jennifer lynch

Horror Headlines: Friday, May 4th, 2011

May the Fourth be with you everybody!

The good folks at Universal have taken it upon themselves to push there new exorcism film "The Seventh Son" back a good 8 months to October 18, 2013. The film stars Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore so you have to imagine it's not too shabby but as of yet there's no word as to why the delay is happening. Let's start an insane rumor though, like Jeff Bridges demands the blood of virgins to do any work and they're running out of them in Hollywood.

Jennifer Lynch, the creepy gal behind "Boxing Helena" and other flicks has had her new film "Chained" slapped with a NC-17 rating. The film follows a 9 year old boy who is kidnapped and as he grows learns he must follow in his kidnappers footsteps to survive. Kind of like "The Lion King" but with people getting their faces bashed in.

Amber Heard has been confirmed for the cast of "Machete Kills" and I used up my stupid comments on her earlier this week so she gets a pass today. What can I say, I'm a giver.

Warner Bros. has dropped the news that they will in fact be resurrecting "Little shop Of Horrors" once again and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is very much interested in taking on the lead role. My guess is there won't be any singing in this version but who knows. I love that damn dentist song Steve Martin does.

In Real People News: 

A Humane Society employee in Florida (yeah no shit) is under arrest after he was found in possession of child pornography and a video of him getting it on with a dog. Isn't that some sort of physiological test? Picking which one you think is worse determines what kind of job you'll have later in life or something? I could have sworn I remember my guidance counselor asking me that in High School.

A 30 year old mother in Iowa is under arrest after she shot up heroin in the bathroom of a pharmacy while her 4 year old child was present. The import thing to note here is that in Iowa there are bathrooms in pharmacies that just anyone can use. I'd shoot up heroin too if I didn't have to give a stool sample just to take a piss in a Duane Reade in the city.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 25th, 2011

I've never hidden my affection for Rose McGowan and I won't for you or anyone else. Now that we have that out of the way here's some new shots of her in the new film adaption of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart". Of course there isn't much a romance in the original story so the makers went ahead and put in a romance so McGowen can strut her stuff. I approve of this.

Vincent D'Onofrio will always be Private Pile to me. In turn he will also always be creepy to me. So here's the first poster for his new film titled "Chained". Jennifer Lynch is directing the flick and D'Onofrio plays a serial killer who kidnaps a 9 year old boys and shows him the ropes. Sounds heartwarming I know. Like "The Karate Kid" with more murdering.

Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in a world where Daniel Radcliffe is our supreme ruler? These are both questions asked by the new poster for the olden times thriller "The Woman In Black". Alright that second one is more implied and not actually written out but I think we should put some thought into it anyway.

And because you need to be reminded that there's good in the world every once in a while here's a look at Chuck Norris on the set of "The Expendables 2". If that doesn't make you happy I suggest you Google "kittens frolicking" and take a half hour exploring the results.

In Real People News: 

A truck carrying a large load of bees overturned on a Utah highway that ended up having to BEE shut down. Haha see what I did there? Don't mess with bees!

Did you look up the kittens? Well here's a story about a hawk that was found living with a nail in it's head. And yes, there's a photo.

Hisss (REVIEW)

There is no area of the cinematic universe I am more under-versed on than Bollywood films. I believe I have seen a couple, I could not provide you titles, plotlines or performers and I would not, in all likelihood, recognize any of them if you were to show them to me a second time. This is not to say that I have no impressions of these film going experiences. What I remember is that much as they are reputed to do, the Hindi mega-tainment offerings I watched provided the audience with a staccato mixture of romance, action, melodrama, dance and mustache twirling bad guys.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 27th, 2010

If you like snakes, Bollywood, and director Jennifer Lynch, then you're in luck! The first set of posters for Lynch's upcoming horror flick "Hisss" have been released online. A movie about a snake woman's quest for revenge? You already know I'll be all over this one.

Yoshihiro Nishimura, the mastermind behind "Mutant Girls Squad" and "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl", has begun production on his latest gore-soaked endeavor "Hell Driver". The plot: Japanese schoolgirls battle the undead in Tokyo. Life just got a little bit sweeter.

