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Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 24th, 2013

The names keep being added to the upcoming murder cover up being advised by a talking cat and dog flick "The Voices". Next on the list of additions is Jacki Weaver, who I find strangely attractive even though she's just shy of 100 I think. No word on what role she'll be playing and honestly I don't know what my deal is with her. I don't understand what's going on with my downstairs half the time in all honesty.

The folks over at Lionsgate and Summit have picked up a new zombie comedy flick titled "You'll Be the Death Of Me". Produced by the same folks that brought you "Warm Bodies". Details are pretty loose but it sounds like it's about a couple falling in love in NYC while a killer's on the loose. So ya know, all kinds of yuk yuks to be had for your funny bone.

I'm still somewhat confused by what the hell was going on in "Pontypool" but the film's writer, Tony Burgess and leading man, Stephen McHattie have both signed up for "Hellmouth", a new film about a dark journey to find the mystery behind a local cemetery. John Geddes of "Exit Humanity" fame is set to direct.

John and Drew Dowdle, the fellas behind "Quarantine" have lined up "As Above, So Below" as their next project. The film is still being cast but is set to follow two archaeologists as they search the tunnels below Paris for treasure. I bet it smells like armpits down there.

In Real People News: 

Ya know if a first date isn't going well why not just take the opportunity to car jack your not fun date's car? I wish I had thought of that back in my crying myself to sleep days.

A Salt Lake City Mormon bishop fended off an attacker trying to assault his neighbor with a Samurai sword. I don't know where we go from here, folks.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 8th, 2013

Let's not get into why it's been so long since I posted the news. Let's just be happy that I'm back and plan for the next time I disappear for two weeks. Maybe start stocking up on Hot Pockets. Those are fun and help to pass the time.

The folks over at Lionsgate have picked up the US distribution rights to "Ritual", a new flick about a fella who finds his ex wife has murdered a stranger who happens to be connected to a dangerous cult. Semi-new director Mickey Keating leads this one and while there's no word on a release date the other territories will go up on the auction block next month at Cannes. I plan on picking up the rights to Guam. Gotta make that chedda.

Susan Surandon and Topher Grace would make the world's creepiest couple and the thought of them making love makes me throw up a little in my mouth but the good news here is that both of them have been confirmed for the cast of "The Calling" and not confirmed to be bumping uglies. The duo will play detectives who are on the hunt for a serial killer who's targeting the mentally ill. I bet their children would be adorable though. You can't argue that.

Sally Hawkins, who apparently is no relation to the smart guy in the wheelchair, is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming "Godzilla" reboot. No word on what role she'll play but since she's British I assume she'll play a British doctor or maybe a British police officer. Or any of those roles without a British accent. Really I have no idea here.

"Pro-Wrestlers Vs. Zombies" is a real thing and the trailer looks a lot worse than you would expect. That's saying a lot I know.

In Real People News: 

A 64 year old woman is in hot water after she poured superglue in the eyes and ears of her 58 year old roommate. I think this was on that Betty White show right? Old people are so funny when they do zany stuff.

A Pennsylvania man is under arrest after he set his ex-girlfriends car on fire and emailed 400 of her college classmates nude photos of herself. I wonder which one she was madder about. I bet it was the nude photos thing. Unless she had a really nice car. Like a Neon or something. You can't replace those you know.

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 16th, 2011

Tomorrow is St Patrick's Day and while I'm not Irish I do love an excuse to get drunk. Really I don't need an excuse but it's always awesome to have one so you don't feel like an alcoholic. I also love any reason to get a Carvel cake. Especially a Cookie O' Puss. Again I don't really need an excuse to eat a entire ice cream cake by myself but it's nice to have one.

The smarty pants folks at Universal have decided to push up the release date for "Oblivion" to April 23rd 2013 from it's original release date of July 10th. The movie stars Tom Cruise as soldier who's court marshaled and shipped off to a deserted planet only to find he isn't alone. I think I'd move to another planet too if I was promised I'd be alone with Tom Cruise. Not for the reason you're thinking, sicko! It's so I can have sex with him.

