nature run amok

Frozen (REVIEW)

Now that October has arrived, the time has come for horror fans to start queuing up their favorite films, putting up their Halloween decorations, and bundling up for the incoming cold. It's an exciting time of the year for sure, but once Halloween is over with, there are few seasonally-appropriate modern films that capture the bleakness of the upcoming winter months in the way that "The Shining" and "The Thing" both do so well.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 15th, 2010

Fans of director Adam Green have reason to be extra happy this morning. Anchor Bay has announced that they will release the ski slope shocker "Frozen" on DVD and Blu-ray this September. Although the premise sounds a little goofy, the film looks absolutely fantastic. Personally, I can't wait.

IFC will unleash director Stuart Hazeldine's psychological thriller "Exam" to VOD on July 23rd. The film in question looks like a peculiar mix of "Saw" and "Cube", with a bit of David Fincher thrown in for good measure. However, depending on who you are, this might not be a recipe for delicious cinematic success.

In order to get misshapen butts into theater seats, Dimension is promoting Piranha 3D with a series of posters featuring the several scantily-clad women on a boat. Isn't this supposed to be a horror movie? I know genre fans are unnaturally obsessed with naked women, but this just sad. And people wonder why I'm not overly excited about this one.

In Real People News: 

If you need another excuse not to run with the bulls, behold the poor bastard who had his groin savaged by a large, angry animal with murder on its tiny mind. Although it pains me greatly to say it, but the guy had it coming. When you put yourself in these situations, you have to expect a little testicular carnage.

I always knew that the freakshows who play games all day on Facebook are seriously deranged. After all, hosing the blood of maladjusted teenagers off the sidewalk isn't too far removed from "Cafe World".

On this day in history: 

1974 - Florida newscaster Chris Chubbuck committs suicide on live television.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 1st, 2010

Milla Jovovich fans, get your towels ready. The first batch of photos from "Resident Evil: Afterlife" have finally arrived! Is it sad and grossly pathetic that I own all three movies on DVD? Probably.

There's something vaguely disturbing about the new one-sheet for Tom Six's twisted human drama "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)". As soon as this thing hits DVD, I'll be the first in line to pick it up. Does this make me a sick, demented bastard? I certainly hope so.

If you're as crazy about this current wave of extreme Japanese gore flicks as I am, chances are you'll love this snazzy collection of photos from Iguchi and Nishimura’s upcoming action/gore epic "The Mutant Girls Squad". These chicks can kick my ass any day of the week.

In Real People News: 

Wanna see something scary? Scientists recently discovered an enormous crab-like creature attached to one of their research submarines while exploring the depths of the ocean. Although I'm deeply frightened by the image, the creature honestly wouldn't look out-of-place next to plate of fresh cheddar biscuits.

After being convicted of sorcery, a Lebanese man has been sentenced to death by beheading in Saudi Arabia. Calls to Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic were not immediately returned.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 22nd, 2010

I love doing the news for BGH. I really do. But I hate waking up in the morning to do it. Waking up early is a white people thing. “Hey Bruce, what'ya doin' today?” “Why, I'm getting' up early, Steve!” You never hear Mexicans talk like that. As a Mexican, I can tell you from experience that the only thing a Mexican gets up early for is free taco day at the food stamps office. That's where I was this morning! Andele! Arriba, arriba! (shoots two pistols into the air)

Jason Momoa has been signed to star in Marcus Nispel's upcoming reimagining of “Conan The Barbarian”.While I am excited that a new Conan flick is on the horizon, don't you think he should look more like a Boris Vallejo painting and less like a dreadlocked hippie douchebag playing guitar while selling vegan burritos outside a Widespread Panic concert?

It looks like “Ghostbusters 3” is going to be in 3-D. Well, that's disheartening! Is sad to think that a movie of this legendary comedic pedigree, in order to sell it to idiotic audiences in this day and age, needs to resort to this irritatingly faddy 3-D upsurge. What's next? Justin Beiber as the newest recruit? A ghost who Tweets? Slimer relaxing with a Kindle??

Sam Jackson and Josh Duhamel are supposed to star in the next big angels vs. demons horror-thriller “Sympathy for the Devil”. In other news, Asylum has started rolling on the similarly-themed “(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction” starring Mario Van Peebles and Chad Lowe.

