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Horror Headlines: Monday January 27th, 2013

Three years ago yesterday I wrote my first news post for the good folks at Bloody Good Horror. I assume the card got lost in the mail or something.

So last week we talked about how the "Zombieland" TV series will be made available via amazon in the not to distant future and now we know that Eli Craig is in talks to direct. For those of you who don't know Eli he's the guy who wrote and directed "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil". No word on any of the cost for the show but if I know the guy who was in the original movie and then went on to play the Facebook kid like I think I do he's probably sitting at home thinking, "Ya know I'd like to just do a show that can only be seen on a website that people don't know you can watch shows on. Sign me up for that."

Britt Robertson, who was apparently in "Scream 4" and is not a stripper, has landed a role in the upcoming television adaptation of Stephen King's "Under the Dome". For those of you not familiar with the story it's pretty much "The Simpsons" movie but with less yellow. Robertson will play a young waitress with dreams of getting out of her hometown. Oh man imagine if a giant dome trapped her in that very same town she wants to leave? That would make an awesome show.

It looks like Magnolia Pictures has picked up the rights to "S-VHS", the follow up to 2012's anthology flick "V/H/S". This time around the story follows private investigators who are searching for a number of missing people and stumble upon a group of tapes in a abandoned house. A bunch of directors I've never heard of are on board for the film but I'm awful with names so they might be well known. I might sit next to one of them at work. Wouldn't that be weird?

IFC has dropped a March 28th release date for "Room 237", a new documentary that focuses on the making of Stanley Kubrick’s classic flick "The Shining". There's really nothing funny I can say about that so let's just call it a day shell we?

In Real People News: 

I always got nervous around parent teacher conference time but this kid went to the next level and faked being kidnapped in order to stop his parents from going to their talk with his teacher. Yes he got caught but now when his parents finally do go and find out he's flunking math or whatever he can use the "well at least I didn't say I got kidnapped again" excuse. He's kind of a genius.

Every parent wants their child to do well in school but this Minnesota man who pointed an AK-47 at his daughter for bringing home a a report card with 2 B's might be going a bit overboard. D's maybe, but B's is a threaten with a butcher knife type thing tops.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 16th, 2012

If you liked "Sinister", and it seems like a lot of you did, then you're going to be excited to find out that the film's director Scott Derrickson has been tapped to bring Stephan King's "The Breathing Method" to life. The story follows a woman who becomes obsessed with a child birthing method that a doctor teaches her while she's pregnant with her illegitimate child. It's a Rom-Com? I didn't know King wrote those.

Did you watch "The Walking Dead" season premiere on Sunday night? Of course you did. Everyone in the world did apparently because it set a new record for a basic cable premier, with over 10.9 million people tuning in. That doesn't even take into account the folks who hunkered down to watch the flick on DVR later that night. Or the people who DVRed with hopes of watching it that evening but instead spent an hour in their daughter's room begging her to just go to sleep only to have her laugh in their face. Those people should count.

IFC has picked up the distribution rights to every country in the world for "Would You Rather", a new film about a group of people who are invited to a wealthy man's house and forced to play a game where the winner will become rich. Jeffrey Combs and Sasha Grey star in the flick, with a gaggle of others, which should be fun because I can't imagine there's anything Grey wouldn't do on film for money. Ya know, because she does porn and stuff. She gets paid to have sex on camera is what I mean.

James Wan recently dropped some knowledge on the state of the "Insidious" sequel. Apparently no story has been finalized but Wan is making a conscious effort to stay connect to the project and not let it stray from his original vision. So that's good news? We're excited? I'm Ron Burgundy?

In Real People News: 

Hey honey, does this tuna fish sandwich taste a little bit like human? Why yes it does! Because a Bumble Bee tuna factory worker got cooked in the plant's ovens by accident recently.

There's a lot of places you can discard your tampon but on your mother's counter top should not be one of them. You should also not try to attack your mother with a butcher knife when she confronts you about it. Her house her rules you know.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 9th, 2012

"Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters", staring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton has been kicking around for some time now but with a January 11th release date looming you would think the film was pretty wrapped up. No so my friends. It looks like the folks over at Paramount are now testing the film in both R and PG-13 rating form. I can only assume this means one version will have the 3 boobed hooker alien and one version won't. Wait no, that's a different movie.

I've made a ridiculous amount of "I think Ryan Reynolds is hot" jokes on this site so I'm just going to skip it this time. I'm just going to tell you about the new movie titled "Queen Of the City" he's working on where he stars as a father who begins to find clues that his child may still be alive 8 years after she was abducted. I'm not going to close with a weird comment about his rock hard abs. I'm not even going to mention is dreamy eyes that you get lost in every time you look at them.

Just in time for the holiday season IFC is set to release a new documentary titled "The Jeffrey Dahmer Files" which follows a lovable pup across the country has he tries to find the family that accidentally left him behind. Wait wait no, that's all wrong. it's about Jeffrey Dahmer, the guy who was arrested in 1991 for the murder of 17 people. It's an honest mistake.