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is beating a dead vampire. I don't think that makes any sense. But my point here is that Alcon Entertainment has tapped Brian Dannelly to direct their new vampire comedy "Suckers". I'm not going to bother explaining the plot because you can probably guess it. but Dannelly has directed episodes of "Weeds", "The United States of Tara" and "Pushing Daisies" so it might not be too shabby. But I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

You tell me Danny Trejo, Anthony Michael Hall and Mickey Rourke are going to be in a movie and I listen my friends. The movie is called "Dead In Tombstone" and apparently Trejo comes back from the dead to bring the hammer down on his half brother after being double crossed in a mine robbery. This might be the most perfect movie ever made. Minus Mickey Rourke actually. That guy creeps the hell out of me.

People are going to throw a fit but honestly Lionsgate teaming up with WWE to remake "Leprechaun" might be amazing. There's no script, no cast, and no real other news but what the hell can go wrong. And while we're at it I think Jennifer Aniston is delightful. There, I said it.

In Real People News: 

I have no idea what the rules are when going into prison, thank god, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to smuggle lip balm inside by shoving it up your ass. Honestly this all sounds like someone was just looking to have a cavity search for fun and just shoved the first thing he found up there.

Let this be a lesson to your kids out there. If you lie about having cancer and raise money for your treatment the state of Virginia will come down on your hate. Like 100$ fine hard. So you know. Maybe consider not doing it.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

This past weekend I watched a show on Power Metal and how it's influenced the metal community as a whole. From what I can understand it's influenced people to wear crushed velvet jackets and really tight pants. I can't pull that kind of thing off but I support anyone who can. Since the viewing I've been listening to a lot of Helloween, a band I hadn't enjoyed since I was just a wee lad. For those of you not familiar with the band their German and they sing songs like this. Keep in mind that video is a shortened version of a 13+ minute song. It's exhausting to listening to.

"The Flying Conchords" is a really cool show on HBO but you've probably never heard of it. It's pretty underground. Even if you have seen it you probably don't GET the humor. It's pretty funny though. You probably don't know that Jemaine Clement is one half of the singing duo on the show either but there's word around the coffee bar that he's working on an as yet untitled vampire comedy script these days. Blah blah blah hipster.

If you liked "Gran Torino", and I did in case you're wondering, then you'll find the news that the films writer Nick Schenk has been hired to pen the script for the upcoming "Robocop" remake. I for one look forward to an older and more racist Robocop. Don't worry, he'll also have a heart of gold.

Admit it, you watch "Gossip Girl". Yeah you do you dirty sicko. You love it so much. I honestly have no idea what the show is even about so I'm stretching here to make some sort of stupid comment that makes sense. But it looks like the show's creators Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage are working with the CW on a new series called "Cult" about a girl who joins a blogger on a quest to find out if a group of rabid fans are recreating murders based on a popular TV show. It's kind of like when I had my Rachel bangs in the 90's but people die.

If you've been wondering what "Saw 3D: The Final Chapter" director Kevin Greutert is up to then there's something seriously wrong with you. But I'm here to help people and I'm not going to be a prick. He's working with Lionsgate on a new film titled "Jessabellem" about a girl who returns to her childhood home after she loses the use of her legs only to find a mystery surrounding her birth and an angry ghost haunting her house. Ya know, standard run of the mill girl problems.

In Real People News: 

Two sisters in Wisconsin are under arrest after they forced a man to drink urine and did something called "penis torture". I mean I probably know what penis torture is but I stopped reading the article once I saw the words "twist" and "pull". I don't need to know the details.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 11th, 2010

"Automaton Transfusion" director Steven C. Miller talks about his entry for the new "After Dark Originals" line, "Scream of the Banshee". Starring Lauren Holly, the film is described as an old school monster movie and hopes to be the anchor to the new addition to the "After Dark 8 Films to Die For" family.

I'm sure you've been waiting for the return of the lesser known Duff sister Haley to the big screen. Worry no more as Haley Duff is in talks to star in the upcoming thriller "Cousin Sarah", a story of somebody's weird cousin moving to town where unexplained events start happening. Here's hoping her already signed co-star Jason Mewes lands the title roll of 'Cousin Sarah'.

The official plot details for Kevin Smith's upcoming "Red State" have appeared online and it looks passable! Centered around a Fred Phelps like evangelist, the movie hopes to show a new kind of 'extreme fundamentalism'.

