Before you read today's news I should probably clarify that I am not into tall men or old dudes. Jessica Biel is good looking sure but there's something about her face that kind of throws me off. What can I say, I'm a hard man to please. Uncomfortable yet? Wait till you get to the part where I accuse you of being a jerk because I like "The Big Lebowski".
Get excited folks because there's a now video online with some hot behind the scenes action from the upcoming "Alien" prequel "Prometheus". Now get depressed because there's not one freakin alien to be seen in the clip. There is a lot of Ridley Scott though. So if you're into old guys this video will really do it for you. You should also check out "Cocoon". Tons of old guys in their bathing suits. I won't judge.
"Paranormal Activity 3" is headed to DVD on January 24th and today we've got a stockpile of features that are going to be included. I realize stockpile is not the right word but it sounds really cool so lets just go with it. Both the DVD and Blu-Ray will feature the theatrical and unrated versions of the film and the later will also give a gaggle of additional clips that didn't make it into the film. Alright that's not really much at all is it. This would be the worst stockpile ever imagined if it really was one.
I like Dennis Quaid but I have a tendency to mistake him for Jeff Bridges who I really like, mostly because he was in "The Big Lebowski" and that movie was awesome and I love it. I know I know I'm a hipster prick who references The Dude at least once a day. Well 'Eff you buddy I saw it in the theaters opening weekend so get off my back. Man you're such a jerk sometimes. Here's the trailer for "Beneath The Darkness", which stars Quaid as a local funeral home director with a dark secret. Wow it took us a while to get here didn't it?
And if you're into Jessica Biel, which I'm assuming everyone who isn't into old guys is, here's some new shots from her upcoming flick "The Tall Man". The film is about a small town haunted by the urban legend of a "Tall Man" who kidnaps children. So today we've had old guys, tall men and Jessica Biel. If my news didn't get you all hot and bothered there's a good chance you're already dead.
After a legitimate breakout and a strong follow-up, it was safe to say that we're now stuck with "Paranormal Activity," for better or for worse. And while that type of success is usually a recipe for Hollywood studio scrimping and laziness, this series may mark one of the first instances where producers have managed to grow a series both in ambition and quality as it progresses.
You all remember "Starship Troopers", right? The 1997 Sci-Fi bug battle flick that also had boobies in it? I was just a young 19 year old watching a bunch of people fight giant bugs and then all of the sudden blammo! Shower scene. It was glorious. Well it looks like there's a new movie being added to the series but this one will be animated. The film titled "Starship Troopers: Invasion" will pretty much have the same plot as all the other films but this time the nudity will be animated. So look out for that one if you're a complete deviant.
It looks like the lead role in the upcoming horror/comedy "Rentaghost" has transitioned from Russell Brand to Ben Stiller which is kind of like the doctor coming in the room and telling you that you don't have syphilis but you do have chlamydia. The film is based on an early 80's British sitcom about a recently deceased ghoul who sets up a temp agency for the fellow undead unemployed. Pretty sure if Stiller gets dropped then Dane Cook is next on the list.
If you were worried about "Paranormal Activity 3" being light on the spooky then fear not my friends because the good people at the MPAA have given the flick an R rating. The reason for the rating is listed as "violence, language, brief sexuality and drug use". I have no idea what "brief sexuality" means but I'm kind of interested. I've been displaying my sexuality for close to 34 years now with no signs of stopping.
A new trailer for the film "All God's Creatures" has popped up on the tubes for your viewing pleasure. The film follows a NYC barista who takes it upon himself to murder hookers by night because he's sees them as "filthy women". The film is interesting because the guy serves coffee for a living and is somehow buying tail I couldn't afford if I saved up for a year. I don't know how you did it my friends but you cracked the code.
In Real People News:
I always assumed that chaperoning a field trip to a museum or some crap with your kids school is one of the most miserable events a parent can attend. But this Wisconsin woman found a way to spice things up a bit. She decided to shoot up heroine during the trip. Of course then she OD'ed but before that I bet she was having a blast.
Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" finally hits the little screen this Sunday and to celebrate we've got a boat load of new stills from the show. There's all kinds of zombie bloody goodness and what looks like a dead lamb... or dog... or something. I'm 100% sure it's an animal of some sort. Might be a fox. Remember Samantha Fox? Man I had a crush on her when I was a kid. Good talk.
If you don't know who Brooke Lewis is then you should check out this interview our very own Tor conducted with her a few months back because she is delightful. She's also half naked a lot which is pretty wonderful. She also hands out 100 dollar bills at horror conventions to random people. Alright that last one is a lie but she is in a new horror/comedy with Kane Hodder called "Room and Board" which focuses on a hotel where the guests end up on the menu. Did I mention the half naked thing?
