robert rodriguez

Episode 285 - "Machete Kills"

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More Machete? Great. Less Jessica Alba? Not so sure...

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Horror Headlines: Thursday January 30th, 2014

Content Film has announced they will once again be teaming up with the folks that brought you "The Machine" to bring you "Don't Knock Twice". Mark Huckerby and Nick Ostler, who I've never met in person in case you were wondering, will pen the script for the film which will apparently be about some sort of spooky urban legend type thing. What I'm saying is details are light, but I assume knocking will be involved.

Anyone want to see the trailer for the upcoming "From Dusk Till Dawn" TV show? No, no one does. That was a trick question. The show premieres on March 11th on the El Rey Network, which is apparently a thing, and pretty much follows the same plot at the 1996 Robert Rodriguez flick. Still think you might want to see it? What if I told you Rodriguez has nothing to do with the project? That did it? Glad I could help.

Raven Banner Entertainment has dropped news that they will be moving forward with a big screen adaptation of Clive Barker's "Jacqueline Ess: Her Will And Testament". The short story tells the tale of a young lass who has the ability to change people's shape with her mind. So ya know, big peepees come into play I assume. Production is set to begin sometime this fall.

Apparently during my crazy leave it was announced that "Annabelle", the creepy doll from "The Conjuring" would be getting it's own spin off film. Well it looks like Eric Ladin and Brian Howe have both been added to the cast. I have no idea if this is good news or not. I don't know who these guys are. I don't know what this movie is about. I'm so frightened and confused by what else I might have missed.

In Real People News: 

A Philadelphia man is under arrest after he crashed his car into a fried chicken restaurant and then got out of his car, stripped down to nothing and went to town on himself. Because ya know, you're not going to want to do that after you get a belly full of fried chicken.

I've always wondered what would happen if you were getting mugged and it turned out you really didn't have any money. Well if you're in Florida apparently you get slapped in the face with a dick. I'm not surprised by this at all honestly.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 15th, 2013

Does a "From Dusk Till Dawn" TV series that Robert Rodriguez will be heavily involved in sound awesome to you? I know me too! What if I told you it was going to be on Univision and I was 99% sure it'll be in Spanish? I know I don't know Spanish either but I watch the channel all the time to! I love their stripper/news anchors and the project is just getting off the ground so I think we have enough time to learn the language so we're all going to be good here.

Magnolia Pictures has done gone and picked up the rights to the Israeli film "Big Bad Wolves". The film is written and directed by Aharon Keshales tracks the lives of three men caught up in a series of brutal murders. Keshales also helmed 2010's underground hit "Rabies", which apparently had a lot of really attractive woman in it but also had subtitles so I'm still not sure what to do there.

Juan Carlos Fresnadillo , the guy who directed "28 Weeks Later", has been confirmed to direct "Villain", a new film about two brothers who find themselves lost in the woods. Shia LaBeouf is also set to star in the film and he knows robots so I think we got a winner on our hands here.

Olivia Wilde and Mark Duplass are set to start in a new horror flick from Lionsgate titled "Reawakening". The film focuses on a doctor who discovers how to bring people back to life and the events that follow after he uses it on his daughter. I'm sure there's awful results but if something like this ever comes to be I think we all know that Michael Douglas will be the first one on our lists to bring back to life. Miss you man.

In Real People News: 

Where do people accidentally shot their friends in the leg while waiting in line at Starbucks? You bet your sweet ass it's Florida.

Here's a woman who stabbed her boyfriend after he farted in her face during an argument. Yes also in Florida.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 11th, 2013

Some 8 years ago Robert Rodriguez produced a little flick titled "Curandero: Dawn of the Demon" about a federal agent batting a satanic cult in Mexico. Well thanks to the folks at Lionsgate and Miramax the flick is finally getting a DVD release on March 12th of this very year. Apparently the film fell by the wayside when the Weinstein brothers split with Miramax many moons ago. Breaking up is always hardest on the kids.

