the strain

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 5th, 2013

Natalie Brown, who I'm sure you all remember from "How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days", is the latest name to be added to the upcoming FX series "The Strain". For those of you who don't read my news every other week when I post it, "The Strain" is based on the Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's novels about a group of survivors trying to take back control after vampires have taken over the world. Want to know how it ends? I read it. The point here is I know how to read.

I like to watch "Mad Men" because I work in advertising and it's fun to see what people think I do even though the show is set 30 years ago and everyone is kind of miserable. I'm telling you this because Jared Harris, from the show, has now been cast in the lead role of the upcoming "Poltergeist" remake. I'm also telling you this because I haven't written the news in over a week and my clever segway skills are pretty rusty.

Did you know that SyFy was looking to move forward with a series based on the 1995 film "12 Monkeys"? Me either! Did you know that the film's director Terry Gilliam thinks this is a "very dumb idea"? Yeah I probably could've guessed that too.

I had completely forgotten about "Mad Max: Fury Road". I guess it wrapped filming back in December and now it looks like there's going to be three weeks of additional footage tacked on in November to complete the movie. No real word on what the additional filming is for but I'm willing to bet it's just to get some move vacation time down in Australia. Those freakin criminals sure know how to party.

In Real People News: 

22 year old woman tries to run onto the field at an University of Iowa football game. Woman gets arrested after blowing a .341 BAC. Woman tweets about it with the tag #yolo. Woman becomes the first official Mrs. Bloody Good Horror.

Where do you hide 5 grand that you've stolen from your boyfriend? In your ass of course. How do you get said money out of your ass? Not with a toilet brush apparently. That gets you a one way ticket to the hospital.

Horror Headlines: Monday August 5th, 2013

I had to stop at the grocery store this past thursday on my way home from work. As I walked through the front door I was immediately greeted by a middle aged man hunched over gagging while an employee of the store was standing behind him giving the Heimlich maneuver. The guy who was choking looked up, locked eyes with me and then after three good thrusts shot out a giant piece of peach onto the ground. The point of this story is if you steal fruit from the grocery store and eat it eventually the powers that be will punish you.

FX CEO John Landgraf has sent down word from the mountains that "The Strain", a new series based on Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy, will be no more than 5 seasons. The show will follow a small group of rebels trying to take down a vampire empire that has taken over the world. The reason for the 5 season limit is that the shows creators are already putting it out there that the show will end with the same finale as the books, which is good news. This combined with the solid nights sleep I got last night is really starting off the week on a good foot.

Remember Alexandra Breckenridge in the first season of "American Horror Story"? Yeah, she was the slutty maid. I know! She was my favorite too. Well good news folks, she'll be returning to the show for it's third season which is being titled "American Horror Story: Coven". No word yet on what role she'll be playing but the season is suppose to be set around a group of spooky witches... I think. Really I'm just hoping for slutty witches.

I've never seen "Akira", I don't know what it's about and Japanimation in general confuses and frightens me. Apparently a live action version of the film(?) has been kicking around for a while and now "Orphan" director Jaume Collet-Serra has been attached to the project and it's officially moving forward. I bet those whack jobs dressed up like giant robots I saw walking outside the Rosemont convention center on my way to Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill are all excited about this. Or angry. I don't really understand any of this.

"House of Flying Daggers" director Zhang Yimou has officially been confirmed to be taking on the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" remake, which has also officially been confirmed I guess. Josh Brolin is set to start in the film, which is the retelling of the classic tale of Quasimodo and the main reason I grew to love Gypsies as a child. Well this story and Cher. Mostly Cher.

In Real People News: 

When a sex offender moves into your neighborhood you're immediately worried about the kids. The dogs on the other hand, I never would have thought to worry about the dogs. Of course this is Florida, and looking outside to see your neighbor and your dog going at it is probably not that uncommon.

A 12 year old boy robbing a lemonade stand with a BB gun sounds just down right adorable doesn't it? Wait no, terrible. It's terrible. He's being charged with armed robbery, which is terrible. Oh man, did he have a little tiny ski mask on? Don't tell me, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 18th, 2013

Rob Zombie has gone on record that he's done with horror movies for the time being. It's on the internet, it's true. But hey that doesn't mean that he can't go around making spooky houses for us all to enjoy during Halloween time. The Great American Nightmare will take place during the month of October in LA and feature a state of the art haunted attraction along with different bands playing during the month. Want to really frighten folks? Tell em you're going to make them watch "The Devil Rejects" directors cut all night. Get it? Cause that movie is awful.

John Hurt has just been added to the cast of FX's adaptation of Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampires taking over the world novel "The Strain". Hurt will play a pawn shop owner who has been hunting vampires since World War II. Sounds like he's really going to put a... HURT on those vampires huh? Man I'm good.

Oh right, Ryan Gosling is directing a travel to the underworld type flick called "How To Catch a Monster" because he thinks all the ladies out there give a crap about his art and don't just want to catch him strut around with his god damn perfect smile. Or maybe he already knows and doesn't care. In any case he's cast Iain DeCaestecker in the lead role of the project. Iain joins an already large cast that includes both Christina Hendricks and Eva Mendes. Two woman I pray never make the mistake that I care about their art.

Want to pay 50 bucks and see "World War Z" on June 19th, a few days before the film gets a wide release? No me either, and I thought the general consensus is no one wants to see the movie for any price, but I guess that doesn't matter to Regal Entertainment and the folks over at Paramount because they're offering folks a chance to do just that in selected cities. I don't know who the hell would possibly do that but if you're thinking about it please shoot me an email first because I'll read you the book over the phone for only 40 bucks.

In Real People News: 

A Florida man stabbed his brother after an argument over some mac and cheese. Florida.

I think this kind of crap only happened in the 20's but a Florida woman is under arrested after she threw acid in the face of her boyfriend after she showed up to his house drunk and refused to leave. Didn't that do that in the 20's? Seems like something they'd do. "Gangster Squad" was a bad movie.

"The Strain" Gets Two Trailers

A trailer for a book, well now I’ve seen it all! You read it right folks, this week we got a look at two different trailers for the upcoming Guillermo del Toro/Chuck Hogan novel “The Strain”.

The book is set in New York City just after a virus breaks out that turns humans into vampires. A battle begins between the infected and a small group of humans who has yet to turn. We follow the group as they try to save their families and the city we all love so dearly. Think “30 Days Of Night”, only with street meat.

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