guillermo del toro

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 8th, 2013

Well this sounds pretty cool. Director Kyle Kuchta is hard at work on a new documentary focusing on the horror convention circuit and the devoted fans who travel across the country to support the genre. The film is titled "Fantasum" and will continue filming in March at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill NJ. Right now the flick is set to come out in May so I assume I'll be getting a call asking if they can film me getting drunk at a hotel bar and yelling Rusted Root songs at people.

It looks like maybe Guillermo del Toro hasn't decided to put his big screen adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "At the Mountains Of Madness" on the shelf after all. Or at least he confirmed that he wants to give the project another go with Universal, the folks who shut the project down because of rating and budget concerns. I know what you're concerned about and good news, Tom Cruise is still attached. I know! How the hell did they get him!?

Good news folks! Tom Six and star Dieter Laser have buried the hatchet and "The Human Centipede 3" is going to begin filming in May. Wait no, that's awful news.

And finally some sad news today. David R. Ellis, the director behind "Snakes On a Plane", "Shark Night" and a few other so bad they're good flicks passed away yesterday while filming his next movie down in South Africa. Ellis was 60 and working with Samuel Jackson again on a live action version of the Japanese anime film "Kite".

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Shooting a home intruder is pretty nuts but still understandable. Shooting a home intruder in the face might be able to be chalked up to bad/good luck. Shooting a home intruder in the face five times... I'm not really sure what you call that.

Good news! We finally got a video of a live giant squid. Better news! We did it before those damn commies.

Horror Headlines: Friday December 7th, 2012

Yes I know it's been over a month since I last wrote the news for you and yes I know you probably want some sort of explanation. Well you aren't going to get one I'm sorry. You can get a brief story about how I'm watching "Jurassic Park" right now and loving it. That's pretty much the entire story actually. I love this movie and I'm watching it right now while I type the news. Roll credits.

The big screen adaptation of Peter Heller's post-apocalyptic novel "The Dog Stars" has been picked up by Constantin Films, the same company that brought us the "Resident Evil" franchise, for production. Still being planned, the film will focus on a man who survives a deadly virus outbreak that kills off most of the world's population and his hopes of finding the promise land. I assume that means the last Hooters in America with running water.

If there's one complaint people have about Guillermo del Toro's 2006 acid trip flick "Pan's Labyrinth" it's that there isn't nearly enough singing and dancing. Truth be told that's really the biggest complaint most people have about most horror flicks isn't it. Well good news showgirls, it looks like the musical will be coming to the city that never sleeps sometime in the near future. The good news here is that Guillermo is on board as a producer so maybe this will turn out to be pretty sweet. Maybe the pre-show meal we have over at Bubba Gump shrimp wont give us all the runs either.

"Silence Of the Lambs" director Jonathan Demme has officially stepped down as the director of the movie adaptation of Stephen King's "11/22/63". The film, about a time traveler who tries to stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy was announced over a year ago and has not had much movement since then so what's next remains to be seen. The good news here is I just started reading this book and it's long as hell so if they can drag this out for a year or so I might finish it by the time the film sees the light of day.

If you've been unable to sleep because you're so excited to find out what "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is going to be about then get your PJ's on because tonight you're going to rest like a baby. Andy Serkis, the guy who played Caesar the ape in the first film has dropped word that the film will focus on Caesar's interaction with the remaining humans left on the earth after a deadly virus breaks out. Serkis will of course play Caesar again and I will of course still have trouble giving a crap about a bunch of monkeys that should of just been drowned in the first act of the last film.

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A Tennessee woman is facing charges after she accused a man she met online of forcing himself on her and it later turned out that she was just really unhappy with the consensual sex they did have. Thank the lord this story didn't come out when I was in college because there's two and a half women out there that could have really caused some problem for me. Don't ask.

A Pennsylvania woman is under arrest after she stabbed her boyfriend for taking the last beer. If her mug shot didn't look like a entire trailer court got together for an orgy and she was the child produced from it then I think I might have been in love.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 21st, 2012

Katee Sackhoff, of a bunch of stuff I've never seen fame, has landed a role in a new haunted mirror flick titled "Oculus". Wow, that sentence just happened. She'll play the mother of a girl, played by Karen Gillan, who is dead-set on proving that a haunted mirror is responsible for the murders that left two children without parents. The mirror did it... I don't know what else to say.

