bollywood

Horror is such a culturally specific medium, I don't think I'll ever get more than an ironic enjoyment out of a Bollywood produced horror film. That said, I admire their ability to make completely earnest films that seem like they came straight from the "Tim & Eric" cutting room floor... Like this one, "Malayalam", translated to "Dracula Again" because, why not. Besides, all I need to know about Indian cinema I learned from Indian Thriller...

There is no area of the cinematic universe I am more under-versed on than Bollywood films. I believe I have seen a couple, I could not provide you titles, plotlines or performers and I would not, in all likelihood, recognize any of them if you were to show them to me a second time. This is not to say that I have no impressions of these film going experiences. What I remember is that much as they are reputed to do, the Hindi mega-tainment offerings I watched provided the audience with a staccato mixture of romance, action, melodrama, dance and mustache twirling bad guys.

If you like snakes, Bollywood, and director Jennifer Lynch, then you're in luck! The first set of posters for Lynch's upcoming horror flick "Hisss" have been released online. A movie about a snake woman's quest for revenge? You already know I'll be all over this one.

Yoshihiro Nishimura, the mastermind behind "Mutant Girls Squad" and "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl", has begun production on his latest gore-soaked endeavor "Hell Driver". The plot: Japanese schoolgirls battle the undead in Tokyo. Life just got a little bit sweeter.

Speaking of quirky Japanese horror flicks, the trailer for "Neck", a film about a guy forced to watch a horror movie generated by his own mind, is ready for worldwide consumption. And people wonder why I spend so much time watching foreign horror movies.

Have you secretly wished for a horror flick featuring a killer tire? Me, too! Magnet Releasing has apparently acquired US distribution rights for "Rubber", a film about a murderous tire with telekinetic powers. This has been an awesome week for people with bizarre taste in cinema.

Want to win a cool $10,000? Bollywood director Ram Gopal Varma will award the generous cash prize to anyone who can sit through his latest picture, "Phoonk 2", without leaving the theater before the end credits. To make sure you're not cheating, they'll hook you up to a heart monitor and videotape your eyes. If anyone wants to pay for my trip, let me know.

Steve Guttenberg? In a horror flick? The star of "Short Circuit" and "Police Academy" is set to appear in Daniel Maze's upcoming direct-to-video slasher flick "Cornered!" The trailer is fairly amusing, but then again, when was the last time Steve Guttenberg delivered the goods? Anyone? That's what I thought.

Do you wanna know what I'm most excited about? Well, I'll tell you, anyway. Magnolia is set to distribute "The Descent" director Neil Marshall's bloody swordplay epic "Centurion", with a limited theatrical release tentatively scheduled for this summer. If this thing doesn't show up in my neck of the woods, I swear I'll cry.