Horror Headlines: Monday, June 17th, 2012

Imagine Entertainment has their beady little eyes set on a new version of George Orwell’s "1984" and has already tapped Noah Oppenheim to pen the script. For those of you not familiar with the book it's kind of like that show "Big Brother" but with more torture and less HOH competitions.

"Monster Problems" sounds like a movie that should have an awesome theme song. Not many movies have theme songs anymore though huh? Oh man remember the 80's?! Well maybe it will have a theme song. And maybe a Shawn Levy will dance around in the video because he's just been added to the cast of the post-apocalyptic road trip love story film. I hope Kenny Loggins sings the song.

Edward James Olmos, more than any other person, made me want to learn math. I'm not going to explain why. You should already know. Well now he's going to make me want to.. I don't know, move to Mexico maybe? Because he's joined the cast of Robert Rodriguez's "Machete Kills". He makes me want to learn Spanish also. I feel like that would be useful.

I'm starting to think that "Mad Max: Fury Road" is actually happening because Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of prancing around in her underthings fame has just been added to the cast. In her own words she's playing one of "five women being taken from one place to another place". Sounds riveting. Put that crap on a poster man.

In Real People News: 

A different Ohio man is in jail after he was caught having sex with a teddy bear in public... for the second time. Nice try Ohio, you had me for a second there.

An Ohio man is in jail after a judge tossed him in the slammer for showing up to court in saggy jeans. Ohio, every once in a while you get it right.

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