guillermo del toro

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 18th, 2013

Rob Zombie has gone on record that he's done with horror movies for the time being. It's on the internet, it's true. But hey that doesn't mean that he can't go around making spooky houses for us all to enjoy during Halloween time. The Great American Nightmare will take place during the month of October in LA and feature a state of the art haunted attraction along with different bands playing during the month. Want to really frighten folks? Tell em you're going to make them watch "The Devil Rejects" directors cut all night. Get it? Cause that movie is awful.

John Hurt has just been added to the cast of FX's adaptation of Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampires taking over the world novel "The Strain". Hurt will play a pawn shop owner who has been hunting vampires since World War II. Sounds like he's really going to put a... HURT on those vampires huh? Man I'm good.

Oh right, Ryan Gosling is directing a travel to the underworld type flick called "How To Catch a Monster" because he thinks all the ladies out there give a crap about his art and don't just want to catch him strut around with his god damn perfect smile. Or maybe he already knows and doesn't care. In any case he's cast Iain DeCaestecker in the lead role of the project. Iain joins an already large cast that includes both Christina Hendricks and Eva Mendes. Two woman I pray never make the mistake that I care about their art.

Want to pay 50 bucks and see "World War Z" on June 19th, a few days before the film gets a wide release? No me either, and I thought the general consensus is no one wants to see the movie for any price, but I guess that doesn't matter to Regal Entertainment and the folks over at Paramount because they're offering folks a chance to do just that in selected cities. I don't know who the hell would possibly do that but if you're thinking about it please shoot me an email first because I'll read you the book over the phone for only 40 bucks.

In Real People News: 

A Florida man stabbed his brother after an argument over some mac and cheese. Florida.

I think this kind of crap only happened in the 20's but a Florida woman is under arrested after she threw acid in the face of her boyfriend after she showed up to his house drunk and refused to leave. Didn't that do that in the 20's? Seems like something they'd do. "Gangster Squad" was a bad movie.

Horror Headlines: Friday April 26th, 2013

Little lesson for your kids out there. If you ignore going to the dentist for multiple years it will eventually bite you in the ass and make at least 2 solid months of your life a never ending nightmare.

The idea has been kicking around for a while and now it looks like MTV will in fact be bringing "Scream" to the small screen. No confirmation on if Wes Craven will have anything to do with the project but it looks like a pilot is moving forward and if it's picked up the hour long series would hit the tube sometime next Summer. Live every day like it's your last my friends. Every god damn day.

It was only a matter of time before Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy "The Strain" made its way from the pages up to the big screen and now it looks like Corey Stoll has landed the lead in the adaptation. Stoll will play a doctor who teams up with a small group to battle a vampire clan that has taken over the world. I've read these books. I'm smart.

August 8, 2014 will be the day that Universal Pictures finally drops "Dracula", a new film about a man who find himself turning into a wolf every time there's a full moon, into theaters. Wait no, that can't be right.

Want to go see Goblin perform the entire "Suspiria" soundtrack live in Austin Texas this summer? Me either! What if I were to tell you tickets were $175 bucks? I know I want to see them even less now too!

In Real People News: 

A Michigan man has been arrested for having sex with dogs. I know in Michigan right? Crap like this never happens there.

A Florida man was recently arrested while being under the influence of LSD and asked the police to cut his penis off. I know in Florida right? Crap like this never happens there.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 5th, 2013

If you're in the market for a new home and happen to have $2.1 million sitting around then why not move into the house from the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" film? I know what you're thinking though, West Hollywood, right? Who wants to live in California? Everyone is so damn annoying there, right? And all that traffic? Plus it's full of people from California. Well it does have a guest house also so maybe that outweighs all that other stuff.

If you don't like Colin Farrell then you're a jerk. There I said it. He's so damn charming I just don't get why anyone would dislike him. I bring him up because he's joined Anthony Hopkins in the cast of "Solace", a new flick about an FBI agent who reaches out to a retired psychic to help him track down a murderer. I could understand why you might not like Hopkins though. He comes off as kind of snooty.

Jocelin Donahue, who you might remember disliking after seeing "House of the Devil" has signed on to the cast of "Insidious: Chapter 2". She'll play a young Lorraine Lambert in the film, who I don't particularly remember from the original film but I'm going to go out on a limb and say she was a relative or something of the main characters and spooky stuff happened to her.

Blah blah blah Guillermo del Toro is doing another movie. It's going to be a new version of "The Secret Garden". It's about a garden that's secret and then all kinds of crazy del Toro stuff happens and we all go whoooo and then I ask where the hell the new "Haunted Mansion" movie that he's been talking about for years is.

In Real People News: 

Ya know with all the awful crap I've posted on here this woman in Georgia who attacked a man with a jar of olives doesn't really seem so bad. Good for her.

It's got to be sad when the only way you can get money is to break into the local Dollar Tree. It's got to be even sadder when you screw that up and lock yourself in and have to call 911 to get out.

