Leprechaun

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 29th, 2013

My wife and I will be taking our first trip to Nashville this coming weekend and I can't wait. I'm going to look FABULOUS in my cut off daisy dukes.

If you didn't watch "Bates Motel" then I'm not really sure we'll have much to talk about when things get into a lull and I say, "hey did you hear about how the second season of 'Bates Motel' is going to feature a few more members of the Bates family according to the show's creator Carlton Cuse?". Then I'll probably get kind of pissy and say something about you looking fat and then we won't talk for a while. See how just watching the show could have avoided this whole thing?

We all went a little gaga over the "Evil Dead" remake on the podcast so I'm kind of looking forward to the Blu-Ray dropping so I can relive all the memories at home, minus the 8 year old crying 4 rows behind me. The disc will drop on July 16th and be chock full of behind the scenes features and a commentary track with everyone and their mother on it. It will not unfortunately feature a commentary track by the god awful parents trying to quiet the earlier mentioned 8 year old.

I never thought Steven Spielberg and the "Leprechaun" remake would be mentioned in the same sentence but color me wrong here. It turns out that Zach Lipovsky, the winner of Spielberg and Mark Burnett's "On the Lot" reality show will direct the Lionsgate/WWE reboot. I guess that doesn't really mean Speielberg has anything to do with the film so I can see why you might be annoyed by my misleading intro there. But on the other hand, you're a prick.

Melissa Leo, who is in no way related to Jay Leno and now that I see this typed out doesn't even have the same last name, has signed on to M. Night Shyamalan's "Wayward Pines". The TV series stars Matt Dillon as a secret service agent investigating the disappearance of two federal agents. Leo will play a nurse who lives in the town of Wayward Pines where Dillon is investigating. She doesn't even have a giant chin. I don't know what I was thinking.

In Real People News: 

California... wife... argument... bite... husband... penis.

A 45 year old special education teacher from Maryland has been accused of having sex with her dog. She's been accused because police found video and photos of her having sex with the dog. I'm 99% sure we can just go ahead and say she did it.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 25th, 2013

Are you going to cry during the finale of "30 Rock" next week? I'm not going to. Just an FYI. It's just a show. Grow up.

It must be awful to be Chloe Grace Moretz's parents. She seems to be really good at things and I feel like she would be disgusted with me when she comes home after doing something awesome and I'm sitting on the couch wrapping up a 20 McNugget box. Now she's landed the lead in the big screen adaption of "If I Stay", a new film about a girl who can only remember the events after a serious car crash she is involved in. She'll probably be awesome too. So awesome that the only thing I could do to match her is eat 3 snack wraps after I finish the McNuggets. They're so good.

I have never understood the love for Dario Argento’s "Suspiria" but maybe that's because I love freedom and think the ballet is stupid and gross. None the less though I was kind of interested to see what was going to happen with the remake but according to director David Gordon Green the film may never get off the ground. Looks like the film is caught up in all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo and probably won't be made. To best honest "legal trouble" kind of sounds like "I was baked when I said I wanted to remake this movie and now I need to find a way out". But what do I know.

There are probably 4 people on this planet that actually give a crap about the WWE's reboot of "Leprechaun" but damn it all if that is going to stop them. To their credit though the gang behind the film say it will be a lot darker and more of a traditional horror film then the original. So that's something right? To be clear 1 of the 4 people is Mark from the podcast. He gets so excited. His little arms just get all a flutter in his size XS Stone Cold t-shirt.

I have never seen a version of "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" tale I did not like. To be fair though I've only seen 2 and 1 of them was a Disney cartoon. Now it looks like those crazy freaks over at Fox are rolling on a pilot for a new show based on the classic headless horseman tale. "Underworld" director Len Wiseman will lead the pilot and I swear if there's not a talking frog and possibly a singing bug of some sort I will hunt him down and give him a stern talking to.

In Real People News: 

Apparently in South Carolina you can be arrested for choking a hog. Who knew?

You can also be arrested in Oregon for punching a dog and sticking it in an oven. That seems a lot more obvious though.

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 16th, 2011

Tomorrow is St Patrick's Day and while I'm not Irish I do love an excuse to get drunk. Really I don't need an excuse but it's always awesome to have one so you don't feel like an alcoholic. I also love any reason to get a Carvel cake. Especially a Cookie O' Puss. Again I don't really need an excuse to eat a entire ice cream cake by myself but it's nice to have one.

The smarty pants folks at Universal have decided to push up the release date for "Oblivion" to April 23rd 2013 from it's original release date of July 10th. The movie stars Tom Cruise as soldier who's court marshaled and shipped off to a deserted planet only to find he isn't alone. I think I'd move to another planet too if I was promised I'd be alone with Tom Cruise. Not for the reason you're thinking, sicko! It's so I can have sex with him.

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is beating a dead vampire. I don't think that makes any sense. But my point here is that Alcon Entertainment has tapped Brian Dannelly to direct their new vampire comedy "Suckers". I'm not going to bother explaining the plot because you can probably guess it. but Dannelly has directed episodes of "Weeds", "The United States of Tara" and "Pushing Daisies" so it might not be too shabby. But I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

You tell me Danny Trejo, Anthony Michael Hall and Mickey Rourke are going to be in a movie and I listen my friends. The movie is called "Dead In Tombstone" and apparently Trejo comes back from the dead to bring the hammer down on his half brother after being double crossed in a mine robbery. This might be the most perfect movie ever made. Minus Mickey Rourke actually. That guy creeps the hell out of me.

People are going to throw a fit but honestly Lionsgate teaming up with WWE to remake "Leprechaun" might be amazing. There's no script, no cast, and no real other news but what the hell can go wrong. And while we're at it I think Jennifer Aniston is delightful. There, I said it.

In Real People News: 

I have no idea what the rules are when going into prison, thank god, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to smuggle lip balm inside by shoving it up your ass. Honestly this all sounds like someone was just looking to have a cavity search for fun and just shoved the first thing he found up there.

Let this be a lesson to your kids out there. If you lie about having cancer and raise money for your treatment the state of Virginia will come down on your hate. Like 100$ fine hard. So you know. Maybe consider not doing it.

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