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Horror Headlines: Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

"Chuck" star Yvonne Strahovski has just been added to the cast of season 7 of "Dexter", bringing the show's Australian quotient officially up to par with 1. She'll play a young lass helping the Miami PD solve a homicide case while peaking Dexter's interest in her past. She'll also provide the entire cast with a direct line to delicious bloomin onions.

French director Alain DesRochers has been tapped by the good folks at Millennium Films and Nu Image to direct their upcoming vampire flick "The Rising". The script follows a group of mercenaries as they travel around the jungles of Cambodia looking for missing persons. As you might of guessed they run into some vampires. Because they call it a vampire film. Now that I think of it though it would be a great twist if there wasn't a single vampire in the film.

Paramount has just picked up the rights to Libba Bray's young adult novel "The Diviners". The book takes place in the 1920's and follows a group of youngsters with secret powers as they battle the forces of evil in NYC. They also do the jitterbug I assume. Everyone did the jitterbug in the 20's.

Joseph Fiennes, of "hey that guy looks like Ali G" fame has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". Fiennes will play the head of a institution for the criminally insane where Jessica Lange's character works. Word is there will also be some romance in the air. Some old lady on middle aged man romance. The kind of romance that makes you a little uncomfortable and kind of sick.

In Real People News: 

A 47 year old Delaware woman is under arrest after trying to seduce a 13 year old boy with pornography. That's got to be a pretty hefty blow to the self esteem. When I was 13 I'm pretty sure I would have dry humped a parked car if no one was looking and this woman has to try to trick the kid with porn. And it didn't work. Go easy on her, Delaware, she's had a rough day.

I've been on vacation for almost a week and I come back to dozens of people setting other people on fire stories. So here's one about a woman in Alaska who covered her boyfriend with lighter fluid and set him ablaze. I chose this one because most of the others were about a husband burning his wife. And I didn't want to seem like a woman hater.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 13th, 2011

Bradley Cooper is reportedly in talks to take the lead role in the much discussed remake of the 90's film "The Crow". Wait what now? Not that Cooper is the greatest actor of all time but I had assumed the remake would be on the discount DVD shelves before it's opening weekend was over. Now, I don't know what to think. Up is down, black is white, Finkle is Einhorn and Einhorn is a man!

If you're like me then you had a lot of questions after you watched the final "Saw" movie. The largest of course being why the hell did I watch 27 of these movies. There was 27 of them right? Well, surprisingly James Wan and Leigh Whannell say that Jigsaw could rise again if they were approached with a new and different idea to get the ball rolling again. Just so we're clear fellas, I will do everything in my power to stop this, and you will have to murder me. Your move gentlemen!

The good people at Paramount have picked up the rights to the Ray Bradbury joint "The Martian Chronicles" with the intentions of making a big screen adaptation of the short story collection. That's kind of obvious though isn't it, Paramount is a movie company so why would they buy the rights to a story if they didn't want to make a movie out of it. I'm sorry I'm so dumb and waste your time like this.

"Dark City" star Rufus Sewell has landed the role of Adam in the upcoming big screen adaptation of the book "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". For those of you not familiar with the book, Adam is the head vampire and the second greatest enemy of Mr. Lincoln. The first of course being people who hate beards. Because, ya know, he had one and all I guess. I'm not a Social Studies textbook people.

In Real People News: 

Sometimes it's just hard to say goodbye to a loved one. Case in point these twin brothers in Huston who lived in a house with their dead mother for almost 3 months before police arrested them. Wait they arrested them for murder? They killed her? Well, that changes everything doesn't it.

Love will make you do crazy things. Case in point this police officer in Miami who threatened his girlfriend with a gun, verbally assaulted her and dragged her around the house by her hair. Why would he do this? Word is, she wouldn't hold his hand. I don't like to judge, but he might of overreacted a bit. What do I know though?

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 3rd, 2011

Oh boy! Tim Burton's new "Dark Shadows" movie just got a whole lot sexier because Jackie Earle Haley has been added to the cast. Johnny Depp will star in the film but no one will be watching him with that hunky Jackie prancing around the screen with his creepy get in my van smile. Bella Heathcote has also been added to the cast and much to my surprise is not a porn star.