We're just a little over a week from when "Paranormal Activity 3" hits theaters and I continue to be optimistic about the flick. Face it, there's really nothing more frightening than small children. Now think about how frightening they are when you add in demons. Hey I just made a number 2 also. While I clean myself take a look at this new teaser. Maybe put on a some adult dippers first.
Well kids it looks like Leslie Vernon might get to give the fame thing another go after all. "Before The Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon" is finally getting some funding and all signs point to the green light flashing on production sometime in the near future. Little tip, maybe try changing your name. No one is going to respect a killer named Leslie. It's too feminine. Maybe try Butch or something more beefy.
Pot brownies can be a lot of fun. But when they're served at a funeral and a bunch of elderly people eat them and have to be rushed to the hospital that's not fun. Well not fun for the elderly people. I bet it was fun for a few people at the funeral though. Old people getting all whacked out. Kind of sounds like a hoot.
Another day another "Paranormal Activity 3" clip and man oh man check this one out. There's a girl sleeping and then... well I think there might be something in the doorway? I have no idea what the hell is going on honestly. But I know it's frightening as hell. I think. 99% sure that's what it is.
Kevin J. Foxe is credited as being an executive producer for "The Blair Witch Project" which I assume means he was in charge of finding the perfect sticks to make those weird dolls. Or at least finding someone to go do that for him. Well now he's bringing all that talent to the directing role of a new spooky ghost story involving a group of college students title "The Ghost Experiment 3D". Can you guess if it's going to be in 3D or not? If you guessed no you are wrong... and really stupid.
Here's some news you didn't see coming. Sherri Moon Zombie is going to star in "Lords Of Salem" which is currently being directed by her lover Rob Zombi. If I was a betting man I'd put my money on her playing a freaky deeky who screams a lot and gets naked. That's just me though. She's actually been confirmed as a radio DJ who unleashes a coven of witches from days of yore. So probably not a lot of stripping there.
In a recent interview Mr. David Cronenberg alluded to the fact that he has already written a sequel to his 1985 remake of "The Fly". While there's no actual discussion of the film being made it looks like there's a god possibility it could go into production sometime in the near future. He spent the rest of the interview talking about this season's "Dancing With The Stars". It got kind of weird.
And get ready for the end of America as we know it because the Hairy Crazy Ants are here. Currently invading Mississippi and working their way south the ants are bring death and destruction to everything in their path. Alright maybe not death but they're messing crap up. There's a video too which shows them in all their crazy ant glory. Pray for your death people!
We're just a little over a week away from the premiere of "American Horror Story" on FX and I'm not going to lie I'm a little bit excited. Well, let's say I'm as excited as I can get after seeing the new artwork for the show, which looks like a mix between the Russian Circus and a Nine Inch Nails concert from 20 years ago. Ya know... classy, in a rubber suit sort of way.
Tobias Segal, who I don't know but hate because his name is Tobias, has joined Ryan Reynolds , Kevin Bacon and Jeff Bridges in the cast of "R.I.P.D.", a new flick that follows two undead cops trying to solve the case of a serial killer. No word yet as to what Tobias will be playing in the film but based on name a lone I'm guessing a chimney sweep or a paper boy with a heart of gold.
Maybe I'm losing my edge but I think "Paranormal Activity 3" might be kind of good. The trailer creeped me out and today there's a clip from the film that equality creeped me out. The entire clip also takes place on a giant flat screen TV so if you listen to podcast will know that fact will drive Eric insane, which is nice. Maybe I'm just focusing my anger on those around me rather than some director in Hollywood I've never met. Let's explore each other.
The creators of "Six Degrees of Hell" are calling it next year's scariest movie and today we know why because of a new teaser. Why is the new haunted house flick so frightening? Well because Cory Feldman is in it and it and it looks like they bleached his hair for the role and as we all know that can do some serious damage to your roots. Permanent root damage is the most frightening thing in the world!
A few years back my wife and I had to stop playing Monopoly together because on more than one occasion we almost came to blows. If you're not going to sell any property then what the hell are you playing the game for?! But here's a guy who took it one step further and choked the crap out of his wife during a heated game of Yahtzee. While I can't condone this behavior I can say I understand. And that I condone it. Wait, no!
If there's one thing people say to me after they get over the shock of meeting a real life podcast superstar it's that they wish "Underworld: Awakening" would be released in IMAX 3D. Well folks your dreams have been answered. No I don't mean the one you keep having of me where I'm floating above your bed in a school girl outfit I mean the IMAX thing. Because if you're not going to see Kate Beckinsale on a 700 foot screen you shouldn't see her at all. My measurements may be a bit off. Just FYI.
