remake

Your prayers have been answered my friends. A sequel to Tobe Hooper's 2004 remake of "The Toolbox Murders" is finally being made. The film titled "TBK - The Toolbox Murders 2" picks up right where the last film left off and I'm guessing involves a toolbox. Or maybe it takes places at this bar I went to one time called The Toolbox. But now I've said too much.

Movies about video games are usually pretty bad. So are remakes. But a remake of a video game movie? No way this can fail! Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to tell you that "Doom" is being remade. What could make this news better you might ask? What if I were to tell you that it's going to be in 3D? I'm sorry for just making you crap your pants with excitement but I'm sure you'll agree that it was worth it.

Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter have been cast in Roger Corman's next film titled "Piranhaconda". The movie is obviously about a half piranha half anaconda that runs amok all over the place. According to everything I've read the movie will premier on Syfy sometimes in early 2012 but that can't be right, this has to be getting a wide release.

Brazilian actor Jose Padilha has been cast as the villian in Neill Blomkamp's next film titled "Elysium". The movie is Bloomkamp's first release since his much loved "District 9" and if I'm a betting man will feature a lot more waxing. Cause ya know, this Jose guy is Brazilian... They wax a lot? They can't all be zingers folks!

For those of you who have been anxiously awaiting a remake of "The Gate" there's good news and bad news. The good news is they've gone into pre-production so there is in fact going to be a movie. The bad news is there won't be any filming in the near future because apparently all the 3D magic going into the production is going to take a long ass time to set up. It's called ying and yang folks, Google it.

"Choose" is a new indie horror flick that apparently opens with a girl having to decide which parent a slasher kills. The new trailer is up on the tubes and looks pretty awesome I must say. Unfortunately there's no US release date yet for us while the UK already has this one sitting on their DVD shelves. But fear not, I think they still love techno music over there so everything kind of evens out.

What the hell After Dark Originals?! I get all excited about your films and then I found out tha "Husk" will be hitting the airwaves this weekend on Syfy. You can't show nudity on Syfy, you can't show guts flying on Syfy and you sure as hell can't have a good movie on Syfy. Except the ones with Debbie Gibson in them, those things are freakin gold.

I don't care if you think Joaquin Phoenix is a jackass that man has got talent. And not the sarcastic type I usually make, the guy is an awesome actor and now he's supposedly the front runner to play our former president in the big screen version of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". Seriously, did you see "We Own the Night"? I will fight you!

If you're a fan of Platinum Dunes remakes then prepare to get pumped! The gang expects to have a script ready for a remake of the childhood classic "Monster Squad" sometime this week. For those of you who aren't fans though I'd like to invite you over to my apartment for a delightful buffet style lunch this afternoon.

Chan-wook Park's first English language film "Stoker" now has a leading lady with Mia Wasikowska landing the role of a girl who has to deal with a strange uncle who shows up after her fathers passing. Unfortunately Wasikowska hasn't really appeared in any really ridiculous films so I'm drawing a blank on sarcastic comments. Sorry folks.

NBC has picked up the pilot for "Grimm", a cop drama that takes place in a world where characters based on the Brothers Grimm's stories are real. The show will be produced by some of the same folks that brought you "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" which I will not hold against it because it actually sounds like a cool idea.

How have we gone this long without another Gingerdead Man movie? Hell if I know but after seeing the trailer for "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver", yes it's got a disco theme, I feel like a giant hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there has been filled. That and I feel kind of gassy, but mostly the hole filled thing.

This isn't a trailer for the "Mother's Day" remake but it is some sort of international sales promo that's found it's way online. Truth be told I've read the synopsis and watched the video and I'm still not 100% sure what the movie is about but it still looks pretty dandy. I assume it takes place on mothers day, right? Someone? I'm so confused and frightened.

"Gut" is a indie movie about two guys who end up watching some sort of awful movie based on one of the guy's suggestions and things get weird. They don't tell you what the movie is but my guess is it's some sort of snuff, autopsy or French film. Feel free to make your own guesses.

James Franco is set to direct and star in a new film about the real life slasher Richard Ramirez, better know as "The Night Stalker". Here's the fun part, Soundgarden front man Chris Cornell is also set to produce the film. Just tossing this out there, but what about getting that guy from Crazytown to compose the score?

If you had to put together the greatest cast of all time who would you pick? Don't bother thinking about it because the makers of "The Bleeding" have already done it. The answer? Vinnie Jones, Michael Matthias, Michael Madsen, DMX, Armand Assante and Kat Von D. Take a few minutes to compose yourself before checking out the clip because you might vomit from excitement.

I don't want to say I'm some kind of god that can see into the future but here's the trailer for "Red Riding Hood" and as I predicted it looks like a pile of turds. Of course the words "From the director of 'Twilight'" attached to it might be considered a giveaway but if you want to call me the Nostradamus of crappy movies I'm not going to argue.

Here's a new one sheet for the long awaited indie film "Job". The story revolves around a group of priests who are hiding a secret only to be terrorized by "the Dark Christ". I assume that means the devil. It's got to be, right? Oh god have I stumbled upon some sort of weird racist propaganda movie?

Daniel Stamm, the guy who directed "The Last Exorcism", has been confirmed to be taking the helm of the English remake of "Martyrs". In other news, I'm finally going to see "Martyrs"! Once they make an English language version of it that is.

And I couldn't go a full week without some Nic Cage in my life. His new film "Drive Angry" in which he... well he drives a car real angry like, has been slapped with an R rating. When's the last time Mr. Cage was in an R rated movie? Was it that one where he tried to drink himself to death? I hope he tries to drink himself to death while driving in this one. Next level!