Little known fact, I am literate. I know I was just as shocked to find this out as you are. And I may in fact read Stephen King's new book "Joyland" which was just given a June 4, 2013 release date and some snappy cover art. The book will focus on a young lad who goes to work at a carnival over the summer and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder that happened there. I'm just kidding I have no idea what I'm even typing.

Remember a while back when I said I could read? But it turns out I wasn't kidding. Seriously, I've read all three books in Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's "Strain" trilogy which focuses on a group of survivors trying to end a vampire outbreak that has taken over the world. So just think of how excited I am now that FX is looking to make a small screen adaptation of the books? I can say crap like, "oh well in the book that was different". People love hearing that kind of stuff, right?

Open Road Films has picked up a new found footage spoof film titled "A Haunted House" from mastermind Marlon Wayans. I know what you're thinking and don't worry, he will also be starring in the film...

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There's nothing like waking up next to the one you love. It's a warm fuzzy feeling you can't really put into words. Unless of course your loved one is this woman from Washington and she's holding an electric saw over your head getting ready to decapitate you. Then it's kind of crappy.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

The nautical chaps over at Anchor Bay have picked up the rights to "The Demented", a new flick about a group of friends who find themselves under attack by rabid townies while on vacation. I assume there will be nudity.

Two years Guillermo del Toro ago dropped that he would be working on a new big screen version of my beloved Disney ride "The Haunted Mansion". I wake up every morning hoping there is news on the project but alas, there has been none. Until today! D-Tors dropped knowledge that he has in fact handed in a draft of the script and is awaiting feedback. He very much still wants to make the film and may even direct, he was originally slated to produce and write. It's hard to explain just how excited I am about this. I throw up every day I get so excited.

Remember that guy from "The Loved Ones" who got kidnapped and all kinds of messed up? I mean he's the main character so if you don't remember him then something might be wrong with you. Well his name is Xavier Samuel and it looks like he's joined the cast of "Plush" about a singer of a band, or something, that gets caught up with a new guitar player who is a prick, or something. Honestly I don't get the plot and it sounds stupid but hey. "The Loved Ones" was pretty cool so let's get excited.

So here's a movie called "Strip Mahjong: Battle Royale". If you couldn't have guessed it's a Japanese flick and if you don't know what Mahjong is it doesn't really matter. The movie is ridiculous. And it's going to be awesome. Watch it, now.

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A woman in China has come up with a clever idea on how to stop speeders in her hometown. Apparently she's taken it upon herself to tie a sex doll to a tree on a busy street in hopes that the doll will distract speeders and make them slow down. I don't see how anything can go wrong with this idea.

If you attack a cop and try to bite him you're pretty much guaranteed to be spending some time in jail. But if you do the crane stance from Karate Kid before you make your rush, well that's pretty awesome.

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 16th, 2012

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a couple days. I just had a lot going on. A wedding, my child's first birthday party and a house full of out of town guests. Look I said I'm sorry! You know I don't get paid for this right? I do this out of the kindness of my heart. You should get down on your knees and kiss my feet every day you get to enjoy my news. Look I'm sorry, that last part might have been a little bit too far. God I said I'm sorry! What do you want from me?! You're such a prick sometimes!

We're a few months away from Halloween but the good folks overt at Universal Studios have dropped word that both "The Walking Dead" and "Silent Hill" will be featured in this year's Halloween Horror Nights. No word yet on what the attractions will be just yet but if I was to guess I'd think for "The Walking Dead" you'll just chase a little kid around a farm for 2 hours and eventually get killed because his stupid ass won't stay in the house.

Despite earlier word that there was no chance in hell the film was going to happen it looks like Guillermo del Toro is very much looking forward to making "Hellboy 3". In a recent interview the ever busy director let loose that him and Ron Perlman are together and trying to make the flick happen. He also went on to say that he's still very much interested in making "At The Mountains Of Madness". He also confirmed that there is in fact an Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and he owns a Unicorn.

The good folks over at Showtime are teaming up with the gang that brought you "Hung" for a new supernatural thriller series titled "Sleep No More". No word on filming or air dates but the series will focus on a small town where the dead continue to return from the grave. I can't stop giggling over "Hung".

"Community" star Gillian Jacobs has signed on to costar with Ken Marino in a new horror/comedy titled "Milo". The project follows Duncan, played by Marino, a guy who thinks he has a demon living inside his stomach that's causing all his ailments. I thought the same thing the last time I ate at Denny's. Moons Over My Hammy. Am I right?

