Insidious

Event Review: Universal Studios Hollywood "Halloween Horror Nights"

It’s that wonderful time of year again! Horror movies playing 24/7 on cable, the masses planning their Halloween party costumes, and the theme parks turning their family friendly parks into blood and gore infested lands of horror!

Insidious: Chapter 2 (REVIEW)

To many modern horror fans James Wan's "Insidious" is consider a new classic for the genre. Taking many elements that belonged to previous films (Poltergeist, The Shining, etc.) and executing them differently to reveal a new flavor helped make "Insidious" feel like a welcome respite from the torture porn heyday of "Saw". Since that original film became a massive financial success there has been an onslaught of similar, albeit effective, haunted house/demon thrillers available for public consumption.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 16th, 2012

If you liked "Sinister", and it seems like a lot of you did, then you're going to be excited to find out that the film's director Scott Derrickson has been tapped to bring Stephan King's "The Breathing Method" to life. The story follows a woman who becomes obsessed with a child birthing method that a doctor teaches her while she's pregnant with her illegitimate child. It's a Rom-Com? I didn't know King wrote those.

Did you watch "The Walking Dead" season premiere on Sunday night? Of course you did. Everyone in the world did apparently because it set a new record for a basic cable premier, with over 10.9 million people tuning in. That doesn't even take into account the folks who hunkered down to watch the flick on DVR later that night. Or the people who DVRed with hopes of watching it that evening but instead spent an hour in their daughter's room begging her to just go to sleep only to have her laugh in their face. Those people should count.

IFC has picked up the distribution rights to every country in the world for "Would You Rather", a new film about a group of people who are invited to a wealthy man's house and forced to play a game where the winner will become rich. Jeffrey Combs and Sasha Grey star in the flick, with a gaggle of others, which should be fun because I can't imagine there's anything Grey wouldn't do on film for money. Ya know, because she does porn and stuff. She gets paid to have sex on camera is what I mean.

James Wan recently dropped some knowledge on the state of the "Insidious" sequel. Apparently no story has been finalized but Wan is making a conscious effort to stay connect to the project and not let it stray from his original vision. So that's good news? We're excited? I'm Ron Burgundy?

In Real People News: 

Hey honey, does this tuna fish sandwich taste a little bit like human? Why yes it does! Because a Bumble Bee tuna factory worker got cooked in the plant's ovens by accident recently.

There's a lot of places you can discard your tampon but on your mother's counter top should not be one of them. You should also not try to attack your mother with a butcher knife when she confronts you about it. Her house her rules you know.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, July 25th, 2012

"The Warren Files" is a new 4 hour documentary of people reading facebook posts about actor Warren Beatty. Iit's being directed by "Insidious" love child James Wan and has just received a release date of January 25, 2013. Wait no, I'm sorry. That's completely wrong. It's about some sort of haunted Rhode Island farmhouse or something. I have no idea where the Warren Beatty thing came from.

I'm so jacked up on coffee and Swedish Fish right now that I can't even see straight, but I think "Dragon Wasps" is going to be the next "Avatar". It's coming to DVD on September 24th. It's about giant freakin' wasps that fly around the freakin' rainforest killing people. I hope they make a sequel where they fly around the Rainforest Cafe. That would be so god damn awesome.

We all love the 1985 classic "Re-Animator." If you don't, you're some kind of prick face or something. Prick faces don't get to enjoy the new exciting Blu-Ray version of the flick that will hit shelves on September 4. They also wont get to view the documentary being included, or the interviews, or listen to the audio commentary. They will also not be invited to my annual BBQ and POG trading jamboree this year. Sucks to be you, prick faces.

Something called "Bloody Bloody Bible Camp" is going to be hitting VOD, iTunes, Amazon and smoke signals this Friday. I don't think I really need to explain anything else.

In Real People News: 

Bjork wore some sort of weird worm dress. That's not the news here. The news is that people still show up to hear Bjork sing.

Here's a fun story about a guy in Oregon being arrested for breaking into a number of local homes, looking up porn on the internet, and going to town on himself. Normally I'd go ahead and say the guy is guilty, but if we're being honest with each other, I've used this excuse more times than I can count when I forget to clear my computer's browsing history.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, December 1st, 2011

The internet, is there anything it can't do? Why just yesterday some nerd sitting in his parent's basement discovered that Sony registered the domain Insidious2movie.com, leading you to believe "Insidious 2" is very much in the works. This is all very interesting but don't you nerds know there's buckets of pron on the internet? What the hell are you doing checking on horror movie domains?

A new "Twilight Zone" movie has been kicking around for a while now and as the hot balls of Hollywood keep rolling a writer for the script has come into the light. Anthony Peckham, who brought you "Sherlock Holmes" has been picked to write the story for the film which added Matt Reeves as it's director a few weeks back. I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about anymore.

Jesse Eisenberg, the guy who invented Facebook but not really, is all kinds of pissed at Lionsgate Entertainment for putting his sexy mug all over the promotional items for their flick "Camp Hell", a B-Horror flick that Eisenberg had a small cameo in. So pissed in fact that he's filed a for $3 million lawsuit saying the company is trying to profit from his now super famous name. If he can get $3 million it leads me to believe that I could at least get a couple hundred from that furniture store in Schenectady that used my photo to promote their end tables. I'm on a podcast, bitches!

