japanese school girls

Hide and Go Kill (REVIEW)

Enough. No more ripoffs of “The Ring”. I know horror is a super-cyclical genre and that success begets imitation, but “The Ring” is thirteen years old. There is absolutely nothing new or original that can be done with that template. No more snowy TVs (seriously, do TVs even do that anymore?). No more creepy ghost girls with hair covering their face. No more cursed videotapes (or internet videos, or text messages, or voicemails or telegrams). It’s all been beaten into the ground at least ten times over.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 27th, 2010

If you like snakes, Bollywood, and director Jennifer Lynch, then you're in luck! The first set of posters for Lynch's upcoming horror flick "Hisss" have been released online. A movie about a snake woman's quest for revenge? You already know I'll be all over this one.

Yoshihiro Nishimura, the mastermind behind "Mutant Girls Squad" and "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl", has begun production on his latest gore-soaked endeavor "Hell Driver". The plot: Japanese schoolgirls battle the undead in Tokyo. Life just got a little bit sweeter.

Speaking of quirky Japanese horror flicks, the trailer for "Neck", a film about a guy forced to watch a horror movie generated by his own mind, is ready for worldwide consumption. And people wonder why I spend so much time watching foreign horror movies.

Have you secretly wished for a horror flick featuring a killer tire? Me, too! Magnet Releasing has apparently acquired US distribution rights for "Rubber", a film about a murderous tire with telekinetic powers. This has been an awesome week for people with bizarre taste in cinema.

In Real People News: 

What's cooler than a playground fist fight? Playground fist fights organized by dodgy parents to help settle teenage squabbles. As long as someone films and uploads these questionable matches onto YouTube, I actually don't have a problem with this.

Only in California: A woman is planning to sue Newport Beach after her finger is ripped off in a hazardous bathroom stall. I'm no expert on such matters, but I've a sneaking suspicion that this is an operator problem, nothing more.

On this day in history: 

1995 - Actor Christopher Reeve is thrown from his horse, causing him to break his neck in two places.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 1st, 2010

Milla Jovovich fans, get your towels ready. The first batch of photos from "Resident Evil: Afterlife" have finally arrived! Is it sad and grossly pathetic that I own all three movies on DVD? Probably.

There's something vaguely disturbing about the new one-sheet for Tom Six's twisted human drama "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)". As soon as this thing hits DVD, I'll be the first in line to pick it up. Does this make me a sick, demented bastard? I certainly hope so.

If you're as crazy about this current wave of extreme Japanese gore flicks as I am, chances are you'll love this snazzy collection of photos from Iguchi and Nishimura’s upcoming action/gore epic "The Mutant Girls Squad". These chicks can kick my ass any day of the week.

In Real People News: 

Wanna see something scary? Scientists recently discovered an enormous crab-like creature attached to one of their research submarines while exploring the depths of the ocean. Although I'm deeply frightened by the image, the creature honestly wouldn't look out-of-place next to plate of fresh cheddar biscuits.

After being convicted of sorcery, a Lebanese man has been sentenced to death by beheading in Saudi Arabia. Calls to Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic were not immediately returned.

Blood: The Last Vampire (REVIEW)

The "swordplay and vampires" subgenre, as intriguing and ripe with potential as it may be, has produced some very strange cinematic fruit, ranging from the impressive (Guillermo Del Toro's superior sequel "Blade 2") to the phenomenally awful (Ron Hall's abysmal "Vampire Assassins"). You’d think executing this sort of basic formula would be simple: introduce the blood-suckers, toss in a non-gender specific hero who’s proficient in the ways of martial arts, and let the rest take care of itself.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 10th, 2009

Wes Craven expects a "Scream 4" script by August for him to peruse, although he's told the Weinstein's that he's not necessarily interested in directing, a gig which they would like him to take. At this point he's not even sure what the film's about, but writer Kevin Williamson has a whole new trilogy in mind, with Courtney Cox and David Arquette reprising their roles from the original series.