In Real People News: 

Music industry has-beens Quincy Jones and Lionel Richie, in a bid to gain some sort of opportunistic relevance, are coming together to write and record a new version of “We Are the World” for the victims of that Haiti thing. How much you wanna bet the Black Eyed Peas are gonna be on the front row? That's gonna date it quicker than a Cyndi Lauper solo! Instead of wasting your time caring about the redux, why not instead enjoy this highly offensive version from a Japanese variety show?

Want something that's going to haunt your nightmares? In Turkey, a sheep gave birth to a lamb...WITH A HUMAN FACE! AHHHHHHGHGHGH!!!! Isn't this a sign of the end times in the “Book of Revelations”??? If not, it should be!

Meet America's first legal male prostitute! He's a “well-read college dropout” who charges $300 an hour. Hey, I'm a well-read college dropout...how come I can barely get a free lunch out of my clients? Oh, yeah...the gut. I forgot. :(

On this day in history: 

In 1992, Rebel forces occupy Zaire's national radio station in Kinshasa and broadcast a demand for the government's resignation. Then, if that weren't bad enough, things got really dicey when Brendan Fraser and his band, the Lone Rangers, force the DJ to play their demo tape on the air in a bid to get a record deal.

Horror Headlines: Friday August 7th, 2009

Can we all agree that Fowler Fridays are the sexiest day of the BGH week? I do my best to add a bit of sexy Latin flava to the proceedings. Kinda like that Santana/Rob Thomas collaboration “Smooth”. As a matter of fact, let's consider me Santana and BGH Rob Thomas.

The most anticipated, and let's be honest, probably best, horror film of 2009, Halloween 2, has been rated R by the MPAA for “strong brutal bloody violence throughout, terror, disturbing graphic images, language, some crude sexual content, and nudity” . To me, that's a Tuesday. You know the funny thing about horror fans? For all their griping and bitching, you know they're gonna be there opening weekend for this. Even mice are smart enough not keep touching the feeder bar if it keeps electrocuting them. Maybe that's why I think people decrying the flick are just doing it to get attention...ERIC.

Night of the Demons, or, as I call it be “Night of the Semens”, because I will undoubtedly be masturbating to Diora Baird as soon as it hits DVD, has sadly been pushed back from October 9 to February 2010. Hold tight, L'il Louis...hold tight.

Simon & Schuster has staked out September 29th for the release of their Hellraiser/Clive Barker tribute book Hellbound Hearts, featuring Cenobite tales from Neil Gaiman, Steve Niles, Richard Christian Matheson, Mike Mignola and, um, Mick Garris, who's pinning a story called “Hellbound Hollywood”, which I'm pretty sure is based on a Stephen King short story. Probably “Trucks”.

In Real People News: 

I really feel like the ocean is rebelling against us in the most horrific of ways. First floating blobs of goo, giant catfish and flying squid...now we have logs covered in slimy tentacles washing up in Wales. Imagine peacefully swimming, enjoying yourself, basking in the sun, only to have that brush up against your back, turning around to find a faceful of tentacles in your mouth. It's like something from a Mick Garris movie.

A dog in Northwest China is suspected of starting an outbreak of pneumonic plague. Those same sources also said they suspected the dog of being “Very very derishious. Ah so!”

You know how Big Lots have been selling great DVD titles for $3 recently, like Tales from the Crypt season one through seven, FOR THREE BUCKS? Many of us have been wondering where they legendary closeouts superstore are getting these titles from...could this be the answer? Little bit of legal advice guys: the defense “they fell off the back of the truck” usually doesn't work. Believe me, I learned this the hard way when I was running Coors from Texarkana to Georgia for Big Enos and Little Enos.

On this day in history: 

In 1986, William J. Schroeder died after living 620 days with the Jarvik 7 artificial heart. NOT SUCH A BIG MAN NOW, ARE YA JARVIK?!?!

The Zombie Ants are Coming

Well it’s finally happened. The ants have risen from the grave to take their revenge on mankind for years of abuse and mistreatment. Hope you're happy!

Giant Sea Worm Attacks Reef

Nature has a funny way of producing things that are far more terrifying than humans can come up with on their own. After weeks of mysterious destruction in their aquarium tanks, staff at Newquay's Blue Reef Aquarium in the UK discovered a 4-foot long worm-like creature with what can only be described as Tremor-like jaws (pictured above).

Staff eventually lured it out with fish scraps, but not before it bit through 20lb fishing line.

The tropical worm is covered in thousands of bristles which are capable of inflicting a sting resulting in permanent numbness.

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