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I know I've only been a parent for a year now but I'd like to think I'll never get to the point where I lock my little bundle of joy in a chicken coop and force her to wear a shock collar. I mean I can't say for 100% sure it won't happen. I just like to think I'll never get there.

A 27 year old California woman is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend for bringing her the wrong beer. I'm not saying I support domestic violence but sometimes I think the law should go light on people. Just saying.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, May 8th, 2011

The nice old man from "Babe" AKA James Cromwell has joined the cast of Season 2 of "American Horror Story". He'll play a doctor who goes to battle with his boss, played by Jessica Lange. Am I the only one who just got hungry for some bacon? I can't be.

Guillermo del Toro recently look to his blog to drop the science on why "At the Mountains of Madness" probably isn't happening any time soon. Now I'm confused as hell after reading his explanation but I'll try to explain here. It seems because "Prometheus" and the Alien saga in general is so heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft the camp putting ATMOM together thinks it's not a good idea to push it forward. I don't fully get it but maybe someone else can explain it to me. Also please explain how babies get made.

I don't want to piss in your Wheaties but in a recent interview Anna Faris reveiled that she will most likly not be a part of "Scary Movie 5". I know. I'm taking this pretty hard also. If they dare make a "The House Bunny 2" without her I swear to god I'll shoot someone in the face.

"Wolf Creek" mastermind Greg McLean is taking time off from giving out handies for spare change to fund a sequel to take the directing role on a new film titled "Kill Me Three Times". The film follows a woman in an Australian surfing town who is the link between three different stories of murder, revenge and blackmail. I was just kidding about the handies thing. I'm pretty sure he's just asking people for money. I mean he might be giving handies I don't know. What I'm saying here is I can neither deny nor confirm that "Wolf Creek 2" is being funded by a prostitution ring.

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A 28 year old school teacher in Florida is facing a pretty hefty detention sentence after it was discovered she deflowered a 16 year old student during school hours. By detention I mean jail. I don't think they can put teachers into detention. It's a loop hole thing or something.

It's always good for high school coaches to challenge their players. Well maybe not always good. This Colorado Hockey coach challenged his players to a masturbation race. That's not good at all.

Mimic 3 Film Blu-Ray Set (REVIEW)

“Mimic” is a film I feel many horror fans look back to through retroactive produced rose-colored glasses. Most of this perception understandably comes from the current status of the film’s director and writer Guillermo del Toro as a cultural icon for both genre fans and international cinema. But at the time “Mimic” was initially released del Toro had yet to prove his filmmaking prowess despite the success of “Cronos”.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, February 29th, 2011

Today is February 29th, also know as leap day. A day that comes but once every hundred years. Today in the city of New York all the offices and banks are closed and we're constructing a giant wood pile in the middle of time square. At the crack of noon we will begin sacrificing goats, cat, dogs and really any other animal we can find to appease the great fire God who will brings down his unholy vengeance if he is not pleased. It truly is a magical once in a lifetime experience.

Bad news for me and the 7 other people looking forward to a "Hellboy 3" coming out someday. In a recent interview the lead man himself, Ron Perlman dropped a bummer bomb when he said he didn't think it was going to happen. He then clubbed a baby seal and told a group of 1st graders there's no Santa Clause.

One movie Guillermo del Toro is making though is "Pacific Rim", a movie with a plot that confuses the hell out of me but I think there's a bunch of monsters that attack a future world. Or worlds. I think there's a Godzilla type thing. I don't know really. But Ramin Djawadi has been hired to compose the music for the movie. His credits include "Clash of the Titans", "Iron Man", and a bunch of other movies I don't remember the music in.

OMG Will Smith totally let the cat out of the bag by telling the world (some Spanish reporter) that Lady Gaga is going to make an cameo in "Men In Black 3"! Do you think she'll be an alien? I mean she's so crazy and out there I bet she's going to be an alien. Or maybe they'll go curve ball and NOT make her an alien. Oh the options are limitless. Alien! Not alien!? So many options! Too many to choose.

If you've been looking forward to seeing Billy Zane fight a leprechaun in the movie "Red Clover" then I've got some bad news, some good news, some bad news and some news that probably doesn't matter. The bad news is the title is no longer "Red Clover". It's now "Leprechaun's Revenge". The good news is the film finally has a release date of March 17th. The Bad news after that is that it's going to be on Syfy and has nothing to do with the "Leprechaun" series. The good news is it's Billy Zane. The bad news is it's Billy Zane.

