a serbian film

"Justified" is my favorite show in the world that I've only seen 3 episodes of. I don't remember if Joelle Carter was in the episodes I've seen but she looks kind of familiar so let's all get excited that she's been added to the cast of the upcoming Lionsgate film "Jessabelle". Carter will play the mother of a girl who's forced to return to her father's home after she loses the use of her legs. I hope she knows the "I Have No Legs" song.

Marc D. Evans has gone on record that the plan is for "The Strangers 2" to begin production this fall and that a director will be chosen shortly. I don't believe him. Let's move on.

Have a loved one with an upcoming birthday you want to ruin? Well good news! "A Serbian Film" will finally see a limited unedited US release on May 22nd. The news comes after months of legal issues and forced edits to get the film ready for US shelves. Why this giant mess is being allowed I have no idea but I assume the discussion went something like, "fine if you pricks want to cry yourselves to sleep for a week then be my guest!"

Edward Norton, Gael Garcia Bernal and Rebecca Hall, and Sean Penn are all apparently in talks to take on roles in the upcoming "Robocop" remake. I mean they're all looking to play different roles. Although that would be kind of awesome if they all played Robocop. Like some sort of giant weird Hollywood Voltron. I'd like Ed Norton to be the head, please. I just like the cut of that guy's jib.

"Shark Night 3D" is like "Piranha 3D" only it's rated PG-13 so it's going to be missing all of the good stuff, AKA blood and boobs. Nonetheless it hits theaters on September 2nd and a new TV spot has hit with all kinds of shark biting action... So it's got some good things going for it. Like kids can get in to see it without a parent or guardian. So that's a plus for the moms out there. Maybe drop the kids off at the theater and go treat yourself with a mani-pedi and a carton of Virgina Slims.

If you left your AC filled home this weekend to see "Cowboys & Aliens" then you probably saw the trailer for Andrew Niccol's new Sci-Fi flick "In Time". For those of you who didn't though you're in luck because it's on the intertubes also! Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried star in the film which takes place in a future where a person's time left on this earth has replaced our legal tender. I'm guessing from the cast list it's also a future where all ugly people have been done away with also. I can't wait for this future.

If you've been waiting for "A Serbian Film" to hit Blu-Ray and DVD so you can own the sickest film I've ever had the misfortune of watching then you're in luck, and you should be imprisoned. For those of you not familiar with the film it is focused on Serbia's greatest porn star who comes out of retirement for one last hoorah only to find he's become a part of some sort of sick and twisted extreme form of gonzo film making. October 25th is the date that you can pick it up and I assume also be added to some sort of government watch list. Happy Halloween you freakin deviants.

If you're like me then you spend most of your time sitting on the couch watching these crap movies eating cheese curls all weekend. Mother of god I love cheese curls. But it might be time to put them down and get some exercise because a new 5K race called Run For Your Lives is coming and it looks pretty kick ass. Participants will test their endurance on a 5K run that's chock full of obstacles and teaming with zombies. Not real ones I assume, that would be pretty dangerous, but still it sounds kind of frightening.

If you haven't seen "A Serbian Film" well then consider yourself lucky. I'm not going to say why, but there are some things that no amount of soup in the eyes will wash away. I still wake up crying in the middle of the night sometimes. But good news for deviants and future sex offenders out there, it's getting a US release in selected theaters on May 17th in both it's R and NC-17 forms. In honor of this event a new red-band trailer and website have lunched for the movie. Both of which I refuse to view. You've been warned.

Chloe Moretz, who I've dubbed this generation's Macaulay Culkin, minus the coke habit and schizophrenia, has officially been added to the cast of the upcoming Tim Burton big screen adaptation of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows". The cast already includes the likes of Johnny Depp, Jackie Earle Haley, Michelle Pfeiffer and Helena Bonham Carter. Just to be clear I have no idea if Culkin is a coke head or a schizophrenic but it would be awesome if he was.

I'm going to make a prediction here folks and if I'm wrong I will personally come to each and every one of your houses and open mouth kiss you as an apology. Here it is. "Shark Night 3D" will be the single greatest movie to ever appear on the silver screen. Put it in the books! If you doubt me then just take a gander at the new photo that's hit the tubes of the film. It's got a shark! What more do you need?! I think I've made my point.

Would you like to know what the second greatest movie of all time will be? So would I! But while we try to figure that out here's the trailer for "The Toolbox Murders 2" which I honestly think in no way ties to the first one. Of course I didn't see it. I saw the original one from 1978 though and there was a women in a bathtub getting dirty while listening to weird country music. So... that's something, right?

“A Serbian Film” starts off with a young boy inadvertently watching a porn film starring his father and from there it gets worse. So much worse. So bad that by the time the end credits roll that creepy opening scene seems light-hearted in comparison to the waking nightmare you’ve just witnessed. If you are at all considering watching “A Serbian Film” you should be warned that you will see things that you can not unsee and these are things that, for the sake of all that is good and cuddly in the world, I sincerely hope that you most certainly do not want to see.