I'm just going to come right out and say it. I don't get why people go ape shit for David Cronenberg's "Scanners". Yeah a guy's head explodes but that's within the first 15 minutes of the movie. Then there's another 167 (rough guess) of talking to sit through. None the less the 1981 film is finding its way onto a special edition Blu-Ray on April 8, 2013 and will be packaged with all kinds of special features for you to enjoy. Enjoy them as much as 647 minutes (rough guess) of people talking about something I don't honestly remember.
Apparently the Guillermo del Toro produced flick "Mama" did pretty well at the box office because not only is it being considered for a sequel but possibly even a franchise. I like to think there could even be spin offs in the future. "Dada" for instance. And then of course the wacky "Uncle Buck". Didn't see that coming did you.
The little screens adaptation of Stephen King's "Under the Dome" has landed itself Rachelle Lefevre as it's leading lady. For those of you not familiar with her work she was in one, and possibly all, of the "Twilight" movies so that makes her a big time movie screen person. That's a thing, I know it.
Remember Orlando Jones? He was in those Sprite commercials and then that movie with the guy from "X-Files" where aliens invade and then he was the weird hologram guy in "The Time Machine". I know I love him too. And now he's been cast in "Sleepy Hollow", a new show coming to Fox which is said to be a modern day take on the classic tale. I'm not joking either. I really do like him. I think he's super.
In Real People News:
Valentine’s Day is a special day. It's a day when passions are high. So if you get into a fight with your loved one on that day it's pretty much a given that your tongue is going to get bitten off. Thank god that awful day is over.
Did you hear that scream? That's right, that's your neighbor coming home and finding her husband with another woman and then throwing boiling water at his crotch. I thought that was kind of obvious though.
"Under the Dome", a new series coming to CBS that's based on the Stephen King novel about a town that finds itself enclosed in a transparent dome, has landed itself a bad guy in the form of Dean Norris. You might know Norris from his role on "Breaking Bad" or as 1st Scientist from the 1993 made for TV movie "Barbarians at the Gate". Probably from "Breaking Bad" though.
There's more horror shows coming to the boob tube than you could shake a stick at but one of the first to be announced is "Hannibal", a new series about a detective and the famous man-eater he enlists to help him track down a psychopath. Sounds pretty dandy and now NBC has confirmed an airing date of April 4th has been announced so it looks like we won't have to wait to long to get all fava beany. On a side note, don't ever shake a stick at your TV. You'll look like a crazy person.
I think I blocked out the fact that Universal is rebooting "The Mummy" franchise because I don't think Brendan Fraser is going to be in it and a Mummy film without Brendan Fraser is no Mummy movie I want to see. Now it looks like the big boys are sick of waiting for "Prometheus" writer Jon Spaihts to come up with a script so they hired Billy Ray to come up with one of his own at the same time. I guess the reasoning is one of them will come up with a script sometime soon so why not give it a go. I only hope they end up adding more writers to the pool and I get my chance. Keep your fingers crossed, Brendan.
I've never seen a single Michael Armstrong film but apparently he's the bees knees and people will be all excited to find out he's coming out of retirement to direct "Orphanage", a new film that isn't the remake of another film I haven't seen for completely different reasons. We really got to know each other today didn't we. I love you.
In Real People News:
The rules of a 3 way are very strict and it's completely understandable that if you break them you're going to get stabbed. This is North Dakota folks.
I'll be honest the idea of a 3 year old pumping gas is kind of adorable to me and I think this woman facing charges for letting her little bundle of joy do just that might be getting f'ed over. Then again I guess the point that there's video of the kid spraying himself gasoline so who can really tell if it's right or wrong.
Three years ago yesterday I wrote my first news post for the good folks at Bloody Good Horror. I assume the card got lost in the mail or something.
So last week we talked about how the "Zombieland" TV series will be made available via amazon in the not to distant future and now we know that Eli Craig is in talks to direct. For those of you who don't know Eli he's the guy who wrote and directed "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil". No word on any of the cost for the show but if I know the guy who was in the original movie and then went on to play the Facebook kid like I think I do he's probably sitting at home thinking, "Ya know I'd like to just do a show that can only be seen on a website that people don't know you can watch shows on. Sign me up for that."
Britt Robertson, who was apparently in "Scream 4" and is not a stripper, has landed a role in the upcoming television adaptation of Stephen King's "Under the Dome". For those of you not familiar with the story it's pretty much "The Simpsons" movie but with less yellow. Robertson will play a young waitress with dreams of getting out of her hometown. Oh man imagine if a giant dome trapped her in that very same town she wants to leave? That would make an awesome show.