Booo Paramount, boo! Apparently there's been a "Pet Cemetery" remake in the works for some time now but up until recently it wasn't getting much action. But now it looks like a script is almost done and a director search is moving forward. Matthew Greenberg, who wrote the script for King's "1408" as well is just about done with his new updated version of this sucker.

I don't know if this is suppose to be good news but Wes Craven says he isn't re-shooting scenes for "Scream 4" but actually adding pivotal scenes. So just to confirm, he watched his movie and didn't see scenes that he thought could be better or done different, no he saw scenes that were completely missing all together. I'm not good with math or words but honestly I think the re-shooting sounded better.

MTV has announced that their new series based on the 90's classic "Teen Wolf" will hit the air on June 5th. Based on everything I've heard about their latest show "Skins" I am fully expecting this one to feature full frontal nudity and partial if not full penetration. I'll consider anything less a complete failure.

In Real People News: 

Not going to lie, I don't see anything wrong with this one. A Minnesota man is being brought up on animal cruelty charges after he tried to mail a 4 month old puppy to Atlanta. Did he not poke holes in the box? Is that what he did wrong? Should he have put a bone in the box with the dog? Seriously, I'm drawing a blank here.

In what sounds like a Lifetime movie here's a story about a Nebraska women who beat the holy living hell out of a guy with a frying pan after he tried to sexually assault her. I would have gone with a Loony Tunes reference here but I don't recall those having many attempted rape scenes in them.

Horror Headlines: Friday August 27th, 2010

Poor Tony Todd, he's been needing work lately what with all his TV appearances and movies and such. Thankfully, he's going to be adding another film to his resume when he returns to the "Final Destination" franchise for the fifth installment.

Paramount has decided they need some original horror projects in their stable as they prepare the new property "School of Horrors". With the writer/director team of George Kay and Jim Field Smith already tapped, the movie is described as "Home Alone" in Hogwarts with it's plot of a young boy left in a haunted school by his parents.

Namco's busy preparing for the release of the old school re-do "Splatterhouse" and this trailer and game play clip promises that the game is going to be a bloody good time.

There's a new still from "Paranormal Activity 2" floating around out there that gives us a taste of... not much.

I woke up this morning thinking, "I sure would love to see a movie about a bunch of Nazi's in a giant take fighting a giant demon". Good thing there's movie in the works called "Panzer 88" about nazi unit in a King Tiger (Read: Big Ass Tank) running into a demonic force on the frozen Russian border!

In Real People News: 

A Sydney woman's special day was ruined when her spinal canal was was mistakenly injected with antiseptic instead of anesthesia during a routine epidural. Left with a poisoned nervous system, the woman is in agonizing pain and lacks the strength to hold her new born son.

On this day in history: 

1883 - After three massive explosions over the previous 16 hours, the volcanic island of Krakatoa suffers a final, inconceivably destructive blast. The noise is heard 3,000 miles away in Madagascar. Two-thirds of the island's land mass collapses into the ocean, and the resulting 175-foot tsunami wipes away 163 coastal towns and villages along the Sunda Straight, killing 36,417 inhabitants.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 11th, 2010

"Automaton Transfusion" director Steven C. Miller talks about his entry for the new "After Dark Originals" line, "Scream of the Banshee". Starring Lauren Holly, the film is described as an old school monster movie and hopes to be the anchor to the new addition to the "After Dark 8 Films to Die For" family.

I'm sure you've been waiting for the return of the lesser known Duff sister Haley to the big screen. Worry no more as Haley Duff is in talks to star in the upcoming thriller "Cousin Sarah", a story of somebody's weird cousin moving to town where unexplained events start happening. Here's hoping her already signed co-star Jason Mewes lands the title roll of 'Cousin Sarah'.

The official plot details for Kevin Smith's upcoming "Red State" have appeared online and it looks passable! Centered around a Fred Phelps like evangelist, the movie hopes to show a new kind of 'extreme fundamentalism'.

Are you a big fan of Netflix and their handy streaming video service? Get ready to like it even more as the company has struck a deal with Paramount, Lionsgate and MGM Studios. Quite simply, there's going to be even more fun stuff to watch while wasting time at work!

