Julianne Moore

Horror Headlines: Monday July 1st, 2013

With my first mid-west 4th of July just a few days away I am both angered and confused after discovering that both Illinois and Milwaukee have laws that you can actually sell fireworks, just not shoot them off. I have no idea what sort of monster came up with this law but I'd like to punch them square in the face and then shoot a firework at their family dog.

I think the last time I saw a Julianne Moore movie I liked she was asking The Dude to plant his seed inside her. It's been a while. But good news, her next project is a witchs come to F crap up tale titled "The Seventh Son" and co-stars The Dude himself Jeff Bridges. Bad news, the project had already had its release date pushed once and now it's happened again, landing a January 17, 2014 outing now. Pray someone loses a toe.

It's probably been more than 20 years since I saw "Jacob's Ladder" and I'm not going to lie, it confused the holy living hell out of me. IMDB tells me it's about a Vietnam vet who starts to go nutso and seeings weird ass crap after the loss of his child. Not in those words exactly but you get the idea. My point here is I keep meaning to go back and watch the film again but now I don't have to because a remake is on it's way. Jeff Buhler, the fella who wrote "Midnight Meat Train", will pen the script and god willing he will dumb it down so I can understand it.

Crap, we completely forgot to celebrate last Wednesday. What was the special occasion you ask? Why it was exactly 2 years to the date before we get the new "Terminator" movie. I know, June 26th, 2015 is right around the corner, I'm really excited too.

David Bowie has been offered a role on the next season of "Hannibal" according to the show's creators. No word yet on if Mr. Stardust will take the role, but word has it he would be playing Hannibal's uncle on the second season of the NBC show. The good news here is I use to not really like David Bowie and now after hearing his music for about 30 years I've grown to really enjoy his work. So look out "Hannibal" producers, you might just have a new fan come 2043.

In Real People News: 

A obese elderly woman was discovered in Washington after she was so neglected by her daughter that maggots were actually eating away at her flesh. Don't worry though, the maggots were actually eating away at a serious infection in the womans leg and may of actually helped save her life by eating away at the dead skin. Did you just throw up? it's ok to say yes.

Killing the family dog is bad enough, but cooking it? Well I guess that's just not being wasteful so I'm kind of neutral on the whole thing. Yes this happened in Florida.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 11th, 2013

Some 8 years ago Robert Rodriguez produced a little flick titled "Curandero: Dawn of the Demon" about a federal agent batting a satanic cult in Mexico. Well thanks to the folks at Lionsgate and Miramax the flick is finally getting a DVD release on March 12th of this very year. Apparently the film fell by the wayside when the Weinstein brothers split with Miramax many moons ago. Breaking up is always hardest on the kids.

Todd Williams, of "Paranormal Activity 2" fame, has been hand picked by Stephen King himself to direct the big screen adaptation of his book "Cell". The story follows a young man trying to get from Boston to Maine after a strange event turns everything using a cell phone into a zombie. I think that's what the kids call a social statement. Or irony. I don't know, I always get the kids mixed up with Alanis Morissette.

"6 Souls", a not so new film starring Julianne Moore as doctor who begins treating a youngster with multiple personalities that just so happen to be murder victims will finally see US shores in a limited theatrical release on April 5th. The film, previously titled "Shelter", saw some overseas theaters back in 2010 but never made it's way to the land of milk and honey. So I assume it's going to be really good. Look for it.

Tyler Rossand and Izabela Vidovic are the first two names to be confirmed for the cast of Amazon's upcoming "Zombieland" series. It's based on the 2009 movie. I've talked about it a lot. You never listen to me. I think we should see other people. I don't care if it's just before Valentines day.

In Real People News: 

When a guy bites off the tip of his ex's big toes that's just creepy. When it turns out that guy is also a shoe salesmen though. That's pure comic gold.

New "Carrie" Teaser Trailer

You know what movie I totally forgot was coming? That's right, the remake of Stephen King's "Carrie"! All things considered, nothing in this trailer screams 'bad.' Then again, it doesn't really show anything much besides Chloe Grace Moretz covered in blood. Considering that "Carrie covered in blood" is one of the most iconic shots in horror movie history, they would be pretty stupid to not include it in the promotion of the remake.