Are you a big fan of Netflix and their handy streaming video service? Get ready to like it even more as the company has struck a deal with Paramount, Lionsgate and MGM Studios. Quite simply, there's going to be even more fun stuff to watch while wasting time at work!

In Real People News: 

An Auckland woman left her infant in the bath in hopes that he would drown, due to her claims of being unable to cope with two children. After pulling his body from the bath, she made sure to login to Facebook and do some web surfing before bothering to tell her husband that their baby had died.

A British woman on vacation in the Swiss Alps decided it would be fun to take a tour of the Gorges Alpins, a popular route that is traversed by rope bridges and zip lines. The group had a lot of fun until the woman decided she didn't need to use the safety rope used for braking on the zip lines and slammed face first into the side of a cliff, killing her instantly.

On this day in history: 

1772 - The summit of Papandayan volcano in West Java suddenly implodes, unleashing a catastrophic debris avalanche which blankets an area of 250 square km. Tumbling boulders flatten 40 villages and their 2,957 inhabitants.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 20th, 2010

After making some buzz at the recent Sundance Film Festival, the Ryan Reynolds claustrophobic thriller "Buried" was picked up by Lionsgate. In order to punch things up a bit, director Rodrigo Cortes has decided to shoot some additional footage to beef up the movie's external scenes before the planned limited theatrical release on September 4th.

If your non-horror interests include some good old fashioned sports drama like in the hit series "Friday Night Lights", your two worlds are about to collide in director Doug Sakmann's zombie fueled football feature "Play Dead". A football team resurrected to play one final game against their arch rivals who murdered them all? Sounds like a win!

Having been booted from the director's chair on the upcoming "Saw VII 3D", director David Hackyl wasn't sure what he was going to do next. That is, until he signed on for the big screen adaptation of Vince Churchill's "The Butcher Bride". Don't worry David, a Carrie-esque ghost story sounds more entertaining than "Saw VII 3D" any ways!

In Real People News: 

German priests are struggling to keep their pious image as a new woman comes forward with news that she has been taking hush money for years for her child, fathered by a German priest. The news brings forth evidence that there are many children across the country that have been fathered by various priests.

The Bellevue, OH police department goes the extra mile to catch their crooks. After suspecting a local of flushing his stash of cocaine down the toilet of their trailer, the task force did the only thing they could; they opened the trailer's septic tank and went fishing for the flushed drugs.

On this day in history: 

1889 - In Braunau, Austria, Klara Hitler gives birth to a bouncing baby boy named Adolf.

A Clip From "House of the Devil"

I've got a clip here from Ti West's "House of the Devil". West landed on my radar a few years ago with his shockingly impressive indie film "The Roost". He was then hired to direct "Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever", which he has since disowned due to meddling from Lionsgate. This is his next original project, which has gotten mixed reaction so far on the festival circuit. The quality of "The Roost" is enough to keep me tuning in to see what he has in store for the future.

The Nun (REVIEW)

In what we must assume is the past, a group of girls at a catholic boarding school bond in friendship and orneriness. They're all free spirited 'bad girls' and grate against the sensibilities of the sisters that run the school. Sister Ursula is their nemesis; she's strict and holds to the old school rules of hard punishment which the girls see as cruel and unusual. Eventually they have all they can take and so they decide to take action; bad things happen, the sister dies and the girls hide her body.

Cut to the future:

Lionsgate Blu-ray News

Lionsgate dropped the bomb on some big blu-ray news today and for us horror fans, it's the good kind of bomb!

Coming out on November 24th three horror classics in HiDef glory! "Cujo: The 25th Anniversary Edition", "The Monster Squad: 25th Anniversary Edition" and "My Bloody Valentine: Special Edition"!

As a new blu-ray owner myself, catalog titles such as "Monster Squad" and "My Bloody Valentine" are something to be excited about!

Cujo: 25th Anniversary Edition Synopsis:

Spectre (REVIEW)

“Six Films to Keep You Awake,” is a collection of horror films by Spanish directors made for Spanish television. Redundant I know, but I find it's hard not to be overcome with jealousy that these films played on Spanish television uncut, while here in the States you have to shop for, or use Netflix to find this kind of material. While I remember hearing a buzz about these films last year when they first came out, I hadn’t gotten a chance to watch all six of them until now (thank you, Bloody Good Horror).

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