In Real People News: 

An Auckland woman left her infant in the bath in hopes that he would drown, due to her claims of being unable to cope with two children. After pulling his body from the bath, she made sure to login to Facebook and do some web surfing before bothering to tell her husband that their baby had died.

A British woman on vacation in the Swiss Alps decided it would be fun to take a tour of the Gorges Alpins, a popular route that is traversed by rope bridges and zip lines. The group had a lot of fun until the woman decided she didn't need to use the safety rope used for braking on the zip lines and slammed face first into the side of a cliff, killing her instantly.

On this day in history: 

1772 - The summit of Papandayan volcano in West Java suddenly implodes, unleashing a catastrophic debris avalanche which blankets an area of 250 square km. Tumbling boulders flatten 40 villages and their 2,957 inhabitants.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 17th, 2010

Would you like a sure sign that this new fangled 3D trend is going too far? Japanese studio Toei has announced that they are working on a 3D conversion for their classic "Battle Royale". No, not a remake; they're just planning on slapping some 3D effects onto the 10 year old film.

"Martyrs" director Pascal Laugier is bringing us his first US film entitled "The Tall Man", a woman in peril thriller in the vein of "Panic Room". He's bringing some star power with him as well as he has signed Jessica Biel as his leading lady.

Platinum Dunes making an original movie? Oh yes. Paramount, Platinum Dunes and Room 101 are teaming together to bring us a brand spanking new monster movie. Though there are no details of what kind of monster they plan on bringing to life, we are told that Mark L. Smith penned script is reminiscent of such films as "I am Legend", "Aliens" and "Descent".

Kurt Russell plan on scaring us once again as he signs on for the thriller "Undying", playing Virgial, a private investigator lured into a dark an surreal underworld by the mysterious Delia. With a script penned by Greg Whitta and directed by Jon Amiel, this could be a spooky little treat.

In Real People News: 

A Thai protester thought it would be a good idea to use a laser pointer on a group of Thai soldiers. Too bad for him, they mistook it for a laser sight and blew his head off in exchange.

Cryonics company Alcor has won a court battle after a judge orders a family to dig up their father so they could freeze his head, as per his wishes. Unfortunately, even though Alcor says that the man's head is no longer optimal for the freezing process due to decomposition, they figured they'd go ahead and take the issue to court anyways.

On this day in history: 

1965 - Magazine "The Nation" publishes Hunter S. Thompson's first-hand experiences with the Hell's Angels motorcycle club. The bikers would eventually stomp Thompson when they demanded payment for his time spent.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 12th, 2010

So we have two more weeks until Horrorhound Weekend. Did you get your tickets yet? All of our various cliques are coming together and making our plans, from a Friday night karaoke bash where I plan on starting with Neil Diamond's “America” to Saturday's “Cheeseburger in Horrorhound Weekend-idise”, where I will intrusively push my love of Jimmy Buffett on everyone. Horror is great and all, but c'mon, even you gotta admit it gets old fast.

After the success of the ultra-tepid and mega-overrated “Paranormal Activity”, Paramount is hoping that lightning will strike twice by starting Insurge Pictures, an in-house effort that will distribute films budgeted under $100,000. While this sounds awesome at first glance, we all know this'll just become another home for Hollywood vanity project for the likes of Steven Soderburgh and George Clooney to “get back to their roots” by using digital cameras to make scathing indictments of the US military complex starring porn stars and cameos from former teen-stars trying to shed their pretty boy image. On the plus side, you might get to see James Van Der Beek's dong.

Eric Roberts has signed the dotted line to star in the SyFy movie “Sharktopus”. I know that I've been a champion of these movies in the past, but, after the release of “Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus”, I find it hard to give a damn anymore. These movies used to be reviled and spit on, which, for me, added to their charm, but, for some reason, with the release of “MS v. GO”, they became a part of the hipster culture and they became “cool” bad movies. “Hey bro, I can't make it to our Brooklyn-based indie art-rock collective band meeting tonight! SyFy has Cyndi Lauper is taking on a Spider-Megalodon!” (And, even more, am I the only one who feels like a total dick actually writing “SyFy”? That channel has gotten so pretentious I'm surprised they haven't done a Phillip K. Dick miniseries yet, with a soundtrack by Joanna Newsom.)

