American Horror Story

A couple days ago Mark IMed me and said, "Do you still want to write for the site?". I'm honestly not sure if he was saying it in a "Hey do you want to write for the site? You're pretty good and you should get back into it" or a "What exactly do you think you provide for this world? Deadbeat..." sort of way. Either way, I felt guilty so I've decided to start writing the news again... once a week... for at least the next 3 weeks. Enjoy.

"The Woman In Black: Angel Of Death", the sequel to the 2012 film which made me pee my pants, has cast Jeremy Irvine and Phoebe Fox in the film's leads roles. The film takes place four decades after the events of the first movie and follows a nurse trying to save a group of young children who are being taken out one by one by the woman in black. Am I the only one who sees a great opportunity for a follow up to the 1986 classic Chris de Burgh song "Lady In Red" here?

Gabourey Sidibe is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming season of "American Horror Story: Coven: Based On a Novel By the Guy Who Created 'Glee'" (not the show's real name). No details on what kind of role she'll be playing but we do know that the third season of the show will also feature Kathy Bates and revolve around a witch coven so if I was to guess I'd say I still have no idea what type of role she'll play.

J.J. Abrams' production company Bad Robot appears to be hard at work on obtaining the rights to the big screen adaptation of Stephen King's "11/22/63". The book tells the story of a man who sets out to stop the assassination of John F Kennedy when he discovers that he can travel back in time. I'm pretty sure it's the longest book in the world and I've been reading it off and on for close to 6 months so my hope is that by the time the movie is picked up and made I will be close to finishing it.

"The Last Exorcism Part II" will hit DVD and Blu-Ray on June 18th, be chock full of extras, a commentary track and so much more. You shouldn't buy it.

I lost interest in the second season of "American Horror Story" pretty quickly but I'm still mildly interested in seeing season 3 because I liked the first a super lot. Of course the news that Ryan Murphy has dropped that the upcoming season will be a modern day romance story does not have me giddy at all. Then again Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters have already been confirmed to be returning so maybe there will be a 3 way love triangle there so that could be frightening. You're picturing it right now aren't you. It's a terrible image.

"Sons Of Anarchy" star Charlie Hunnam has landed his greasy little locks a role in Guillermo del Toro's new flick "Crimson Peak". Details of his role are still unknown but the film is said to be a modern take on the classic ghost story. What that actually means is beyond me but what if the ghosts were actually alive and like working at our local car dealerships or something? Did I just blow your mind? I think I did.

I may or may not have completely forgotten that NBC had a "Dracula" TV series in the works but if I'm being honest here it just dawned on me that I may have a 6 year old child somewhere in the greater Philadelphia area so I've got a lot worse things to worry about. Moving on! Jonathan Jessica De Gouw has been cast in the role of Mina Murray, a young medical student who also happens to be the reincarnation of the fanged one's true love. Now that I think about it maybe I should have kept that whole kid thing to myself.

At this point the only way the "Zombieland" sequel discussion could get more ridiculous is if a script gets written so Bill Murray can shred it. But now there's talks that a TV series based on the show, which had been discussed back in 2011, may actually be a go and a call for casting has gone out. Nothing has been confirmed of course and the project will die 4 or 5 more times before the year ends but at the very least it will give me something to write about and at the end of the day isn't that all we really want? I thought so.

Michael Kenneth Williams had what might be my favorite line ever in a TV show or movie on "Boardwalk Empire" but unfortunately I can only quote it in the shower, with music on and after a quick scan of my neighborhood to make sure no one is home. It's pretty bad. What I'm getting at here is Michael Kenneth Williams has been rumored to be joining the "Robocop" remake at Alex Murphy's partner and family friend. I mean partner in a police sort of way, not like life partner. Although they may have changed the story for the remake. I don't judge.

Blake Sheldon is apparently not the country singer. That guy has a T in his name or something. This Blake is an actor and he's been tapped to play not 1 but 2 roles in the upcoming season of "American Horror Story". Young Shel Shel (patent pending) will play the role of "Devon" and "Cooper" in the next chapter in the series. I have no idea who those characters are but they're powerful names so I have high hopes.