I don't know why I get so excited about Bigfoot movies, especially since there's so many of them coming out in the near future. I think it might be because our very own Mark just gets so excited about them and any time he gets that twinkle of excitement in his eyes the world just seems a little bit brighter. I may have said too much. "Bigfoot County" is a new found footage flick about a group of filmmakers on a hunt to find the large hairy one.

In Real People News: 

I'm don't know what to say here except "vibrating hot dogs".

It's a couple days old but I think it's important to make sure everyone knows about this Russian swim team that performed their synchronized swimming routine to Suspiria by Goblin. It's important because there's not much coverage of the Olympics out there and I'm not sure people know it's even going on.

Trailers: "Snowtown Murders" looks great, mate...

This film was made in Australia, so I put "mate" in the title, get it? I'm told you can't be a major horror site unless you write unbearably awful titles for your posts, so there you go. Coming up tomorrow I predict a young actor will "sink their teeth" into a role in a new vampire film. You just watch.

Anyway, this true-crime film was based on a real incident down under. It gets a small release via IFC films March 2nd, so keep an eye out. Looks creepy.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 24th, 2010

IFC bolsters its new genre banner IFC Midnight as it snatches up the Mexican cannibal flick "We Are What We Are". The movie was a hit at the recent Cannes Film Festival and is labeled as being like "Let the Right One In".

How's this for an odd tie-in? George Romero will be releasing "Survival of the Dead" on the Playstation Network a few days before its theatrical debut on May 28th. What better way to watch it on the PSN than with your own PS3 Slim signed by Romero himself!

It's well known already that the classic "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine will be making its return to news stands. Now they're going one step further by announcing the "Famous Monsters of Filmland: Reboot" movie series! Teaming with low-budget studio Halcyon, they will be bringing re-imagined reboots of 5 classic monster franchises.

In Real People News: 

I'm going to take this opportunity to brighten up your Monday morning. Matador Julio Aparicio was feeling pretty good about his performance until the bull gored him through the jaw, up through his tongue, and into the roof of his mouth. Feeling brave this morning? Be sure to click through for the gruesome pictures!

In an effort to curb piracy, Warner Brothers decided to pirate MPV's Anti-Piracy software! MPV approached Warner with the software in 2003 and were turned down; sadly it appears that Warner is still using the technology to this day.

On this day in history: 

1610 - Buggery is criminalized for the first time in North America, when the Virginia colony declares that "[n]o man shal commit the horrible, and detestable sinnes of Sodomie upon pain of death."

“Before The Fall” Coming To IFC On Demand

Well here’s something I never thought I’d say, “Wow, that new Antonio Banderas movie looks pretty good”. To be fair he was only the producer of “Before The Fall” but still, from the trailer below this film looks to be pretty good.

"Cadaver" Streaming At IFC On Demand

Generally speaking, I'm an equal opportunity employer when it comes investigating creepy supernatural thrillers, even if said pelicula contains the dreaded "long haired girl" popping in and out of the shadows. However, in the past, Thai horror films haven't exactly gone out of their way to impress me. I don't know if something gets lost in translation or if there's too much culture clash getting in the way of the terror -- either way, my success rate with their disjointed brand of Asian horror isn't very good.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 21st, 1009

Bruce Willis to star in "Grimm", a ghost story with one of the longest synopses I've ever seen... which can be found at the link. Directed by Russel Mulcahey, who also helmed 2007's "Resident Evil: Extinction".

Lars Von Trier's controversial film "Antichrist" has been picked up by IFC films. Hot off the controversy it caused at Cannes with its graphic violence, the film will now be coming to US shores as early as this summer. No word on what type of release IFC will give the film, but they are known for non-traditional theatrical/on demand models.

New Platinum Dunes blog on their "Nightmare on Elm St." shooting. Of course they're going to be positive, but word is that Jackie Earle Haley's rendition of Krueger is just as kick-ass as most of us have anticipated. Don't get me wrong, I'm still withholding excitement, but consider my curiosity peaked.

In Real People News: 

Two seasonal workers at Yellowstone National park fired for pissing in Old Faithful. Not sure what's more intriguing about this, the fact that they didn't think there were security cameras, or that they took the safety of their penises so nonchalantly. That thing goes off while you're dangling your dong over it, and I'm pretty certain it won't be pretty.

Never cheat on a Thai woman, I'm told they're penis biters. At least that's what the internet tells me.

I'm not sure how we've had two "Montauk Monsters" wash up on Long Island shores before someone decided to mention the existence of the nearby "Plum Island Animal Disease Center". Even more perplexing, the couple who found the recent one have kept it on ice, and are having trouble finding someone to take it off their hands. Scientists love ripping shit apart to find out what it is, but no love for my boy?

On this day in history: 

1956: The Cherokee test of Operation Redwing commences over Bikini Atoll, consisting of a 3.8 megaton nuclear bomb dropped from a B-52 bomber. The bomb is successfully detonated at an altitude of 4,350 feet, but the flight crew missed their assigned target by four miles. Although it is a complete failure from a scientific standpoint, it demonstrates America's ability to deliver hydrogen bombs over long distances.

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