Eli Roth is considering directing the remake of "Funhouse". The funny thing is, he goes on and on about what he thinks was wrong with the first film and could be corrected in a remake, and I'm pretty sure he's talking about all the parts of that film I actually liked! Oh, Eli. Will our love/hate bromance ever stop?

In New York City and want to see some Japanese weirdness? Well here you go, on Friday, June 26th you can take in a screening of "Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl" at the New York Asian Film Festival. I'm not making any promises, but there is a hot Japanese school girl on the poster art, so at least they know their audience.

FOX isn't crazy about handing the reigns of the "Alien" franchise over to a rookie director (Carl Erick Rinsch), one who was hand-picked by Ridley Scott himself. Instead, rumor has it that they're trying to get Scott to commit to directing, which he hasn't seemed interested in up until this point. It's kind of funny they worry about the franchise NOW, after two pretty mediocre "Aliens vs Predator" films.

Next up on the remake block: The 1974 Hammer flick "The Legend of the 8 Golden Vampires". Any Hammer fans out there want to give their impressions of the original?

In Real People News: 

I had no idea Cocaine is being smuggled into the US through makeshift submarines. Those Colombians are crafty.

Explosion at a Slim Jim plant. Where will I get my over processed, vaguely tasty meat sticks?

Horror Headlines: Friday May 15th, 2009

The official website for the Del Toro-Produced "The Strain", some type of vague vampire film that we don't have a lot of details on yet. Someone let me know at what point we get annoyed that he's got 20 projects going right now but he's not currently directing anything. I always jump the gun on these things.

The teaser poster for "Sorority Row", the remake of the early 80's film "House on Sorority Row". Check it at the link.

New "True Blood" poster. Nope... still don't think Anna Paquin is attractive... sorry, guys.

A crapload of new stills from "Blood: The Last vampire". Blah Blah Blah Japanese School girl who fights vampires.

Warner Bro's snags a movie deal for the SyFy show "Primeval", which is about "ferocious prehistoric and futuristic creatures that appear through wormhole time portals, and a covert team headed by an evolutionary scientist tries to close the doors and quietly thwart the creatures". I haven't seen this show yet, but it sounds like they just mashed up every SyFy feature film ever into a TV show. Anyone a fan?

In Real People News: 

If only that guy who yelled out the now infamous line "don't tase me bro!" had a 1 year old child to block the taser with, like this lady, maybe we'd all have bought and then thrown out T-shirts with "don't tase my baby, bro!" instead.

Vinnie Jones goes to trial for assault charges stemming from a bar brawl that took place in South Dakota last year. That's so surprising. He really seemed like a big teddy bear when he was running around bashing people's heads in during "Midnight Meat Train".

On this day in history: 

1991: Alan Cooper stands trial in England for "committing a lewd, obscene, and disgusting act on the 12-foot dolphin called Freddie as they frolicked for 20 minutes off the harbor mouth at Amble, Northumberland." Cooper responds by claiming that his accuser was a sworn enemy and had trained dolphins for a movie to jump out of the water and tear off a woman's bikini bra. He is eventually acquitted of masturbating the cetacean.

Oneechanbara: The Movie (REVIEW)

In this increasingly jaded era of cinematic history, the mere utterance of the phrase "video game adaptation" is sure to send waves of nausea and/or furious anger through the veins of even the most laid-back of horror fans. This, of course, is due in part to the questionable films directed by the legendary Uwe Boll, a man whose name has become synonymous with subpar big-screen versions of video games great and small.

Blood: The Last Vampire Trailer

Okay, so after seeing this trailer I think I finally understand the excitement behind "Blood: The Last Vampire". It comes to you from director Chris Nahon, who I see currently has a script out for a "Skate or Die" movie, which may actually make him my personal hero.

"Blood The Last Vampire" is based on the Anime film of the same name from 2000, and the story goes like this:

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This week we discuss alchemy, camera technology, a first time guest host joins the show, and we review "As Above, So Below".  

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