Eric Roberts

Horror Headlines: Monday October 1st, 2012

Kathleen Kennedy, Steven Spielberg's long time producer, recently dropped an update on "Jurassic Park 4" and the film's current status. Excited? On the edge of your seat? Need to know right this very second what the hell is going on? Well here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. The update is.... they're writing a lot. Need a cigarette don't you?

I'm so freakin confused. "The Child" is a new German film about a lawyer who finds himself being asked to defend a 10 year old who thinks he was a murderer in a past life. The confusing thing to me is that Eric Roberts has apparently just signed on to star in the film. It's German? Does Eric Roberts speak German? Is the movie going to be in German? Will there be a Falco song in the film? There damn well better be.

Get moist fanboys! Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's next installment in their series of films, "The World's End" has officially begin production. The film will focus on a group of friends who reunite for one more drinking marathon and find not only their future is in danger but so is the world's. Of course there's been many a night I've been three sheets to the wind and thought the world was ending. We've all been there.

Brian De Palma's "Passion", a new film about two women battling it out in a deadly power struggle, has been picked up by Entertainment One for a North American release. I think girls make out in it. I want to see it.

In Real People News: 

I've never really believed that frightening someone can cure their hiccups but then again I've been known to be wrong in the past. I mean it worked for this guy who accidentally shot his friend while trying to cure him. I suppose that might have done the trick. Unfortunately we'll never really know, because he's dead. Let's just assume yes.

Snapshots: Ohay there, Danielle Harris ("Dead.tv")

I'm not all that interested in this movie, called "Dead.tv", but I'd like to shake the hand of the man who got Eric Roberts and Danielle Harris together for this publicity still. I propose their next film is a remake of "Bonnie and Clyde". Just imagine it...

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

Man I never read or saw "Red Dragon" but the news that Larry Fishburne is in talks to take on the role of Jack Crawford in "Hannibal", the upcoming NBC series based on the book has me borderline interested. I guess the character is an FBI agent or something who tries to find Hannibal. Was Hannibal in that book? I don't care. Doesn't matter. Freakin Morpheus, man.

Apparently there's been rumors floating around that "Jurassic Park IV" will focus on a government plot to weaponize dinosaurs. I've never heard that rumor and I like to think I'm the beginning and end of all internet rumors. But just to try to prove me wrong producer Frank Marshall came out and said that these "rumors" are 100% false. Now that I think of it he never did confirm that he didn't make them up himself right before he said they were false. So maybe that's why I never heard of them.

Shocking news coming out of "The Dark Knight Rises" camp today that Miss. Anne Hathaway would apparently not be opposed to doing a "Catwoman" spin off film. I know I'm just as shocked as you are. Don't worry though, this won't be some piece of crap. She'll only do it "with the right people". I assume she means she would want the entire cast and crew from "Bride Wars" to be involved. I'm just guessing here though.

Eliza Roberts, who is apparently the spouse of Eric Roberts, who I have nothing but good things to say about, has joined the cast of "Self Storage". That means there will be a loving couple on the set of the flick about a group of party goers trapped inside a storage facility. Nothing but love and normal things going on. That is all. Happy times.

In Real People News: 

Naked man breaks into 67 year old man's home. Naked man gets shot. I think that's redneck math.

If you're going to get caught using your child's diaper bag to steel items from Walmart the proper thing to do is to ditch the bag and make a run for it. You do not, I repeat DO NOT ditch the bag and your 1 year old child and make a run for it. That little bugger is full of your DNA and will be traced back to you.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 19th, 2012

I had no idea there was a "World Of Warcraft" movie in the works or that Sam Raimi was suppose to be directing it. But it turns out he isn't going to. The movie is still happening though, just with another director. Good story huh?

I don't have proof or anything but if I was to take a guess I would say that at some point Eric Roberts has been spanked by a lady. Don't ask me why, it's just a hunch. So I suggest that ladies on the set of "Self Storage" keep a close eye on their drinks because the tan one has just joined the cast. The film tells the tale of a group of friends trapped inside a storage facility when all hell breaks lose.

If you like cartoons and you like horror then your going to go ape shit over "The Living Corpse", which the folks over at Anchor Bay have just acquired the rights to. The flick is a cartoon tale (that's why I mentioned them before) about a superhero who also happens to be undead. Like superman, but he eats people. Although Superman may be doing now also. I haven't read a comic in close to 20 years so I don't know what's going on there.