Snapshot: Chloe Moretz as "Carrie"

The first images of the "Carrie" remake are hitting the web and I must admit, I'm starting to get excited for this. Chloe Moretz is stepping into the iconic role of the telekinetic teenager in the upcoming remake of the 1976 classic and she's definitely pulling off the drenched in pig's blood look. The remake, which will be directed by "Boys Don't Cry" director Kimberly Peirce, is described as a modernized, more character driven adaptation of the Stephen King novel.

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 14th, 2011

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

In Real People News: 

Fishermen in Germany are blaming swimmers who pee in their local pond for the 500 plus fish they found dead recently. Even I'm not that much of a monster to make the joke you're thinking of.

A Pennsylvania woman beat the holy living hell out of her husband during a fight over his facial hair. Which is funny because now he's probably going to go nuts when she doesn't clean. And the cycle will begin anew.

Horror Headlines: Friday, May 4th, 2011

May the Fourth be with you everybody!

The good folks at Universal have taken it upon themselves to push there new exorcism film "The Seventh Son" back a good 8 months to October 18, 2013. The film stars Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore so you have to imagine it's not too shabby but as of yet there's no word as to why the delay is happening. Let's start an insane rumor though, like Jeff Bridges demands the blood of virgins to do any work and they're running out of them in Hollywood.

Jennifer Lynch, the creepy gal behind "Boxing Helena" and other flicks has had her new film "Chained" slapped with a NC-17 rating. The film follows a 9 year old boy who is kidnapped and as he grows learns he must follow in his kidnappers footsteps to survive. Kind of like "The Lion King" but with people getting their faces bashed in.

Amber Heard has been confirmed for the cast of "Machete Kills" and I used up my stupid comments on her earlier this week so she gets a pass today. What can I say, I'm a giver.

Warner Bros. has dropped the news that they will in fact be resurrecting "Little shop Of Horrors" once again and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is very much interested in taking on the lead role. My guess is there won't be any singing in this version but who knows. I love that damn dentist song Steve Martin does.

In Real People News: 

A Humane Society employee in Florida (yeah no shit) is under arrest after he was found in possession of child pornography and a video of him getting it on with a dog. Isn't that some sort of physiological test? Picking which one you think is worse determines what kind of job you'll have later in life or something? I could have sworn I remember my guidance counselor asking me that in High School.

A 30 year old mother in Iowa is under arrest after she shot up heroin in the bathroom of a pharmacy while her 4 year old child was present. The import thing to note here is that in Iowa there are bathrooms in pharmacies that just anyone can use. I'd shoot up heroin too if I didn't have to give a stool sample just to take a piss in a Duane Reade in the city.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 21st, 2011

Oh it's on! Joseph Gordon-Levitt has been confirmed to be in the next installment of the Batman saga currently titled "The Dark Knight Rises". Which character he will play has yet to be released but if I know my Batman trivia, which I think I do, I assume he'll be playing the role of King Tut. Google it, trust me it's funny.

Jodi Foster will step behind the camera for a new sci-fi flick that she's developing. No real details on the movie but apparently it'll have a nice warm family feel to it. So maybe something like "ET 2". The world demands it!

"The Seventh Son" has added Julianne Moore to its cast list which already includes Jeff Bridges. Moore will play the most bad ass of all witches who uses blood magic, whatever the hell that is. This is funny because I've always assumed Julianne Moore was a witch in real life because she looks exactly the same as she did 20 years ago. In days of old she would have been burned at the stake for being in her 50's and still being pretty hot.

Everyone and their mother has joined the cast of "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters 3D" including Derek Mears who you might remember as Jason from the "Friday the 13th" remake. Fans of the "MacGruber" movie may also recognize him as "Large Henchman" which I believe got him an Oscar nomination.

In Real People News: 

I'm pretty sure you need to get your parent's permission when you're 14 years old and want to get a tattoo. Even if you are paying for it with sex like this girl in Pennsylvania did. The 34 year old tattoo artist is now being brought up on charges and I assume he'll try to say he thought she was over 18. For his sake I hope it wasn't a Bieber tattoo.

Of all the places you can accidentally leave your child when you're drunk, in a bathroom gas station has got to be in the top 5 worst places. Apparently you can also get into some serious trouble for it because a Delaware women is facing DUI and other charges after doing just that. News to me.

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