ifc midnight

Alien Abduction (REVIEW)

alien abduction screenshot

I've been writing for a bit that creative types need to find new, innovative ways for found footage films to still work. The tried-and-true method of running around a cryptic woods or haunted house has been played out in the wake of the unending deluge of Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity clones. Luckily recent films like The Den and the upcoming Affliction have taken advantage of streaming video and mobile technologies to craft terse, exciting tales of horror. However, films like Alien Abduction make me sit back and consider eating my words.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

On this day in History all the way back in 1933 the first Drive-In movie theater opened up in Camden, New Jersey. I know, i'm crying too. Let's just hold each other for a while.

"True Blood" actress Mariana Klaveno has her sultry little eyes set on playing Lily Mubnter in the upcoming "Munsters" reboot titled "Mockingbird Lane". Problem is she's already signed a contract to play a role on the ABC series "Devious Maids", which has already been canned but may move to Lifetime. So she's all "I wanna play Lily Munster!" And they're all "but you have to do our stupid show!" And she's all "But I didn't know about the Lily Munster role when I agreed to do your stupid show!" And They're all "Too bad stupid!". That's an actual transcript.

Rumor has it that the script for "Phantasm 5" has already been completed and the project will begin filming sometime this year. Nothing has been officially announced and seeing that Angus Scrimm is pushing 90 there's a solid chance he won't be filling The Tall Mans shoes but if we all hold hands and pray then maybe we can make this happen. Let's sing a song now.

IFC Midnight has swooped in to grab the rights to "Replicas", a new home invasion flick from first time director Jeremy Power Regimbal. The movie, about a family who find themselves trapped in their suburban home after moving to start a new life after a tragic event, has yet to be given a release date but may find it's way to VOD later this year. It will also probably play in some weird crappy theater that smells like falafel and doesn't serve popcorn because it isn't eco friendly.

This sounds like a joke but it isn't. At least I don't think it is. Clive Barker, as in "Hellraiser" Clive Barker, has signed on to rewrite the script for the film "Zombies vs. Gladiators". The film, as you might have guessed, is about a group of Roman gladiators who must battle a horde of zombies after they're unleashed on the Colosseum by a aging shaman. This sounds both insane and awesome at the same time.

In Real People News: 

It's a simple rule of summer that a lot of us forget. If a 9 year old hits you with a water balloon you have every right to push him on the ground and kick the crap out of him. It's a law in most states.

I will give any man 100 dollars if they can read this story about a North Carolina woman who squeezed a man's privates so hard that one of his balls popped out and no squirm in their seat.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 26th, 2011

Throw another shrimp on the barbie my friends because it looks like the long awaited sequel to Greg McLean's 2005 Australian camper chop fest "Wolf Creek" is finally getting some funding. I haven't seen the original yet but it's currently sitting at 31 in my Netflix queue so that could change any month now. Check back for updates.

Get out your checkbook you shopaholic skanks because another "Friday the 13th" box set is on its way on October 8th. Much like every other set you've paid for this one will only include the films up to 8 but unlike the others it'll feature hockey mask packaging, collectible booklet and be limited to only 50,000 copies. Sorry about the skank comment.

The feel good hit of 2009 "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" is finally finding its way to VOD on August 3rd thanks for the fine people at IFC Midnight. For those of you not familiar with the family friendly hit it tells the tale of four friends whose plans for a fun night out get ruined when they discover a... wait for it... dead hooker in a trunk. Are you as turned on as I am right now? I'm sorry again about the skank thing.

If there is one movie that people have been demanding and begging for it's "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance", the sequel to the 2007 Oscar snubbed comic book adaptation staring Nic Cage. Well now the movie is in the works and today we've got our grubby little paws on a gaggle of new images from the soon to be classic. Man it's been the hottest news day ever today, hasn't it?

In Real People News: 

While I've never actually siphoned gas in my life I would assume that using a leaf blower to do it isn't the best idea. Unfortunately this Florida man didn't have my common sense and found himself engulfed in flames. Live and learn people.

And because we're not all doom and gloom around here I'm proud to report that the original Chuck E. Cheese in San Jose, California that opened back in 1977 has officially been added to The Registry of Historic Gaming. What that means I'm not 100% sure but I assume it has something to do with a ball room that's got about 2 inches of pee at the bottom of it.

Stake Land (REVIEW)

As much as I try not to, I tend to judge screeners on appearance when they get sent to my apartment. I know, I know, that’s not good, but when you see as many movies as I do, you tend to notice patterns. Usually, the better, more professional quality films will get sent in actual DVD cases, have menus and press releases explaining what the film is about. Labors of love shot on weekends in backyards tend to come in jewel cases, but the film-makers will usually include a write up (usually hand-signed) about the film. But then there’s that third subset of screeners.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 24th, 2010

IFC bolsters its new genre banner IFC Midnight as it snatches up the Mexican cannibal flick "We Are What We Are". The movie was a hit at the recent Cannes Film Festival and is labeled as being like "Let the Right One In".

How's this for an odd tie-in? George Romero will be releasing "Survival of the Dead" on the Playstation Network a few days before its theatrical debut on May 28th. What better way to watch it on the PSN than with your own PS3 Slim signed by Romero himself!

It's well known already that the classic "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine will be making its return to news stands. Now they're going one step further by announcing the "Famous Monsters of Filmland: Reboot" movie series! Teaming with low-budget studio Halcyon, they will be bringing re-imagined reboots of 5 classic monster franchises.

In Real People News: 

I'm going to take this opportunity to brighten up your Monday morning. Matador Julio Aparicio was feeling pretty good about his performance until the bull gored him through the jaw, up through his tongue, and into the roof of his mouth. Feeling brave this morning? Be sure to click through for the gruesome pictures!

In an effort to curb piracy, Warner Brothers decided to pirate MPV's Anti-Piracy software! MPV approached Warner with the software in 2003 and were turned down; sadly it appears that Warner is still using the technology to this day.

On this day in history: 

1610 - Buggery is criminalized for the first time in North America, when the Virginia colony declares that "[n]o man shal commit the horrible, and detestable sinnes of Sodomie upon pain of death."

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