Todd Williams, of "Paranormal Activity 2" fame, has been hand picked by Stephen King himself to direct the big screen adaptation of his book "Cell". The story follows a young man trying to get from Boston to Maine after a strange event turns everything using a cell phone into a zombie. I think that's what the kids call a social statement. Or irony. I don't know, I always get the kids mixed up with Alanis Morissette.

"6 Souls", a not so new film starring Julianne Moore as doctor who begins treating a youngster with multiple personalities that just so happen to be murder victims will finally see US shores in a limited theatrical release on April 5th. The film, previously titled "Shelter", saw some overseas theaters back in 2010 but never made it's way to the land of milk and honey. So I assume it's going to be really good. Look for it.

Tyler Rossand and Izabela Vidovic are the first two names to be confirmed for the cast of Amazon's upcoming "Zombieland" series. It's based on the 2009 movie. I've talked about it a lot. You never listen to me. I think we should see other people. I don't care if it's just before Valentines day.

In Real People News: 

When a guy bites off the tip of his ex's big toes that's just creepy. When it turns out that guy is also a shoe salesmen though. That's pure comic gold.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 30th, 2012

People have gone gaga for the African zombie flick "The Dead" and while I haven't seen it and I've been pretty tuckered out so I haven't even watched the trailer I want you to know that I am really excited about the sequel being announced. The sequel is slated for a February kick off and the filmmakers have confirmed they want it to blow the first flick out of the water. Wouldn't it be hilarious if they just came out and said they're doing this for money and they don't give a rat's ass if the film is good or not?

I kind of forgot about "Sin City: A Dame to Kill For" and that it was actually happening but it is and today we've got word that Jaime King and Jamie Chung have both been confirmed for the flick. King will play the twin sister of Goldie, the little hooker that could from the original flick and Chung will play that girl who I lean over and ask my wife if she was on The Real World. Spoiler alert, she was.

It looks like a sequel to the "Fright Night" remake may actually happen despite the flick pretty much crapping the bed at the box office. Apparently there's an unnamed small production company that may want to pick it up and spin the film off into its own brand. What the hell that means I don't really know but I'm guessing we're looking at direct to video nonsense so most likely nothing good will come from this. Of course this is just a rumor so it could be BS. Like that one that got started when I was in High School that I tried to make love to a tape recorder. Don't judge.

Chloë Sevigny, who freaks me the 'eff out, has been cast in the new A&E Drama "Those Who Kill" about a cop partnered with a forensic profiler who specializes in serial killers. The show is a US adaptation of a Danish show and is based on the books of Elsebeth Egholm. I don't know who she is but that G in her last name kind of makes me uncomfortable too.

In Real People News: 

All hell is broken loose on the East coast so here's some crazy ass photos of some of the flooding and chaos. I'll get back to the posting about guys biting people's faces off tomorrow.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, June 28th, 2012

There's a new trailer for the "Total Recall" remake out but that's not the big news here. The big news is that in the trailer we have 100% confirmation that there's a 3 boobied hooker. I know, I can barely type I'm so excited. This might be the greatest day in the history of the world.

There can only be one "Highlander"! Well actually there can be multiple. There was for sure a sequel and now there's a remake of the 1986 cult classic that I've never seen. But I might see the remake, because Ryan Reynolds has been confirmed to be taking the lead in the film. I'm not going to go into why I will see it now because of him. I don't have to explain myself to you.

Sing this with me. I... like... movies with Danny Trejo. Charlie Sheen playing the president. And.. AND... TWINS! Remember those commercials?! Well I do and I'm talking about Elise and Electra Avellan being added to the cast of "Machete Kills". For those of you who don't follow the work of Robert Rodriguez the Avellan twins were those two girls from "Planet Terror" and the original "Machete" flick. Your move, 3 boobied alien.

For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath for the new "Carrie" remake I have the honor or breaking the news to you that production has officially begun in Toronto. For those of you who love freedom and hate maple syrup I have to misfortune of telling you that the "Carrie" remake has begun production in Toronto.

