It’s been anywhere from 3 months to 4 years since I actually read any news (I’m awful with math) and during that time I apparently missed a little ditty called "Septic Man" being announced and filmed. It’s Directed by Jesse Thomas Cook, the guy that spawned “Monster Brawl” and written by Tony Burgess who also wrote “PontyPool” and follows a septic worker who is trying to fix a small towns water contamination issue and ends up being trapped underground and undergoing some nasty transformation. Think “The Toxic Avenger” without all the nudity. At least I think.
The names keep being added to the upcoming murder cover up being advised by a talking cat and dog flick "The Voices". Next on the list of additions is Jacki Weaver, who I find strangely attractive even though she's just shy of 100 I think. No word on what role she'll be playing and honestly I don't know what my deal is with her. I don't understand what's going on with my downstairs half the time in all honesty.
The folks over at Lionsgate and Summit have picked up a new zombie comedy flick titled "You'll Be the Death Of Me". Produced by the same folks that brought you "Warm Bodies". Details are pretty loose but it sounds like it's about a couple falling in love in NYC while a killer's on the loose. So ya know, all kinds of yuk yuks to be had for your funny bone.
I'm still somewhat confused by what the hell was going on in "Pontypool" but the film's writer, Tony Burgess and leading man, Stephen McHattie have both signed up for "Hellmouth", a new film about a dark journey to find the mystery behind a local cemetery. John Geddes of "Exit Humanity" fame is set to direct.
John and Drew Dowdle, the fellas behind "Quarantine" have lined up "As Above, So Below" as their next project. The film is still being cast but is set to follow two archaeologists as they search the tunnels below Paris for treasure. I bet it smells like armpits down there.
In Real People News:
Ya know if a first date isn't going well why not just take the opportunity to car jack your not fun date's car? I wish I had thought of that back in my crying myself to sleep days.
A Salt Lake City Mormon bishop fended off an attacker trying to assault his neighbor with a Samurai sword. I don't know where we go from here, folks.
Canadian director Bruce McDonald has named "Dark Highway" as his next venture into the world of horror. The film tells the story of a man who struggles with what is real and what isn't while he tries to complete a day long journey. You might know McDonald from his previous film "Pontypool" which the majority of us went gaga for. Or if you're Canadian you might know him from the maple syrup isle of your local grocery store.
Vanessa Hudgens has joined the cast of "Frozen Ground", a new film which tells the story of serial killer Robert Hansen, a Alaskan man who abducted 24 women and hunted them on his land. John Cusack and Nic Cage were previously confirmed to play Hansen and the officer who must find the bodies of the victims and I've already used my "Con-Air" jokes so lets just move along.
"Resident Evil: Retribution" is the next installment in the "Resident Evil" series and it looks like Colin Salmon, who you might remember from the first film, has joined the cast. Fans of the VH1 series "Single Ladies" might also recognize Salmon from his role of Jerry Waters, the witty fast talking lawyer with a heart of gold. I'm kidding, I have no idea what that show is about or if it's still on the air.
A gaggle of new stills and a teaser for "Dog Soldiers: Legacy", a new web series based on the 2002 Neil Marshall film, have popped up online thanks to Ryan Lightbourn. I say thanks because it looks kind of fun but if it turns out to be crap I'll take that thanks right away Mr. Lightbourn, if that is your real name. Anyway it looks like a sequel for the werewolf flick is also in the works so get excited. Or don't.. no skin off my back either way.
It's good to be proud of your daughters for winning a fight, I think. It's bad to video tape your two daughters fighting and posting it on the internet though. I know that because this Indiana woman went to jail for it. That's the only reason I know it to be honest.
Little advice... when you hear a movie scoop that's on a site you've never heard of, chances are it's not true. Which would be why we didn't report on the potential "Hannibal" sequel that everyone else was all over this weekend. Turns out it only took a day or two to prove it false, with more info on the whole situation at the link.
Teaser posters for "Humpty Dumpty", about an alien who takes revenge on some rednecks who abuse his mother. Why the title? Well, the posters seem to explain that, at least sort of. "Humpty Dumpty" is being directed by "Final Destination 2" and "Snakes on a Plane" helmer David R. Ellis.
According to a press release sent out at Cannes recently, the zombie film "Pontypool" may get a sequel within a years time. Should be interesting considering not too many people outside of the film festivals have even had a chance to see it yet!
1936: Tokyo gangster Kichizo Ishida is accidentally strangled by his mistress during a session of rough sex. Ishida had been a "gasper," someone who enjoys the sexual effects of asphyxiation. The woman, Sada Abe, indulged him by wrapping her pink kimono belt around his neck. After her lover's death, Abe cuts off Ishida's penis and scrotum with a meat cleaver and carries them around until she is finally arrested, three days later.