Episode 236 - "Mama"

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It takes 6 of us to review this movie, and we still can't come to a consensus...

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Horror Headlines: Monday January 20th, 2013

I just spent three days in Wisconsin and between the beer, sausage and cheese I'm not sure how my heart is still functioning. I took a shower Sunday night and I swear my pores started to leak cheese sauce. It tasted delicious though so I'm not so upset.

I lost interest in the second season of "American Horror Story" pretty quickly but I'm still mildly interested in seeing season 3 because I liked the first a super lot. Of course the news that Ryan Murphy has dropped that the upcoming season will be a modern day romance story does not have me giddy at all. Then again Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters have already been confirmed to be returning so maybe there will be a 3 way love triangle there so that could be frightening. You're picturing it right now aren't you. It's a terrible image.

"Sons Of Anarchy" star Charlie Hunnam has landed his greasy little locks a role in Guillermo del Toro's new flick "Crimson Peak". Details of his role are still unknown but the film is said to be a modern take on the classic ghost story. What that actually means is beyond me but what if the ghosts were actually alive and like working at our local car dealerships or something? Did I just blow your mind? I think I did.

I may or may not have completely forgotten that NBC had a "Dracula" TV series in the works but if I'm being honest here it just dawned on me that I may have a 6 year old child somewhere in the greater Philadelphia area so I've got a lot worse things to worry about. Moving on! Jonathan Jessica De Gouw has been cast in the role of Mina Murray, a young medical student who also happens to be the reincarnation of the fanged one's true love. Now that I think about it maybe I should have kept that whole kid thing to myself.

At this point the only way the "Zombieland" sequel discussion could get more ridiculous is if a script gets written so Bill Murray can shred it. But now there's talks that a TV series based on the show, which had been discussed back in 2011, may actually be a go and a call for casting has gone out. Nothing has been confirmed of course and the project will die 4 or 5 more times before the year ends but at the very least it will give me something to write about and at the end of the day isn't that all we really want? I thought so.

In Real People News: 

Two strippers in Wisconsin are in hot water after they got into a full on fist fight over a dollar bill. A single dollar. Not going to lie, this sounds like the greatest strip club ever to me.

A Florida man is under arrest after he bit his girlfriend's thumb off during an argument the couple was having. The only way I can see this not ending with him in prison is if the argument was about whether or not he could bite a human thumb off.

Mama (REVIEW)

Mama marks the feature film debut of director Andrés Muschietti. Inspired by his short film of the same title , Mama revels in archaic horror tropes; favoring the terrors of primordial nature, feral humanity, madness, ghosts moaning in the night, and the return of the repressed. The film is drenched in fiercely aggressive shadows, tightly framed locations, and more than a handful of scenes involving scuttling figures climbing across floors and walls.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 8th, 2013

Well this sounds pretty cool. Director Kyle Kuchta is hard at work on a new documentary focusing on the horror convention circuit and the devoted fans who travel across the country to support the genre. The film is titled "Fantasum" and will continue filming in March at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill NJ. Right now the flick is set to come out in May so I assume I'll be getting a call asking if they can film me getting drunk at a hotel bar and yelling Rusted Root songs at people.

It looks like maybe Guillermo del Toro hasn't decided to put his big screen adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "At the Mountains Of Madness" on the shelf after all. Or at least he confirmed that he wants to give the project another go with Universal, the folks who shut the project down because of rating and budget concerns. I know what you're concerned about and good news, Tom Cruise is still attached. I know! How the hell did they get him!?

Good news folks! Tom Six and star Dieter Laser have buried the hatchet and "The Human Centipede 3" is going to begin filming in May. Wait no, that's awful news.

And finally some sad news today. David R. Ellis, the director behind "Snakes On a Plane", "Shark Night" and a few other so bad they're good flicks passed away yesterday while filming his next movie down in South Africa. Ellis was 60 and working with Samuel Jackson again on a live action version of the Japanese anime film "Kite".

In Real People News: 

Shooting a home intruder is pretty nuts but still understandable. Shooting a home intruder in the face might be able to be chalked up to bad/good luck. Shooting a home intruder in the face five times... I'm not really sure what you call that.

Good news! We finally got a video of a live giant squid. Better news! We did it before those damn commies.

Horror Headlines: Friday December 7th, 2012

Yes I know it's been over a month since I last wrote the news for you and yes I know you probably want some sort of explanation. Well you aren't going to get one I'm sorry. You can get a brief story about how I'm watching "Jurassic Park" right now and loving it. That's pretty much the entire story actually. I love this movie and I'm watching it right now while I type the news. Roll credits.

The big screen adaptation of Peter Heller's post-apocalyptic novel "The Dog Stars" has been picked up by Constantin Films, the same company that brought us the "Resident Evil" franchise, for production. Still being planned, the film will focus on a man who survives a deadly virus outbreak that kills off most of the world's population and his hopes of finding the promise land. I assume that means the last Hooters in America with running water.

