Horror Headlines: Monday August 1st, 2011

"Shark Night 3D" is like "Piranha 3D" only it's rated PG-13 so it's going to be missing all of the good stuff, AKA blood and boobs. Nonetheless it hits theaters on September 2nd and a new TV spot has hit with all kinds of shark biting action... So it's got some good things going for it. Like kids can get in to see it without a parent or guardian. So that's a plus for the moms out there. Maybe drop the kids off at the theater and go treat yourself with a mani-pedi and a carton of Virgina Slims.

If you left your AC filled home this weekend to see "Cowboys & Aliens" then you probably saw the trailer for Andrew Niccol's new Sci-Fi flick "In Time". For those of you who didn't though you're in luck because it's on the intertubes also! Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried star in the film which takes place in a future where a person's time left on this earth has replaced our legal tender. I'm guessing from the cast list it's also a future where all ugly people have been done away with also. I can't wait for this future.

If you've been waiting for "A Serbian Film" to hit Blu-Ray and DVD so you can own the sickest film I've ever had the misfortune of watching then you're in luck, and you should be imprisoned. For those of you not familiar with the film it is focused on Serbia's greatest porn star who comes out of retirement for one last hoorah only to find he's become a part of some sort of sick and twisted extreme form of gonzo film making. October 25th is the date that you can pick it up and I assume also be added to some sort of government watch list. Happy Halloween you freakin deviants.

If you're like me then you spend most of your time sitting on the couch watching these crap movies eating cheese curls all weekend. Mother of god I love cheese curls. But it might be time to put them down and get some exercise because a new 5K race called Run For Your Lives is coming and it looks pretty kick ass. Participants will test their endurance on a 5K run that's chock full of obstacles and teaming with zombies. Not real ones I assume, that would be pretty dangerous, but still it sounds kind of frightening.

In Real People News: 

A 20 year old New Hampshire Dunkin Donuts employee is in deep crap after he was caught putting snot in a cop's coffee. How did he get caught you might ask? Why by the security cameras of course. Something you would think an employee would know about, but hey what do I know.

I've always been amazed by these people who will fork over thousands of dollars to a vet just so their disgusting cat can live a few extra months. Apparently neither did a Florida man who refused to pay for his wive's cat's medical bills. Of course his wife then went nuts and started stabbing him so maybe he should have just shelled out the cash so Mr. Whiskers could stick around a little longer. Pets are stupid.

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