Piranhaconda

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 10th, 2011

Your prayers have been answered my friends. A sequel to Tobe Hooper's 2004 remake of "The Toolbox Murders" is finally being made. The film titled "TBK - The Toolbox Murders 2" picks up right where the last film left off and I'm guessing involves a toolbox. Or maybe it takes places at this bar I went to one time called The Toolbox. But now I've said too much.

Movies about video games are usually pretty bad. So are remakes. But a remake of a video game movie? No way this can fail! Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to tell you that "Doom" is being remade. What could make this news better you might ask? What if I were to tell you that it's going to be in 3D? I'm sorry for just making you crap your pants with excitement but I'm sure you'll agree that it was worth it.

Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter have been cast in Roger Corman's next film titled "Piranhaconda". The movie is obviously about a half piranha half anaconda that runs amok all over the place. According to everything I've read the movie will premier on Syfy sometimes in early 2012 but that can't be right, this has to be getting a wide release.

Brazilian actor Jose Padilha has been cast as the villian in Neill Blomkamp's next film titled "Elysium". The movie is Bloomkamp's first release since his much loved "District 9" and if I'm a betting man will feature a lot more waxing. Cause ya know, this Jose guy is Brazilian... They wax a lot? They can't all be zingers folks!

In Real People News: 

A 54 year old Connecticut woman is being brought up on charges after she reportedly forced her adopted son to sleep in a dog cage because he kept wetting the bed. The obvious question you have to ask is where did the dog go? Into the bed? And if the dog can go a entire night without wetting a bed and the kid can't did she really do anything wrong?

Two women in Pennsylvania were convicted of stealing two Wal-Mart gift cards from a 9 year old girl this past week. They were sentenced to sitting outside of the courthouse for almost 5 hours holding giant signs explaining their crime. When I was 13 I shoplifted some "90210" trading cards because I thought it was funny. Now more than ever I thank God I never got caught.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 25th, 2011

Diana Terranova, who you probably remember as Stripper #2 from every movie that's taken place in Vegas in the past five years has landed a role in the upcoming flick "Piranhaconda". If you can't guess from the name the movie is about a half anaconda half piranha that is 125% awesome.

I've seen a handful of trailers and countless images from "Sucker Punch" and I still don't have a clue what the movie is about. By no means does this mean I don't want to see it though, it looks awesome my friends. Here's a gang load of new posters to prove my point. They're full of prison girl comic book goodness, which is hot to nerds and deviants so kudos to the makers.

"Fertile Ground" is the next After Dark Originals film to see a trailer and much to my surprise it has nothing to do with gardening. It does have a lot to do with a couple who move to a house in New Hampshire only to find it is chock full of spooky happenings. Silver lining, New Hampshire is absolutely fabulous in both the summer and fall seasons.

Looks like the "Evil Dead" remake is still very much alive with Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert apparently looking at a script this very month. I have no idea if this is good or bad news at this point so let's talk about Rami's movie "For Love of the Game". Wasn't so bad, right, for a romantic comedy? Kelly Preston is always delightful but man I can't remember the last Kevin Costner movie I've seen.

In Real People News: 

Been a while since we've seen a good crop circle. Well here's one that popped up in a rice field in Slemen, Yogyakarta. I have no idea where that is but the farmers think it was aliens so I now know that farmers in Slemen are bat shit crazy.

This one's for North Carolina! C'mon and raise up. Take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo' head. Spin it like a helicopter. That was a good song, right? Anyway here's a story about a guy from NC who got wasted and called 911 looking for a hooker.

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