Remember Justina Machado from "Six Feet Under"? The spicy latina that Rico cheated on and we all fealt sorry for? Well feel sorry for her again because she's landed a role along side Halle Berry in a new serial killer flick "The Hive". In the film Berry plays a 911 operator who must help a teenager being stalked by a killer. I say feel sorry for her because Halle Berry kind of makes crap movies now. So this is probably going to be a crap movie. She may have a perfectly lovely time though. I'm sorry I lead you to believe she was going to be miserable. She's hot.

In Real People News: 

I've seen a lot of movies where a guy meets a woman in a bar and goes back to her place and it turns out she's real freaky deaky and likes to pretend she's being attacked during sex. That's weird to me. Things go from weird to illegal though when a husband posts an ad on Craigslist saying his wife is into that without her knowledge and she in turn isn't into that. It's called evolution.

Here's a fun story about New York guy who's under arrest for licking some girl's feet in a public library. Wait, it gets better. When asked why he did this he went on a rant about Obama and how he set him up. I like this guy's style.

The Dead Want Women (REVIEW)

"The Dead Want Women" opens up with a lavish party inside of a Hollywood mansion, hosted by the actress Rose Pettigrew who is famous for her work on silent films. Rose leaves her guests at the party and heads to her basement, through a secret passage, to join some friends for an orgy that is extended so long it could probably be called soft-core porn.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 12th, 2010

So we have two more weeks until Horrorhound Weekend. Did you get your tickets yet? All of our various cliques are coming together and making our plans, from a Friday night karaoke bash where I plan on starting with Neil Diamond's “America” to Saturday's “Cheeseburger in Horrorhound Weekend-idise”, where I will intrusively push my love of Jimmy Buffett on everyone. Horror is great and all, but c'mon, even you gotta admit it gets old fast.

After the success of the ultra-tepid and mega-overrated “Paranormal Activity”, Paramount is hoping that lightning will strike twice by starting Insurge Pictures, an in-house effort that will distribute films budgeted under $100,000. While this sounds awesome at first glance, we all know this'll just become another home for Hollywood vanity project for the likes of Steven Soderburgh and George Clooney to “get back to their roots” by using digital cameras to make scathing indictments of the US military complex starring porn stars and cameos from former teen-stars trying to shed their pretty boy image. On the plus side, you might get to see James Van Der Beek's dong.

Eric Roberts has signed the dotted line to star in the SyFy movie “Sharktopus”. I know that I've been a champion of these movies in the past, but, after the release of “Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus”, I find it hard to give a damn anymore. These movies used to be reviled and spit on, which, for me, added to their charm, but, for some reason, with the release of “MS v. GO”, they became a part of the hipster culture and they became “cool” bad movies. “Hey bro, I can't make it to our Brooklyn-based indie art-rock collective band meeting tonight! SyFy has Cyndi Lauper is taking on a Spider-Megalodon!” (And, even more, am I the only one who feels like a total dick actually writing “SyFy”? That channel has gotten so pretentious I'm surprised they haven't done a Phillip K. Dick miniseries yet, with a soundtrack by Joanna Newsom.)

In Real People News: 

According to a recent study, huffing—the act of inhaling vapors to get high— has surpassed "street drugs", like marijuana, among 12-year-olds. Remember that story last week about the small condoms for 12-year-olds? WHAT THE FUCK ARE 12-YEAR-OLDS DOING? When I was 12, I had just discovered masturbation by rubbing my dick vigorously against the rim of the tub. Sex and huffing were a looooong way off.

Devotees of a Miami man claiming to practice a traditional African religion say they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them. Call me crazy, but I like to worship a God that doesn't make me drink snail mucus to prove my love to Him. I'm old-fashioned like that.

A Mexican military helicopter was spotted hovering over a South Texas neighborhood. While many residents are wondering why the military would cross into our country, I'm wondering how they were able to stuff 23 soldiers, a crate of chickens, a taco-stand and a goat named Jorge into one helicopter.

On this day in history: 

In 1930, renowned pussy Mahatma Gandhi leads a 200-mile march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. This was followed a week later by a swim in the Ganges to protest the high price of Mrs. Dash.

The Chaos Experiment (REVIEW)

Jimmy's got issues. He's a smart guy with some pretty big ideas on the earth's future and global warning. As a matter of fact, he thinks the Mayan calendar and its predictions of the earth ending in 2012 are quite true. According to Jimmy, global warming will reach its zenith in December of 2012 with temperatures reaching upwards of 130 degrees worldwide. Along with the heat, he also believes that the human population will devolve into mass chaos as people go nuts with their impending doom. Jimmy's biggest problem is that nobody will listen.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

We discuss alien garbage chutes. And, other things...

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web