battle flick "Oblivion" then today is your lucky day. It's been confirmed that both Andrea Riseborough and Olga Kurylenko have signed on to the cast, one playing his current girlfriend and the other playing the women he falls for. God I can't wait to find out which is which. I hope Olga wins his heart, only because her name is Olga though. You don't mess with an Olga.

I fancy myself a big Disneyworld fan and an uber Haunted Mansion buff so I'm as giddy as a little school girl at at some of the new collectibles Disney will be releasing this year at their parks. Namely a new kick ass Haunted Mansion time piece that's a bargain at any price and makes a great birthday gift for the special BGH news writer in your life. That's me, I'm that person, in case you were wondering.

Lastly it looks like Thomas Jane, Billy Bob Thornton and James Marsden have all been cast in a new flick titled "Red Machine". The movie focuses on two estranged brothers who try to patch up their relationship during a camping trip with their signification others. Unfortunately for them though they end up being stalked by a killer bear. So we've now got Billy Bob Thornton battling bears. Your move, Liam Neeson fighting wolves.

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Here's a video of an 8 year old performing her first hardcore song. This is my dream for what my daughter will become and my wife's worst nightmare.

I didn't realize there were still door to door salesmen but apparently there are because here's a story about one in North Carolina who talked his way into a woman's home and refused to leave until she A. bought some magazines or B. had sex with him. It's a tough choice. Do they still makes Highlights magazine? If not then I'd go with A.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 11th, 2011

"You're Next" is a new "vacation gone bad because of a bunch of nut jobs" flick that's getting all kinds of giggles and gaggles from the peanut gallery. Yes I know that doesn't make any sense but I'm running out of creative ways to say a movie looks good. Check out the new poster for the flick which features a creepy mask all covered in blood. It'll really make your hog-swallow turn a randy flipgate on a dime.

Word around campus is Mr. Tom Cruise is in discussion to take the lead role in the upcoming flick "We Mortals Are". The movie is being described as "Source Code" but with aliens or as I'll call it a movie I fell asleep watching... with aliens. The film will be directed by Doug Liman and watched by no one.

Yes yes Lars Von Tier said some pretty stupid things but hot hog if his new end of the world flick "Melancholia" doesn't look good. I know I'm surprised by my chipper mood today too. And today we've got a new motion poster for the flick which comes out on 11-11-11. The movie stars Kirsten Dunst who won best actress at Cannes this past May for her role in the flick. Her snaggle tooth took home runner up.

In what might be the most shocking news of the last 15 minutes it looks like "Hostel III" will be heading direct to DVD this coming December. I know I had expected a big Hollywood premier event also. You can probably guess the plot of this one so I'll just tell you it takes place in Vegas. Feel free to do your own awful "Swingers" impressions now.

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A South Carolina teacher is accused of punching one of her students in the face after the 13 year old boy tossed a pen in the trash can. Some people really hate it when you don't recycle. Of course I have no idea if you can recycle a pen. I'm not some damn hippie.

And speaking of school time fun. Here's a Florida man who's been arrested after he repeatedly made number 2 on the steps of a local school. Morning kids!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 7th, 2010

As expected Sunday night's "The Walking Dead" season finale went balls out with the rating, pulling about 8.1 million viewers between the 10 pm and 1 am showings. That's up 9% from last week's show and the series had the highest average for a cable show since 1993. That's a lot of math and to be honest the most amazing part is that I somewhat understand it.

It's no surprise that the producers of "American Psycho: The Musical" are promising tons of gore. Well maybe it's a little surprise since it's going to be on Broadway but that's nowhere near as surprising as the fact that Tom Cruise might be making a small cameo in the show. I know this isn't sarcasm but somehow I still feel like I'm being a wise ass here.

Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman, I've had dreams that start with those two names. Nightmares, I meant nightmares... I swear! Anyway there's a bunch of new interviews with the two up on the tubes with them talking about how exciting their new flick "Season of the Witch" is. Get hot and bothered!

Hammer's next film titled "The Resident" will apparently not be released in theaters but instead see a DVD/Blu-Ray release on March 29th, 2011. My guess for the change in plans is that putting both Hilary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan on the screen together would cause theaters to burst into flames from all the heat. Now it'll just be your home.

In Real People News: 

Butcher vs. Boar 2010 took place recently at a shop in Germany when a wild hog ripped apart a butcher shop for close to an hour. Who won? Well one of the gladiators is now being sold as pork chops. You try to guess which one.

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. of Eugene Oregon has officially changed his name to Captain Awesome. That's really all I can say about that.

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