the descent

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

Take "The Descent" and replace the monsters with creepy guys and add in more pillowing fighting and you've got "The Hike", a new horror flick from the UK that's got a sassy new trailer out for your viewing pleasure. Yes it looks a movie that's been done before but did I mention pillow fights? Alright the trailer doesn't really have any but I like to think it's going to happen... I've got a good feeling.

The good people behind "Super 8" have done an awesome job at not giving away the "big surprise" of the movie but mother of god over the past few days they've released enough clips to make me wonder if they give a crap anymore. Case in point is this new 6 minute chunk that's hit the tubes. I'm hoping by Friday they release the entire movie in clip form so I don't have to pay to see it. Keep your fingers crossed.

A gaggle of new "Conan the Barbarian" posters have been released and while I know the movie is going to be garbage I can't help but be excited. Except for the one that looks like a poster for a new gay porn, that one I won't get excited for, because that's not my thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

For those of you who thought the original "The Human Centipede" was too tame I've got some exciting news for your sick asses. Tom Six's second film in the series titled "The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)" has officially been banned by the UK film board. Apparently it's full of all kinds of sexual deviant type activities and was just too graphic to receive any kind of rating. Are you turned on now? Yeah you are you sick SOB.