In Real People News: 

You call the police to have me removed from your apartment? I tell them you hit someone with your car! Game, set and match, baby!

Here's a story about a dog who somehow shot his owner while on a hunting trip. Sounds like the worst Farside cartoon ever.

Insidious (REVIEW)

If there's one thing that I will always be indebted to my parents (in particular, my mother) for, it's raising me in a highly superstitious Mexican-Catholic atmosphere that taught me to not only believe in evil, but in the fact that it surrounds us at all times, laying in wait to possess us and ultimately do it's bidding. Demons are real, devils are real and, if you want to go there, Satan is real.

Episode 158 - "Insidious"

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We discuss James Wan's "Insidious" and Louis and I debate who had the scarier childhood. Spoiler alert... Louis wins.

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Horror Headlines: Friday April 1st, 2011

A new red band trailer for "Hobo with a Shotgun" has hit the nets and it's everything you could want and more. And by more I mean there's a Santa who gets his head shot off. Unless that is something you want, in which case I suggest you seek help immediatly. It's Santa you sicko.

A new trailer for "Insidious" chock full of random quotes from websites I've never heard of has found it's way online and the obvious question is why I haven't been contacted for a quote. I know the movie comes out today but it can't be too late to get in on this. Here goes, "Insidious" is the most frightening movie to ever be invented and will make you soil yourself in the best way possible! I'm a whore.

The MPAA has emerged from their castle high atop the mountain of doom and bestowed a PG-13 rating on the upcoming vampire hunter flick "Priest". I think you can say the F word once with that rating right? Oh man I hope they do it during some awesome fight scene or something. Like Priest kills a bunch of vampires and then looks at the screen and goes "Fuck yeah folks!". So awesome.

Well that's a bummer. David Ellis calling his next project "Untitled Shark Thriller 3D" was apparently all a big joke! The movie will in fact be titled the much more boring "Shark Night 3D". You think I like to be made a fool of, David? It's going to take a lot for me to get over this betrayal.

In Real People News: 

Thank sweet baby Jesus. The missing cobra from the Bronx zoo which has had me locked up in my apartment for days now has finally been found. Where was it? In the snake house of course! Was it me who said that thing should have been burned to the ground days ago? I think it was! Sucks being right all the time. Snakes are useless.

I was pretty stupid when I was 7 but even then there is no way I would have allowed some kid at school to give me a fake flu shot with a syringe he found on the way to school. Apparently I'm not as hardcore as these kids in Massachusetts though.

Snapshot: "Insidious" (2010)

If you're looking for something to do this weekend, why not check out the latest film from "Saw" director James Wan called "Insidious," a ghost story that has been creating quite the buzz around the festival circuit. The low budget film is said to rely heavily on music score and camera angles rather than lots of blood and gore to create its suspense.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 16th, 2011

Up until this point I've been very excited about "Insidious" and all it's spooky haunted goodness. But now there's some new images and video from the flick that hits theaters on April 1st. I'm not 100% positive but from what I've seen I think the kid is being haunted by Lollapalooza roadies. Look at the spacers on that guy in the first photo. They guy just walked off the Horde tour. No one under 30 has any idea what I'm talking about.

With all the bad news surrounding "Men in Black III" I'm thinking the only thing that could save it would be one Mr. Alec Baldwin. Truth be told that's my remedy for a lot of things including this weird rash I've picked up. But much like my rash, Alec is unfortunately not going to be the film's saving grace. He had originally been scheduled to be in the film but now due to delays he's backed out and because of that we're left with a movie that's going to suck and an uncomfortable itch.

If you're going to go see "Priest" and expect him to be doing priesty type things then I'm going to tell you to not waste your time. Honestly after looking at the new stills and international poster for the flick I think it should be called "Weird Bald Guy With a Cross on His Head" or something like that. "Priest" would imply that he does some sort of church type activity and I see nothing but motorcycles and giant cartoon sticks of dynamite.

Lastly here's a new still from "Scream 4" which shows a grisly murder scene with all kinds of blood and someone hanging from the ceiling. My guess? This is some sort of stupid movie set or prank that isn't real at all. In fact I'm willing to bet you all that I'm correct. Anyone who wants in on this just mail me 5 bucks. When the movie comes out if it turns out this is in fact a real murder scene then I will send you all back 10 bucks and a diet coke. I promise.

In Real People News: 

How is this illegal? A mother in North Carolina has been arrested after she intentionally drove over her abusive husband while her kids were in the car with her. Is it because the kids were with her and they could have gotten whiplash from the car shaking? Is that it? White trash can be real rough terrain.

Accidents happen all the time. Sometimes you mix your whites with darks when doing the laundry and sometimes you accidentally mix gin with milk and put it in your child's bottle. Happens all the time! Make no mistake just because it happens a lot doesn't mean you won't go to jail like this women in Oklahoma but it still happens a lot none the less.

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