I'm not going to lie, the first trailer for "Paranormal Activity 3" made me go peepee in my pants a little bit. Just a little bit! And now here's a new poster for the flick. It didn't make me wet myself but it did give me a strange pressing sensation on my bladder. It then made me have a sharp stabbing pain that was immediately followed by a extreme burning. I think I may need to go see a doctor.
I love behind the scenes photos from movies sets. I love to see actors doing the same things I do. Things like drinking coffee, eating a sandwich or watching people make number 2 through a hole they drilled in the bathroom wall. And here's some cool pics of Kevin bacon, Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds on the set of "R.I.P.D.", a new flick about two living dead cops on the hunt for a killer. Sorry, they aren't doing any of those things I said. I probably shouldn't have given you that impression.
Ti West, who I think is kind of a jerk for making "The House of the Devil" and for having that name and not being Asian, looks to finally be getting a release for his flick "The Innkeepers" thanks to the folks at Magnolia Pictures. The film, which focuses on a pair of investigators trying to prove a hotel is haunted as it's being shut down, will be released on VOD on December 30th before a theatrical release is given in February.
If you saw "Catfish" and were as disappointed as I was then get ready because the duo behind the film have officially signed up to disappoint you with "Paranormal Activity 3". Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman are on board to direct that magic that will be "PA3: Back in Da Hood" which is currently plotting an October 21st release. And no that's not actually the title of the movie. It would be pretty awesome if it was though.
Well this should be interesting. Along with Paul Scheer and Christopher Lloyd none other than Mr. Ving Rhames has signed on to return in "Piranha 3DD". This of course is very exciting because Rhames' character had one of the best deaths in the original flick and now we're all moist to see how he's going to return for the sequel. I apologize if you haven't seen the first film yet and I just ruined it. I also apologize for using the word "moist"
Andy Garcia, William Fichtner, Ed Harris and Natascha McElhone have all been added to the cast of the upcoming supernatural thriller "Phantom". The movie focuses on a Soviet submarine captain who discovers there's something about his vessel that could end the lives of him and his entire crew. I'm also happy to announce that this is the most amount of legitimate actors I've ever mentioned in one news post. I think I might cry.
What's better than a found footage flick? How about a low budget one! Ladies and gentlemen I present to you "051: Confidential", a new movie that was supposedly found outside of Area 51 and is now being used as a training video by the military. Who found it? Now one knows! Let's go with me. I found it! You're welcome, America. Now kiss my grits!
In Real People News:
What would Jesus do? Apparently stab her boyfriend like crazy so he can get to hell. I know it's insane, a woman! Anyway a Minnesota woman is currently under arrest after going bonkers and claiming to be big J and then attacking her boyfriend. Hell hath no fury like our Lord and savior while she's on the rag.
It's got to be upsetting to find out your kids are downtown with the cops being booked for shoplifting. So much so that you might want to knock a few back to take the edge off. Of course when you go to pick up your kids you might want to not be wasted, much like this mother of the year in Louisiana did. Are you crying from the beauty of it all? I hope so.
Well here's a surprise! "Paranormal Activity 3" has officially been confirmed and will see a release on October 21st of next year. I don't think they've actually written a script yet so I'd like to suggest that they focus more on the pool cleaner this time. That thing's got big time Hollywood star written all over it.
Eli Roth is just going to keep doing what he's doing and be dreamy to boot. He's now confirmed to be producing two new horror films, "Clown" and "Aftershock". I'm pretty sure you can figure out what the movies will be about from the titles. One has a guy dressed up as a clown who goes nuts and one is about the aftermath of a large earthquake. Try to guess which is which!
Here's a new one sheet for the Natalie Portman flick "Black Swan". I've seen a few trailers for this one and I'm still a little confused but I'm 99% sure Portman actually turns into a swan in the movie and makes out with Mila Kunis. Before she turns into a swan that is, although that would be a lot creepier if it was after. Freaks!
Looks like "Friday the 13th: Part 2 3D" may in fact be moving forward so get excited kids. Or don't, I don't really care at this point. Of course this news is all based on some blog post so who knows. I announced my candidacy for President on my blog and it didn't come true. Don't think I didn't try though!
In Real People News:
A Wisconsin man took out his frustration over Bristol Palin's lackluster "Dancing with the Stars" routine by shooting his TV with a shotgun. I'm not saying I condone what he did but I understand. Get your shit together, Palin!
Two Kentucky men were sentenced to probation after a man said he was forced to eat his beard after an argument. How the hell something like that comes into a conversation I have no idea but if things get so heated that you have to eat a beard it's probably best to leave the authorities out of it.