Speaking of quirky Japanese horror flicks, the trailer for "Neck", a film about a guy forced to watch a horror movie generated by his own mind, is ready for worldwide consumption. And people wonder why I spend so much time watching foreign horror movies.

Have you secretly wished for a horror flick featuring a killer tire? Me, too! Magnet Releasing has apparently acquired US distribution rights for "Rubber", a film about a murderous tire with telekinetic powers. This has been an awesome week for people with bizarre taste in cinema.

In Real People News: 

What's cooler than a playground fist fight? Playground fist fights organized by dodgy parents to help settle teenage squabbles. As long as someone films and uploads these questionable matches onto YouTube, I actually don't have a problem with this.

Only in California: A woman is planning to sue Newport Beach after her finger is ripped off in a hazardous bathroom stall. I'm no expert on such matters, but I've a sneaking suspicion that this is an operator problem, nothing more.

On this day in history: 

1995 - Actor Christopher Reeve is thrown from his horse, causing him to break his neck in two places.

Surveillance (REVIEW)

Jennifer Chambers Lynch’s “Surveillance” has a title that inspires me not at all. I actually detest this title and I think it may be a significant impediment to getting this film seen by casual fans. Sure it’s somewhat appropriate to the film and safe as all get out for the marketing guys but it makes “Cry Wolf” seem like an inventive master stroke by comparison. Okay, that’s enough title ranting.

"Hissss" Trailer

This trailer, for Jennifer Lynch's "Hissss", popped up online the other day and then disappeared just as quickly when the studio started sending out cease and desist orders. Nothing like when a studio is confused by the concept of "free promotion".

Anyways, either they've approved the trailer now, or these fellas over at Trailer Addict have themselves a hot copy. Either way, I'm bringing it to you today. The basic plot goes something like this:

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 9th, 2009

And here it is folks, despite all his blustering about shooting for an "R Rating", word has spread today that "Terminator Salvation" will be PG-13. Keep in mind that the source of this is an affiliated Pizza Hut site that's doing cross promotion, so I suppose it's possible they got it wrong. But it looks pretty official to me. I would expect some type of PR announcement soon considering all the coverage this story is getting.

Today's awesome indie title: "Destined to be Ingested". Do I care what it's about? Not really, but I'm guessing cannibals.

Jennifer Lynch talks about "Hisss", her "love story-action-comedy-musical-creature feature", which also happens to star a Bollywood actress in some sort of hot human/serpent hybrid costume. This is David Lynch's daughter after all, did you expect it to make sense?

Win a walk-on role on "The Crazies" remake through an auction. Just remember, if it turns out like "Friday the 13th", you're there for eternity, people!

Kyle Gallner, from "The Haunting in Connecticut" is now officially cast in the "Nightmare on Elm St." remake. He will be playing "Quentin", who also happens to be a podcaster. He was really solid in "HIC", so I would say that BGH is officially on board with this news.

In Real People News: 

I thought we had figured this out after the whole "Obama fingers" fiasco in New York a few months back... It's not a good idea to put our president's visage on any product, because there's probably some tangential way to turn it into a racist thing, and you don't want that kind of trouble. Considering this, it's hard to believe someone thought Chia Obama was a good idea, but as we learn on this site every day, the depths of stupidity know no bounds.

Contrary to advice being given out by some imam's in the Arab world, Epilepsy is not caused by Genies, and frankly they don't appreciate the slander.

On this day in history: 

1241: Mongols collect nine bags of ears after a battle with Henry, Duke of Poland, at Liegnitz. A feigned retreat separated the 500 Teutonic Knights from their infantry, and the Mongols slaughtered the entire infantry.

Surveillance Theatrical Trailer

Let's face it... having a parent that excels at a certain field doesn't automatically mean that you're going to. If that were true, I'd be the most kick-ass insurance salesmen in South Florida.

With Jennifer Lynch, daughter of wildman David Lynch, the jury still seems to be out. Her previous directing credits include the 3.9 rated on IMDB "Boxing Helena" in 1993, one episode of "Joe Bob's Drive-in Theater" (!!!) in 1995, and this film, "Surveillance".

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