In Real People News: 

Here's a Seattle man who loves flashing so much that he stopped off on his way to court to flash some people. What was he on his way to court for? Well if I have to tell you that then you probably don't get any of my comic wit now do you.

When you're a pizza delivery lady and you come back to your car after making a drop off to find a naked man attacking your car and claiming it's his it's really best to just let him do his thing. That's just sound advice if you ask me.

Horror Headlines: Friday, June 22nd, 2012

Tomorrow night a buddy of mine is having a bachelor party in the fine city of New York. It's my first real night out of debauchery since my little bundle of joy stepped into the world some 11 months ago. This could go 1 of 2 ways. I could either be dead on my feet by 11, I don't think I've been up past then since I became a father other than when woken up by crying.... or I could go so far off the deep end then I end up getting drunk out of my mind and start a fist fight with a hooker. If there's no news on Monday assume the latter happened.

I don't know why I didn't see this coming but Charlie Sheen has signed on to play the President in Robert Rodriguez's "Machete Kills". I assume Gary Busey will be joining the cast any day now. I'm fine with all this by the way.

Word around town is that Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver have been picked up by the folks at Universal to bang out the script for "Jurassic Park 4". You might recognize those two names from their work on 2011's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". Perhaps "bang out" isn't the right term I should be using. I don't know if they're banging or anything. They may be happily married and now their better halves are obviously reading this and throwing a fit. God I've ruined another marriage!

I had no idea I was so pissed that Darren Ward's "A Day of Violence" hadn't made its way to the States but the internet tells me I should be excited about it it hitting our shores on August 21st so god damn it if I'm not all a flutter. The film has been sitting around since 2007 follows a British gangster as he chops down his rivals who are after him for the money he stole. Seriously I have never heard of this thing. But don't let that take away from the hoopla that's about to drop... from my pants.

What's better than a Roger Corman flick where a bunch of girls run around having tickle fights? How about one of those woman being 50 foot tall and in 3D? I know, it seems so simple it could just work! Well word has come from the mountains that Corman is ready to unveil his masterpiece, titled "Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader", next month at Comic-Con after a panel discussion. Let the magic begin.

In Real People News: 

A guy who insists on calling himself Thor snapped and started showing everyone his uncut manhood while dressed like a woman? There must be some kind of reasonable explanation. We'd all like to be called Thor. This guy was obviously just sane enough to think of it first.

Sometimes the trauma of getting into a car crash can leave someone so shaken they do crazy things. Like this Texas woman who left her kids at the scene, walked to a CVS, stripped and start eating ice cream. I'm not saying you won't go to jail for this, you 100% will, I'm just saying it happens.

Horror Headlines: Monday, June 17th, 2012

Imagine Entertainment has their beady little eyes set on a new version of George Orwell’s "1984" and has already tapped Noah Oppenheim to pen the script. For those of you not familiar with the book it's kind of like that show "Big Brother" but with more torture and less HOH competitions.

"Monster Problems" sounds like a movie that should have an awesome theme song. Not many movies have theme songs anymore though huh? Oh man remember the 80's?! Well maybe it will have a theme song. And maybe a Shawn Levy will dance around in the video because he's just been added to the cast of the post-apocalyptic road trip love story film. I hope Kenny Loggins sings the song.

Edward James Olmos, more than any other person, made me want to learn math. I'm not going to explain why. You should already know. Well now he's going to make me want to.. I don't know, move to Mexico maybe? Because he's joined the cast of Robert Rodriguez's "Machete Kills". He makes me want to learn Spanish also. I feel like that would be useful.

I'm starting to think that "Mad Max: Fury Road" is actually happening because Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of prancing around in her underthings fame has just been added to the cast. In her own words she's playing one of "five women being taken from one place to another place". Sounds riveting. Put that crap on a poster man.

In Real People News: 

A different Ohio man is in jail after he was caught having sex with a teddy bear in public... for the second time. Nice try Ohio, you had me for a second there.