Do you like classic horror movies? Of course you do. Even if you don't you're too embarrassed to admit you don't like them. So most likely you and a group of friends will be too ashamed to call each other's bluffs about wanting to see "The Birds", "Frankenstein" and "Bride of Frankenstein" when they are restored and put into theaters this coming September and October. Make comments like "oh this is classic" and "did you know 'The Birds' is a reference to the threat of communism". You're going to look so cultured.

Don't ask me why but I'm here to tell you that Lindsay Lohan and Charlie sheen have both been added to the cast of "Scary movie 5". I'm also here to tell you that I've been wearing the same clothes for 2 days... to work.

I've never seen an episode of "Lost" but I know people are nutso for it and I know the final episode was crap. I think that's enough for me. But the rest of the interwebs might be excited to learn that Elizabeth Mitchell is once again teaming up with J.J. Abrams for a new show titled "Revolution." Mitchell will play a loving mother on the show that focuses on a family that must reunite in a post-apocalyptic world. Andrea Roth was originally set to play the role and she was on "Rescue Me" which is a show I did watch and no one hated the last episode of so I disagree with this move.

Olly Blackburn has replaced Gary Fleder in the director role in the upcoming Dimension Films slasher flick "Kristy." The film focuses on a young girl who stays in her college dorm over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 masked men. You might remember Olly Blackburn as the director of 2008's "Donkey Punch." I remember him as the guy who directed a movie I thought was a porn but actually turned out to be just a bunch of rich kids on a boat doing drugs and killing each other.

"Smiley" is a new horror film about a serial killer that can be summoned through the internet and actually looks not too shabby. Sort of. This isn't the news here though. The news is that the film will receive an October 11th release date via something called Tugg, Inc. which allows people to vote on what movies will be available at their local theaters. I don't know how that works so I'm not going to bother trying to explain. The film will also be available for viewing on the movie's website in both a PG-13 and R rated form. Later on it will also be available on VOD, DVD and Blu-Ray. Even later on though it will be available via interpretive dance performed by a local group of elderly tap dancers with hearts of gold.

If you saw "Shark night 3D" and thought "I really hope to see more of these actors sometime soon" then you're in luck because Chris Zylka, who was also on 2 episodes of "Hannah Montana", has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". No word as to what role he'll be playing and honestly who cares. The guy fought sharks, in 3D, anything he does is gold baby. Gold!

"Chuck" star Yvonne Strahovski has just been added to the cast of season 7 of "Dexter", bringing the show's Australian quotient officially up to par with 1. She'll play a young lass helping the Miami PD solve a homicide case while peaking Dexter's interest in her past. She'll also provide the entire cast with a direct line to delicious bloomin onions.

French director Alain DesRochers has been tapped by the good folks at Millennium Films and Nu Image to direct their upcoming vampire flick "The Rising". The script follows a group of mercenaries as they travel around the jungles of Cambodia looking for missing persons. As you might of guessed they run into some vampires. Because they call it a vampire film. Now that I think of it though it would be a great twist if there wasn't a single vampire in the film.

Paramount has just picked up the rights to Libba Bray's young adult novel "The Diviners". The book takes place in the 1920's and follows a group of youngsters with secret powers as they battle the forces of evil in NYC. They also do the jitterbug I assume. Everyone did the jitterbug in the 20's.

Joseph Fiennes, of "hey that guy looks like Ali G" fame has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". Fiennes will play the head of a institution for the criminally insane where Jessica Lange's character works. Word is there will also be some romance in the air. Some old lady on middle aged man romance. The kind of romance that makes you a little uncomfortable and kind of sick.

