stephen king

Horror Headlines: Friday March 5th, 2010

Submitted by Louis Fowler on Friday, Mar 5th 2010

I got my tickets booked for Horrorhound Weekend, but it wasn't without my fair share of headaches. I was gonna leave on Thursday from Denver and stay at Casey's pad, but that flight done got all filled up. So, instead, I had to book my flight for Wednesday. It looks like I'll be camping in the airport for a day, maybe sleeping in the bathroom like Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness”! Inspirational!

Did you know they were remaking “Pet Sematary”? I didn't. I just learned that, like, two minutes ago. It's apparently going to be rewritten by Matthew Greenberg, writer of the failed King adaptation “1408” and the failed “Halloween” entry “H20”. Who do you think they'll get to “reimagine” the catchy theme song, originally performed by the Ramones? I'm, hoping it's Justin Bieber, so at least I'll have something new to masturbate to. That sexy twink is pure rape-bait!

According to MTV, Wesley Snipes would like to see a “Blade 4”. Sadly, no one else does. (OK, that was mean. The truth of the matter is that I love all three “Blade” flicks and would love to see a fourth. Sometimes the prerequisite cynicism of this gig eats away at me, forcing me to do or say things I don't mean to. Mr. Snipes, please, if the offer arises, make a new “Blade” and I will be first in line, no questions asked. (This promise also applies if you make “Passenger 58” or “Jungle Fever 2: Still Cravin' That White Meat”.))

I know that, because you're an imbecilic horror fan, you probably only listen to bands like Magick Karkass and Devilwhipper, but, if you can expand your musical horizons for two Goddamned minutes, neo-outlaw country singer Shooter Jennings' latest album, “Black Ribbons” is out. Why should this appeal to the oh-so-picky likes of you? Because “Maximum Overdrive” director Stephen King narrates the anti-New World Order-themed album as radio DJ “Will O' the Wisp”, who is about to lose his job as the airwaves is overtaken by 'government-approved and regulated transmissions.' I'm taking a moment to be serious here: this is a damn good album and, quite honestly, better than anything you're listening to right now.

In Real People News:

You know what would be great? A cure for Autism. You'd think that pediatricians would be all over that, right? Naw... instead they are calling for hot-dogs to be redesigned. HOT-DOGS. TO. BE. REDESIGNED. (Even more baffling: how do you redesign at hot-dog? Make it into a cube? A large ball? And how does this bode for the bun industry?) CURE AUTISM, YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING ASSHOLES.

Swiss condom producers have created “the Hotshot”, an extra-small condom designed for 12-year-olds. Or 31-year-old horror-news writers named Louis.

A Staten Island woman is suing her doctor for accidentally giving her a second pair of breasts. She claims in the suit that the botched surgery harmed her livelihood as a prostitute on Mars. Personally, she makes me wish I had four hands!

On this day in history:

In 1046, Naser Khosrow begins the seven-year Middle Eastern journey which he will later describe in his book “Safarnama”. It was later rewritten by Jackie Collins into the novel “Hollywood Wives” and then made into a miniseries starring William Devane and Joan Van Ark. Tawdry!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 22nd, 2009

Submitted by Casey on Tuesday, Dec 22nd 2009

Maryland based Edgar Allen Poe fans have reason to rejoice as the LA based stage play "Nevermore" starring Jeffery Combs as the man himself is heading to Baltimore on January 23rd and 24th. Here's hoping we get more locations out of this little road trip!

"Hatchet" director Adam Green has a new movie in the works and now you can watch the trailer for his latest feature, "Frozen".

Continuing in the faux-documentary craze sweeping theaters lately, film maker Bing Bailey releases a teaser trailer for his upcoming Irish zombie treat, "Portrait of a Zombie".

Marvel comics love their Stephen King adaptations lately, so its no surprise to hear that they will be publishing an adaptation of King's short story "N." from "Just After Sunset". Lucky for us, their adaptations have been pretty stellar so far.

In Real People News:

British police are on the hunt for a pervert. Video footage shows that the man repeatedly snuck behind a grocery story worker in order to sniff his butt.

Workers called out to install an emergency fence around a town fountain were caught off guard when they discovered the frozen body of their co-worker frozen in the fountain. It seems he tripped and landed in the water the night before the safety fence was installed. Doh, so close.

On this day in history:

1972 - An earthquake destroys the city of Managua, Nicaragua, leaving 6,000 dead.

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Horror headlines: Wednesday November 25th, 2009

Submitted by Casey on Wednesday, Nov 25th 2009

In a recent interview, Neve Campbell drops hints that Wes Craven may indeed be back for "Scream 4". While not official, it could be good news for this franchise reboot.

Rueben Fleischer, director of "Zombieland" reveals in a recent interview that 3D is a definite possibility for the planned sequel.

Stephen King lets slip to David Cronenburg that he has ideas percolating for a sequel to his classic "The Shining". With King however, that could still be decades away.

Want a good approximation of the new Freddy Krueger makeup? Then check out this new figure from NECA toys.