It looks like Magnolia Pictures has picked up the rights to "S-VHS", the follow up to 2012's anthology flick "V/H/S". This time around the story follows private investigators who are searching for a number of missing people and stumble upon a group of tapes in a abandoned house. A bunch of directors I've never heard of are on board for the film but I'm awful with names so they might be well known. I might sit next to one of them at work. Wouldn't that be weird?
IFC has dropped a March 28th release date for "Room 237", a new documentary that focuses on the making of Stanley Kubrick’s classic flick "The Shining". There's really nothing funny I can say about that so let's just call it a day shell we?
In Real People News:
I always got nervous around parent teacher conference time but this kid went to the next level and faked being kidnapped in order to stop his parents from going to their talk with his teacher. Yes he got caught but now when his parents finally do go and find out he's flunking math or whatever he can use the "well at least I didn't say I got kidnapped again" excuse. He's kind of a genius.
Every parent wants their child to do well in school but this Minnesota man who pointed an AK-47 at his daughter for bringing home a a report card with 2 B's might be going a bit overboard. D's maybe, but B's is a threaten with a butcher knife type thing tops.
It's a known fact that anytime Danny Trejo makes out with a girl half his age an angel gets its wings. So good news for all the flightless people in the big upstairs because "Machete Kills" has finally been slapped with a September 13, 2013 release date. Watching him make out is without a doubt one of the most upsetting and inspiring things the human eye can see.
If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that the original "The Crazies" was awful and the 2010 remake was awesome. There is not a single person on this planet who can argue that. Well the guy who co-wrote the retelling, Ray Wright, has just signed on the pen the script to "The Widow". The film follows a younger woman who befriends a older widow only to find that their meeting was not a coincidence. Sounds frighting already. Old people you know. You can see their veins.
The US remake of the Chilean flick "Hidden In the Woods" has landed itself one half of the Babysitter Twins duo in the form of Electra Avellan. No word on if her sister will join the cast but the a story of two sisters fighting to escape the prison like environment they've been raised in, so I mean they need a sister right? If not I hope they got the one with the least unintelligible accent.
Youngster Colin Ford has been added to the cast of "Under the Dome", a Stephen King and Steven Spielberg collaboration currently set for a 13 episode run on CBS starting this June. Based on King's novel the series is set in a small town whose residents discover they've been trapped by a mysterious barrier. I hope there's a Taco Bell in the town. I mean no tacos? I'd be all like, "you gotta get this barrier to go away. I need tacos!"
In Real People News:
I have no idea how this happens but a woman in Sweden figured out a way to crash a train into a house. You almost have to be impressed with that kind of thing. Almost.
If you lost a shipment of 18 human heads recently I've got some good news. They've turned up at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport and can be picked up at your earliest convince. You're welcome.
Hot pockets kids! Looks like there's a film in the works based on the Matterhorn rollercoaster ride at Disneyland. Currently titled "The Hill" the film will focus on a group travelers who head to the top of a mountain and encounter a bunch of Yeti's on the way down. Then their lap bars hit them in the nuts and they walk around funny for the rest of the day. I added that part but it would make it really authentic to the ride experience so I'm pretty sure they'll include it.
Because the teat isn't completely dry the good people at Lionsgate will be putting out a special 25th anniversary edition of Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn". In all fairness it'll be on Blu-Ray and it'll have a boat load of new interviews and commentaries but honestly at this point what more can you say. "Oh hey I never noticed that chair in the corner of the room before. Let's talk about that".
Steven Spielberg and Stephen King are teaming up with Showtime to create a new series based on King's 2009 novel "Under the Dome". The story focuses on a group of vacationers in Maine who begin battling after a strange force field appears over their town. Wasn't that the basis of "The Simpsons Movie"? I hope this one is funny too and makes a lot of doughnut references.
Looks like Amy Adams is being eyed by Warner Bros. to take the lead in the upcoming remake of "The Orphanage". Nothing's been confirmed yet but Adams would play the role of a woman who takes over the orphanage where she was raised only to find that the imaginary friends her son is playing with are out to get her. I don't know who played that part in the original and honestly I don't care. There's no way she was as adorable as Amy Adams. Once again the USA makes things better.
In Real People News:
You never know when love will strike. Sometimes it'll be at a book store, sometimes it'll be at Burger King and other times it'll be in a pool while looking at a sexy inflatable raft. What makes it better is that the Ohio man who is up on charges for having relations with the flotation device was arrested last year for getting it on with an inflatable pumpkin. I wonder if the pumpkin is jealous.