An Ohio man is in jail after a judge tossed him in the slammer for showing up to court in saggy jeans. Ohio, every once in a while you get it right.

Horror Headlines: Friday, April 13th, 2011

Hey it's Friday the 13th! There's a horror movie named after that so we should all be excited. Let's promise ourselves that we'll annoy everyone we work with by spouting off ridiculous info about the film series and how much we hated the remake. People love that crap.

Get excited folks! Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller have dropped the bomb that production on "Sin City: A Dame To Kill For" will begin this summer. No specific details on the plot or when the film will see the light of day but aren't you just excited that it's happening? You couldn't stand up right now even if you wanted to could you? God you're sick.

Speaking of The Rock... Dwayne "My Man Crush" Johnson has been tapped to take on the lead role of the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Lore". Based on the comic book of the same name the story will tell the tale of a man who reluctantly becomes a member of a secret order of dream boats who battle mythical beasts. The "dream boat" part I added. Don't judge.

Word around the tubes is that none other than Mr. David Cronenberg is high atop a short list of directors to take on "Catching Fire", the much anticipated sequel to "The Hunger Games". Gary Ross who directed the first installment recently parted ways with Lionsgate due to the short filming schedule so now they're on the prowl. I mean if I was looking for a guy Cronenberg wouldn't be my first choice but I don't like to judge. The Rock isn't free though? Just wondering.

This isn't very exciting news but I wanted to share it with you because it makes me happy. "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of 'Psycho'", the movie about the making of "Psycho", seriously it is, has had its title cut down to just "Hitchcock" and begun production. Don't you feel better about the world now?

In Real People News: 

Bulldog puppies might be the cutest god damn thing on this earth so it's mind blowing that an Ohio man could shove 6 of them into a suitcase and abandon them. Well maybe not mind blowing. It is Ohio. I'll never understand that godless wasteland.

What if I told you there's a story out there about a person who was pronounced dead and then woke up 12 hours later in the morgue? What if I then told you that person was a newborn baby? Are you creeped out? What if I then told you that you could wash away all your financial debt by following 6 simple rules? Would you be interested then?

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

No surprise here but it's still exciting news. Robert Rodriguez has officially begun pre-production for "Machete Kills", the follow up to 2010's Danny Trejo super joint. This time around our hero finds himself hired by the US government to take down a duo hell bent on unleashing war on the world. I bet he does a lot of chicks too. That seams to be his M.O.. Killing and doing chicks. God he's so great.

I'm sorry to be the one to break this terrible news to you but it looks like "Army Of the Dead", the follow up to 2004's "Dawn Of the Dead" remake, might be dead. I know, I'm still in shock, too. According to director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr has said that he doesn't think the movie is going to move forward due to expensive filming costs. Apparently the movie was suppose to take place in Las Vegas. Let's just try to be strong for each other.

It looks like Dolph Lundgren has been confirmed to be taking the lead role in "Battle Of the Damned" a new survival flick that has Lundgren battles both zombies and robots. I know this sounds like the greatest movie ever made. No details on a release date yet but I assume there's going to be some kind of giant Hollywood premiere in the near future. I can't wait for the red carpet coverage.

It looks like "The Evil Dead" reboot once again has a leading lady. Jane Levy, who is just adorable on the new show "Suburgatory" has taken the lead role in the film, an Ash like character who unleashes the evil power of The Book Of The Dead onto the world. I, for one, welcome our new Ash overlord and look forward to seeing what she does with the character. Just adorable.

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story that will help any new parent sleep at night. A family staying at a Motel 6 in Virginia Beach found their 11 month old ingested cocaine which she found in the hotel bed. Good luck planning your summer vacations.

I'm not sure this is what our forefathers had in mind but legal proceedings have begin in a case trying to prove that killer whales have the same rights as humans and should no be kept as "slaves" in parks like SeaWorld. What's next, cock fighting gets outlawed?!

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