neil marshall

★ ★

Word around campus is that Neil Marshall will direct the film adaptation of the graphic novel "Kong: King Of Skull Island". The story is set after the original tale of King Kong and follows the events after Kong's body had disappeared. I have nothing sarcastic to say about this because it sounds awesome. I will though point out how ridiculous it sounded when Tim Curry said "gorilla" in 1995's "Congo".

I have absolutely no idea how the movie business works. I say this because Dimension films has just picked up the rights to "Horns", the big screen adaption of the Joe Hill novel starring Daniel Radcliffe. This confuses me because the film has been in the works for a while now and I assume has wrapped on filming so why the hell is it it just getting picked up? I mean I get it when it's some B-movie softcore porn flick but this is Harry Potter. Someone explain this to me? I don't understand things.

Screen Gems has bought the rights to "The Unsacred", a new supernatural thriller from writer Amanda Gusack. You might know her from the 2005 horror film "In Memorium" but most likely you recognize the name from my one man all drag stage show based on the life of John Cusack. Think about it for a second, it makes total sense.

Jason Blum, the guy who's produced every horror movie you've scene in the past 10 years, is teaming up with Kevin McCormick to bring "White Smoke" to life. As you might have guessed by the title the project will follow a number of spooky time events that put the Vatican on its heels. No word yet on when the project will see the light of day but Jeff Richard and Mark Bianculli are lined up to pen the script for the project. Priests, they're so hot right now.

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

"Pineapple Express" director David Gordon Green is plotting the much talked about remake of the Dario Argento wunderkind "Suspiria" as his next birthing. Green is excited to hop on the project but sees his retelling leaving behind the ballet theme for a girl's boarding school setting. And I am seeing this as more of a hardcore porn flick but truth be told if I was allowed to remake movies 99% of them would turn out that way.

Khalid Laith and Razane Jammal have both signed on to play roles in the upcoming Tobe Hooper flick "Djinn" which focuses on a couple who finds their luxury apartment is inhabited by some sort of demon type thing that plays tricks or something. I have no idea who either of these guys are but I would never admit that though because I'd be too afraid that it sounds racist. Oh boy, I've said too much. Really need to get that backspace key fixed.

Along with 37 other movies it sounds like mancrush Neil Marshall is also working on an alien invasion movie set during World War 2. That's about all the details that have been discussed on this one but I've always wanted to post something about Hitler getting some sort of anal probing so let's hope something along those lines makes it into the movie.

On the heels of the release date for "Piranha 3DD" being pushed to a November 23rd Joel Soisson has been brought in to produce the flick along with fixing the script. I have no idea how you could screw up a script that probably goes something like "girl takes off top, fish eats girl, repeat" but what the hell do I know. Maybe throw in a "nude girl swims with other nude girl to weird music". Wait that's been done? I'll never make it in this town.

Not content to rest on his laurels, Tom Six has already begun filming "Human Centipede: Full Sequence". Per Six, they plan to finish filming by December and have the film in the Sundance Film Festival by January.

Neil Marshall is going to take you out to eat for his next film "Underground" as he explores the world of cannibalism and exclusive supper clubs. With Marshall's track record, I'll just go ahead and assume this flick will be alright.

John Cusack's going to play a troubled writer! Glad to see he's trying something new, right? This time around, it's not just any old troubled writer; Cusack's been cast as Edgar Allen Poe in an upcoming biopic. Don't worry film makers, we can just forget about genre veteran Jefferey Coombs who's been playing Poe on stage for the last two years to critical accolades.

James Cameron thinks that movies like "Piranha 3D" cheapen the 3D medium he worked so hard to breath new life into. I'd like to remind Mr. Cameron that he's the reason every damn movie coming out lately is trying to shoehorn 3D into it's tag lines. That, and I guess he forgot directing the original 3D "Piranha" film?

Fernley Phillips, the guy who wrote "The Number 23" is apparently in talks to write the already announced remake of "An American Werewolf in London". I have no idea if this is good or bad news because I've never seen "The Number 23" and I don't know anyone who has. Oh wait, I think that makes this bad news.

A new one sheet for the Italian zombie 3D flick "The Horde" is out and about this morning and while I can't read it I assume is says something along the lines of "Even though we're dead we still want wine and pasta! We've come for your wine and pasta!". 99% Sure I've made that joke on here before. Hey, reruns!

A new British comic artist Simon Bisley has created a kick ass poster for the newly released Neil Marshall film "Centurion". What's the main focus of the poster you might ask? Why giant softball shaped boobs of course. It's nice to a comic guy going in a different direction for once with his art.

Want to win a cool $10,000? Bollywood director Ram Gopal Varma will award the generous cash prize to anyone who can sit through his latest picture, "Phoonk 2", without leaving the theater before the end credits. To make sure you're not cheating, they'll hook you up to a heart monitor and videotape your eyes. If anyone wants to pay for my trip, let me know.

Steve Guttenberg? In a horror flick? The star of "Short Circuit" and "Police Academy" is set to appear in Daniel Maze's upcoming direct-to-video slasher flick "Cornered!" The trailer is fairly amusing, but then again, when was the last time Steve Guttenberg delivered the goods? Anyone? That's what I thought.

Do you wanna know what I'm most excited about? Well, I'll tell you, anyway. Magnolia is set to distribute "The Descent" director Neil Marshall's bloody swordplay epic "Centurion", with a limited theatrical release tentatively scheduled for this summer. If this thing doesn't show up in my neck of the woods, I swear I'll cry.