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Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 2nd, 2011

Just for this week lets not call today "Hump Day". Let's call it "Turkish Piledriver" day. Trust me it's better.

Much to my surprise Cortney Palm is not the name of a porn star but apparently an actual actress who has done actual movies. She's been confirmed for the cast of the upcoming "Silent Night" remake. The killer Santa flick already has Jaime King, Malcolm McDowell and Jamie Kennedy on board so things are shaping up nicely. Seriously, last name Palm? That's fake, right?

"The Dead" is so hot with the kids right now and it looks like the cult hit has already scored itself a sequel Well alright it's not official yet. But there's a script. And everyone wants to make it. And they're going to make it. But it's not official.

If you're like me then you loved the show "Chuck" but lost interest around the second to last season and then saw that the show was ending and said things like "I should really catch up on that" and you never did. I'm sure there's a lot of you out there. So like me you're probably mildly happy to see Vik Sahay from the show joining the cast of the upcoming werewolf romp "Wer". Not happy about the movie or anything. Just happy to see the guy getting some work.

So Universal is going to remake "Van Helsing" with Tom Cruise? Because Hugh Jackman isn't.... well you know the rumors right? I mean about both of them. Not together or anything. Just in general. I mean all the Broadway crap. I don't know. You didn't hear it from me.

In Real People News: 

Making a sex tape with a 16 year old is awful. Making a sex tape with your biological son is also awful. Making a sex tape with your 16 year old biological son is something worse than awful but I can't think of any other words.

A 28 year old woman is under arrest after she cut off a man's genitals before stabbing him to death. Because stabbing someone to death isn't good enough. Ya got to cut some balls before ya stab!

Horror Headlines: Monday, March 26th, 2011

If you're excited about "[REC] 3 Genesis", which I think you are because people seem to like those movies, then I've got good news for you. The film has finally been given a US release date of August 3rd for VOD and a limited theater run on September 7th. I mean I guess that's good news if you're in the US. Canadians probably don't give a crap. But hey, maple syrup is pretty awesome.

A.J. Cook, who may or may not be a regular cast member of "Criminal Minds" might just be taking on the lead role in a new flick called "Wer". I say "may" because it hasn't been confirmed yet but all signs point to her being the main lady in the flick which is a new found footage romp focusing on werewolves. Or not focusing on maybe. Ya know cause sometimes those movies have a lot of out of focus shots. It's a thinking joke. You'll get it.

I'm not going to bother explaining to you the plot of "Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark". Just know it's coming and there's a 95% chance some sort of former teen star is going to be in it. Possibly two of them. Some things are better left unspoken.

Am I the only one who has Elizabeth Olsen fever? I can't be. I just can't be! Oscar Isaac has got it. It's confirmed! He's just joined the cast of "Therese Raquin", a new film about a woman who plots to kill her husband after she finds herself in a steamy affair. I think this might be the first time I've used the word "steamy" in a news post. Let's agree to never let it happen again.

In Real People News: 

You ever have one of those bad fights with your significant other and threaten to call the cops on them? Well this guy did it.He called 911 because his wife wouldn't let him go on Facebook alone. Just to be clear I've never had that kind of fight. My wife has though.

A Colorado man is under arrest after he mistakenly shot a woman in the head because he thought she was a bird that had been terrorizing his cat. That sounds too insane to be a lie but I'm pretty sure you're still going to fry for it.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

Say what you want about Russell Crowe but the guy has never made a bad movie, that's a fact. So I guess don't say what you want. You can say anything other than he's a bad actor. So the news that he's possibly in the running for the lead role in the upcoming "Robocop" reboot is nothing but good. Especially after yesterday's news that the guy who wrote "Gran Torino" is penning the script. An elder racist gladiator who turns into a robot? This is going to be the greatest movie ever.

If you see one "stranded in Moscow because of a weird alien invasion flick that came out last year on blu-ray or DVD" this year then I suggest you make it "The Darkest Hour" which has officially been confirmed to be hitting selves on April 20th. That was a long sentence huh? You fancy pants fat cats can even get it in 3D with special features that include... well I don't know. The movie is on there though I'm sure. It would have to be, wouldn't it?

"The Devil Inside" mastermind William Brent Bell has officially thrust the name of his next film upon the world. The film will be called "Wer" and will be a found footage flick about a man being held at a police station who turns into a werewolf. Shooting will begin on the project in April and if I was a betting man I'd say it'll be wrapped just in time for Mid-April.

Kevin Bacon has been confirmed for the lead role in the upcoming Kevin Williamson TV series which revolves around a serial killer who makes his own cult of murderers. No word on the title of the series but Bacon will be playing the role of the FBI agent trying to stop the evil doer. This has got me really excited about a whole new batch of clever Bacon puns that I can start using. None of which I can think of but I'm sure they'll be great.

In Real People News: 

I'd see no problem if this happened down in Orlando but a new law being voted on in Virginia that would restructure the school year around the amusement park Kings Dominion's schedule seems ridiculousness. I mean I guess if you have a season pass or something you should be able to skip the first couple weeks of school. But I don't think that needs to be in the law books or anything.

If I had a nickle for every time I read a story about a 74 year old guy accidentally choking to death on his dentures while having sex with a hooker than well I'd have a nickle. The interesting part of this story is that the hooker said they had been having sex for 30 minutes when it happened. A 74 year old man having sex for 30 god damn minutes. She probably choked him to death just to get his wrinkly man bag off of her.

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