"Left 4 Dead 2" not fully filling your zombie killing quotient? 2k Games has released its first official expansion for "Borderlands", "Zombie Island".

In Real People News:

Bangladesh has passed new laws to regulate the sales of sulfuric and hydrochloric acid, formerly available to anyone off of the street. All of this is to curb a recent rash of guerilla acid attacks used to melt people's faces.

A man suffering from common joint pain rubs himself down with rubbing alcohol mixed with rosemary. After dousing himself, he steps into the street to light a cigarette and sets himself on fire.

A 14 year old Poquoson boy dies horribly by falling into a wood chipper.

On this day in history:

1867 - A patent is granted to Alfred Nobel for dynamite

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 11th, 2009

Submitted by Casey on Wednesday, Nov 11th 2009

LatinoReview.com has uncovered the script for Oren Peli's follow up to "Paranormal Activity", titled "Area 51". Still basking in the glow of his recent success, the studio has been trying to keep close tabs on the details for this one. So, if you don't mind spoilers... be sure to read on.

It was rumored some months past that J J Abrams would be taking on the adaptation of Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series. As of today, Abrams has officially announced that he is dropping the project.

Hey "Puppet Master" fans, there's a new teaser trailer out for "Puppet Master: Axis of Evil"!

If James Gunn was the only reason you were holding out for "Scream Queens Season 2", I have bad news for you. Gunn has had to bow out of Season 2 due to scheduling conflicts. On the bright side, that means he's making another movie!

ABC has announced that it will not be renewing "Eastwick", the small screen adaptation of "Witches of Eastwick" after its 13 episode run. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll see Rebecca Romijin-Stamos-O'Connel again soon!

In Real People News:

The recent discovery of hundreds of human bones, bronze shields, and bracelets in the wilds of the Sahara Desert are believed to be the remains of the Lost Persian Army of Cambyses II. The army of 50,000 men was believed to have been buried by a sandstorm in the year 525 B.C. Not so much weird news, but 'awesome' news for history nerds!

Two teachers have been suspended after letting their students watch a Live Sex show during a cultural exchange trip to Thailand. My only question is, do they even have any other kind of shows in Thailand?

Psychics lead officials to a human skeleton hidden in the walls of a West Virginia mansion. The remains were chopped into bits with saw marks upon the bones. Who the bones belonged to has yet to be discovered.

On this day in history:

1988 - Seven bodies are discovered under the ground of a Sacramento California boardinghouse owned by Dorothea Puente. The batty landlord had killed nine elderlies and was receiving their social security money.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 3nd, 2009

Submitted by Eric on Tuesday, Nov 3rd 2009

Read Stephen King's latest short story "Premium Harmony" in its entirety.

"Let Me In", the remake of "Let The Right One In", has begun shooting in New Mexico.

Robert Englund stars in a web-series for FearNET called "Fear Clinic".

In Real People News:

Sports Star's wife asks for refund from hooker who "serviced" her husband. Now that's a new one.

Let's play a game of "what's wrong with this headline": 11-year-old Bulgarian girl gives birth on her wedding day.

On this day in history:

1755: The colony of Massachusetts offers a 20 pound bounty for scalps of Indian boys or girls under the age of 12. Warrior scalps fetch a slightly higher price, 30 pounds.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 14th, 2009

Submitted by Eric on Tuesday, Jul 14th 2009

New concept posters for "Let Me In", Matt Reeves remake of the Swedish vampire film "Let The Right One In". Not a whole lot to latch on to at this point considering they haven't even cast the roles yet, but they're semi-interesting if you're invested in how this will turn out.

"Gatekeeper" is a "zomcom" (their words) starring Lea Thompson, Judge Reinhold and Ron Perlman. It has a great cast, but their selling point is sure to make you cringe, "Shaun of the Dead" for American audiences... because you know, us stupid Americans can't watch a movie with British accents (?)

Platinum Dunes will be revealing something big for "A Nightmare on Elm St." at comic-con this year. In his blog, producer Brad Fuller also calls you an "idiot" if you don't think anyone else can play Freddy Krueger. Make your own judgements about his limited vocabulary.

Proably NSFW clip from "Antichrist"... you've been warned.

The first images from Thomas Jane's directorial debut "Dark Country" have surfaced. The film is about a couple who decides to get married in Vegas, but along the way they run into an accident victim who quickly turns their vacation into a nightmare.

Stephen King's "The Cell", which we last heard was NOT being made by Eli Roth, is being adapted into a 4 hour mini-series.

In Real People News:

Olympian grows tired of asking his parents for money to fund his bid for glory, opens up brothel to raise money. I think we can all agree this guy deserves a golf clap.

I suppose playing porn out of your window really loudly is one way to get rid of the neighbor children. Of course a dirty robe and a baseball bat is usually pretty effective too, but I'm not against innovation.

Texting teen tumbles into manhole, and the parents are trying to sue the city. Luckily they can't sue me for laughing at their dumbass child.