In Real People News: 

According to a recent study, huffing—the act of inhaling vapors to get high— has surpassed "street drugs", like marijuana, among 12-year-olds. Remember that story last week about the small condoms for 12-year-olds? WHAT THE FUCK ARE 12-YEAR-OLDS DOING? When I was 12, I had just discovered masturbation by rubbing my dick vigorously against the rim of the tub. Sex and huffing were a looooong way off.

Devotees of a Miami man claiming to practice a traditional African religion say they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them. Call me crazy, but I like to worship a God that doesn't make me drink snail mucus to prove my love to Him. I'm old-fashioned like that.

A Mexican military helicopter was spotted hovering over a South Texas neighborhood. While many residents are wondering why the military would cross into our country, I'm wondering how they were able to stuff 23 soldiers, a crate of chickens, a taco-stand and a goat named Jorge into one helicopter.

On this day in history: 

In 1930, renowned pussy Mahatma Gandhi leads a 200-mile march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. This was followed a week later by a swim in the Ganges to protest the high price of Mrs. Dash.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 19th, 2009

Derek Mears, your current "Jason Voorhees", joins the cast of Robert Rodriguez's "Predators". Which makes sense, because he's just about the most terrifying human being I've ever seen. In real life that is, not so much in "Friday the 13th".

Paramount is Throwing 10 parties to celebrate this weekend's success of "Paranormal Activity". Find out how you can attend at the link.

Check out these early images from John Carpenter's big screen return "The Ward".

Scott Derrickson, director of "The Exorcism of Emily Rose", has signed on to direct the supernatural thriller "The Living".

Follow me on this one. A script that's been floating around called "Nightcrawlers", has officially gotten a director in Mike Mitchell. It also has a new name... "Monster Squad". Apparently the horror/comedy is being turned into a psuedo/not really remake of Fred Dekker's 80's classic. Here's more info.

In Real People News: 

I always felt a little uncomfortable during drunk taxi rides. Now I know why.

When you hear the phrase "fireworks warehouse in India", you pretty much assume this is how it's going to end.

Oh Halloween... that wonderful time of year when dead bodies are mistaken for Holiday decorations. It's a horror fan's delight really.

On this day in history: 

1982: Maverick carmaker John DeLorean is arrested in Los Angeles with $24M worth of cocaine in his suitcase. The case is later thrown out of court when a judge rules that the FBI sting operation constituted entrapment.

Paranormal Activity (REVIEW)

Fear is an incredibly subjective emotion. What scares one person may make another laugh, or barely raise the pulse of still another person. Since horror films deal in fear, it's only natural that eventually the artform would become proactive in directly manipulating the way in which people experience a film. The first-person, or "found footage" horror narrative, is designed to do exactly that.

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 15th, 2009

"Ju-On" 5 and 6 are on their way stateside. Not sure what they're about? Watch the other 4, that should give you a pretty good idea.

If ever there were a series made for a hollow gimmick like the new 3D technology, it's definitely "Saw". You'll find quotes from one of the Producers on how the development process for the next film is going, and the ways they're trying to utilize the 3D at the link.

Check out all the entries for the "Instant Films 48 Hours Film Festival". Among the entries you'll find a film called "Shut up! I Said Shut Up!", by "Alien Raiders" director Ben Rock.

Paramount Pictures plans to release a new web series titled "Circle of Eight" on Myspace on October 27th. Yup, I said Myspace. Apparently that place still exists.

A ton of sneak peak videos from the "Night of the Creeps" DVD. Fred Dekker's 80's classic finally comes home to your collection in a few weeks.

In Real People News: 

Notorious serial killer gets caught by stealing a ceiling fan from a mosque. Not exactly the world's smartest criminal.

Sure, Sweden may be all "neutral" and stuff... but they also keep themselves warm by burning dead bunny carcasses. If that isn't evil, I don't know what is.

Another reason why the internet is greater than HAM radio, it won't electrocute the shit out of you. Well, at least if you're doing it right it won't.

On this day in history: 

1917: Dutch spy H21, also known as Mata Hari, is executed in Paris by a 12-man firing squad. The dancer, born Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, had slept with a number of high-ranking military officers from around the world and passed secrets along to the German high command. After death, her body is given to the University of Paris medical school for dissection.

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