We're just a little over a week away from the premiere of "American Horror Story" on FX and I'm not going to lie I'm a little bit excited. Well, let's say I'm as excited as I can get after seeing the new artwork for the show, which looks like a mix between the Russian Circus and a Nine Inch Nails concert from 20 years ago. Ya know... classy, in a rubber suit sort of way.
Tobias Segal, who I don't know but hate because his name is Tobias, has joined Ryan Reynolds , Kevin Bacon and Jeff Bridges in the cast of "R.I.P.D.", a new flick that follows two undead cops trying to solve the case of a serial killer. No word yet as to what Tobias will be playing in the film but based on name a lone I'm guessing a chimney sweep or a paper boy with a heart of gold.
Maybe I'm losing my edge but I think "Paranormal Activity 3" might be kind of good. The trailer creeped me out and today there's a clip from the film that equality creeped me out. The entire clip also takes place on a giant flat screen TV so if you listen to podcast will know that fact will drive Eric insane, which is nice. Maybe I'm just focusing my anger on those around me rather than some director in Hollywood I've never met. Let's explore each other.
The creators of "Six Degrees of Hell" are calling it next year's scariest movie and today we know why because of a new teaser. Why is the new haunted house flick so frightening? Well because Cory Feldman is in it and it and it looks like they bleached his hair for the role and as we all know that can do some serious damage to your roots. Permanent root damage is the most frightening thing in the world!
A few years back my wife and I had to stop playing Monopoly together because on more than one occasion we almost came to blows. If you're not going to sell any property then what the hell are you playing the game for?! But here's a guy who took it one step further and choked the crap out of his wife during a heated game of Yahtzee. While I can't condone this behavior I can say I understand. And that I condone it. Wait, no!
I got Feldman fever folks! And the cure right now is some new stills from his upcoming spooky new supernatural flick "Six Degrees Of Hell". I'm not sure I would be talking about the movie if Feldman wasn't in it but if you think about it I wouldn't be talking about Feldman if he wasn't in "Dream a Little Dream". Did I just mind F you so hard that you need a cigarette?
Let's be honest there's no real reason we should be covering "Real Steel" on this site but the fact that the movie stars Hugh Jackman as a father trying to bond with his son by fixing up a fighting robot means I will give this thing more coverage than "Scream", "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Friday the 13th" combined. It's that important. And today there's an adorable new Brazilian poster for the film that has Jackman looking like a dream boat while two robots fight. My heart has never felt this kind of warmth.
"Straw Dogs" has officially shot it's way to the number 1 spot on my list of most un-needed remakes. But it's happening and today there's a couple new clips from the movie that hits theaters on September 16th. For those of you who don't remember the original it stared Dustin Hoffman as man who moves to a small town with his wife and begins being terrorized by some local workers. Things get uncomfortable... in a "Last House On the Left" sort of way.
Indie zombie flicks are usually about as fun as... well indie zombie flicks but every once in a while you come up with a winner. I can't think of any off the top of my head but I'm sure there's one out there. Was "Shaun of the Dead" indie or just British? Anyway "Extinction: The G.M.O. Chronicles" is indie and by god it looks pretty decent. At least the zombies do. I don't know, watch the trailer and shut your face.
Hey, they're still making "Child of the Corn" movies? Who knew! Well here's the new trailer for "Children of the Corn: Genesis" and from the looks of things the filmmakers have fallen on hard times because there appears to be only 4 or 5 children and hardly any corn. I imagine we're only 1 or 2 movies away from "Children of the Government Cheese".
Just to keep the good times rolling here's a couple new stills from "Six Degrees of Hell". I'm not going to bother explaining the plot because I don't think there is one but it stars none other than Mr. Corey Feldman along side Nicole Cinaglia. I mention the second only because I Googled her and while I didn't recognize any of her movies I did recognize the fact that she's dressed like a street walker in half the images she has online. So that's some news, right?
And speaking of mom jeans... I'm sure we were just talking about mom jeans... here's a new trailer for the new Milla Jovovich flick titled "Faces in the Crowd", which drops this October. In the movie Jovo (I just made that up) plays a woman who's attacked by a serial killer and wakes up to find she's suffering from "Face Blindness". I'm not even making that up. They say it right in the trailer. Watch it. I'm pretty sure it's a real thing.
And to top of the worst news day in history it's been confirmed that Jean-Claude Van Damme will star along side his daughter in a new sci-fi thriller that's cleverly titled "UFO". If you couldn't have guessed the movie focuses on a group of friends and what happens when UFO's hover above their hometown. I assume the secret to the alien's weakness will somehow focus on being able to do a full split and wearing tight jeans.
In Real People News:
I could have sworn everyone in Canada was suppose to be nice but a group of kids are under arrest after attacking and killing an Ottawa man with a broken putter at a glow in the dark miniature golf course. The Swiss are still nice, right?
I bet a 12 year old tripping face is the most adorable thing on the planet but before you go getting any ideas you might want to read this story about an Omaha couple who are under arrest after they gave their daughter shrooms. Wrong? Yes, but I bet it was a hell of a lot funnier than that youtube video of the kid all f'ed up from getting nitrous at the dentist.
Apparently Cory Feldman and most of the cast of "The Goonies" would love to see a sequel happen. Wait, is this news? Of course they would. The kid who played Data has been giving out handies under a bridge for the last 20 years. Of course they'd like to see a sequel. Is Chunk still alive? I'm sorry I even brought this up, ignore the whole thing.
I have no desire to talk about "Scream 4" but these new photos raise so many questions. Are these actually just screen shots from the old movies? Who's that boy that looks like the cheerleader from "Heroes"? Why in the holy living hell hasn't someone put Wes Craven in an old folks home yet? We may never know.
Get ready guys, here's the first look at Amanda Seyfried in "Red Riding Hood". Let me be the first to applaud the creators of the film for not cheapening things by putting her in some scantily clad outfit. No, you guys stayed true to the kids story and covered her from head to toe. Maybe go to the next level and put her in a burlap sack. That'll show em!
Ah boy this can't be good. "The Thing" prequel, which was originally set for an April 29th 2011 release date has been updated to TBD. After searching my computer's calender for a good 30 minutes I then looked up what TBD meant. Well, first I went to Taco Bell and got dinner but then I looked it up. I think we're done here.
In Real People News:
Just a thought here. If you're going to be chosen as the guy who actually goes to buy the lottery ticket for a group of co-workers, maybe don't buy the tickets at a porno shop. Because god forbid you actually win and you have to go back to the store. Just a thought.
Now this guy is bad ass. A man in Connecticut was shot twice at a deli and before he called the hospital he actually went home and ate his sandwich. I assume it was meatball or something, those things suck when they get cold.