If there's one complaint people have about Guillermo del Toro's 2006 acid trip flick "Pan's Labyrinth" it's that there isn't nearly enough singing and dancing. Truth be told that's really the biggest complaint most people have about most horror flicks isn't it. Well good news showgirls, it looks like the musical will be coming to the city that never sleeps sometime in the near future. The good news here is that Guillermo is on board as a producer so maybe this will turn out to be pretty sweet. Maybe the pre-show meal we have over at Bubba Gump shrimp wont give us all the runs either.

"Silence Of the Lambs" director Jonathan Demme has officially stepped down as the director of the movie adaptation of Stephen King's "11/22/63". The film, about a time traveler who tries to stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy was announced over a year ago and has not had much movement since then so what's next remains to be seen. The good news here is I just started reading this book and it's long as hell so if they can drag this out for a year or so I might finish it by the time the film sees the light of day.

If you've been unable to sleep because you're so excited to find out what "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is going to be about then get your PJ's on because tonight you're going to rest like a baby. Andy Serkis, the guy who played Caesar the ape in the first film has dropped word that the film will focus on Caesar's interaction with the remaining humans left on the earth after a deadly virus breaks out. Serkis will of course play Caesar again and I will of course still have trouble giving a crap about a bunch of monkeys that should of just been drowned in the first act of the last film.

In Real People News: 

A Tennessee woman is facing charges after she accused a man she met online of forcing himself on her and it later turned out that she was just really unhappy with the consensual sex they did have. Thank the lord this story didn't come out when I was in college because there's two and a half women out there that could have really caused some problem for me. Don't ask.

A Pennsylvania woman is under arrest after she stabbed her boyfriend for taking the last beer. If her mug shot didn't look like a entire trailer court got together for an orgy and she was the child produced from it then I think I might have been in love.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 21st, 2012

Katee Sackhoff, of a bunch of stuff I've never seen fame, has landed a role in a new haunted mirror flick titled "Oculus". Wow, that sentence just happened. She'll play the mother of a girl, played by Karen Gillan, who is dead-set on proving that a haunted mirror is responsible for the murders that left two children without parents. The mirror did it... I don't know what else to say.

Little known fact, I am literate. I know I was just as shocked to find this out as you are. And I may in fact read Stephen King's new book "Joyland" which was just given a June 4, 2013 release date and some snappy cover art. The book will focus on a young lad who goes to work at a carnival over the summer and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder that happened there. I'm just kidding I have no idea what I'm even typing.

Remember a while back when I said I could read? But it turns out I wasn't kidding. Seriously, I've read all three books in Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's "Strain" trilogy which focuses on a group of survivors trying to end a vampire outbreak that has taken over the world. So just think of how excited I am now that FX is looking to make a small screen adaptation of the books? I can say crap like, "oh well in the book that was different". People love hearing that kind of stuff, right?

Open Road Films has picked up a new found footage spoof film titled "A Haunted House" from mastermind Marlon Wayans. I know what you're thinking and don't worry, he will also be starring in the film...

In Real People News: 

There's nothing like waking up next to the one you love. It's a warm fuzzy feeling you can't really put into words. Unless of course your loved one is this woman from Washington and she's holding an electric saw over your head getting ready to decapitate you. Then it's kind of crappy.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

The nautical chaps over at Anchor Bay have picked up the rights to "The Demented", a new flick about a group of friends who find themselves under attack by rabid townies while on vacation. I assume there will be nudity.

Two years Guillermo del Toro ago dropped that he would be working on a new big screen version of my beloved Disney ride "The Haunted Mansion". I wake up every morning hoping there is news on the project but alas, there has been none. Until today! D-Tors dropped knowledge that he has in fact handed in a draft of the script and is awaiting feedback. He very much still wants to make the film and may even direct, he was originally slated to produce and write. It's hard to explain just how excited I am about this. I throw up every day I get so excited.

Remember that guy from "The Loved Ones" who got kidnapped and all kinds of messed up? I mean he's the main character so if you don't remember him then something might be wrong with you. Well his name is Xavier Samuel and it looks like he's joined the cast of "Plush" about a singer of a band, or something, that gets caught up with a new guitar player who is a prick, or something. Honestly I don't get the plot and it sounds stupid but hey. "The Loved Ones" was pretty cool so let's get excited.

So here's a movie called "Strip Mahjong: Battle Royale". If you couldn't have guessed it's a Japanese flick and if you don't know what Mahjong is it doesn't really matter. The movie is ridiculous. And it's going to be awesome. Watch it, now.

In Real People News: 

A woman in China has come up with a clever idea on how to stop speeders in her hometown. Apparently she's taken it upon herself to tie a sex doll to a tree on a busy street in hopes that the doll will distract speeders and make them slow down. I don't see how anything can go wrong with this idea.

If you attack a cop and try to bite him you're pretty much guaranteed to be spending some time in jail. But if you do the crane stance from Karate Kid before you make your rush, well that's pretty awesome.

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