On this day in history:

1966: Richard Speck slaughters eight student nurses from South Chicago Community Hospital, in what would become known as the first mass murder of the media age.

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"Family Guy" Takes On Stephen King

Submitted by Joe on Monday, May 11th 2009

Family Guy is usually pretty hit or miss with me. I can only take so many “it’s like that time...” setups where they cut back to Peter running around with the A-Team or some crap. This past Sunday they made an entire show out of that idea though when they took three of Stephen Kings most well known stories and recreated them.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 22nd, 2009

Submitted by Eric on Wednesday, Apr 22nd 2009

Jamie Chung and Jena Malone sign on to Zack Snyder's ("300", "Watchmen") next film "Sucker Punch". The film is set in the 50's, and follows a young woman unfairly thrown into a mental institution by her "wicked step-father", who imagines an alternate reality to hide from the pain. She then plans to escape the imaginary world, but has to steal five objects first, all while avoiding being caught by "a vile man". Whoa, I have no idea what that means but it sounds awesome.

Dimension films picks up "Kristy". The film is being compared to "The Strangers" and "Last House on the Left", and deals with a deserted college campus being besieged by a group of violent intruders.

Finally, after months of hearing about mundane, meaningless scoops from the set of Rob Zombie's "H2", comes word that we'll be seeing a trailer on Youtube this Friday. Rest assured we'll be on it when it lands.

Jonathan Skaech is highly positive about his "From a Buick 8" script, and says that Stephen King (the original author of the book) loves it. Unfortunately because of the economy, financing any film is difficult right now, but he hopes that it will go in front of cameras this fall. As for stars? He claims they "are going after big names right now". Hopefully we'll hear some more news about this adaptation soon.

In Real People News:

Ahhh, nothing like the smell of freedom in Baghdad... unless of course you're a gay man, then I would prepare to have your butthole glued shut and diarrhea induced, probably killing you in the process. Well now, isn't that special.

Teenager in Arizona was so surprised to find a cop inside the car he was trying to steal recently, that he shat his pants. No idea why today's stories are so scatological, but I guess I'm just going to go with it.

Husband shoots wife in the head, kills himself... she gets up afterward, disoriented, and makes herself a cup of tea. The woman is alive and in stable condition, despite the fact that the bullet went straight through her brain and out the back of her head. Doctors are baffled.

On this day in history:

1915: The German Army opens 5,700 canisters of chlorine gas upwind of French soldiers at Ypres. It is the first use of poison gas for military purposes.

"Children of the Corn" Bluray Specs

Submitted by Eric on Tuesday, Mar 24th 2009

Coming June 25th from Anchor Bay, Stephen King's "Children of the Corn" on BluRay. I'm not sure this film has a lot of die-hard fans, but as a king joint I know some of you hold it close to your hearts. There was a recent Special Edition on regular old DVD, and this new Hi-Def disc includes all that material plus more.

From the press release:

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 17th, 2009

Submitted by Eric on Wednesday, Mar 18th 2009

"Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre may be the next big foreign slasher film, but if they expect me to do anything but belly laugh when I read about it, they better change that damn name, and fast. Teaser trailer at the link.

Talk about obscure, Fango reports that there is a remake of the UK exploitation film "The House on Straw Hill" underway. The original is apparently still banned in the UK, and deals with a writer in an old house whose assistant turns violent and homicidal.

Mick Garris hopes to be shooting Stephen King's "Bag of Bones" this summer in Maine, however some haggling must first be done, since Maine doesn't offer the kind of incentives that other states do when it comes to filming there.

If you're curious to see how the "House on Sorority Row" remake is coming along (titled just "Sorority Row"), prints of the trailer are reported to be attached to Nic Cage's "Knowing", which hits theaters this weekend. Or you can just wait until Monday when it shows up online. Probably better for your health.

Looks like there's going to be a "Lost Boys III", and Corey Feldman will be producing. Shockingly, he will also be the "focus" of the film. Weird how that works out when you're the producer, huh?

Dan Harris, writer of "X-Men 2" and "Superman Returns" has been picked to write the film adaptation of EA's "Dante's Inferno" game which is currently in development.

In Real People News:

Look, I thought it was clear but let's reiterate. If you're a cop and you stop at any restaurant whatsoever, check your food for pubes before you leave with the bag. It will save you the time of having to go back later.

Perv puts "spy camera" inside Starbucks bathroom, forgets to delete picture of himself on the camera. Complete with "is that Paul Ruebens?" mugshot at the link.

This is by far the creepiest/awesomest story of the week. Man loses finger in motorcycle accident, doctors build him a prosthetic one, complete with a built-in USB stick!. Apparently, he's also a Linux user. This is really cool, until of course USB sticks go out of style. Imagine having a floppy disc attached to your fake hand?

On this day in history:

1970: Country Joe McDonald (of Country Joe and the Fish) is convicted on obscenity charges after he asks for an F, a U, a C, and one other letter at a concert in Massachusetts.