Edward James Olmos

Horror Headlines: Monday, June 17th, 2012

Imagine Entertainment has their beady little eyes set on a new version of George Orwell’s "1984" and has already tapped Noah Oppenheim to pen the script. For those of you not familiar with the book it's kind of like that show "Big Brother" but with more torture and less HOH competitions.

"Monster Problems" sounds like a movie that should have an awesome theme song. Not many movies have theme songs anymore though huh? Oh man remember the 80's?! Well maybe it will have a theme song. And maybe a Shawn Levy will dance around in the video because he's just been added to the cast of the post-apocalyptic road trip love story film. I hope Kenny Loggins sings the song.

Edward James Olmos, more than any other person, made me want to learn math. I'm not going to explain why. You should already know. Well now he's going to make me want to.. I don't know, move to Mexico maybe? Because he's joined the cast of Robert Rodriguez's "Machete Kills". He makes me want to learn Spanish also. I feel like that would be useful.

I'm starting to think that "Mad Max: Fury Road" is actually happening because Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of prancing around in her underthings fame has just been added to the cast. In her own words she's playing one of "five women being taken from one place to another place". Sounds riveting. Put that crap on a poster man.

In Real People News: 

A different Ohio man is in jail after he was caught having sex with a teddy bear in public... for the second time. Nice try Ohio, you had me for a second there.

An Ohio man is in jail after a judge tossed him in the slammer for showing up to court in saggy jeans. Ohio, every once in a while you get it right.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 25th, 2011

"Let Me In" Wunder-Director Matt Reeves has signed on to tackle the Frankenstein flick "This Dark Endeavor" based on the book with the same name. The film is just the latest in a long line of Frankenstein based films to be announced which means 2012 could very much be the year of the reanimated dead. Neck bolts are going to be soooo hot, I can just feel it.

The latest name to be added to the cast of "Dexter" season 6 is none other than Edward James Olmos. Colin Hanks and Mos Def have already been signed on and I can only assume that the addition of Olmos means that Dexter will be moving to a rough inner city and Olmos will play a teacher who shows him the powers of math. That's not racist, he did it in "Stand and Deliver".

So many people have been added to the cast of "Hunger Games" that I have officially forgotten what the movie is even about and now that Lenny Kravitz is on board I just want to punch it right in the face. I'm kidding, it's about two areas that send children to battle each other. I'm not kidding about the punching in the face though, Lenny Kravitz is a prick.

If you're like me then you spend most of your time as a bachelor paying strange women to break into your home, tie you up and torture you for two hours. Well good news fellow deviants, the movie "Kidnapped" is everything you've dreamt of and more and there's a new trailer out for the film to prove it. Of course I don't believe there's any sort of safe word involved in this, so that could get sketchy.

In Real People News: 

A North Carolina man is under arrest after he walked into his local Salvation Army, took off his pants and sat down on a couch with all his goodness hanging out for the world to see. Of course the obvious question here is how much is the couch discounted now that it's all covered in creepy old man juices.

Must be open season for showing your genitals in North Carolina because here's another guy who was so pissed off that his local Bojangles ran out of fried chicken that he decided to whip his bits out and show the woman working at the drive-thru window. I have no idea how that solves the chicken problem but I like his enthusiasm.

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