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If you're going to try to find a dog for your weird sex games you might want to try some place other than Craigslist because there's a good chance the cops are going to find you. I wonder if the officer who set up the sting just sort of stumbled upon the ad or has a daily task of checking the site for people looking to screw dogs.

A 68 year old Iowa man is in the hospital after he accidentally shot himself while trying to kill a caged raccoon. I'm kind of confused as to what really happened but from what I can gather it played out something like one of the old cartoons when they shoot something and it bounces off and flying around the room and eventually hits someone.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2011

To help my daughter sleep we have this stuffed animal with a small radio in the back that plays the sounds of rain falling or a river flowing for 45 minutes when you push a button. This morning at 5am somehow she rolled over in her sleep in pushed the button so I was awoken to the sound of running water blasting in our bedroom over the baby monitor. I've never believed in ghosts but for a split second this morning I honestly thought our house was haunted.

Because he isn't busy enough Guillermo del Toro has decided to take on the producer role for a new CG animated flick titled "Day Of the Dead". Jorge R. Gutierrez will direct the love story in the vein of "Romeo and Juliet" set against a Mexican “Day of the Dead” backdrop. That "Haunted Mansion" flick is still happening, right? I've been excited about that for over a year now and I'm starting to get a little pissy.

I have no idea what this means but I bet Casey is going to be as giddy as a school girl about it. Hammer Films has decided to open their script archive to the public. So I guess that means we can go there and just start reading stuff? I haven't watched a lot of their movies but from what I can gather the best part of them is the girls with all their parts hanging out so I'm not really sure how reading is going to make me happy.

Set your hunk-o-meter to stun folks because it's been confirmed that Michael Fassbender will in fact star in Ridley Scott 's next film which is titled "The Counselor". The movie is about a big time lawyer who gets mixed up with the drug selling business... and then aliens attack everyone. That last part isn't true but the thing sounds kind of boring right now so I hope they're open to suggestions.

If you kids can remember all the way back to our "Mother's Day" remake episode then you know the gang was all pretty positive on the film. I think. Honestly I can't remember back that far but let's just go with it. The point is the Darren Lynn Bousman film finally has a release date of May 8th for DVD and Blu-Ray and will also be getting a limited theater run starting May 4th. May the 4th be with you! I wonder if they thought of that when the picked the date. Man I hope so. I love that crap.

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Here's a fun story about a guy who broke into a house and started trying on clothes because he said a small Asian boy invited him. The Asian boy turned out to be a bunch of flowers but he apologized so all is forgiven. Just kidding he's in jail.

A man in Quebec is in hot water after he pulled a buddy of his down the street on a couch tied to his car. The kids call it "couch surfing" I guess and apparently his friend wiped out head first into an oncoming car. I don't know what the French word is for cowabunga.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

"The Wicker Tree" might possibly be my number one favorite film based on "The Wicker Man" that isn't exactly a sequel or a remake. There was a lot of competition. Oh and I haven't seen it. But still, number 1. The good news here is that the film will finally see the light of day on DVD and Blu-Ray on April 24th. If that news doesn't put you in the mood then you're dead from the waste down.

Go ahead and add a new version of "Beauty And the Beast" to the long list of movies Guillermo del Toro is working on. Warner Bros. has confirmed that the great Spaniard will be directing their retelling of the classic tale. The film will be called "Beast" and I assume will not feature Angela Lansbury in any way, shape or form. She was the teapot in the Disney animated version. That's what that joke means.

If I was forced at gun point to pick a director for "Jitters", a new family friendly flick about mutated bugs, I would pick Mike Mitchell. Yes the guy who directed "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked". Seems obvious when you say it out loud. Luckily for me Paramount picked him too. So you don't have to put a gun to my head. Unless that's how you get your kicks, fly-boy. I don't want to judge.

Blah blah blah Warner Bros. blah blah "Paranormal Activity" meets "Rear Window" blah blah title is "The Waiting". Plop plop fizz fizz.

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Here's a fun story about a High School coach who accidental posted nude photos of himself on Facebook for the world to see. I can only imagine the mental issues I would of had if that had happened when I was a kid. Coach Ronca was a hairy, frightening SOB.

It's Valentine's Day so here's a story of love. A Minnesota man has been arrested after he was caught going to town on himself right outside his girlfriends jail cell window. Are you crying right now? It's ok, everyone loves romance.

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