With his new hit TV Show "American Horror Story" gearing up for it's second season, its clear that creator/director Ryan Murphy is a fan of the genre. In a recent spread for Elle Magazine, Murphy teamed up with some of the actresses from both of his hits, "Glee" and "American Horror Story", to recreate scenes from classic horror films. Some of the movies tackled in the photo shoot? "The Creature from the Black Lagoon", "The Birds" and "Carrie" (pictured above).

The nice old man from "Babe" AKA James Cromwell has joined the cast of Season 2 of "American Horror Story". He'll play a doctor who goes to battle with his boss, played by Jessica Lange. Am I the only one who just got hungry for some bacon? I can't be.

Guillermo del Toro recently look to his blog to drop the science on why "At the Mountains of Madness" probably isn't happening any time soon. Now I'm confused as hell after reading his explanation but I'll try to explain here. It seems because "Prometheus" and the Alien saga in general is so heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft the camp putting ATMOM together thinks it's not a good idea to push it forward. I don't fully get it but maybe someone else can explain it to me. Also please explain how babies get made.

I don't want to piss in your Wheaties but in a recent interview Anna Faris reveiled that she will most likly not be a part of "Scary Movie 5". I know. I'm taking this pretty hard also. If they dare make a "The House Bunny 2" without her I swear to god I'll shoot someone in the face.

"Wolf Creek" mastermind Greg McLean is taking time off from giving out handies for spare change to fund a sequel to take the directing role on a new film titled "Kill Me Three Times". The film follows a woman in an Australian surfing town who is the link between three different stories of murder, revenge and blackmail. I was just kidding about the handies thing. I'm pretty sure he's just asking people for money. I mean he might be giving handies I don't know. What I'm saying here is I can neither deny nor confirm that "Wolf Creek 2" is being funded by a prostitution ring.

No one likes the French. Nobody. So news that French actress Lizzie Brochere has joined the cast of season 2 of "American Horror Story" is bitter sweet. Bitter, because she's French and sweet because... I can't really think of anything actually. Croissants are pretty good. Let's go with that.

Woman hate Angelina Jolie because she seems like a jerk and she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and while some won't admit it every man on earth loves her for the same reason. I'm done lying! So the world will love/hate the news that she's in talks to play a small role in the upcoming Ridley Scott film "The Counselor". The film is about a big time lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results. Have you seen her tattoos? She's probably a lot more fun than Aniston. You can't argue science.

Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the magical comic book "The Walking Dead" has landed himself another AMC show titled "Thief of Thieves". Based on the comic of the same name the story focuses on a master thief who trying to reconnect with his estranged wife and son while trying to keep his life legit. That's the first season. In the second season not much happens and everyone on the internet bitches about it. Just a guess.

Uwe Boll has set his eyes on freedom with his next project. The film is called "Bailout" and will set its sights on how the economic crisis has affected the average American family. I think this sounds great. mostly because that guy could kick my ass in a boxing match.

Some more details on what we can expect from season 2 of "American Horror Story" are flooding the tubes. It looks like Ryan Murphy, the shows creator, is on the hunt for a Angelina Jolie in "Girl Interrupted" to battle with Jessica Lange in the upcoming season. I've never seen that movie but I do own a copy of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and if it's anything like that I think we've got a winner.

Oh boy oh boy! Showtime has officially dropped the premier date for season 7 of "Dexter" and what a date it is! September 30th. Isn't that a good date. Just turning to Fall time. The leaves are beginning to turn. People are starting to think about Halloween. I hope to be down two pant sizes by then. It's really going to be magical.

I don't know why but I always assumed David Cronenberg didn't even own a TV. Maybe he doesn't actually but he's working on a new show called "Knifeman". The series is a medical drama that follows the happening of a radical self-educated surgeon. Cronenberg will direct the pilot and play the producer role for the series. No word on what station this one will be on but I can't imagine Fox Family is going to pick it up.

I have no idea how to pronounce Karel Roden's name but he's been cast as a mad scientist in the upcoming film "Frankenstein's Army". The movie takes place towards the end of the second World War and finds the Russian army uncovering a creepy breed of living dead monsters that fight for the Nazi's. Sounds adorable.