drive angry

We review the latest Nicolas Cage film and Louis prepares us for the oncoming Anglo/Mexican wars.

Nic Cage has had a varied career. He’ s played family men, vampires, business tycoons and more. His range carries him from one role to the next with ease. There is only one thing more varied that Cage’s roles and that is his hair.

It’s been big, it’s been slick, it’s been high and tight and more. Sometimes the hair draws more attention than the role, other times it’s a silent sidekick waiting in the wings for its time to shine. Join me today in honor this week’s release of “Drive Angry 3D” as we take a journey through the 10 Phases of Nic Cage’s Hair.


Drive Angry

At this point in his career Nicolas Cage has fallen into the same category at Tom Cruise. There's no doubt he's got talent, movies like "Leaving Las Vegas" are proof enough of that. But at some point he took a hard left and now it's almost impossible to take him seriously. "Drive Angry" is a throw back to the late 80's and early 90's action movies a lot of us grew up watching and if it had been made back then it probably would have been taken a lot more seriously, or at the very least, we'd still be in a Pre-"The Wicker Man" Nic Cage world.

If you're like me and had a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis then when you were a kid then you probably owned the game "Zombies Ate My Neighbors". So you're going to be super excited that there's going to be a movie made out of the game. You're then going to also think back to how you were overweight, had acne, wore way too many Metallica t-shirts and couldn't get a girlfriend until college. It's OK to cry, I am.

For those of you giddy about "The Walking Dead" then you're probably going to waddle your chubby ass to the store on march 8th when Season 1 hits DVD and Blu-Ray. Well put down the McRib fat ass and enjoy this new DVD trailer in honor of the release. I have no idea why I'm calling everyone fat, I've run out of other sarcastic things.

If there's one thing that's a good time it's making fun of people who World of Warcraft, sorry Erin. But now Undead Labs has teamed up with Microsoft to build a new zombie franchise game that will be available on Xbox Live for the Xbox 360. The game will allow gamers to play out their sickest fantasies of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. They're currently calling the game "Class3" but I assume that will change by the time it comes out.

As much as it pains me to keep talking about "Drive Angry" I just can't stop. Here's a new NSFW video for the film that literary has a half a second shot of boobs for no reason whatsoever other than to make it a NSFW clip. "Not Safe For Work"? More like "No Stupid Freakin Way"! I'm still working on it.

If your car breaks down and you agree to getting a lift from a strange guy as long as you ride in the trailer for his big rig then you deserve every awful thing that is coming your way. In the case of "Prowl", the latest release form the After Dark Originals series that awful thing is being left in a warehouse full of flesh eating monsters.

The world sits and waits for what I assume will be the academy award winning film "Drive Angry" to be released in late February. To tide us over the makers have put out a dandy motion poster which you can print out and hang on your wall. Of course then it won't be in motion anymore but you can still fawn over Nic Cage in the privacy of your own bedroom. Sicko.

Hammer Films is at it again with "Wake Wood", a happy go lucky little tale about a couple who loses their only child in a dog attack and move to a small town where a pagan ritual gives them three more days with their daughter. A bunch of new photos have hit the net for your viewing pleasure and if you like you can email me and I'll send you some photos of myself that I've titled "Wake Wood" also.

I didn't even realize they were making a sequel to "Laid to Rest" but here we are kids with a trailer. "ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2" should please fans of the first, I think. honestly I haven't met any fans of the first. Come to think of it I don't think I'm met anyone's who saw the first. Come to think of it I forgot to put on pants today!

Every day I look on the tubes for news that's going to grab you by the lips and yank. Some days that task is pretty hard. Today is not one of those days. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a very NSFW clip of from "Drive Angry" where Nic Cage is having sex with a women while having a gunfight. I don't want to say you should skip the rest of the news but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't going to go downhill after this.

Because "Piranha 3D" is hitting DVD and Blu-Ray and that gives us a reason to continue being pervs, the makers recently held an online "Hottest Babes in Horror" showdown on their site. The winner? One Miss Eliza Dushku. The losers? A porn stay way past her prime, a girl I think is someone but if I'm wrong I sound really racist and a bunch of other people I don't recognized. So yeah, congrats.

Michael Tully is a director and he's created a movie called "Septien" that has the greatest movie poster I've seen this year. No there isn't anyone nude on it, sometimes I can be classy to you know. The movie focuses on a gambler who returns home after being away for years to reconnect with his insane brothers. Side note, I have no idea how to pronounce the title of this film.

"Dibbuk Box", which sounds like a Japanese prono, has added Kyra Sedgwick to it's ever growing cast list. From Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures, the movie follows the story of a young boy who becomes strangely attracted to a wooden box that contains a soul chomping demon. Sedgwick will play the unlucky tike's mother.

You read it here first. 2011 will be the year of Nicolas Cage. There's no denying it. He's got 47 films coming out including "Drive Angry" which now has a trailer for your viewing pleasure. The movie follows Nic as he angrily drives around looking for his daughters murderers. Then he drives some more.

According to Vin Diesel he's been tasked with having 3 different body types for this upcoming "The Chronicles of Riddick: Dead Man Stalking" flick. Of course he compared each of those types to his other movies and I've never once seen him look different in anything but what the hell do I know. Despite internet reports that have stated otherwise I won't spend my free time looking at Vin Diesel's washboard abs.

There's a new image, poster and synopsis for "Red Riding Hood". Don't bother clicking I'll explain them all. The pic is of Amanda Seyfried behind a tree, the poster is of Amanda Seyfried from far away and the synopsis is way to long for me to read but I assume the movie's going to be awful. You're welcome.

Finally here's the gals over at Team Unicorn, a group that I assumed was a number of things I can't mention here, have put together a video on how to deal with Zombies this holiday season titled "A Very Zombie Holiday". Adorable isn't it?